When Marcus had finished work he went back to his apartment and felt like a stranger. It felt like had been ages since I had stayed here and smiled when he saw his brother coming out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Oh my god. I think I am seeing a ghost. Quick call ghostbuster." Marcus laughed as he unbuttoned his uniform and took off his shirt.

"You saw me at work 30minutes ago you idiot." He threw his clothes into his brother's face and laughed.

"I know, but you are hardly home anymore. I do miss you despite you being an annoying ass." Marcus smiled at his brother and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He did miss his brother. They had never really lived apart before so this was a change for the pair of them.

"Well I am staying tonight, and the rest of the week so don't worry. You will get sick of my face soon enough." He walked past his brother and gave him a friendly shove as he walked into the bathroom. He quickly showered knowing everyone would be waiting on them as they lived furthest from the bar. He tried ringing Jade but his call went to voicemail so he assumed she had been sleeping. So, he sent her a text telling her to ring him when she woke up.

He got dressed in khaki pants and a black shirt and walked into the lounge room with his shoes in his hands. He saw his brother sitting on the couch playing some game on his phone dressed in jeans and a button-down shirt.

"Trying to impress someone tonight." Marco looked up at his brother and smiled and shrugged his shoulder.

"Never know who you will run into." Marcus chuckled and sat down next to him and put in his shoes.

"So how is Jade? Haven't seen her in a while. How is she doing?" His brother asked once, and they were both ready.

"She is doing really good. We both are. I feel like we are starting to have a normal relationship." They both walked out the door and locked it behind them. They made it to the bar they were meeting the guys at and saw they were the last to arrive.

"Nice of you Blackwoods to show up on time for once." Dylan gave them both a handshake and a clap on the back as there greetings.

"You know Marco takes him forever to get ready," Marcus said as he made his way to the booth that they were all sitting at.

"Perfection takes time." All the men laughed as a beer was slid into Marcus's hand. They drank and talked about work, women and families. Marcus kept his phone on the table waiting for Jade to call him back, but she never did. He texted her again but didn't get a response.

"Dude, what's so important on your phone?" Dylan asked as Marcus checked his phone again and still saw no message from Jade.

"Just waiting for Jade to get back to me. She said she might come tonight." He shrugged his shoulders as he heard the table making whipping noises.

"He is so pussy whipped," Roger said while making a whipping noise. Marcus rolled his eyes as his friends laughed at him.

"Wait until you find yourself a woman, then we will see who is pussy whipped." All the men laughed as Marcus took a swing of his beer.

"In all seriousness, how is Jade doing," Dylan asked and Marcus sighed.

"She is doing a lot better, still adjusting to the change, but she is getting there. There have been a few complications, but she seems to be working them out." He took a sip of his beer as an uneasy feeling sat in the pit of his stomach.

"She is a brave woman. If I was her I would rather be dead, then not have my legs working. I would have honestly necked myself." Marcus felt uneasy by what James had said so he took a sip of his beer and tried not to let it get to him because there was a time when Jade wanted to kill herself.

"You are an absolute idiot you know that," Marco said slapping the side of James's head.

"What. What was wrong with what I said." Marcus rolled his eyes. For all of James brute, he was an absolute child at times.

"Did you hear Jade was on base today. Some of the new recruits swear they saw her walking with the commanding officer." Marcus looked over his bottle at Dylan with a single raised eyebrow as he started becoming worried about Jade and why she would need to come into base.

"I didn't hear that. Last I heard was she was having a lazy day at home when I saw her this morning." His friends gave him a suggestive look and he again rolled his eyes.

"So that explains why you were late this morning. Don't blame you, man. She is smoking even in that chair." Marcus punched Roger in the arm hard and saw as he yelled out in pain and rubbed the spot he had just hit.

"Don't give me shit. How many time have you been late because you could only think with your dick?" Roger laughed and began to count on his fingers as they all laughed.

