I'd gone to my parents' last night. When I'd entered their quarters they'd expected good news. My mother had glanced behind me expecting to see my female with me. Those first few seconds were almost the most heartbreaking thing I'd ever seen.

They'd realized quickly that something was wrong, but not quick enough to stop the hurt from blooming out around me. They'd tried to comfort me in their own way, but they were generations after a Temani Bercari and had never experienced one first hand. Most all of the matings in their generation were happy and went swiftly, most. Those that didn't...didn't last, but that's a thought I couldn't stomach at that moment.

I'd stayed with them, on one of the lounges in their quarters because the ship didn't anticipate the need for an extra room for me. I'd thought of going elsewhere, but for once I didn't feel comforted by the thought of any of my Riniere. It wouldn't do for Laene to see this struggle. Kados was too passionate about his work and I didn't want to disappoint him. Addric was with Kados, and Kayle was too close to Laene and was too prone to having interruptions from his brothers, who while good-natured tended to talk overloud with others nearby.

Suddenly, I felt the weight of my race upon my shoulders. The Temani Bercari bends to an Empath's spirit. Addy was as much me as I was. We both shared a spirit, didn't we? What if it bends to hers instead of mine?

I didn't sleep at all last night, thinking about her and everything I should have, or could have, said to make it better, whatever it was. That's how I found myself sitting on the floor, my back against one of the chairs in the living area of our quarters, waiting for Addy to return from her time at the communications bay.

I'd rehearsed every possible thing I could say. I rehearsed declarations and vows that were reserved for the ceremonial tying. Anything and everything I could think of to change her mind. Each and every one of them fled from me as soon as I heard the door to our quarters slide open. Everything fled but her name.

"Addison," I called out, warning her that I was in her space.

The door shut, and for a second I was sure she'd left. I couldn't feel anything down our bond and it was scaring me more and more. There was a wall there now, formed slowly, block by block as her thoughts began to turn to her world. "Yes?"

Her voice was tired but laced with annoyance.

I searched my mind for anything at all that I could say to her. I'd never struggled before with telling her what she meant to me, and yet here now when it mattered there was nothing. It was like grasping out in the darkness and feeling nothing. "You told me to come and collect the things that I needed while you were gone."

"I did."

"I need you, Addison." I swallowed down the choked noise my throat threatened to make, "Nothing else in this room, these quarters, this ship, nothing else matters to me. You are the only one that I need."

"You needed me enough that you'd be willing to buy me?"

The comment confused me. "I don't understand?"

"You bought me, Esayr. You bought me like a thing to be owned." I heard her set something down on the shelving unit at the entrance to our quarters.

"That's not the Val' way." It wasn't and had never been, though from our travels I had seen races where it was the case.

"Then why were funds sent to the government after I was deemed a match. Funds that paid for my contribution to the community and the contribution every bit of my body was worth?"

It clicked. The contract. It was developed in conjunction with human governments. The exchange of goods before a bonding wasn't customary in our culture, but we'd seen concepts of it in the human media. Dowries and Bride Prices. The humans insisted that they were still traditional and we'd complied. We were willing to expend any amount to compensate for the loss of one of their own. When they'd asked what we'd wanted as a dowry, we'd said nothing. The matching females were a gift in the eyes of our Gods. We could ask for nothing more.

From any way I looked at it, as much as I wished it wasn't true, it looked like a bill of sale. How could I possibly explain it away to the one who'd felt bought? "Gods. It wasn't our tradition. It was yours."

"No one buys their wives. At least no respectable person."

"The concept we encountered in media and your history. Dowries and Bride Prices. It was explained as customary to us, we complied. The fact that we asked for no dowry is making it look more like the purchase than we believed it to be." My mind raced over the contract and how it could turn even more humans against us, how it could turn other Val' ships against us if they heard the news.

