It was nice to feel Esayr's hands in mine again, despite the fact that I had every intention of ruining the moment in the next few seconds.

His expression sobered immediately, his brows pinching together in a way that made me want to rub that space between them and smooth out that line, "I take it back. I don't like this game."

"I didn't think you would," I could hear the smile in my voice as I said it. I twisted our hands a little bit, so I could look at them from the sides and admire that connection.

Esayr's grip on me was a little looser now, "I'm not going to hurt you, Addy."

I ran my thumb along the side of his hand, mimicking that easy gesture of his that I found I liked so much. I could see out of the corner of my eye that it drew his attention, "That's what I'm betting on, Esayr."

This could go one of two ways, or at least there were two ways I interpreted this going from what I knew of my male. Either he'd forfeit as soon as the game began, which was the more likely option, or he could try to take a hint from humans and skate around the rules by stalemating me. I wasn't stupid, there was no way, if he put his mind to it, I could get him to beg for mercy first. Frankly, I doubted I could get him to beg at all...but wouldn't it be fun to try? "Do you need to hear the rules again?"

The look he gave me was another tart one, his lips were pursed just a little bit, making it look like he'd tasted something sour, which I bet he had, "No."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm certain."

The set to the line of his jaw told me he'd forfeit. It told me he was too sincere. It told me a lot about him and the males on this ship, specifically that they were too genuine. And we humans were just a little bit too underhanded. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt then, that if by some miracle he did stall. If he insisted on keeping our hands locked until one of us finally relented, I'd follow him into that bedroom. I knew it just as surely as the fact that I knew that wasn't how this night would play out.

I would win the right to sleep on the couch tonight and he would win something else entirely, but I doubt he'd even know he'd won it until I finally got up the nerve to tell him.

My voice was softer, "You get to choose the game tomorrow. Any time you want, whatever game you choose, we'll play."

He gave a quick nod that seemed more of a jerk of his chin than anything. You'd think I'd have asked him to kill someone.

"One the count of 3: Kar...Fahl...Ora-"

"Dorn nic ka'val fa inkinnus." (I am yours and begging.)

I'd barely moved at all before he said the words. Where I'd intended to shove his hands back quickly enough to surprise him, he'd twisted both his wrists out and away from us, letting my momentum push them farther askance, out and over his shoulders. It pitched my balance entirely until our faces were mere inches apart and I was leaning precariously over his lap.

"Ici." (Please.)

Maybe he was just a bit underhanded, but only when he didn't realize it. "I win."

"You do," he agreed quickly, his breath teasing the wispy hairs that had fallen in front of my face.

"So, you get the bed tonight." when I was this close to him it felt like there wasn't enough air on the ship and never would be.

"I do." Esayr didn't look at all pleased about the prospect. The crease between his eyebrows was evident, and his lips had thinned into little more than a slash on his face. It caused my gaze to stray to those bits of him that were so close and reachable.

I traced the curving line of his lips with my eyes, remembering what they'd felt like under the shashi trees down in the belly of the ship. They'd been firm and warm, just a little bit up-tilted then with the hint of a smile. Even now as I stared at him, breathing that mix of air between the both of us they softened slightly, easing the tension that pulled the corners down and tightened them.

Esayr's thumb traced over my hand and that familiar sensation brought me back up to his eyes that were searching my face, looking for all the world like they were asking me a question that I almost --just barely-- knew how to answer.

"Addy?"

"Esayr?" My voice was teasing even though I could feel the creep of a blush up my neck.

He didn't respond for a long time, long enough that the strain in my shoulders began to burn ever so slightly, making me genuinely consider the option of throwing my leg over his and sliding into his lap. When he did finally gather whatever words he'd been searching for they were about me. They always seemed to be about me.

"At least promise me you'll take the blankets and the pillows." He pushed his hands forward, easily pushing me back into a proper sitting position, no small feat since seemingly all of my body weight had been resting in his hands. With one last lingering caress his hands loosened and left mine.

"I'll take a pillow and a blanket."

He made a tsking noise at that but still watched me in that careful, measured way. I'd never quite seen him stare at me with that intensity before as if he were riddling out some conundrum that had been placed in front of him.

It was likely he probably was, while I knew it was easy for him to read the finer emotions on my face, the bond between us was still worryingly silent. Sometimes, I wondered if he tested the feeling of it between us like I did, probing for weaknesses or cracks in whatever the haphazard wall was that I'd put up in my anger.

I tugged at that thin filament between us that spread out and connected my soul to his, pulled on it just a little harder than I ever had before. There was an odd feeling of tension then just the slightest give to it, but as I watched his face I didn't see any change that might have noted he felt anything at all and it made me ache in an entirely different way than he'd ever made me feel before.

It threatened to choke me as it knotted in the back of my throat and burned in the back of my eyes. What had I done? What if it never came back?

I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned my face back toward the doorway from our quarters. I couldn't stand the silence or the quiet. I couldn't stand the solitary feeling.

"What are you feeling?" He asked that damned question because even if he couldn't feel it, he knew it was there. If only he'd asked it a bit ago when I was admiring him instead of right now.

Not enough. In truth, I felt alone and it was entirely my own doing. I wanted my head and my heart full of him. Full of his emotions and his feelings mixing with mine in this space around me, reminding me that I wasn't alone, that he was here with me, sharing our joys and shouldering our burdens together.

