The week flew by much quicker than Jade wanted to. Each day became harder and harder and there felt like there was a deadline on their relationship. Each night before she went to bed Jade prayed that he wouldn't have to go that the call was a mistake, but that day never came.

She was clutching Marcus's hand tightly as they drove towards the airport. Yesterday she had broken down in front of Sophia and Noah and cried for hours. She was trying to be strong, but it was so hard to see the man you love, leave to go somewhere she didn't know and somewhere she wouldn't be able to contact him.

She had dinner with his family last night as his brother gave both the boys a teary farewell. Jade during the whole dinner was quiet as she tried to sort through all the emotions that were racing around her head.

"You okay?" Marcus asked, and Jade looked up at him with a frown. He had stayed over every night this week and each night once she knew he was asleep she would cry. It made her feel weak, but her heart was breaking. She wanted to be selfish and demand he not go. She wanted to be selfish and keep Marcus with her forever, but she knew she couldn't.

She knew it was his job, and she knew she had to come to terms that this would happen.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Her voice was raspy with unshed tears the closer they drove to the airport. Sophia was driving them knowing Jade would need the emotional support after Marcus had left. Jade leaned her head on his should as he kissed the top of her head.

"I'll drop you guys off at the front and I will come back after I find a parking space," Sophia whispered and watched the couple in the back.

"Thank you, Sophia." She nodded her head at Marcus as they pulled up to Sydney's international airport. Marcus got out first and set up Jade's chair and watched as she moved from the car into it. She had improved so much in the past few months and he wondered how much more she would improve while he was away. He smiled at her as he grabbed his duffle bag and threw it over his shoulder. Today they required he dress in civilian gear until he arrived at his destination where he would change into his uniform was in his bag. He walked beside Jade as she pushed herself into the busy terminal. He looked around and saw his team was already here and saying goodbye to their loved ones. Their flight still wasn't for another 2 hours, but they had to check in and go through some paperwork before they could leave.

He looked at Jade and found he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. He had never had to say goodbye to someone he loved, and he found himself at a lost for words.

"Is it selfish for me to say I wish we could go back to the car and drive back to mine." Jade looked up into Marcus's brown eyes and saw them swimming with an emotion she couldn't quite place.

"No. I wish for that too." He sighed and looked at his watch knowing he had to check in soon.

"Please come back safe." She watched as Marcus leant down to her height and grabbed her hands. He leant down and kissed them before wiping off the few tears that had fallen down her face. Jade wasn't sure when she started crying and she wasn't sure if she could stop.

"I will, I promise." She nodded her head and knew she had to say goodbye even when she didn't want to. She wanted to beg him not to go to stay with her. She wanted to be selfish, but she couldn't he had a duty and she understood even if she didn't like it

"I love you and remember I'll be waiting, so please don't keep me waiting forever." Marcus understood Jade and nodded his head because there was no way he could express the way he was feeling. He leant forward and gave Jade once last kiss before he had to leave.

Jade knew she was crying, as she savoured the feel of his lips on hers praying this wouldn't be the last time. She kissed him like it would be their last just in case and she prayed nothing would happen to him. His mouth was warm and soft as he gently grabbed her face into his large, warm hands. Jade expressed all her worries, doubts and love into the kiss trying to portray what she was struggling to say. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gently ran her fingers through his thick dark hair.

When Jade broke the kiss to breathe Marcus wiped away her tears gently with his thumb as he rested his forehead against hers.

"Be strong for me Jade and I will see you soon. I promise." He placed his lips on her forehead and she savoured the warm feeling and smiled softly through her tears. Marcus pulled away, stood up and picked up his bag. He wanted to linger around, but last night they promised each other not too because it would make it all the harder to say goodbye. Marcus smiled at Jade one last time, blew her a kiss before he turned his back and didn't look back.

Jade watched Marcus until he was out of site and let out a huge breath. Goodbyes were always hard, but she never remembered them being this hard. She wrapped her arms around herself as a sinking feeling set into the pit of her stomach. She tried to breathe through this sinking feeling and she almost yelled out for Marcus to come back.

She let out another breath as she reassured herself that he would be fine and he would come home. She sniffled and wiped her eyes willing herself to stop crying. She inhaled and exhaled deeply as she finally pushed the sinking feeling out of her mind. She knew short goodbyes were always best but being on the opposite side was different. She wanted a long goodbye to hold on as long as possible and for the first time; she realised what it was like to watch the person you love leave.

It made her heart feel heavy, and she felt like Marcus took a part of her with him when he left. Sighing, she grabbed the sides of her chair with shaky hands and turned herself around and saw Sophia watching her with a soft smile on her face. She pushed herself over to the other women and smiled when she got there.

"You okay Jade?" Sophia asked, and Jade nodded.

"I will be. It will take some adjusting, but I will be fine." Sophia smiled at Jade as they both went to the car and left the airport back to Jade.

