"Addison," he leaned against the door, arms crossed over his chest. I caught his blatant perusal as he watched me but all too quick it vanished as pain etched his features, "Addison, we don't have—"

"I know."

"—it's been a long day. I want you —all of you— unburdened and unhindered."

"Esayr, I know."

That silenced him for a moment before he continued much more quietly, "I don't want you to come to me as an obligation."

I stepped up to him, close enough to feel the heat radiating off of his body. I tapped his chest just over his heart, "you are never an obligation. You're...home."

He sucked in a ragged breath before disappearing back through the door to our quarters. Leaving me standing alone just long enough for the sting of rejection to begin to settle at the base of my throat and behind my eyes. The sound of the door opening made me jump.

When he stepped into the room he came nearly flush with me, though his expression turned sheepish, "whether it's needed or not, I want you to know where it is. Wherever it is that you draw a boundary is where we'll stop." His fingers ghosted along the edge of my jaw and down my throat. When I looked down into his hands he held two small gelatin pouches.

I had no earthly idea what in the world they are.

"Wh—what are they?" He was so serious that had I not known him for the person he was, I would have felt foolish asking him.

His face softened, "protection," he said the word simply enough. "For as long as it's needed, whether it be never or always." He held one of the small objects up between us. It was about the size of a grape and was nearly completely clear, "You'd mentioned a concern before about children, this will ease your worries. It works if only one partner takes it, either you or me, but can be taken by both. Wherever you go, I will follow, Addison. It's your choice."

"How long does it last?" It bounced slightly when he dropped it into my outstretched hand. The outside texture was like gelatin, but it had more of a give to it, inclining me to think the inside was water-based.

"A day cycle, slightly longer than your earthen day, though if you're unsure of timing there's no harm in taking another within that same time frame." Esayr watched me. Giving me the time and space for considerations and decisions about my body and how I wanted to treat it. "Once taken the effects are nearly instant. No waiting."

"Whether it's never or always?"

He nodded.

"For now, let's just make it tonight," I swallowed the questioning "Is that okay?" that sat on my tongue. In this space, between us and those interwoven threads between us I knew that it was. He wouldn't push me for more than what I would give him and he would respect this boundary that I put down.

"To tonight," Esayr leaned forward, pressing his forehead against my own, and threaded his arm around mine until they were twined around each other, poised with the little capsules at our lips. He mimicked my motions as I set the capsule on my tongue. The outer gelatinous coating melted immediately and my mouth flooded with a tart citrusy drink. I'd braced for something worse tasting but was pleasantly surprised.

Esayr chased the alien birth-control with a scorching kiss, taking me by surprise as he pulled my face roughly to his own. He used the surprised gasp to his advantage, swiping his tongue against the back of my teeth, acclimating me to the intrusion before he deepened the kiss.

I could taste that same citrusy flavor with each swipe of it, mixing together with the taste of both of us and our breath in the small space between us. His kisses were slanted glancing affairs, just a little bit messy in the dark of our room.

It made my blood heat, threatening to boil me from the inside out. I pressed closer to his body until there was no space at all that he could go and I wouldn't follow.

Esayr kissed pulled back slightly to kiss my bottom lip. The sharp nip of his teeth pulled more than a gasp out of me as a breathy moan filled the room.

I caught the tail end of his deep chuckle in response, but more so I felt it as a rumble beneath my hands that clenched the fabric of his shirt. "I want my mouth all over you, Addy."

You'll kill me with it wring free every piece of me I have to give until I'm a puddle on the floor. The thought was too long, took too much time to form into words before he'd angled my head and began trailing his kisses along my jaw and back towards my ear. So instead I only said, "Tell me I've been good, Esayr."

I wanted to hear it, craved it in some kind of way.

I could feel the smile of his lips along the shell of my ear. His breath was warm as it tickled my hair, "You have been so very good today, Addison. How would you like me to reward you for it?"

The fastenings on his pants came free quickly. I shoved the fabric down around his hips and he let me do it with a smile on his face. "I would like this," I stroked the length of him. He was hot and hard in my hand, "and I would like it inside me while you tell me I'm yours and make me your mate."

He jerked in my hand.

"It's yours, Addy. I'm yours." He wrenched a whimper from me when he stepped away and took his heat with him. He leaned back heavily until he rested on the door to our room, looking illicit, his hair mussed, his eyes wild, and his hand drifting down to touch his cock that I'd pulled free from the tight confines of his pants. His dark eyes were blazing; held more heat in them than coals, "Take off your clothes and get in our bed, Addison."

The movement of his hand drew my attention. They were long strokes all the way from the bottom to the tip that made me think I might know some of his desperate hunger and desire to have his mouth on me.

"No biting your lips, Addy. They're mine tonight."

I hadn't even realized I was, "I want--"

"You told me what you wanted, Addy, and you'll get it."

They were soft no-nonsense words that send a tingling awareness down my back, tightening my skin and sending every sensation into overdrive.

"Take off your clothes for me, Addy, and you'll get what you want," Esayr said my name as an endearment, reminding me that it was me that was special. Not some word or dynamic between us.

I tore at my clothes; the shirt and bra.

"Slower, Addison," it was an order, but the heat of it remained just like the softness of his chuckling laugh.

