Jade spent the next few weeks hunting for a new place to live much to Marcus's dislike. They were looking at a place later today and Marcus hoped Jade hated it much like the other 5 places they went and looked at. Jade had also spent the last few weeks looking for a carer from the help of her new OT. She had met Andrea 2 weeks ago at her appointment and took an immediate liking to the hard woman that Jade actually started attending 3 times a week. She was meant to go every day, but between her OT appointments her weekly visit to Helen and seeing Dylan the couple's therapist Helen suggested she didn't have much time to go to all her OT appointments and Andrea was fine with that because she believed healing didn't just start with OT but also involved in healing the mind as well as the body.

She had yet to decide if she wanted to go to family counselling or if she even wanted to reconnect with her family. She spoke to her dad at least once every week, but conversations were also short and awkward. She was still struggling to connect with people and though she was forming a strong bond with Andrea she found it hard to connect with her on a personal and emotional level. The same with Marcus.

She looked over to Marcus who was in her apartment cooking her lunch. She insisted she could cook herself, but Marcus said he wanted to. She watched him as he moved around the kitchen as if it was his own and she tried to feel something, anything towards him, but all she felt was nothing. She talked to Helen about this thinking it was her medication. Jade insisted she didn't need to take it and Helen explained that many people when they feel good to go off their medication only to relapse and have to start all over again. Jade didn't want to relapse she didn't want to become the person she was not too long ago, but she didn't want to rely on the medication because it made her feel cloudy.

Marcus could feel Jade watching him and when he glanced her way he frowned at the look on her face. It was the same look he saw a couple of weeks ago when she told him she didn't feel anything. He smiled at her weakly and turned his back to her to keep cooking. Marcus knew Jade was trying which is why he agreed to therapy, which surprised him.

He went in hesitant but surprised himself when he walked away feeling different about not only Jade but their relationship. He knew they had a long way to go, but it was a start.

"Marcus, can I ask you something?" Jade asked, and he turned around to face her and turned off the stove at lunch was ready.

"You can ask me anything." He started dishing up lunch and bought both plates over and placed one in front of Jade. She looked at her food before looking at Marcus.

"I want to have sex." She stated it so boldly that Marcus started choking on the food he had just eaten. He coughed a few times and took a big sip of water trying not to die from chicken.

"Jade do you think that is a good idea." She knew it probably wasn't considering she didn't trust him and they had so many problems to work through, but she wanted to try to see if she could feel anything.

"I want to try again. I want to see if I can still feel." Marcus groaned. He knew this was going to end badly, he knew it was going to leave Jade in tears and a mess, but that still didn't stop him.

"How about after lunch okay." Jade nodded her head and something about the whole thing didn't sit well in her stomach. It felt cynical, but she had to know.

Neither of them ate lunch in a rush and once they were done Jade wheeled herself into the bedroom and started to remove her shirt while Marcus put lunch away. When he found Jade in her room and had already taken off her top and bra and was sitting in her chair with her pants still on. Marcus stood there for a second and looked at Jade.

She had always been beautiful even now. Many would turn away from her body and though it wasn't smooth and perfect he loved it every scar and ridged line and he wanted to love and worship her body the way it deserved to be, but not like this. Not when it felt so forced.

"I need help with my pants I can't take them off myself." Marcus looked at Jade who was looking at him with cold eyes. He knew if he gave Jade what she wanted it would destroy not only her but the fragile relationship they had. A few months ago, he would have done it without a second thought, but now was different and he needed to handle things more carefully.

"How about we do this my way okay. I'll have sex with you only if you do as I say." Jade wanted to object she didn't want foreplay it didn't work last time so why would it work now. She needed to know if she could still feel the pleasures of sex or if that had been taken away along with her legs.

"I don't want foreplay, I need to know if I can still feel or if that too has become paralysed." Marcus knew at that moment what this was truly about, and he sighed. He picked up Jade's shirt and put it back over her head before picking her up and sitting on the bed with her.

"Jade." He said softly, and she began to cry because she knew it would be pointless if she couldn't even feel the joys and pleasures of foreplay what difference would sex be.

"Why do you want to be with someone so broken?" She sobbed softly hating herself for being so weak again. Marcus kissed the top and her head and stroked her hair while she cried.