But, I think most of all I realized I wished I could have seen his face the very moment he could have picked through my emotions and singled out that first fleeting dip in my stomach of love.

"Can we go see your friends?"

"Always," his voice was quiet and a little hesitant, reminding me that I didn't actually answer his question, but he let me get away with it anyway. "Kados and Addric are likely working, though they'd still welcome an interruption from us if you wanted."

The room was silent as he waited for my response. He's not going to ask you. He won't push you. The thoughts filtered through my mind over and over. Esayr was going to respect the fact that I didn't have an answer to his question even when inside I was dying for someone to tell me the words I needed to hear.

"Addy?"

My hand was tracing the line of his jaw before there was a conscious thought that I even wanted it to be there, though I'd imagine from here on out I'd want them on him whenever I could have them there. "Remind me that I'm yours, Esayr."

I could feel the pull of the muscle in his cheek that caused his lips to part just a little bit to suck in that audible breath. His eyes were as soft as his fingers that traced the line of my ear and threaded into the hair at the base of my neck.

He tugged me forward and I expected him to pull me in for a kiss, wanted him to if I were being honest but he pressed his forehead to mine. The tip of our noses just barely touching. "That's not what you need."

"No?" It felt like I needed it most days. Needed it like the next lungful of air or that choking gulp of water when you're thirsty.

"No," he smiled and I could feel his other hand cradling my face, a warm pressure that I leaned into subconsciously, "you have more than enough people telling you what you are, dear Addy, and I won't add myself to that list. But, every second of every day I'll remind you whenever you ask me to: until the Gods call us back home, from this life and into the next, I am yours. From our first fair night into our last fond morning, I love you, Addison Rose Kane."

I was going to cry and completely ruin the moment. I pressed my hand into the warmth of his chest, to feel the strength of his heart beating beneath the tips of my fingers, "How do you know?"

"I've known since the minute I saw you in that little eatery that night."

"No. What does it feel like?"

"Loving you?" I could see a flash of some painful emotion deep in his eyes, but it passed. Had it stayed any longer, I would have felt it acutely deep in that hollowed out feeling in my chest.

"Yes. What does love feel like?" I traced the soft fabric of his shirt for a second before I continued on, "I-I can't feel you anymore and it scares me."

Esayr hooked his foot behind the leg of my chair and pulled me closer to him until the sides of our legs were flush against each other. His hand dropped to the other side of the chair to grip the edge of the seat just past my thigh. Once upon a time ago, I would have described the action as looming, but now there was an odd comfort to being encircled by his presence around me.

"Love —by most— is considered the hardest emotion to quantify. Sometimes it's soft and warm, like a blanket. Encompassing and lending comfort reminding me I'm not alone. Sometimes it's a racing tingle down my spine that radiates out to every inch of my body, lighting me on fire and making me feel like every sensation is just shy of being too much. But of late, it's the feeling of falling. Of a plummeting free fall that just keeps sending me higher and higher into the sky. When I'm with you, Addy, I never feel like I need to look at the ground again."

I only nodded in response. I didn't trust myself to be able to speak without my voice cracking, though I'm sure he could read the finer emotions on my face when we were this close.

Esayr must have noted the absent lingering tracing of my fingertips on his chest, because he added, "The bond will come back."

"How can you be so sure?"

"If I'm going to be anything at all in this world, I will make certain it's always sure when it comes to you."

*****A/N*****

A comprehensive list of the cars I see every day on my way to work because I live my life on timers like an absolute mad-woman:

-The decrepit beat-up blue pickup truck with an indescribably spotless bumper sticker about a burger place I have literally never heard of, however, did JUST look up, and apparently, it closed down on the 10th? The sticker itself insinuated it was the best burger in town so that's a shame.

-the white pickup truck that has those bullet hole stickers all over the tailgate....but they aren't placed correctly at all??? The ones that are obviously supposed to look like a hole in metal are placed on the glass taillights while the ones that are supposed to look like glass are on the metal of the tailgate???

-the verifiable toaster car --a scion I think???-- that looks mostly normal aside from being a box car, but has a handmade "Derby Life" decal, and an attempt at a roller skate on their back window. I'm not here to judge...but I was lucky that was a long light that day while I tried to figure out what it was.

-AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE the MASSIVE black lifted pickup truck that is easily two times my height with large red decal lettering on the back window that simply says "SALTY NUTS" with no explanation given.

Dorn nic ka'val fa inkinnus

Dorn: masculine 'I'. Derived from Val'Dorn.

Nic: "belonging to" same word used to denote that Esayr was Laira and Sayn's child from a few parts back! There isn't really a change in tense for this word because it's used in situations where the val' people believe the nature of the connection between whatever is being referenced is something that always was and always will be, specifically familial bonds and soulbinds being most common.

ka'val: feminine 'you', in conjunction with 'nic' there is an emphasis put on an organization for the language. That which the subject belongs to must come after the phrase 'nic'.

fa: 'and', or I suppose 'in addition to' would also work

inkinnair: to beg, inkninnus being the variation meaning effectively 'begging' or more 'to presently beg'

so all in all literal translation is: I am belonging to you and begging (you), the final 'you' being implied grammatically through the emphasis of the nature of the sentence being Esayr speaking to Addy through the feminine you.

The language is a little clunky sometimes since I'm flying by the seat of my pants, but I really like these little bits. I'd like some time in the future when I get the time to edit this story, to work on streamlining these bits and refining the language a little bit more than it is right now.