I slowed as much as I could. The clothes still ended up coming off quickly. He didn't fight me on it and my excitement. The shirt hit the floor and I shimmied the bra off next. The pants and my underwear come off together and I kicked them aside as well. In a matter of seconds, I was standing completely bare in a way that I never had been with another person. It made my chest ache in an unusual way like I was too full of something and all the pieces inside of me, the muscle and the bones, were stretching to contain whatever it was.

Esayr looked his fill, and then slowly --much more slowly than I had-- he began to stips out of his clothes, revealing acres and acres of tanned skin. His body was a map, the lines and ranges of his muscles were areas I desperately wanted to commit to memory, to feel pressed tight against my skin until I would swear that their imprint would stay on me for years to come. He threw his clothes onto my own, in their own little pile by the foot of our bed. "Get in our bed, Addy."

I turned quickly, to scurry over the bed without thinking only to be stopped by the quick intake of his groan behind me. When I turned to look back, Esayr's attention was riveted on the picture I'd gifted him, half bent over the bed with one knee pressing into the mattress. It reminded me that I didn't have the experience to quite know how to be sexy, but offered me the opportunity to grow.

He was behind me; closer than I would have thought. The tips of his fingers traced the underside of my thigh, following the soft skin on the inside of my leg up and up. I leaned forward slowly, inching my chest closer and closer to the mattress and arching my back.

I loved the way he looked at me like I undid him; like I could tempt him to lose control. My hands cushioned my face as I kept myself twisted to watch him explore me. He teased the curve of my ass with his hand --large enough to nearly span it. When he squeezed I wiggled my hips a little bit and he looked away with an expression that was just on the brink of pain, that muddied line of excruciating pleasure.

"Are you going to fuck me bent over this bed, Esayr?"

Dark eyes shot to mine at the same moment that he dragged his fingers through the wetness pooling between my thighs seeking out my clit. He gave me a devastating smile when he found it, rolling it between two fingers, "Not with my cock, Addy." The hand on my ass squeezed again, stretching me open for his perusal.

Heat suffused my back when he leaned over me caging me between his hard body and the soft fabric of our bed, "I told you I wanted you in our bed the first time, and that's where I'm going to have you. The first place we'll be together as mates will be in this bed you wrapped around my cock and me buried deep inside you."

"Yes." The word was a desperate little pant, "I want that."

"I know you do," Liquid heat slid down my spine, seeping into me from the heat of his chest against me, it pooled in those sensitive places, between my thighs, along my neck, and puckering my nipples in the brisk air.

The bed dipped with the weight of him. He pressed seamlessly against me as his fingers continued to play, bringing to life that fluttering feeling in my core. The slick sound of them did something to my senses and I nearly jumped when I felt the hard bar of his cock brush against my inner thigh, leaving a wet trail wherever it touched me, mixing in with the moisture that had begun to slip down my legs.

Esayr kissed my back, between my shoulder blades, "You can tell me no, Addy," He whispered the words against every vertebra down my spin kissing them in turn until his warm breath teased the sensitive area at the small of my back, deepening the arch that was already there and causing me to clench --my hands and other places.

He kissed lower still until he was brushing nipping kisses along the rise of my ass. The surprise of it had me jerk forward, away from him.

Esayr paused, his voice gentling, "You can tell me no, Addy. You can tell me to kiss you and I'll come back up."

All foreplay stopped as he said it, and it made me ache. It made me feel empty. It made me realize I would kill a man --this male-- just to feel him in any way I could. "Don't stop," I eased back slowly, rocking my knees until I was where he had wanted me to be.

His breath fanned out along my pussy and his fingers resumed those slow circles intent to keep me warm and heated, but not drive me out of control. "You are being so good, Addison."

Esayr pulled his fingers away from my clit and replaced them with a kiss.

*****A/N*****

That's a little bit of a rude stopping point for me, isn't it?

I'll tell myself that the anticipation and the wait will make it worth it. But in reality, this part was much longer than I expected, but I promise you'll get a few good long parts out of this, maybe even some of them will come early...a little bit before they're supposed to.

I want to believe I'll do them justice in similar ways to all the amazing authors I've read. I'm in somewhat new territory for myself, so I actually get oddly nervous about these bits, like they won't live up on paper in the same way they do in my head. I'm grateful I have all of you here though, as I learn and grow into a better author.

So, enjoy the beginnings of these very long-awaited moments. It's been a journey that's spanned nearly exactly 3 years at this point; Addy and Esayr's story that is. Thank you for coming along with me all this time.

We'll make it to that end together,

~Layla

Real talk I made it an update on my actual profile but I'm going to write it here as well because I'm having a crazy book hangover.

When I was sick this past week, I was mostly in bed the entire time. The only thing I had the energy to do was read. I ended up picking up the Cyborg Shifter series by Naomi Lucas on a whim as I'd recently read her Naga Brides series and was waiting for the next book in the series. When I tell you I devoured those books I mean it. I had such a good time with the premise and the storylines. I cannot recommend them enough.

The books are 18+ and there are triggers in a few of them so definitely do some research if you have any concerns about them, but hot damn I loved them. Gunner's story was a downright fave of mine. Didn't go into it expecting to come face to face with a new aspect of myself(*cough*kink*cough*), but here we are.

Health wise I'm doing much better. I was cleared to return to work and now all that's left is some lingering respiratory distress that I can mostly handle with a rescue inhaler!