《First Contact: The Legacy of Val'Dornn Book 1》Part 49: Esayr
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The conversation with the female, Charlotte, was both reassuring and unnerving. I didn't get the feeling that she hated me, which helped to lift my spirits, but I'd left the communications room feeling even more frayed than I already was. I could feel my emotions swirling beneath the surface stretching my control over them to its limit.
The Comm Bay was quiet as I exited the room, which was --in ways-- a blessing. There was a somber and muted air to the males, it was worrying, but didn't overly play into my own state. I scanned the room and noted that none of the males made eye contact with me. The thought that maybe they had been listening in to my conversation with the Earthen female flashed like white-hot iron through my mind. Without a doubt, I had overstepped a boundary.
Never before in written record had a Temani Bercari gone so poorly as this one already has. There are so many traditional nearly sacred aspects of our searching that have been thrown to the wayside in the event of our relationship with the ruling powers on this small blue planet. We had rescinded the need to be planet-side for more organic relationships and now I could have easily destroyed the last possible way to keep a matched female aboard the ship. If Charlotte told the media, every female who was misled would cry for their right to the same treatment as my mate...and as much as the idea that she could leave me in 6 months smart, it was the right thing to do. Charlotte should tell the media. She should tell that female who speaks the truth whether for or against us.
I doubted all would see it my way, though. We were a race of good and loving males, but this has already been a long and arduous journey with no completed matches to show for it, compound that with my struggle and the possibility that I could fail to provide a full bond that the males devoted to the study of this Temani Bercari could use to further chances...it could be interpreted by some as near treason.
"Addison is stressed." A voice over my shoulder surprised me just as I was making my way out the door to the Comm Bay.
Obviously, I knew that. Empath Val'Dornn have a feel about them, that's hard to explain. Others have explained my presence as feeling 'charged'. As an Empath myself, I was exempt...or maybe I was just so used to the feeling I knew nothing else. Emotions flow easier nearby us. So, the speaker easily would know that I could pick up on my mate's shifting mood. "Yes. She is."
I turned, noting Yarro. He looked at me curiously for a moment, "I don't know if you'll find it useful, but it is something I can offer you."
It was my turn to look at him curiously. He motioned for me to exit the Comm Bay with him. I followed.
"I'm on the Communications Team," the 'as you know' was insinuated, "My mother was a Carabesk Val'Kier, which in some way or another was a given. I've presented the predisposition to languages that you likely expect but," he paused, "my grandfather was an Empath. Some of those abilities too, have presented. Not much, it's to a much smaller degree, but it's mixed with my stronger Carabesk heritage, strangely. Did you know that there are languages outside of those conventional oral languages? The humans know of them. They call them Love Languages."
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"I've never heard of the concept."
Yarro nodded quietly, odd for such an energetic male. "Gifts, Acts of Devotion, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch. Those are the perceived actions that translate love, at least across the human's culture, however, it seems to have proved comparable to Val' peoples as well." Yarro paused, "Addison spent a long time in the communications bay with us today. She...helped bring to light many things that we have done incorrectly or poorly. It was useful...but I couldn't help from feeling her sadness. She's hurting."
I nodded unable to voice that affirmation. It made the fact that I had, had a part in causing that hurt, too painful. I wouldn't deny it, though. I never could. So I just nodded and left it at that.
"We can 'read between lines' as the humans put it with their strange phrases. You are both struggling. I wanted to...I don't know...offer some insight, should you need it. I know the Love Language that Addison is most accepting of. Do with that knowledge what you will. Hers are Acts of Devotion. You prove your love to her through your actions, and when your actions directly contradict your love for her it upends everything she believes about you."
I heaved out a sigh, "I wish-- I wish we had never made this contract. I wish the human governments hadn't made this, this hard. Reasonably, I had no bearing on the words in that contract. Most of it was created by the humans themselves, but it is still one of my actions as a Val'Dornn. Now I don't know how to help fix it. She's sent me away."
Yarro seemed to take in that news. I'd told no one, yet --save my parents. I'd only told them because they'd opened their quarters to me --not that they wouldn't have had I not told them, but the idea of leaving them to wonder what had me in such a dark place twisted at my gut. They loved me and would worry endlessly.
"All you can do now is be there for her...and possibly work with us to fix this matter."
There are a lot of matters that need fixing. "It's something that has been put into perspective recently." My mind drifted to the shipside environment that females might be met with once they'd matched." It wouldn't do. Addy was right. This needs to be a safe place. It might go against everything we'd come to expect as Val'Dornn, but it needs to be done correctly for others. It needs to be done better than it was for Addy. The events that could have occurred had Addy approached this mating in a different mindset still threatened to steal the breath from my lungs. My chest was constricted and tight. I could never imagine it and I don't want any other female to feel that that was their only option. I know where I need to start working first. I'll need some help first, though.
