Don't move too fast. Don't scare her away. Don't say anything that could push her over the edge. All of the thoughts crowded into my mind with nowhere to go but bouncing around in the confines of my consciousness.

The only thing that calmed the din was her smile and her agreement that three was a nice number for children. The admission that I wanted three children -- at least three children -- came quickly from another part of me that wasn't this nervous, that wasn't this afraid of losing someone. A part of me from a different time.

I felt the burn of tension along my shoulders and the acrid taste of worry on my tongue. I could smell my anxiety in the air, thick like a fog. I was surprised Addy didn't comment on it, but then I remembered that she was human and that our bond was worryingly quiet.

And then like a balm her smile calmed it all, as she turned the moment into something quiet and gentle.

Addy deftly turned the conversation around, making light of topics that could be construed as intimate. But, I still felt it like a threat, lingering in the air. While the gentle brush of her arm against mine was the most exquisite thing I could feel, it alarmed me in a way I never anticipated, causing worry and anxiety to coil tightly in my stomach and around me until I felt I couldn't breathe, much less move.

I was second-guessing everything, even the things that came naturally to me.

"This is odd isn't it?" Addy was staring at me. I could feel it like I felt the warmth of a sun on my skin. She could read me easily. She'd learned quickly.

"Yes." The word was almost choked.

"Treat me like a friend, Esayr." She gripped my arm and pulled me around so we were standing face to face. "I'm not running."

The breath I'd been holding whistled out like a wheeze. She's not running. That calmed some of the nervous energy that had been building and building since I'd realized the threat of the fact that any moment could turn intimate. That I could mistakenly fall back on old ideals and turn a moment intimate. I felt powerless. I felt swayed by the instincts of a male that thought he had nothing to lose when --in fact-- he had everything to lose.

"Esayr!" Addy's voice brought me back from my thoughts. "You're worried." It wasn't a question. Her assessment of my emotions was never a question anymore.

"More than that. I'm afraid."

"Tell me what you're afraid of."

I was transported back to my conversation with Laene. What are you most afraid of? That is the thing that you want.

I'm desperately afraid I'll lose you. I want you more than life itself, more than the air that I breathe and I am afraid with every passing second that I'm in your presence that I will do something to ruin this second chance you've given me. "I'm afraid of overstepping boundaries."

"We're making boundaries. Right now. That time between finding me and before you walked into this room? It's never happened. This is the first time we've met and been in a room with each other. Treat it like that, and go into it with the knowledge that I'm a lot more understanding now than I was then," Addy smiled a brilliant smile, "At the very least my first real words to you won't be 'how fucking dare you' this time around."

I shoved the worries back down, deeper into my stomach or the back of my mind. They were quieter now, more manageable. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Second Chances," I felt...not so heavy.

"Second Chances make life worth living, sometimes. Or maybe I should say, 'second chances? for what? We've only just met.'" Addy winked and then gently pushed in front of me so that she could look down at all the ingredients I'd been chopping. "Alright, what are all of these weird looking things."

The smell of Addy was something intoxicating. It had always been, but with her so close, with her back nearly pressed against me. I needed to find some way to contain myself, or I absolutely would move too fast. Our bond might be quiet, but it certainly coiled tight.

"So this thing is Nirri, right?" Addy pointed to the purple cubes she'd been cutting, "What's it like?"

"Starchy. It's soft and bitter when it's raw, but when it cooks it gets more firm and the flavor mellows out to something milder. This," I reached around her and held up a fibrous chuck of white that I'd meticulously peeled, "will break apart when you boil it into a lot of soft stringy bits and it also adds a lot of flavor, if you keep it in the soup that you cook. Pomilh get's a lot of its flavor from this, but you just keep the broth not the cooked part itself." Lastly, I picked up the meat I'd been chopping, "This is Indira, it comes from the Sumase homeworld and is a small treetop animal that breeds incessantly. When we first brought it on the ship for domestication it nearly took over. Now we have stricter guidelines for animal study before we bring them aboard the ship."

"What does Indira look like?"

She wouldn't like the answer. I know she wouldn't. It's a cute animal. Usually a pure white with a long tail for balance and large puffy ears. She wouldn't like the idea of eating it. Addy noticed my hesitation and turned to me. I could see the question forming, ready to pull an answer she wouldn't like from me. "I won't lie. It is a cute animal. We could use something else, but you'll have to wait longer to eat."

