Finally, after a couple of hours in the hospital, I was finally able to leave. I hated hospitals. I've been here a few too many times.

Jax called my parents and they all decided it's best if I don't live by myself anymore. Issac wanted me to move in with them but Levi argued that I should stay with Jax and my children.

I couldn't get in one word with those two arguing back and forth with each other so I just lay there waiting for them to finish.

Eventually, they stopped arguing and asked for my opinion. I wanted to go back to my house and live under the same roof as my kids.

It was better for all of us that way.

I've come to an understanding of why Jax did what he did. It hurts like hell but I can't blame him. The only person I can blame is Ray but he is dead.

I missed Jax even with all this time away from him. I barely got to spend time with him.

Maybe start a new beginning.... sorta?

I mean that's what my therapist told me the last time I went to see her. I stopped going a while ago. She was helping me the first couple of sessions but afterward her words just didn't seem to help anymore.

I think I'll be okay if I figure this out alone.

The car ride home with Jax was silent. I could tell by the look on his face that he was filled with guilt and sadness.

He had heavy bags under his eyes, just like I did.

I should've stayed.

It pained me to see him like that. Once we got home he opened the house for me and helped me into the guest room.

"I moved in all of your clothes into the closet and everything else you need. If you need anything please let me know." He says grabbing my hand.

"Okay," I whispered.

He gives me a small smile and turns to leave.

I got into the shower and let the water hit me as I let my shower thoughts come in.

After my shower, I put on a hoodie and sweats.

"Where's mommy? Grandpappy Lev said she's living with us again!" Sol screams.

"I'm here baby."

"Mommy!" All the kids yell and run towards me. I lowered down giving them hugs and kisses.

"Do you and daddy love each other again?" Sol asks smiling widely while Journey taps her arm.

Jax's eyes widen but he quickly recovers and looks away. His surprised expression turned back into a sad one.

"We are always gonna have a love for each other." I smiled making her go in 'awe'

Sol and Bodhi both run upstairs while Journey stays near me.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

"Yes. Are you okay? Are you still sad?"

"No baby, I'm happy." I grabbed her chin and kissed her cheek. "You don't need to worry about me okay?"

She nods giving me one last hug before running upstairs.

I walked into the kitchen to see Jax cooking up dinner.

"Can we talk?" I asked sitting down on one of the stools.

"Yeah, what's wrong?"

"Do you blame yourself?"

"Huh?"

"Are you blaming yourself for what's going on with me?" I asked.

He can't even deny it because I can clearly see it through his eyes. I used to have the same look.

"How could I not? If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be in this place, we wouldn't be in this place. We'd be a happy family." He sighs.

"Life is filled with surprises and shit happens." I shrugged. "You shouldn't blame yourself. It's not your fault. I should've stayed and talked it through with you.

"I wish it was easier for me to believe that."

"You were being fed lies that I moved on with your close friend so I understand why you'd choose to move on too. I over-exaggerated and I should've thought about that first." I got up to help set up the table while he cooked.

"I should've told you when I first came back instead of lying. I just didn't want to ruin it. I wanted us to be happy. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, that's the past now. I'd like it for us to just move forward." Wow, look at that. Adult conversations.

"Me too." He whispers with a smile.

"Also stop blaming yourself, I don't so you shouldn't either," I told him. He nods.

After dinner, I sat in Journey's room with my twins helping them build a fort.

"So are you and daddy gonna buy another baby?" Bodhi asks me.

"What?" I utter shockingly almost choking on my food.

"Well, daddy said you two were gonna buy more babies someday," Journey says.

"I—uh don't you think you three are already enough?" I scratched my head not knowing how to answer.

Why must children ask the most uncomfortable questions?

"I can't be the only boy!" Bodhi grumbles.

"I want a baby sister so I could dress her up." Sol smiles playing with her dolls.

"No mommy and daddy should buy a boy!" Bodhi argues with Sol.

Those two continue to bicker while I watched Journey. The only one who hated arguments.

"How you feel if there was another baby in the family?" I asked her.

It's a curious thought.

"Happy." She replied.

"Really?"

"Ya, maybe this time he or she will be smart just like me." She giggles making me laugh.

Tehe she just called the twins dumb.

I don't think they're dumb they just have a very low level of intelligence.

It's fine, they have time to learn.

After a while, I tucked them all into bed. I went to say good night to Jax but he was already sleeping.

I came in and pulled the blanket over him.

"Good night Jax."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

published: march 25th, 2021

Thank you for 1.8 MILLION READS I FREAKING LOVE YOU ALL! THANK YOU SO MACHH!

I hope everyone is having a great week so far! If you want to rant here is the chance to do so... well actually you can rant here anytime. I don't mind.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, love you MUAH!