"Dude, even with all our hand combined that still wouldn't be enough for how many time you have been late." Roger just shrugged his shoulders as they all laughed. Over the years of working with these guys, Roger had his ass chewed out the most for being late. Mainly because he couldn't keep it in his pants half the time.

"So you reckon she will be able to walk again," Dylan asked and Marcus just sighed. He wished more than anything that this would be possible, but it was unlikely.

"I've seen her scans. There was too much nerve damage, so the chances are very unlikely." Dylan nodded his head as Marcus his phone started to vibrate on the table and Jade and her face flashed across the screen.

"Speak of the devil and she shall appear," Roger said as he snatched the phone off the table.

"Give that back you wanker. What are you three?" he reached over and shoved his hand into his face and grabbed his phone before it ended.

"Wanker," Marcus grumbled as the slide out of the chair to find somewhere quiet to talk to Jade.

"Hey, Jade." He said and frowned when there was no sound on the other end but heavy breathing. That feeling in the pit of his stomach grew as he waited for her to reply.

"Jade, Love is everything alright?" He waited for her to talk as he pushed his way outside already flagging down a cab. Marco had the keys to the car and he would text everyone letting them know that he left once he knew Jade was alright.

"Marcus." He heard the emptiness inside her voice as he gave the cab driver the address and asked him to hurry.

"Marcus." She said again as she started to sob. Marcus felt his heartbreaking as that pit grew stronger.

"Jade I am on my way okay. Is Sophia with you?" He knew she was meant to come around this afternoon, but he didn't know.

"Marcus, I just want to feel." Was all she said, and Marcus told the driver to hurry because it was an emergency. He quickly texted his brother to let him know something had come up.

"Love I am 5 minutes away. Can you keep talking to me? Can you tell me you are safe?" She sobbed louder and he heard something crash in the background.

"I just want to feel. I just want to feel." She kept repeating over and over again and Marcus kept trying to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. He didn't realise he was crying until his cheeks were wet with tears.

After what felt like a lifetime, the cab pulled up into Jade's driveway and he quickly threw some cash at the guy and ran inside. The front door was unlocked and when he entered the place was eerily quiet. His throat tightened as he prepared for the worst. He felt sick like he couldn't move he went to call out Jade's name, but his throat felt like it was full of cotton. As he walked through the house he noticed glass everywhere.

It looked like a hurricane had swept through causing mass destruction everywhere.

"Jade." He called out and stopped when he heard sobbing from her room. When he walked in, what he saw broke his heart into two. He stopped breathing, he couldn't move from his spot in the doorway. It was like his brain was trying to play catch up with what he was seeing.

The first thing he noticed was blood. Lots of blood pooling onto the carpet and for some reason his first thought was, what a bitch it was going to be to clean. Next, he heard the sound of Jade sobbing over and over again that she just wanted to feel.

After that, he noticed the large kitchen knife that she was clutching in her left hand. Every happened so quickly and on his next breath, he was moving into action.

"Jade. Oh my god Jade, what have you done?" He rushed over and knelt in front of her grabbing the knife out of her hand and throwing it somewhere in the room. He quickly pressed down on both her legs to try and stop the blood flow from her thighs.

"I just wanted to feel. I just wanted to feel something. Anything." She sobbed in a broken and emotionless voice. Marcus knew he had to act so he locked his emotions in that box inside of him and acted like a solider instead of a lover who was breaking into a thousand pieces.

He looked around and grabbed her bed sheets of the bed and started ripping them apart and tied them to the top of where he thought the wound was to stop the bleeding. However, it was hard to tell with all the dark red blood that was covering her.

"I just wanted to feel." She sobbed again as he reached for the phone knowing he was going to have to call the ambulance.

"Jade I need you to press really hard for me here okay. I'm going to ring the ambulance." He placed Jade's hands where he needed them and once he was satisfied she was applying enough pressure, he rang triple zero.