At that moment her stomach growled audibly. I shot her a significant look that probably bordered on triumphant. I wondered how long it had been since she'd properly eaten anything.

Her lips pulled down into a pout and I took a step back away from her so that we weren't in such close proximity and I wasn't tempted. Not that I could ever not be tempted by her, but when she wasn't within arms reach while she looked so perfect it made it easier.

Addy stood there with her arms crossed for a while, stewing on some thoughts that I wished I were privy to. Not the first time in my life, I wished I were Ionina like Kayle. The ability to see her thoughts and read them, to know in no uncertain terms what she was thinking would settle these newfound nerves I was suffering with.

At long last Addy heaved out a sigh, "Fine. We'll eat the cute creature. But I swear if it looks like a rabbit I'm never eating it again. Okay?"

My mind conjured an image of an animal I'd never seen before. Much to my dismay, there were certain similarities between it and the Indira. I chose my words carefully, "It might be useful to try the stew before you make that claim."

"It looks like a rabbit doesn't it."

"It doesn't...not look like a rabbit?" Even I could hear the uncertainty in my voice.

Addy rolled her head back and pouted even more.

"It's very good, I promise."

"That's what people say about rabbits."

I couldn't help the laughter that bubbled up at her tone.

"I'll try it, I guess."

"Thank you for giving it a chance." I tossed all of the ingredients together into a pot and keyed it to fill with water and boil until everything was cooked through.

Addy stayed nearby, closer to me than I remembered her ever being, but maybe I was just more aware of it now, more nervous. "So I guess it's my turn then?"

"Your turn?"

"To tell you something about myself. Since we're getting to know each other."

I'd forgotten about our questions. "You did just reveal you're fond of rabbits."

Addy smiled, "No I think you figured that out from context clues," she hummed to herself, leaning against the counter looking deep in thought. "I love it when it rains."

"I've never experienced rain."

Addy whipped to face me quickly, "What did you say?"

"I've never experienced the rain."

"How is that possible?"

I shrugged. I knew what it was, but for the most part, I'd spent my life on this ship. My generation was born long after the last Temani Bercari, so most of our experiences were shipside unless our jobs took us planetside. "Most of us on this ship grew up in deep space. It's been a while since we were stationed above a planet. Some of the jobs my Riniere took had us on various planets, but none had rain...or none of them had 'rain' that would be pleasurable to experience." I remembered searching the remnants of a nearly destroyed colony on an inhospitable planet. The biosphere had been destroyed in a riot. My Riniere and I had to don heavy suits to survive the atmosphere and the scorching chemical rains.

"That's so sad, Esayr."

"I'd assume it's similar to the shower, no?"

Addy's face blanked and then she scoffed out a laugh like she absolutely couldn't believe me. "I repeat. That is so sad, Esayr. That's like saying a tub is pretty much the same thing as the ocean."

It was my turn for my face to blank. "Ah, yes, who would ever think to say such a thing." I hedged, joking. But, in this, I could imagine she was right.

When I'd gone down to find her I saw a world of water lit on fire by a setting sun, and could taste the salt on the breeze that was kicked up off the waves that liked to crash against the pillars of the bridge we'd been crossing. On our way back to the ship that night, we'd indulged in opening the windows of the car and enjoying the little blue world we weren't allowed to be on. Yes, I could imagine the ocean was something magnificent.

"Esayr..." her voice sounded sad and it pulled at my heart.

"Yes?"

"I....want you to see my world." That sounded like an admission.

While I felt tense and nervous with here, the longer I was here the easier they seemed to get. I moved warily, unsure of myself, but I wasn't suffocating anymore. It's a matter of learning, and I was determined to be a good study. "I would've liked to have seen it too."

*****A/N*****

I'm from Florida, as at this point I'd assume most know. It's odd to me to think that there are people in the world who've never experienced the ocean.

I grew up on sugar sand beaches, tanned brown by the sun. I'll probably wrinkle like a prune when I'm older because of it, and as much as I bitch about the heat, it's an enchanting and bright childhood.

Most days I tell myself I'm blessed...even when I'm damp with sweat just walking to my car.

Shine bright,

Layla