Life is complicated. We all go through things but I never thought in a million years that it would be so complicated that it drained the life out of me.

Five years had passed and I still haven't gotten a word about whether Jax was alive or not.

I graduated from the University of Miami. I didn't want to go too far from home just in case Jax would show up.

Jackie decided she would come with me to watch Journey while I studied.

Kian and Kylie were going strong. They lived in Paris now. Kylie wanted to be a wedding gown designer so she decided to go there. She opened up her own boutique and started her career from there.

Since then Kylie and Kian have grown to become Paris' hottest couple.

Kyle and Rex went to UCF and played football. Both of them also got drafted to the NFL as soon as they graduated. I'm so proud of them.

We visited each other a couple of times but other than that we've all been occupied with our school work and careers.

Dylan moved went to Miami with me. He got into the University of Miami to study law. He makes a great detective I must say.

According to him, Jax knew Ray was going to come for us sooner or later so he made Dylan promise that if anything happened to him that Dylan would be here for me.

Dylan sure knew how to keep a promise.

After graduating from college we moved back home. I wanted to start my business there. It was closer to Jax's old home which gave me warmth.

Journey just turned six two weeks ago. She's now in kindergarten. She didn't like being the center of attention when she was at school. She was always to herself. She had a couple of friends but she was always quiet.

She is very intelligent. She was always ahead and I think it's probably because of me. I buried myself with work when I was in college so Journey must've followed me.

Yeah, that's my bad.

When she was at home with me or her grandmother she was the total opposite. She could never sit still. She's always cleaning, eating, or just moving around helping with whatever she could.

"Mommy! Mommy! She took my bacon again!" I looked down to see my four-year-old. I picked him up and put him on my hip.

"Soleil, you're going to have to stop taking your brother's food." I put him in his chair and got him another piece of bacon.

"Mommy, I want to eat a lot so I could grow up to be like you." My baby girl smiles showing her little teeth.

"I understand baby but you can ask me for more. Not steal from your brother."

"Okay, I sorry mama." She pouts.

"It's okay love." I gave her a kiss on her forehead.

"Do you think this outfit is cute?" Journey asks coming down the stairs. I nod smiling at her.

I treat Journey like she was a teenager. She got to bathe on her own but with my supervision, she gets food on her own and I let her dress on her own.

I also do that with my twins.

Soleil Sky Monroe and Bodhi Brice Monroe.

They had a mix of Jax's and I's eyes. It was blue with a hint of green in the center. They have light brown curly/wavy hair. They had Jax's nose and dimple with my smile.

They had also recently turned four years old. They haven't started school yet but they will next year. I take them to work with me because I couldn't trust a nanny.

I didn't want to bother Jackie or my parents so I just took them with me.

They listen to me most of the time but they just like to argue with each other as every sibling does.

They mainly argue about food and who gets to sit on mommy's lap that day.

"Good morning kids!"

"Uncle Dylan!" They all ran towards him and tackled him.

He almost loses his balance. "You kids are getting stronger by the minute. What is your mother feeding you?"

I glared at him playfully.

"C'mon guys, come finish your breakfast." They all ran into the kitchen.

"Have you gotten anything?" I whispered.

"No, but I heard we're getting close."

Dylan has been working with the highest-ranking federal agents to help track Jax. He studied to become just like them. He enjoyed his job but not when he couldn't find anything that was going to help us.

It aggravated him.

"But he's alive right?"

"I hope so."

I fiddled with my fingers.

"Stop doing that." He says and I look up at him.

"Do what?"

"You're either nervous, anxious, or angry. You only fiddle with your finger when you're feeling that way." That's what this guy was good at. Analyzing people.

"I can't help it. I just want him home."

"I get it. Just wait a little bit longer. He'll come home okay? I promise." He pulls me in for a hug.

"Uncle Dylan I'm ready to go to school." Journey walks up to us as we pulled apart.

"Behave for me okay?" I kneeled down and kissed her cheek.

"Always for you mommy." She kisses my cheek.

"I love you." I ruffled her hair causing her to giggle.

"I love you!" She cheers. She goes over to Dylan and grabs his hand pulling him out the door.

I closed the door and locked it.

When I moved back here I got a house close to my parents but also in a very safe and gated neighborhood. No one could get in unless they had a key.

"Mommy, why are you and uncle Dylan hugging? Are you sad again?" Sol frowns.

"No baby I'm okay, don't worry about it." I watch them finish up their food and got them dressed.

Here goes another day without Jax.

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published: march 4th, 2021 (If you see me put 2020 pls correct me)

How's everybody doing? Catch me up with your life!!

Enjoy the rest of your day!! MUAH!