"You not broken Jade, just a little damaged and you will get there, but not at the moment Jade and that is okay." Jade shook her head he wasn't understanding, but she also wasn't explaining. Dylan told them both they needed to work on their communication better instead of assuming the other person knew how they were thinking a habit they both seemed to have.

"It's not okay. Our relationship had always been about sex and desire and now I can't feel that and you're going to realise you don't want me anymore because I can't feel that desire or sexual attraction anymore." he grabbed Jade's hands and started rubbing soothing circles to try and get her to calm down.

"Maybe it's time we changed that and focused more on a relationship than sexual attraction. I don't want you for your body Jade I want to be with you because of your personality and up here." He tapped the top of her head and Jade wiped the tears off her face.

"Not everything needs to be about sex Jade and if it was then I can be honest and say we wouldn't be trying so hard to keep this relationship afloat if it was only about the sex, am I right?" Jade nodded her head not trusting her words and Marcus nodded his head back.

"Good now that is sorted did you want to change before leaving for the open house or are you happy with what you are wearing?" Jade looked down at the black tights Marcus had dressed her into this morning and her basic grey shirt. She had a good feeling about this place and wanted to wear something nice in case she decided this was her new home.

"I want to wear my blue flower summer dress with sandals." It was coming to the end of summer and thought it was still hot the air wasn't as humid as Autumn started to make itself present.

Jade starts herself up on the bed and removed her shirt easily and started to try and remove her pants. Over the past few weeks, Jade hardly felt pain in her arms anymore and found she was able to have a lot more function despite being so weak. She knew she had to start up with gym again, but needed to be cleared from the doctor before she was allowed to perform any rigorous training.

Marcus grabbed the dress Jade wanted and removed her tights for her and watched as she slid the dress over her head. She leant her body forwards, so Marcus could zip her up and fix her dress up for her. She looked at the clock next to her bed" and saw it was almost 2 and time to leave.

Jade pushed herself out of her house after Marcus had helped her back into her chair again. She still hated the thing but knew without she wouldn't be able to go anywhere. They waited for the lift to arrive and they both got in quietly.

"Is Noah and Sophia meeting us there?"

"Yup." Noah and Sophia where Jade's carers. When they were picking out people Jade realised that two carers would be beneficial for her. She needed Sophia for helping her get dressed and other womanly things she could no longer do and Noah for all the heavy lifting. Sophia was a kind middle age woman with 2 kids who though didn't quite understand Jade's needs she had a soft heart and had a kind soul something Jade wasn't used to and someone she didn't know she needed in her life. While Noah was in his early 30's around the same age as Marcus and had 1 son and took no bullshit much like Andrea her OT.

Marcus wasn't a fan of Noah, but he had to learn to keep his jealousy under wrap because Jade liked him and trusted him, so he would have to learn to as well.

The trip to the house was only 10 minutes 15 minutes on a bad day of traffic. As much as Jade wanted to live by herself and move away she knew she wouldn't be moving too far in case something was to happen. For Marcus to 10-minute trip still seemed too long and too far for Jade to be away.

They pulled up to the quiet street and already Jade loved the place. There was a peace you didn't get living in the city despite the house is just outside of the noisy atmosphere if Sydney.

They pulled up to the 2-bedroom house and Jade saw that Noah and Sophia were already waiting for them. They both watched as Marcus helped Jade out the car and Jade push herself over to them with Marcus following behind.

"Hi Noah, Hi Sophia." Jade greeted them and Sophie could see the lingering sadness in Jade. Marcus greeted both her carers with a handshake making sure to be extra firm with Noah.

"Shall we," Noah said and gestured for Jade to entre. The house already had a wheelchair access ramp which made life so much easier for Jade. Noah and Sophia where here today to make sure the place had everything that could be suited for Jade and her needs.

"Welcome." The real estate man said as they entered with a huge smile on his face. "Let me know if you need any help with anything." Noah went to have a look around while Sophia god bless her heart pulled out a list of questions that the man started answering right away.

Jade took her time as Marcus followed behind her. The house wasn't a shoebox like some of the ones she visited and it wasn't too large it would be hard for her to maintain. The house had an open floor living space so the kitchen, dining and lounge room was all one space. The timber floor was a light colour with a fresh colour of light grey on the walls. The house was new having only been built in the last 5 years. Jade pushed her way into the main room and saw it had a connecting bathroom.

