The moment I smoke what was in the bag, I was hooked. I would make any excuse just to sit in a corner and get high. There were moments in class that I would tell the teacher that I wasn't feeling well, and I would leave the property just to relax. Or even at night, climb out of my window and go to parties high.

It fucked my organs.

But it felt fucking great.

The guy was right, I was able to forget.

My family didn't know for a long period of time. Or at least that's what I thought.

It was November when I came home from a party, high as a kite. I nearly fell twice whilst climbing up the tree next to my room. Once I got in, I noticed the lamp beside my bed was one, but of course, I was too high to even remember if I left it on.

"You think I don't know what you've been this whole time?" A voice spoke from behind. I slowly turned around to see Laura sitting on my desk chair with a disgusted look.

"Since when do you care?" I slurred as I took my shirt off.

"You come home high and can't even speak coherently! I was worried-"

"Oh so know you're worried," I fumed. "You're going to start acting like a mother to me?"

There was a moment of silence, as continued to undress myself.

"I knew you were trouble the moment I laid eyes on you," she spat as she looked at me up and down.

"And I knew you were a slut the moment I saw you walk through the door," I retorted, earring a slap across the face.

"How dare you insult me" she was fuming.

I placed a hand onto my burning cheeks without breaking eye contact. "You're just an attention seeker," she continued. "Just like that dead whore."

The moment she mention Emilia, I couldn't control my anger. It all happened too quickly as the next thing I knew, I was pinning her against the wall. My body was trembling with anger whilst she was shaking with fear.

"Mention her one more time," I spoke lowly. "And I'll blow your fucking brains out." Her eyes widened in panic. But so was mine.

This wasn't me who was talking. This was the opium and the alcohol that was speaking.

This wasn't Astrid.

I quickly let go of her and pushed her out of my room, locking it after. I felt as though my bedroom started spinning as I walked towards my bathroom to get the hidden drugs. Once I popped them into my mouth, I sinked into my bathtub once the drowsiness kicked in. I don't know how long I was lying there, not I don't remember what happened next. But what I do remember, is seeing a razor on the corner of the bathtub. I couldn't take my eyes off of it.

A small rational part of my brain was screaming, telling me to stop. But the alcohol and the drug that was running through my veins, was encouraging me to pick it up.

I picked the razor up and began to trace the veins in my wrist with it. I felt like doing it, I wanted to. It was scared, scared that I may press too hard or too little. I just wanted to take the pain away.

Then I pressed it against my wrist. Holy crap.

Blood began to trickle down my forearm as I continued to press the razor against my skin. But that wasn't the scariest part. It was the fact that I began to laugh. I was laughing because it took the pain away, and that was what I needed.

***

I would cut myself every time I returned high from a party, and I loved it. Not only because i could forget the pain, but also Emilia and my mother. But the ecstasy was cut short when Mateo began to harass me.

I just finished cleaning my forearm when I went to bed. As I dozed off, I heard the door open and close, and the bed sheets were being lifted. I turned around to see who it was, but I froze as soon as a hand groped my breast, and in that moment, I knew who it was.

"Scream," he threatened. "And I will rape you."

"You wouldn't."

"Trust me."

The harassment continued every night. It was no use to lock the door, as she would always find a way to get in.

He would grope me and kiss my neck as I lied there silently crying. I knew I had to keep my mouth shut. I mean, let's be honest, who would they believe first.

The last time he came into my room, was the time I overdosed and I remember that night like it occurred yesterday.

I tried to doze off, but as always, the door opened and closed and the bed sheets were lifted. I don't know what ran through me, but as soon as his hands began to find its way through my thigh gap, I immediately slapped him across the face.

His face showed fury and shock at the same time.

"You bitch," she spat as he climbed on top of me.

I began to scream and kick him, but he was way stronger than I was, so he pinned me down. He began to kiss my neck as he forcefully groped my breast when the door banged open, revealing Laura.

"What are you scream-WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

Mateo jumped out of the bed and frantically looked around for an excuse. "She-She did this to me!" He accused.

What the fuck?

"She lured me into her room and tried to-" he pretended to act vulnerable in front of his mother, and of course, she believed him.

She looked at me with disgust, "just like Emilia, you are such a whore!" She spat and left the room as Mateo followed along, but before he left, he gave me a sinister smile.

At that point, I felt weak. I couldn't continue with this any longer. I felt vile rising up in my throat and I quickly ran to the bathroom to release all the alcohol. Once the contents were all out, I frantically looked for the hidden stash underneath the sink, and without thinking twice, I swallowed it whole. I noticed that the room was spinning far too quickly than usual and my legs began to buckle. Black dots began to fill my vision and the next thing I now, I saw pitch black. At that moment, I didn't know I was suffering from an overdose.

But at that point, I wanted to die.

***

I woke up to the sound of something beeping. As I opened my eyes, I was taking in the new surroundings and saw a nurse annotating something onto a sheet. The nurse must've noticed that I was awake when she quickly poured water onto a cup and handed it to me.

"Glad you're awake. I mean, it's kind of a miracle that you're awake."

I gave a puzzled look when she continued, "you've suffered from a lethal overdose. You even died for five minutes!"

I dropped the cup, spieling the water onto the floor. I died?

"I-I had a dream," I croaked. "I had a dream, and my best friend appeared." The nurse frowned and stroked my hair.

"They were telling me to stop taking the drugs," I felt tears running down my cheeks as I spoke. "And to stop cutting myself-"

I bursted into tears as the nurse hugged me, assuring me it was ok and that I was strong.

And in that moment, I believed her.