The ambulance came in less than 2 minutes, but it felt like a lifetime for Marcus. They rushed in and he watched as the strapped Jade to the gurney and rushed her to St Vincent's hospital. As he followed them out he saw Sophia's car pulled up to the side if the street and saw the older lady rushing out in a frantic manner.

"Jade, Jade. Marcus, what's going on?" She noticed the tired look on Marcus's face and the blood that was coating his hands and shirt.

"There was an accident." Was all he said as he went to go rub his hands over his face to find them covered in blood. Jade's blood. It was the site of the blood on his hands that caused the dam of emotions to break. His shoulders started to shake violently as he looked at his hands. Tears started to stream down his face in a never-ending succession that he wasn't sure when they would stop.

"Oh, sweetheart. How about we go inside get you dressed int some clean clothes and then I can take you to the hospital." Marcus nodded and let Sophia led him inside. He was going to walk into her room to grab some clean clothes and found he couldn't.

Sophia didn't say anything about the mess of the house and watched as Marcus starred into Jade room.

"I can't go in there." He whispered, and Sophia nodded in understanding. She quickly went in and grabbed Marcus some clean clothes trying not to notice the blood or the knife lying on the floor. She knew once she got to the hospital and found out how Jade was doing she would ring the professional cleaners.

When Sophia came out with clean clothes he went into the spare room and showered and got changed. He scrubbed and scrubbed and found no matter how hard he ran the loafer over his skin he could still feel and see her blood coating his hands like a thick oil that didn't want to leave.

"Marcus, you okay?" Sophia knocked after some time worried he was taking so long.

"I'll be out in a second." The tears were still flowing, and he felt like a failure. He knew Jade actions were her own, but he should have known that she was called in and maybe if he did then he could have been there for her and this wouldn't have happened.

"Fuck." He yelled out and punched the wall knowing he had more than likely bruised his hand. She was fine this morning. She had been fine for a few months now, but something had snapped and broken her so much she felt the need to mutilate herself again. He was worried he was going to walk in and find her dead body lying on the floor.

Flexing his fingers he could already see the swelling as his stiff fingers ached as he clenched them. He quickly put on his clothes and saw Sophia waiting outside the door with an ice pack in hand.

"Thank you." He whispered as he placed the ice pack on his damaged hand.

"It no problem. Now, which hospital did they take her too." Marcus told her as they got into the car together.

"I knew something wasn't right. Jade texted me telling me I wasn't needed, but all afternoon I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't right. I should have come over sooner. I came over just to drop by and make sure Jade was doing okay." Marcus nodded his head and watched as building passed them by.

When they made it to the hospital Marcus had called Helen in the car letting her know what had happened and she said she would be there later to have a chat with Jade. They walked into emergency and saw a couple of people loitering around. One guy had his head in a bucket while another had a gash above his eyebrow. Surprisingly it was quiet for a Friday night, but he knew it would soon get busy with drunks kids who had gotten into fights.

"Hi, I'm enquiring about Jade Jennings. She came in about 30 minutes ago." Marcus said to the reception lady who taped her fake nails onto the keyboard.

"And you are?" She watched as she chewed her gum like a cow and eyed him up and down giving him the fuck me eyes.

"I am her fiancé." She eyed him before looking at her records he wasn't sure who Jade had as her next of kin and was surprised to find out it was him.

"She had just come out of surgery. She is in room 36 on level 3." Marcus thanked the lady and walked with Sophia over to the elevator. They got to the 3rd floor and was greeted with another nurse.

"Hi, I am looking for Jade Jennings." Marcus knew what part of the hospital they were in. She knew Jade didn't try and kill herself. He had to believe she didn't want to die.

"Relationship." The older nurse looked at both of them before looking at her computer.

"Marcus Blackwood, her fiancé and this is Sophia Ringfield her support worker." The nurse looked at her computer and nodded her head.

"Miss Jennings is heavily sedated at the moment. I will inform the doctor you are here, and he can tell you more." The nurse led them to her room where she was the only occupant. Marcus thanked the nurse and walked inside.

