"I'll be back in once I get the twins dressed okay?"

"Yes, mommy." Journey gives me a small smile before hopping into the shower.

Jax has been acting distant lately. I don't really know what's going on but I rather not ask until it becomes too much.

Maybe he is under a lot of stress. I would understand if he was.

He stirs around in his sleep a lot, usually wakes up sweating sometimes but anytime I asked he would dismiss it.

Like I said I didn't want to push it any further until he is ready to tell me about it.

"Mommy?" Journey calls out.

"Yes, love?"

"Can I tell you something?" She frowns, playing around with her fingers.

"Yes, anything." I go back into the bathroom.

"Um, last week when daddy opened the door another girl came and kissed him. I think her name is Elle." She pouts, wanting to cry.

I stood there in shock before recovering quickly. I don't want her to see my reaction.

"Oh." That was all I could tell my six-year-old daughter.

"Is daddy gonna leave us for that lady?" A teardrop falls onto her cheeks and I gently wiped it away pulling her into a hug.

My poor baby.

"No baby. Don't worry okay? I'll talk to daddy when he gets home."

"Okay." I gave her, her towel before walking out of the bathroom.

"Wait, mommy!"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you." I ran back and gave her a bunch of kisses on her face while she giggles.

~

Hours passed, it was now midnight. Jax hasn't come home yet and I'm starting to worry. I hear the locks click and I immediately jump up. I was ready to ask him who this Elle girl is.

I'm fired up.

"Jax?"

"Sorry, I'm late."

"Yeah, you should be." I snapped.

His face scrunches up in confusion, "Are you okay?"

I rolled my eyes, "No, I'm not."

"What's wrong?" He asked opening his arms and I stepped away from him. He looks taken back, surprised and shocked at my movements.

"Did you cheat on me?"

"What? No!" He exclaimed.

"Then who was that girl that came here last week? Elle?"

"Did Journey tell you?" He asks in shock.

"Yeah and? I'm her mother, she knows better than to keep secrets from me, unlike somebody." I gave him a pointed look crossing my arms.

He looks down at his feet. "Elle and I kissed a once. It was only once though."

Crack. Did you hear that? That was my heart, breaking.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have lied to you when I first came back. I know I was wrong but I never thought I'd actually get out."

"So did you decide to just forget about me? Your girlfriend who was doing the best she could to raise three kids? The one who was waiting and searching for you for five years." I asked, still not really believing the words that I'm hearing.

"I didn't forget! I just wanted to move on." He winces at his words. "I didn't mean—"

Ah, there goes another crack in my heart.

"Move on? Is moving on not a part of the forgetting concept?" I spat at him.

How the hell is he gonna move on when he's stuck in a cell? A room? Wherever the fuck?

"If you were in my position—"

"I would've never lost hope, I would've never tried to move on from the ones I loved the most, and I wouldn't have forgotten about my boyfriend." I ignored the pain in my stomach. Stupid cramps.

"We weren't together." He whispered.

This motherfucker.

"We didn't break up before he took you so technically we were," I said grabbing my keys.

"Brynn stop, where are you going?" He held my wrist.

"I'm leaving," I said as I felt my chest getting heavy. I needed some fucking air.

"No, don't. What about our kids?"

"Jax, you lied to me. Sure we can fix this but I can't. Not right now. I need air. I'll just figure out a schedule and send it to you. We'll learn to co-parent. Right now I need my space." I rambled getting ready to go.

"Then I'll leave this is your house."

"With traces of you in it. I just need to be away." I whispered.

It felt so wrong to just run away but I couldn't look at his face knowing he lied to me. For three months he didn't even try to at least tell me about that stupid one-time kiss.

God who knows, maybe it was more than once.

Stop overthinking.

"Brynn, don't walk away from us. Please I need you. I'm sorry I lied." He begged. His eyes are glossy from the tears threatening to pour out.

"Don't do that." I shook my head.

"Please we can fix this right now."

"Jax, I'm not some weak little bitch who's going to give in so stop begging me to stay." I snapped. He looks taken back once again but I don't care. "I just need space okay?"

He nods. I went to grab my coat and I walked out.

It just feels wrong, so wrong but he lied to me. That is something I can't forget, at least not right now.

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published: march 18th, 2021

Happy Thursday