"Three million dollars. More than that actually. You paid three million dollars to the very people that oppressed me. How am I supposed to feel? On this ship, at your beck and call knowing that you all paid three million dollars to have me? You'd think that might put some kind of pressure on me to come up and here and do what I'm supposed to despite the fact that I was unwilling."

"I would never."

"I know," her voice was quiet but nevertheless sure and it comforted me. "I know you'd never. Do I know every male on this ship? No, I don't. I think you are a race of good males, but I cannot with any surety say that none of you would."

"We wouldn't--"

She cut me off, "Now think of all of the women down on that planet. Already scared out of their minds. They're used to oppression, to being fearful, to fighting to survive. None of them have met you. None of them think that you are good. Think of those women who are brought up here and think about what conclusions they might come to on this ship and the best way they might survive on a ship full of large intimidating males who specifically have called them up here to marry." Addison paused to let me stew on those thoughts, "What will they think, Esayr?"

"They'll make a choice despite the fact that it isn't what they want," the realization was horrifying. I needed to tell the Prince, to tell anyone in the communications bay. This ship should be an asylum and not the hell that it easily could be for someone. "You didn't" I gasped it out, surprisingly happy for once while I lingered on the concept that she fought our bond.

"I didn't. I wouldn't. Some won't, but some will. You'd wanted to gift the people responsible for me and my health. You gifted the wrong people. You should have gifted my friends -- my Riniere. Them or the girls home that raised me after my parents passed. They were the only ones trying to keep me alive on that damn planet."

"You're right." She was right. We were worried about the bumps the government was creating when in reality we had created the mountain. "I don't know what I can say to make this different." I didn't know how to climb that mountain.

"Why are you hiding behind the chair?"

The question surprised me. I didn't even remember that I'd been out of her sight this entire time, "You told me you didn't want to see me." The tether at my heart gave the faintest shiver.

"Get up, Esayr."

I got up. When I looked at her it physically hurt me. She wasn't looking at me. She was standing in the entrance hall to our quarters, near the shelving. She was pinching the bridge of her nose and rubbing at her temples to stave off annoyance likely. More than anything she looked tired. We'd come full circle again. Once again, I craved the action of pulling her against me and letting her rest at my side. It was the very same craving I'd had when I first laid eyes on her, and yet again I can't act on it. I stood in the living area.

She sighed and her shoulders slumped. "I don't think you can say anything to make this different." She shook her head, "Prince Roan was right. No one will trust you, any of you. They need to hear it from someone trustworthy, or at the very least someone they view as trustworthy."

She looked at me then, sadly.

"For now, Esayr, I need this space to myself. Or a space if you have nowhere to go. I'm upset, but it's cooled. I need to figure out what I am on this ship, which is neither property nor yours. Once I know who I am here, I can figure out how I feel, okay?"

I nodded. As much as I wished this distance wasn't between us, she needed to be sure of herself and her choices before she could ever be sure of us, or me. "Whatever you need I'll give it to you."

"If I need to speak to you, how do I do that?"

"The interface near the door. It responds to your hand. You can contact anyone on the ship with it. Tell it to contact me and it will." I shoved aside the comment that she could simply tug on our bond and I'd come running.

"Thank you." She stepped aside, clearing a path to the door for me. I was able to infer that it was time for me to leave.

"Goodbye, Addison."

"Fair nights and fond mornings, Esayr." She returned.

Bet you weren't expecting two updates in one night, and yet here we are :). Addy has some thinking to do and Esayr's just a little too distracting to be able to do it while he's around, lemme tell ya. It was interesting to think of the concept of Dowries and Bride Prices from an alien standpoint and what it might look like to someone who wasn't used to the concept being confronted with it in such a way. It's actually one of the parts of this story that was there in the very beginning before I'd even decided Addy or Esayr's names. This was one of the first concepts that I was like "that would make an interesting scene in a story" and to see it finally come to fruition is gratifying.

I wonder how Addy will fix this gaff.

Love always,

Layla