This wouldn't be the first time seeing Jade in a large white hospital bed so he wasn't shocked when he walked in. He pulled up a chair and sat next to her and grabbed her hand giving it a kiss. She had an IV drip in her arm and in the other was for a blood transfusion.

"What have you done love?" He whispered and brushed some hair back from her face. Sighing he leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his hair. He didn't notice any signs, there were normal signs. Or had he been too oblivious to notice them?

"I didn't see any signs either Marcus so don't go blaming yourself okay." He looked up and forgot that Sophia was with him.

"It's hard not to." She nodded and took a seat on the other side of Jade.

"I am going to tell you a story." Marcus nodded his head for Sophia to continue.

"Did you know for a while I worked as a mental health worker. That's why I was picked for Jade though she doesn't know that. Helen thought it would be good for me to work with Jade without her knowing." Marcus again nodded his head. It made sense. I wasn't like she was trying to hide anything and he knew how Jade would have reacted if the idea was put forth that she needed a mental health worker.

"Anyway, so my story. There was once a young boy around 11 years. His Mum suffered from mental illness and for years he watched his mum struggle with depression. At first, he didn't understand, he was too young. He knew his mum was unhappy, so he did everything right to try and make her happy. He cleaned the house, got good grades at school, and though it made his mother happy for a short while she always ended up sad and hurting herself. As the year went on the boy grew to understand more and more and became his mother carer. He stopped going to school and started looking after his mum full time. Eventually, the department of education came knocking and told the boy he had to go to school or get a full-time job.

The boy started going to school again and found that he couldn't connect with people. Most boys his age only cared about girls and sports. He was isolated from his peers and soon he found himself becoming sad. He tried to hide it from his mum. When his mother saw what her sickness was doing to her son she got the help she really needed. She couldn't see the effect that she was having on her child. Anyway a few years later the boy and mother were happy everything had been good for years.

Then one day the boy who was now 20 came home one day and found his mother lying on the floor. He rushed over and called the ambulance. The whole ride to the hospital he prayed and prayed his mother would be fine. She had tried to overdose. The boy wasn't allowed to see his mother and he blamed himself for not noticing that something was wrong. The boy started to hurt himself until one day he took his own life. The mother so caught up in her own problem didn't notice until it was too late and not long after she took her own life." Marcus looked at Sophia trying to understand what the moral of her sad and depressing story was.

"That is a very depressing story, Sophia. Sophia gave a sad smile as she remembered the young boy and his mother as if it happened yesterday.

"Yes, it is very sad, but do you understand why I told it to you. The boy didn't see the signs of his mother's depression because there was none, and he blamed himself. He blamed himself for the actions of his mothers as if he fed the pills to her himself. He was filled with so much guilt that he took his own life." Marcus thought about the story and it was like a light bulb went off in his Jade.

"Jade doesn't need me to watch her every move, she needs me to just be there for her. Like when she called." Sophia nodded her head. She had seen many family member and lover stop becoming lover and family and become carers when that wasn't what the person needed.

"Yes. Jade doesn't want you blaming yourself for her actions. There were no signs and sometimes there aren't any. All it can take is the snap of someone's fingers. To turn a recovering person of 25 years back 200 steps. There is no fix for mental illness. Drugs and therapy help a person learn to deal and cope with their problems, but there is no magic cure to make her better." Marcus nodded his head in understanding and looked at Jade.

"Jade is very aware of the consequences of her actions. Since I have known her she always worries about the impact her illness has on others. Why do you think she tried so hard to push you away? It wasn't because she didn't love you. It was because she didn't want you to be affected by her. That says a lot about how strong and selfless Jade is as a person. That she is worried more about her impact on others then she is about her own recovery."

"Thank you, Sophia." He said, still looking at Jade. She looked so peaceful sleeping like she wasn't haunted by the ghost of her past.