***

The first week was the hardest. Jade tried to stay strong, but she broke a little. Every night she cried herself to sleep and woke up always tired. Her days felt lonely and she would often call Marcus just to hear his voice through voice mail. Sophia and Noah tried to keep her busy, but every moment made her miss Marcus more. She missed curling up in his arms at night and missed having someone to talk to.

"Jade, you okay?" Andrea asked her, and she was sick of people asking her that. Would you be okay if the person you loved went away to fight for the country and you did not understand where, when or what they were doing? If you did not understand when they would come home and had no way to contact them. No, you wouldn't be.

"Not really but I will be." Andrea smiled at Jade and gave her more exercise to do during the week. She went home afterwards and found herself in bed clutching Marcus shirt to her chest. She struggled to get out of bed each day and when she got up she soon found herself back in bed.

***

It was during Jade's 2nd month without Marcus she decided she wanted to go back to school. She was searching through the different TAFE courses with Noah to see if there was anything she would like.

"What do you think about me becoming a personal trainer for people like me?" Noah looked up from the computer to Jade with a smile on his face.

"I can see you doing that Jade." She smiled at Noah and looked at what she needed to do.

"Going back to the gym has helped me a lot and I want to help other people a well." She felt herself become excited at the thought of helping other people. For the first time since Marcus had left she felt lighter and excited.

"So, let have a lot at what you need to do." They spent the next hour looking into the course and found out to become a certified personal trainer she had to do her cert 3 and 4. They found out it would take 8-10 weeks to complete the course. Jade knew she had a lot of time on her hands so she could complete the course in about 8 weeks. Jade signed up to the course an hour later and soon they had enrolled her in her new course.

"I am so proud Jade." She smiled at Noah and her first thought was to ring Marcus. She wanted to ring him and share her exciting news and knew she couldn't. She tried not to feel sad about it, but it was hard not to. Noah watched as Jade frowned as she got that sad look on her face whenever she thought about Marcus.

"It's okay to be sad Jade. I am sure wherever he is he will be proud of you." Jade gave Noah a sad smile as her heart constricted in her chest. So, felt so lonely a feeling she hadn't felt in so long it was so foreign she didn't know what to do.

"Thanks. I miss him. It's different. I didn't think it would be this hard. I didn't think I would miss him this much. Why did it have to be one of these tours at least if it was a normal one I could still contact him? I think that's what is killing me the most, is not knowing what is going on. Is he okay? Is he hurt? I don't know." She shrugged her shoulder than she sadly sighed.

This was his job and not so long ago it had been hers. She knew this was part of it and for the first time; she hated it. She hated what the job demanded and how little it gave in return. Yes, she had received a very large payout fee, but that was it. They treated you amazing while still in service with all these benefits to make up for taking your loved one away. However afterwards once you had left there was no word from them asking how you are doing? Are you okay?

She knew the defence had better things to do, but it was still sad that the moment you left no matter how many years of services you gave they wanted nothing to do with you.

"Well, Jade the best you can do is keep moving forward towards your goals." Jade knew this, but some days were harder than others to move forward. She had her support group of people, but there was still this feeling of loneliness she felt, and she hoped that as the months went on, it would go away.

***

Jade smiled as she walked into her first day at her new job. She was excited to be starting work again. She only had 1 client at the moment and she was okay with that. She walked into her local gym and smiled at the other pt that was there. She had signed her contract last week, and they finally set her business up. It had been 4 months since Marcus had left and Jade finally felt like she could do this by herself.

She had changed over the last few months and all the changes that were good. She found herself both physically and mentally stronger and felt like she had gained back her independence she had lost. Working towards her certificates and creating her own business was a huge part of it showing she could do this for herself.

She missed Marcus every day, and that was okay. He was out there doing his thing while she was at home waiting for him to arrive. She dedicated her personal training business to helping people with injuries get back into fitness. Her first client was a new woman who had recently joined her support group who had a stroke that left her with brain damage much like Jade.

She had lost a lot of mobility on her right side and like herself forgot how to do certain activities.

"Hey, Chrissy." Jade smiled when she saw Christina sitting on the couch waiting for her.

"Hello, Jade." She smiled as Jade wheeled herself over.

"So today I want to take it easy to get a feel for what you can and can't do. Your OT sent me a list, but I want to see and then we can work out a fitness plan." Chrissy smiled at her as she stood up and Jade led her over to the cardio section.

"Okay, I want you to go for a like walk for 5 minutes okay as a warm-up." She watched as Chrissy got on the treadmill and started her walk. It amazed jade at how easily being a Personal trainer came to her. The local gym had hired her as their new personal trainer, and she felt so proud of herself this morning when she put on her work shirt with personal trainer written on the back in big, bold letters.

Once Chrissy finished her warm-up Jade to her through a series of basic exercise to see where she was at. Jade had to show her a few times different exercise when she forgot, but Jade was patient as she understood what it was like to forget something, after learning it

"You did great today Chrissy. Same time next week?" Jade said once there they finished the 45-minute session. They would start off with 30minute session, but Jade knew that with Chrissy's injuries they would need a little more time.

"Sound good Jade. You coming to tomorrows meeting." Jade watched as she wiped her face and limped over to her bag.

