I fluttered my eyes open rubbing it roughly before realizing... I had a very painful black eye.

"FUCK!"

"SHIT SHIT SHITTTT." I yelped tearing up.

"What happened!?" Levi runs into the room frantically holding a...

Plastic spoon?

"Nothing, I forgot I had a black eye and I rubbed it hard." I stuck my bottom lip out.

"Oh, baby." He sticks his bottom lip out. He comes to sit next to me on the bed. "You still look beautiful."

"Well I am your child so of course, you'd say that." I laughed.

"Hey, I don't lie. We all know that." He puts one hand over my shoulder pulling me into a warm hug.

"Why did it have to be you!?" He cries. I feel little droplets hit my forehead and slide down my face.

This man is crying once again.

"It's okay dad. I'm fine now."

"No, it's unfair." He embraces me tighter. Issac comes into the room, his smile turns into a frown.

"Now what did you do to make your dad cry?" He asks.

"My black eye," I responded chuckling.

"When I catch that scrawny dickhead, I'm gonna beat him down to the pulp and—"

"Honey, that's enough. You can trash talk him later." Levi says sniffling.

"You have to get ready for school. Breakfast will be ready in 10 minutes." He hands me the plastic spoon, wipes his tears, and then walks out of my room.

"Where does he get all of those tears from?" I mumbled asking myself.

"I don't even know." Issac shakes his head before walking out of my room closing the door.

Today was Friday thankfully. It's been a week or two I haven't been keeping track lately. I miss Journey more than anything in the world right now.

Kylie and I have been hanging out with each other every day after school. She wants me to keep my mind off of Journey but how could I?

Journey, a little baby made such a huge impact on my life. She made me get a feel of what it was like to be a mom. She even called me her mom.

I was mad the day I stormed out of Jax's house. I mean who wouldn't. As I was walking some dude tried cat-calling me but I was beyond pissed.

Eventually, he put his hands on me, hit me a couple of times but Issac had taught me self-defense a couple of weeks back so I fought him off and ran.

I ran but I didn't have anywhere to go. I didn't want to come home and be surrounded with questions, the twins were with their grandparents and Rex is resting from his surgery that he had gotten. The doctors successfully removed his tumor.

We are all so grateful. He is recovering and surprisingly he's doing it a lot faster than we'd expect.

He is a true fighter.

I didn't realize where I was running until I stood at the doorstep of Dylan's house.

I rang his doorbell and he opened it in shock.

He didn't hesitate for a second to pull me inside. The whole night I told him everything. He was beyond annoyed at Jax. I wanted him not to be but he would just cut me off.

Dylan watched me cry over and over again. We stopped talking about the situation and went on to talking about Tara.

How beautiful and smart she was. How kind she was to everybody. She had such an amazing and pure heart. She hid her sadness so good.

I was the last person she talk to when she committed. I should've known. It was all in her words.

"If anything happens to me, please make sure to take care of my parents for me."

"Stop Tara, nothing is going to happen to you."

"Just promise me?"

"I promise."

I miss her every day. There's never one day where I don't think about her.

"Please Journey, take your food." I placed the food in front of her on the high chair.

"Mama!" She cried.

"Mama isn't here right now okay? Please eat." I begged.

She continued to cry. She picks up her bowl of food and throws it onto the ground.

It's been hard without Brynn. Every morning Brynn used to come over and help out with breakfast and dressed Journey.

My mom usually left earlier for work but she's been staying behind to help out with Journey.

Every time Journey came into my room she'd look around for Brynn and when she realized Brynn wasn't there she'd cry.

She cried herself to sleep one night. It broke my heart.

"Journey!" I yelled causing her to jump.

She pouts her lips out and starts crying again.

"What's going on?" My mom asks coming down the stairs.

"Journey won't eat. She wants Brynn."

"Can you get ahold of her?"

"No mom, I can't." I bend down to pick up the mess.

"I wouldn't blame her." She mumbles under her breath. "I'll feed Journey, you can go to school after you clean that up."

"Mom?"

"Hmm?" She hummed out.

"Are you mad at me?"

She frowns and hugs me. "No, I'm just disappointed."

I nod. I'm disappointed in myself too.

School hasn't been the most fun for me. Brynn did everything she could to avoid me. I've walked up to her a couple of times but she'd walk past me pretending she didn't hear me.

Dylan hasn't been talkative either. He still sits with Kian and me during lunch but he would just avoid talking directly at me.

Kylie and Kyle send me a glare every chance they got.

Even if Brynn and I weren't together anymore I would still admire her.

She is beautiful even with her black eye.

I just want to know who did that to her badly. I knew it couldn't be Blair or Paris because they can barely throw a punch.

Can you even imagine one of them winning a fight against Brynn? I sure can't.

I just wanted to hold her. Be with her.

I'm such a fuck up.

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published: october 28th, 2020

Disclaimer: Some of the things in this book that I've written can be unrealistic and I so get that. I started writing this book when I was 16 and since then I've learned a lot more and educated myself. Please forgive me if some of my older chapters were unrealistic. I'd love to go back and re-write it but if I do it'll just be worst than what it is now but still thanks for continuing to read.

Also the comments on my last chapter are fucking hilarious lmaooo. You guys are comedians, I love it.

I hope you guys are doing well, you should gimmie an update on your life too :)

Anyways enjoy your week! Thank you so so machhhh for over 300k reads and almost 700 followers!!!!! I'm so grateful for everybody who's staying tuned and waiting on my updates!!