Numb. That was all I felt.

For the last five years I've felt nothing but numb.

Without Brynn, my mom and Journey by my side I felt nothing.

At first it was painful, constantly getting beat without being able to fight back but eventually the pain fades. I missed my girls more than anything and it's been occupying my head ever since I got here.

Ray tortured me day and night for two months straight. I could've bled to death but he cleaned my wounds. I'm not sure why but whatever. I don't even bother to question that man.

After he got tired of torturing me he just let me stay in the dirty old basement. He'd make sure I get three meals a day but he wouldn't let me out much.

He wanted to make sure I went insane, but I don't. I kept myself grounded by working out and keeping my mind occupied wondering how Brynn was doing or how much Journey has grown within the time that I've been stuck in here.

For years I've been looking for a way out. Every time I tried I got caught.

I'd get updates about Brynn, Journey, and Dylan.

Journey just started kindergarten. She's beautiful. Ray gave me a picture of her that one of his friends took while she was at school. She was looking down at her paper doing her work. She didn't seem to be struggling at all.

Brynnley from what the picture shows has moved on with Dylan. I wasn't expecting her to just sit there and wait for me. I'm not even mad about Dylan and her. I was happy that she found someone who made her happy. All I wanted for her was to be happy.

I needed to see them. I wanted to be able to hold Journey. I wanted to hold Brynn even if she wasn't mine anymore. Maybe Dylan would let me hold her one last time before we all moved on.

I was going to escape this hell hole one way or another.

"Julie, bring over Kylie's designs for the winter collection."

"Okay Miss Knightly." She smiles and I returned one.

I looked over at my twins who were drawing on the couch that was placed in my office just for them.

"Mommy I'm hungry." Sol whines.

"The delivery guy will be here soon baby," I tell her organizing my office.

My phone rings and I pick it up. On the second ring of course.

Dylan says if I pick up on the first ring, it just screams that I'm desperate.

He's a little asshole.

"Hello. This is Brynn Knightly from Skye Designs how may I help you?" I said sitting down in my chair. Time to do business.

"It's Dylan."

"Oh, why are you calling my office phone?"

"They found Ray on the side of the road. He was beaten to death." He says making a gagging noise. "They cut his penis off."

I bit my tongue back from laughing, "He deserved it, but where?" I got up pulling the phone with me.

The twins laughed at my actions but continued drawing and whispering song lyrics to Perfect by Ed Sheeran.

A song Jax and I danced to during homecoming.

"About 10 blocks away from your office. We were also able to get a history of the car's GPS which could lead us to--"

"OU OU TO JAX!" I screamed causing the twins to jump and give me 'are you crazy lady?' look.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to them and they went back to drawing, shrugging.

They should be used to this by now.

"But when we got to the place, it was empty which meant he either escaped or you know."

"Do you think he went home?" I asked.

"Who went home, mommy?" Sol asks me. I shushed her making her go back to her drawing.

"I don't know but when we find him I'll let you know." Dylan hangs up and I sat in my seat and sighed.

"Mommy you seem tired," Bodhi says walking over to me, hugging my leg. "Massage?"

I picked him up and places him on my lap. "I'm okay baby, maybe some other time." I kissed his temple which makes him go into a fit of giggles.

"Miss Knightly your food is here." Julie hands me the bag of food. Sol jumps off the couch and runs over to grab the bag.

"Thank you for the food, Julie!" Sol pulls Julie down and kisses her cheek.

"Anytime little Monroe." She laughs walking out.

"Okay, kids you know the drill."

"Eat until you're about to puke!" They screamed and ran onto the couch.

They learned that from Rex when he came home to visit.

The rest of the day flies by quickly. I buckled the kids in the car seat and drove them home. Dylan dropped Journey off at my office when she got out of school.

It took about half an hour to get from my office to my home.

"C'mon children." I woke them up knowing they're going to be cranky. Lord save me.

"Mommy! I don't wanna go to school." Bodhi groans.

Journey already unbuckles herself and gets out grabbing my purse and keys.

Literally my mini-me.

"Baby you've never even gone to school." I got him out first. I brought him to the other side of the car with me.

"C'mon Sol." I got her out. This girl could be knocked out for days. She was like her older sister.

"You kids go get your jammy's. I'll be in the bathroom running the bathwater." They both go into their rooms.

"Mommy! Can you bring me my towel?" Journey asks from her bathroom.

"I'll be right there." I go into the closet and get a towel and put it on the counter in the bathroom for Journey.

I watched her shower to make sure she rinses herself correctly while the twins were in their bubble bath.

"I'm done, mommy."

"You cleaned every centimeter?" I asked.

"Like always."

"Okay, I'll be with the twins. Once I'm done with them I'll come to tuck you into bed."

She nods. I was very proud to see how intelligent she was. I trust her enough to allow her to do things on her own. That's how I was raised and I'm gonna do the same for my kids.

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published: march 5th, 2021 (aka the day a bad bitch was born aka me) I'm joking... not really.

Okay so I just found out Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed's daughter's name is Bodhi Soleil and I named the twins Bodhi and Soleil... Just so you know it was a coincidence. I liked the name Bodhi because Megan Fox named her kid that and I've always loved the name Soleil.

Anyways, pick five celebrities to live with for the rest of your life. Mines would be Dylan O'Brien, Matthew Gray Gubler, Ariana Grande, Selena Gomez, and Megan Fox.

I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your day, stay safe, and love yourself, or else I'll come over there and slap that doggy poo out of you. MUAHHH!