"Yeah. Savannah is coming over to my place for dinner. She wants to ask me some questions for a school project she is doing." She had grown close to the young girl over the last few months and though many would find it weird that Jade liked to hang out with a teenager she didn't care. It was like having a younger sister.

"Well, I shall see you tomorrow and thank you for today." Jade watched as Chrissy left the gym and a wave of satisfaction filled her. She wished Marcus was here to share this moment with her, but she knew that she would share it with Emily and Nicole tonight when they came around for their weekly dinner. She still wasn't talking to her brother, and she was okay with that.

As Chrissy was her only client at the moment so Jade waited for Noah to come and collect her to take her to the hospital to hand out some flyers. She handed out flyers to the hospital who knew her by name and to a few local physios.

She didn't expect to get many calls but the following day she had received two calls about two new potential clients looking for a personal trainer. She felt over the moon with excitement; she called all her friends and family. She waited to call Marcus last as she left a voice mail on his phone to receive when he returned.

"Hi, you have reached Marcus phone. Please leave a message and I will get back to you." She waited for the beep and smiled at the sound of his voice.

"Hey me again. So, I had my first day of work yesterday and for the first time, I felt so productive. It felt so good to be helping someone else. Also, I got a call about two new potential clients I will meet next week. I hope you are safe, and I love you. Come home soon okay." She hung up the phone with a smile still on her face.

She had left voicemails for him last month when Helen suggested that it would be a good idea to help her cope. Sometimes she was crying and other time she was happy, but she knew that when Marcus could finally come back, he would receive all the messages she had sent him.

***

Christmas approached during the 5th month along with the summer heat. She spent the day with her family and invited Anne to not wanting her to spend Christmas alone. She had started family therapy the month before and she was slowly rebuilding her relationship with her brother. It still had a long way to go, but at least they could be in the same room with no hostility.

Her business was kicking off, and she now had 6 regular clients each week. She was so proud of herself and her little business and couldn't wait to share the news and show Marcus.

"Aunty Jade when is your boyfriend coming back?" Emily asked and everyone at the dinner table turned and faced Jade. She missed Marcus every day and though she had gotten used to life without him, there were still days that were harder than others.

"Hopefully soon Miss Emily." She smiled at her niece and smiled at everyone at the table. Emily smiled at her as she shoved chicken and talked with her mouth full.

"Good, because he made you smile more, and I miss you smiling all the time." Jade looked at her niece flabbergasted and sat there shocked for a few moments before she asked if she could open her present soon. Jade suddenly felt alone and had to excuse herself from the table. She rolled herself into her room as they were having Christmas at her place because she was the only one to have a pool.

She felt her heart constrict in her chest as she tried to breathe through her pain. It had been a while since she had this sinking feeling in her chest. She placed a hand on her erratic heart as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Jade, you all right, sweetheart?" She looked over her shoulder and saw Anne had followed her into her room. She opened her mouth the say something instead she choked on unshed tears. She didn't realise how much she would miss Marcus at Christmas. She wanted him here to spend it with him and he wasn't. She hadn't realised how hard it would be.

"I miss him so much." She sobbed out and Anne came over and wrapped her arms around her. It was an awkward hug, but it was what she needed.

"I know, honey. He will be home soon. You just need to hold on a little longer." Anne pulled back as Jade wiped her eyes.

"I just want him home. I feel like he will never come home. It's this sinking feeling that something has gone wrong and we don't know." She felt like she would vomit at the heavy feeling in her stomach. She had been trying to shake this feeling but every morning she woke up with the same sinking sensation that something had gone wrong.

"Oh, Jade doesn't think like that. He will be fine and soon he will be home." Jade nodded her head. She knew this but every day she had to remind herself that he promised he would come home to her. Anne left her alone after giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Jade took a few moments to collect herself before putting on a fake smile for her niece and nephew and joined them for the rest of the Christmas lunch.

They finished lunch, and Emily was bouncing off with her brother Eric who had walked for the first time a few months ago. They waited by the Christmas tree looking at the mountain of gifts that were waiting to be opened.

"Emily you have to wait until we clean lunch up okay," Nicole said as she shook present to see if she could guess what was inside.

"Well hurry, please. Aunty Jade can I pretty please open just one." Jade laughed as her niece tried to give her the big puppy dog eyes she hardly said no to.

"Soon. I promise." Emily pouted and crossed her arms and her brother followed in suit. Everyone quickly cleaned up lunch and soon everyone was sitting by the tree with Jade being the pretend Santa.

"Okay before we open present I just want to say something." She looked at her family and though she was still on rocky ground with her brother she still smiled at him.

"I want to thank everyone for coming and helping me through the year. Last year I didn't expect to be where I am now, and I am eternally grateful for everyone in this room. It was a rough start, but I finally got there. Also, though Marcus and Marco couldn't be with us here today, I know they would want us all to have a merry Christmas and enjoy ourselves so let start the presents." She grabbed the first present and gave it to Emily knowing the girl was itching to open her first present.

During the gifts, Anne came over and gave her a gift.