'What do you think?" She asked Marcus who had been silent like he was on any visit.

"It's nice." He said rather angrily, and he glanced around. He knew Jade liked the place and he couldn't quite get past his anger of why she had to move so far away.

"What is the matter? I get you don't want me to move, but I need to do this. So you can stop being an asshole about it." Jade said rather angrily back and pushed herself to have a look at the rest of the house ignoring the looks Noah and Sophia were giving her.

She wanted to punch something like a switch had been flicked inside of her head and she could feel red hot anger rising. Noah watched as Jade angrily pushed her way through the house and he looked towards her boyfriend Marcus who looked just as angry. He didn't understand their relationship, he knew Marcus didn't like him, the man made it clear the very first day they had met, but he had been civil towards the grumpy man.

He looked around the place knowing a few changed would have to be made, but otherwise, the place would be good for Jade. It had a small pool in the back to help with her hydrotherapy Andrea wanted to get her started on.

He and Sophia were talking to the real estate when they heard loud angry voices coming from the room.

"No fuck you Marcus, just leave. Just fuck off like you always do go." They heard Jade yell before Marcus came stalking out of the room looking ready to hit something.

"Someone needs to take her home I am leaving." They watched as Marcus left and Sophia went to check on Jade.

"So, are there any problems the house has?" He asked, and the realtor shook his head. Looking a little frightened. Noah sighed and watched as Jade and Sophia came out of the room. Jade still looked angry as she pushed herself over.

"Is anyone else interested in this place?" She tried to make herself sound pleasant, but she was so fucking angry at Marcus and his bad attitude about this whole thing.

"There is another couple looking, but so far no one else." Jade nodded her head and she glanced around the place.

"What do you guys think?" Jade looked towards Noah and Sophia hoping they agreed because she really did like the place.

"We will need to make some adjustments to the kitchen with the countertops, but we knew that for any house we would look at, but otherwise everything looks good." Jade smiled and nodded her head.

"I would like to buy the place. I can put down a deposit today to secure this place." The realtor smiled and started pulling out the paperwork that was needed.

"Excellent. You will need to come down to the office today and we can hopefully have you moved in by next week." Jade smiled and shook hands with the man as he gave them the address of the office where they would all meet in an hour.

"Well, how about we all go out and get a coffee while we wait. I carpooled with Noah so we can all take his car." Sophia stated and Jade smiled and she felt her mood become less and less angry. Sophia had that calmly affect about her which is more than likely why Andrea suggested her. They had yet to work out the hours Jade would need them when she moved in, but Jade had a rough idea.

Noah helped Jade into the car and it was a silent ride to the coffee shop which was back in the city. They each got a coffee an sat down in a booth towards the back.

"So, Jade tell us a little bit about yourself. I feel like we hardly know anything about you." They both had been given a folder on Jade and her conditions, but not much about who Jade is as a person.

"Not much to say about myself I served for 12 years, was engaged but broke that off because I found out he was cheating on me while I was a tour. Let's see I hate my mother with a passion, my brother is an asshole, my father and I have a rocky relation who I only got back in touch with after god knows how many years, but yeah." Sophia shook her head these were things she already knew about.

"What is something you like to do?" She asked, and Jade sighed and took a sip of coffee while Noah just watched picking up that Jade did not like talking about herself.

"Most of the things I like to do I can't anymore. I liked my job, I liked training," Jade didn't know what else to say when she thought about things she liked she found it hard to answer. She wasn't why, but whenever she thought about things she liked her mind became blank.

"I don't really like talking about myself, as there isn't much to talk about." Sophia didn't want to accept this, but Noah butted in asking Jade about the type of work she did and she was more than happy to talk about that.

Time passed quickly and soon they were walking to the realtor's office so Jade could sign the paper. The whole process took just under an hour and Jade felt herself feel 10 times lighter when she was finally able to sign the bottom of the paper saying she was the owner of her new house.

She expected to feel a sense of loss, but she felt relieved that she was finally able to start moving on with her life and building herself back to the person she used to be.

****