I put a chair up against the door handle like I've done before.

"Won't they see us on camera?" Erika asked, causing me to just shrug.

"Unless someone's getting murdered, the security guards couldn't care less"

Erika nodded and started looking around. Our rooms looked exactly the same except I wasn't allowed to have any pens or photos in mine. I cleared my throat and looked down at her as she sat down on my bed.

"uhm.. Erika can we talk about...um us?"

"Kage I really don't want to talk about this right now"

"Please? Right now we're pretty damn confusing" I begged softly, trying to keep my voice down for many reasons.

"Please Kage, I'm not prepared to have this conversation with you" She told me. I could see the pain in her eyes and the sadness in her voice. I simply nodded and took a deep breath.

"Okay... yeah that's fine" I said, just agreeing and giving up for now.

She nodded and pulled back the blanket on my bed, taking off her hoodie and crawling in. It made my entire body shudder when I saw the bruises and hickeys around her.. it made me so angry but I decided against bringing it up.

Erika stared at me for a few seconds before it clicked in my mind that she wanted me to lay next to her. I took off my shirt and got under the covers; immediately, my arm hooked around her as she laid her head against my chest. She jumped slightly when they locked my door.

"Kage?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't be your girlfriend"

"Why not?"

"Because you'd get hurt and I love you too much to see that happen"

I didn't answer her. Her words were the only thing that hurt me... it did make me feel better when she said she loved me though.

Erika fell asleep soon after that. Either she had an exhausting day or I'm just really comfortable.

it took me so much longer to get to sleep because of all the thoughts running in my mind. The marks on her body, the fear in her eyes, I don't think I've ever felt so useless. It felt like there was nothing I could do to keep her safe when that's all I want to do.

I knew she wasn't going to see me as her boyfriend but whether she likes it or not, she is my girl and nothing will change that.

~~

I shot up when I heard my door unlock, throwing the blanket over Erika and moving the chair from the doorknob.

I cracked the door gently and stared at the nurse on the other side of the door.

"Hey Kage, just doing checks... can you open your door?"

"No"

"Why?"

She was a younger nurse that just started a few months ago before Erika got here.

"Just go away Jess"

"You don't want me to come in?"

"Nope"

I shut the door in her face and turned around to see Erika sitting up in my bed. She was rubbing her eyes and leaning against the wall. After a few seconds, she got up. Throwing her hoodie on, she combed her through hair with her fingers.

"Morning" I said. I was in complete awe by how gorgeous she looked even though she did just wake up.

"Who was that nurse?"

"Nurse Moore"

"Why did you call her Jess?"

"I'd rather not talk about that" I said awkwardly, itching the back of my neck. She arched her eyebrows at me in suspicion.

"We both have our secrets, Erika" Her face softened, and she looked down at her feet, knowing I was right.

I placed my hand on her lower back to guide her.

"I'll walk you back to your room" I told her. She had went silent after my previous statement and I knew something was really bothering her but I didn't dare ask because of how she's been acting recently. As we walked down the hall, we made sure to avoid any nurses so we didn't get caught.

I couldn't stop thinking about it.

About her.

About Jess.

~flashback~

"I cant believe I'm doing this right now" She laughed as she pushed me down on the bed.

"We have about 40 minutes between rounds.. this'll only take 20" Jess finished while I unclasped her bra. After everything, I laid in my bed. Watching her get dressed back into her nurse uniform before she had to continue with her work.

I knew this was wrong. She's a young nurse and I'm a teenage patient... but it's been too long since I've touched someone...

"See you Thursday, Kage"

"Yeah... see you thursday, Jess"

~End Flashback~

I saw the way that nurse looked at Kage... the way Kage slammed the door in her face like he didn't want me to see her.

This hurts. The pain of us both keeping secrets from each other was excruciating.. I felt weak. I feel like I don't even know what he's thinking anymore. I felt as if he could explode at any moment and I wouldn't be able to control him anymore.

"Can I take you on a date tonight?" Kage asked as we made it to my door. I zoned back in to reality and looked over at him before I went inside.

"What?" I raised my eyebrow in confusion.

"Uh.. I know this place by heart and the basement isn't guarded by security so we can go there. It's better than it seems." He explained, seeing the visible concern and confusion written on my face.

I nodded slowly and then leaned forward to give him a hug but he stepped back from me.

"I gotta go." Kage said and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I'll see you later then." I whispered and turned around to walk into my room beofre a nurse caught us.

I leaned against my door as I closed it, bringing my hand to my throat and running my fingertips gently over the bruised skin... I had another "therapy session" later today which just gave me knots and the feeling of nausea deep in my stomach.

Kage. You are doing this for Kage. You love him and you want what's best for him.

_________________________________-

Merry Christmas !! I hope everyone is having a great holiday break and I will be updating more often now that I got a pretty noice christmas present.