There was no sense in hiding the things that I felt shameful from my Riniere. Truly, I'd refrained from mentioning my exile from my Riniere because in a way I felt like less of a male considering the circumstances. I'd been unable to give her, her happiness and for the time being, she'd called for a separation. It was a topic that was mostly unheard of. Mostly.
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I said my goodbyes to Yarro, who wished me well. I found myself retracing the steps I'd taken with Prince Roan yesterday, retracing the steps to Laene. Telling him would hurt the most, and it would be best for the both of us that I tell him quickly.
His door opened for me easily, noting his trust that I wouldn't accost him.
I found Laene in the same spot that I had left him. Head bowed on the sofa in the living area of his quarters. "I've still come to no conclusion."
"It's a decision that requires a lot of thought. I didn't anticipate a decision so quickly."
"You're the only one who didn't expect a quick decision, then."
It was true. Tensions had run high in the last year. They built and built until there was a smidgen of unrest. Even I wasn't exempt. I frequently lamented the contract forged between our races and even went so far as to express outright distaste for the arms-length distance we had put ourselves in when dealing with the humans. Many aboard the ship teetered on the edge of a decision to forgo the contract entirely and set up a base on the planet like we had done for more primitive civilizations in the past. That was the environment that every male on the ship was in. It would have been nearly impossible for any to consider that one wouldn't jump at the chance to go down and find their female when those chances were reduced to few and far between for the lot of us. Compound upon that the knowledge that each completed mating helps the rest of the Val'Dornn upon the ship...It was a difficult place to be for Laene.
We were all in difficult places, even if we didn't know it yet. "I've come for advice. And, to ask for your help in a matter that will likely sound distasteful."
Laene laughed a humorless laugh. The emptiness of it pulled on something in my chest. Not a bond like the one between Addy and I, but one formed over long years spent growing up alongside someone. It pulled on the fibers of my heart knowing that he was suffering and I couldn't do something to fix it in a way that meant something.
"More distasteful than becoming Unsearching?" He spat out the distasteful word.
"It will sound distasteful, but I believe it to be right."
Laene had a soft gaze, for all the stiffness he portrayed, "Speak, friend."
"Addy has called for our separation," I watched the pain flit across his face, here and then gone not a second later, "hopefully not permanently. The contract has caused more trouble than it was worth. The concept of compensation...she's explained it to be too close to purchasing someone. It's not a traditional value in the way that the governments have led us to believe. She's been badly hurt by the idea. She's put into perspective aspects of life on this ship that are questionable...especially to fearful human females ho have been misled."
Laene listened quietly as I told him the conclusions females would jump to, even agreeing with her assessment in his oddly logical way.
"I need your help and the others. Roan offered Addy, and no one else, 6 months. We need to offer it to them all."
"They'll think it treasonous."
"We'll think it treasonous...they --the human females-- will think it reassuring."
He pondered the idea for a long time before he finally whispered, "Even if I claimed her she could still leave me in the end. She could leave if she didn't love me."
He said it more to himself than me, but I answered anyway, "Should she be forced to stay if she didn't?"
*****A/N*****
I realize I didn't put an author's note on the last chapter. I was too excited after finishing it that I sent it without thinking about putting a note on it. Whoops. Anywho, on the topic of nitty-gritty novel writing things. There are conflicts that haven't shown up earlier that I want to include, so I'm trying to ease them in as best as I can right now. Honestly, I should have planned a little better, but this was and still is the first draft and I'm planning as I go. You --as readers-- are getting dropped into some conflicts that should have been heavily talked about at the beginning of this story, but I hadn't anticipated them then. I'm trying to keep it not jarring, but if you feel surprised by the discontent over the contract and the lack of --for lack of a better term-- action in this Temani Bercari, know that I completely understand.
This is kind of similar to the gaff I made in the very very beginning where Esayr's Riniere could speak English despite the fact that reasonably they shouldn't have gotten the implant. I kept working under the context that they could speak English because I didn't want to hugely change the story that I had already written. This is the same thing but on a broader scale. I didn't put enough conflict in the beginning and now it's all flooding in, but I'm trying to tone it down to make it reasonable.
All in all, thank you for putting up with me and my subpar novel planning. And this meandering story in general. I don't know how you all do it.
Sincerely,
Layla
P.S. I made the cover for the second book today because I couldn't wait any longer. You all probably know who it's for. I'm terrible at covers, but it follows the same theme that First Contact does. Also...if things go perfectly (and I mean literally perfectly) Laene's story might show up sometime during Camp NaNoWriMo :).
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