I was laying on the sofa in the living room of our quarters. I wasn't sure what to do. The fact that I spent nearly the whole day in the communications bay with little to nothing to show for it grated. We'd been unable to pinpoint whoever ran Cecelia's devices accurately enough that we felt safe trying to contact her through them. We were back to square one.

Or maybe even square zero if I have to think of some other idea other than Cecelia.

I pressed the heels of my hand into my eyes to stop the ache. Even these alien computers weren't exempt from eye strain.

I almost wished Laene hadn't excused himself once we'd returned to our quarters, I needed ideas and I was damn near out of them. What I need is a springboard.

I'd tried to reach Charlotte by comm after we'd exhausted all options, but she didn't pick up. I don't know what inclined me to think she might have some idea on how to contact an invisible woman. We were both human and nowhere even remotely near tech-savvy.

And yet at this point, while my alliances and my emotions wavered, she was the one I felt I could rely on, even if it was just a silent ear.

I'd left a message on her phone asking for a call back. I snickered a little at the fact that, of all of my friends, she'd been the one to figure out how to contact the Val'Dornn ship directly. Of course, she would. That thought gave me hope that maybe she would have some idea, no matter how far-fetched.

The door to our quarters whooshed open.

Until then...my springboard has arrived.

I looked up to see Esayr kindly waiting in the hallway entrance to our home. Our home. That was what this space was, wasn't it?

"Laene is gone?"

I sat up on the sofa, nodding, "He left once we got back to our rooms, but mentioned I could call him again if I needed to leave for any reason." Stretching, I pulled myself up from the couch. My bones were aching from the awkward position I'd been sulking in while trying to think of some solution to our problem --any of them. "I didn't want to keep him away from his job or anything, so I figured it was fine if he left."

Esayr nodded in understanding.

"You can come into the room Esayr." I waved him back in and I realized the lightness and the energy I'd gotten was from relief, of all things.

While I was pouring over the paperwork last night, I'd been able to put the discomfort out of mind, no matter the source. But, after Laene had left and I was stuck with the quiet of my own thoughts in my mind with no physical goal to reach? I'd remembered the solace it was to have Esayr around. To have that bond between us open and flowing, dulling those negative emotions that would flit through on a whim.

I dropped heavily into one of the chairs in the kitchen where we had made soup previously. Before I could tell Esayr exactly what had happened in the comm bay he sat across from me gingerly. "It didn't go the way that you wanted?" he hedged.

I sucked in a lung full of air and threw my head back over the back of the seat. I only just managed to stop myself from rubbing at my face viciously, "It did not."

I tested that bond between us, wondering how it was he'd known that. There was nothing. Only that same wall that had been haphazardly thrown together in my anger, when I wanted to block out all of these things and forget about them. And now, as I sat there quietly in my chair testing it, I worried I'd never be able to break it back down...if I wanted to.

"Tell me what happened."

I huffed out the sigh that had been building, "We couldn't get a hold of Cecelia. Or...I guess the better way to put it is we weren't completely certain that we'd be able to accurately pinpoint the devices she's using. Which is a problem because we could accidentally tap into the wrong phone or computer and jeopardize the security of actually reaching her." Esayr took my frantic hand movements in stride as the words spilled out. With a final flourish, I threw my hands into the air, "AND! We don't even know if Cecelia is a real person. There's weird stuff going on with where she's accessing the database, which makes it seem more likely that 'Cecelia Marie Bird' is a title for a group of people working to out the misinformation the governments have been attesting."

I stopped my tirade, realizing I'd been monopolizing the conversation if I could even call it that, "What about you? How was your day?"

Esayr smiled a little at that. It made me wonder if the bruising around his eye hurt whenever he smiled. "I spent most of the day searching for Bask. I wouldn't..." He seemed to consider something for a moment before continuing, "I wouldn't say it was productive. But, I feel like it will ease future situations where we will need to interact."

I watched as his brows pulled together slightly for a moment while his eyes tracked some other thought or memory in his mind, "You're worried." It was like reading a language I'd never known I was fluent in, his face and his movements.

I felt like I'd known them all my life and when I watched the surprise register on his face, I believed it. I finally believed it.

I was reminded of Petra's story of when she knew she loved Landon. It was an innocuous moment, nothing at all special. They'd been out to dinner together and she said she'd just looked over and caught him leaning precariously over his drink. He'd been so engrossed in a textbook he'd been studying that he hadn't thought to pick up the cup and bring it to him. She'd watched him aimlessly chase his straw around the drink without looking and realized she loved him.

I wasn't quite at the point of love, but I realized somehow, someway, I'd come to believe that against all odds and across a universe; this male had been made for me. I could love him. Easily. The thought came back to me and I wondered how it was that I hadn't made the connection then, the first time I'd said it to Esayr, or the time I'd made the declaration to Charlotte.

The feel of my emotions shifting from one extreme to another the last dew days had been disorienting, and yet that blinding anger I'd felt hadn't pushed me back off of this ship. Instead, somehow it had pushed back to fighting on his side, all of their sides. And maybe that was more telling than the heat of that anger that burned in response to something that wasn't even the Val'Dornn's fault but rested squarely on human beings. On us. On us pitiful, hateful creatures that had learned to fire first and ask questions later.

I can love him. Easily.

My heart was beating up in my throat at the realization, a sensation almost like fear, but without the bite of it. I felt just a sliver of this unknown feeling escape through that wall that had been built between us, through some crack I couldn't place.

I watched Esayr's face to see if he recognized the emotion, would know what I was feeling in some way and could enlighten me. He didn't seem to notice it and something deflated just a little, some hope for something unknown.

