A therapist.

Should I go to a therapist? Why should I go to a therapist? What can they possibly say to help me get better?

I put down my coffee and went downstairs. Brynnley went to go take the kids to the doctors for their checkup. I was going to go but Brynnley ordered me to stay here, in the quiet to think.

She gave me a week to think about it, eventually, she got me to agree and I just finished my first session this morning.

It wasn't all that bad but still.

My thoughts were cut off by the ring of a doorbell. I opened the door to see someone I did not expect at all.

"Jax?" She gasps. "I wasn't expecting you to be home."

"Paris, how the hell do you know where I live?" I snapped.

"Well, I—"

"I don't care, get out."

"Wha—"

"Paris, leave and don't come back."

"But—"

"I said leave."

"Who is screaming?" Brynnley walks near the path and stops when she sees us two.

"Brynn!" Paris smiles.

"Paris, I wasn't expecting you to come today." Brynnley hugs her.

"Well, I decided to pop in a little early." Paris hugs her back.

Hugging? Smiling?

This is not how I remember.

The last time these two were together Paris was on the floor bleeding and Kylie had beaten her up.

"He looks so confused." Paris laughs.

"Probably because I am," I answered not so nicely.

"Paris came to my house and apologized when you were... you know gone. We've been in touch for years now." Brynn explained. "She's actually not that big of a bitch."

"Yeah, I come just to help her out. I also bring Journey and the kids gifts." She smiles.

"Paris!" Sol screams.

"Hi, it's good to see you again." She picks up my daughter.

"Hi daddy, have you met Paris before? She's like Santa Claus." Sol gives me a big wide smile.

"Yes, I have met her." She jumps into my arms and I held her.

"Hi, Paris." Journey hugs her legs.

"Hi, sweetie."

"Can I talk to you?" I asked Brynn when she got into the house.

"What?" She asks.

"Friends with Paris? Are you sure about this? Like what if this is some evil mind game?" I asked.

Maybe I'm exaggerating just a little bit still, that girl was always filled with bad intentions.

"Listen we're all out of high school, she apologized and spent the last couple of years making up for it." She laughs. "Trust me, if she had bad intentions Jackie would've seen it and she would've told me but they both get along."

"My mom approves of her?" My mom? Jackie Moore?

"Yes, she does. It's been five years Jax, she's changed and matured so be nice."

"I'll try." I shrugged.

"Good." She stopped putting her clothes away and looked at me. "How did the first session go?"

"It's alright." I shrugged. It was terrible. I hate opening up to people who I know won't understand.

There is not a lot of people who get kidnapped and tortured by their own uncle. It was hell.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Dr. Alex is very nice."

"Good now we're going to have lunch with Paris and you have to be nice to her."

"I can try." I rolled my eyes.

"Fine whatever." She grabs my arm dragging me out of her room.

Paris was sitting on the floor in the living room playing with the twins. Journey was sitting on the couch drawing.

Paris hasn't changed much personality-wise. She's still peppy and cheerful. Her dyed blonde hair was back to her natural dark brown hair. She wore less makeup and dressed more maturely.

"So how are you?" She asks me.

"Umm good, good. You?"

"Great. What have you been up to?" She asks trying to keep our conversation going.

Am I being rude? Should I be nice?

Brynn would probably kill me if I wasn't nice.

"Nothing much, I've been trying to get my life together." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh, how's that going?"

"It's a rough road I'm going down but I'll make it. What's been going on in your life?" I asked scratching the back of my neck.

Why am I so nervous?

"Well, I'm planning a wedding and going through morning sickness so it's tough." She smiled shaking her head.

"A wedding? Are you a wedding planner?"

"What? No, my wedding." She laughs.

"Someone wanted to marry you?" I asked furrowing my brows.

I'm sorry it slipped.

Paris starts laughing again. "Jax, I've matured okay? It's been five years and I'm not the same girl I was back in high school."

"Yeah sorry, that came out bad. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Brynn was the same." She shrugs.

"Here are a list of baby stores that I loved going to." Brynn hands Paris a piece of paper.

"Baby stores? Are you and daddy going to buy another baby?" Bodhi asks.

"Uh no." Brynn and I said at the same time.

"Paris is actually buying a baby," Brynn says picking Bodhi up.

"Awe, I was excited to have another boy." He pouts.

"Soon," I replied without realizing it.

Brynn and Paris looked at me and I just walked away.

Am I stupid?

Soon? Who the fuck says soon?

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published: april 1st, 2021

I'm officially on spring break today. I hate school so much, I wish I was done alreadyyyy.

Anyways majority of y'all thought it Blair but ta-da it's Paris. However, Blair will make an appearance soon.

Please remember that everybody matures day by day. We all learn from our mistakes and continue to take our lessons with us in the future and teach them to others. Sometimes you have to give the benefit of the doubt (that doesn't sound right but we're gonna roll with it) to people, even if it looks like they don't necessarily deserve it. No matter the outcome, you'll end up with good karma.

So onto today's thingy do you hold grudges? If so, how long?

For me, I used to be able to hold grudges for years but I've learned that it's easier to forgive, however I will not, never in my fucking life will you see me forget what the fuck happened. That was really aggressive... anywho, I felt like the more grudges I held, the heavier my chest/shoulder/body in general would feel so forgive them/it. We have no room for negativity in our body yk.

I hope everyone has a great day! I might update a little late tomorrow because I might go on a shopping spree at five below because it's the only shit I can afford. LOVE YOU MUAH!!