It wasn't love yet. But it could be. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I believed him, but I held it back. There was a surge of guiltiness suddenly as I watched him. I'd hurt him. While I was entitled to my right to decide whether I'd be with him, there were things that I'd done that I'd gotten short and upset with him over that weren't his fault. I could see it easily now when he'd glance at me and look his fill. He'd second-guess himself if his eyes lingered too long on me and they'd shift away for a moment. This whole ordeal had hurt him and I'd had a part to play in it. And, suddenly, I was afraid that in some way or another I'd inflate his hopes only to dash them again. It's not love yet. But it will get there.

"Addy?" His voice shook me to my core as I was jostled back to the present, to our conversation which he'd been continuing without my attention.

"I'm so sorry." I was. For a lot of things, but now wasn't the time to apologize for them until I was certain he could know all of those other bits as well. Until I was certain I loved him. So instead I continued on, "You were kind enough to listen to me while I complained, but here I am zoned out while you're telling me you worries. I'm so sorry. Can you repeat what you were saying?"

"Of course," ever considerate he repeated himself quickly, expressing his concern over the festering emotions amongst the males on this ship. "I don't know what way to help him."

I mulled over Bask's ongoing issues. "Do you have Therapists here?" At Esayr's confused look I explained, "They're people on Earth that help you through traumas or anything similar. They kind of try to foster healthy coping mechanisms for your day to day life."

Esayr grinned, "We do have something similar, actually. We have those that assist in handling overwhelming emotions. We tend to focus on learning to manage the bad emotions and lean away from just burying issues with good emotions."

"We?" I grinned back, "Is that what you did before you went on leave for our bonding?"

Esayr looked almost bashful. I could see the faint tinge of blush along his cheeks —at least the one that wasn't bruised to hell and back. "It was."

"It does seem fitting for an Empath to be in that position."

"It's helpful but not mandatory. A willing ear is sometimes just as helpful as my abilities. The issue, however, resides in the fact that to help, the male has to be willing to receive help. Bask isn't a danger to himself or society at this point I don't believe," Esayr huffed out a breath, "but it doesn't change the fact that I don't like seeing him hurting."

I nodded. You couldn't force someone to change even for the better unless they were willing to change. "I wish I had advice to give you." In much the same way that Esayr was hurting for Bask, I also felt for Esayr. I could see the pain in the troubled slump of his shoulders and the way tilted his neck to ease the ache.

"I wish I had advice for you as well." When he smiled it was a tired one.

"Eh," I shrugged, the informal gesture felt a little too forced while we sat here holding up what felt like the world on our very tired shoulders, "It's not like it's your responsibility to have the answer to all of my problems. I've got a few too many to choose from at the moment." I laughed to make it feel like a joke, but the laughter came easily enough that I realized it had been. For the first time since coming up on this ship, I felt light.

We'd both stretched our legs out under the table until they leaned against the others in a tangle of limbs. I'd sunk down into the chair until I'm sure Esayr could see only those things above my nose before the table cut blocked his view. Esayr leaned heavily on the back of his chair, ever inclined to sit in it sideways.

"Besides, it's Charlotte who's responsible for giving me the advice on how to contact a seemingly impossible line."

I thought again to the message I'd left on her phone, asking for her to call me back as soon as she could. Absently, I wondered if her call would get lost in the ship logs if it weren't a free broadcast hour, or if they were too focused on trying to divine some other means to contact Cecelia. I let out a groan before I could stop myself.

"Which problem is it this time since we've got so many to choose from?" The line ended in tired laughter from the both of us.

"It's nothing. It was just a stupid thought."

"Nothing is stupid to me, Addy."

Of course not. Nothing had ever been for you either. "I just wished I still had my cell phone. Not that it would work up here, but I wished I had an easier way to get in touch with my friends when I needed them like I had back on Earth with that damn phone."

"Where is it?"

"I'd assumed somewhere either back at my apartment or in the Tampa Genetics Lab where I might have left it. I had it on the car ride there, but I think with the shock of the day I left it down in one of the rooms where I filled out paperwork."

"I could see if Sian could have it sent to the ship. If he could find it."

"Nah, don't worry about it. It wouldn't have a signal anyway." You could take photos, though. My mind returned to those moments where Esayr had tugged me along through the ship that I'd wanted to capture in some more permanent way than only memories.

"Vailen might be able to reverse engineer some comm broadcast technology to the phone. At the very least, what would it hurt to try?"

"What would it hurt to try." I echoed his question. It was oddly well timed considering my newfound revelation. What would it hurt to try? To try to love him and see how well it grows. To take those little moments together and to capture them and let them bloom into something I'd never experienced before. To throw caution to the wind in the same way he'd done for me. God knows if any male deserved that it was him. "Ok. Let's do it."

Silently, I promised the first photo I took on this ship would be a photo of him.

*****A/N*****

Love is an odd thing, I think. Is it silly to say it works in mysterious ways? Maybe.

Regardless, I think there are many different types of love. There's those kinds that know what they are immediately that burn bright and fierce like an inferno before the other candles have even thought to light. There's the ones that are a steady and unwavering warmth. Then there are the pinpricks there, that you aren't even quite aware of yourself maybe?

There was a post on the internet I read a hot minute ago about someone saying "I love you" too early in a relationship and I really liked the response that was given, something akin to "We're reading the same book but you're a few chapters ahead."

I'd always thought that was a beautiful concept, to understand that love can grow and be fostered in a relationship. To see a future where love is there even if you're not at that point yet. It's a two way street, and I like to think that Addy's finally flipping through those last few pages that Esayr sped through all those chapters back.

Love always,

Layla