《The Bell of Freedom (King and human romance)✔》Chapter Forty

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"You turn into such a monster when you're in the kitchen, you know?" Cain grumbles as I make him wash his hands for the fourth time. "Touching my hair isn't a crime."

I smile as I lean down to study the pork loins inside the oven that Cain placed in there twenty minutes ago. "There's six in here," I say.

"Really? How mysterious."

I rise up and place a hand on my hip. "Cain."

"Aurora."

"Why is there an extra portion of meat in the oven?"

"Because. . . I'm joining you?" He smiles at me as he dries his hands with a paper towel. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah of course but since when did you...?" I can't even finish the sentence. He laughs at the confusion on my face.

"I've been craving food for the last few days. I've been eating secretly because I knew you'd give me that look. The smell of human food is suddenly delicious to me."

"Why did you keep that from me?" I say. "Did you think I'd judge you?"

"A little. I'm probably judging myself more."

"Why? Marina eats."

I look back to him with amusement but he has a serious look on his face, like admitting it is something that is affecting him deeply. He can't stop these changes that are happening to him, it's as though my soul is doing more than just giving him human qualities, it's as though it's turning him into one. I think he believes that too but he's too afraid to talk about it. I know what it feels like to lose myself and Cain has the same look. I approach him and slide my hands up his black shirt.

"What's on your mind?" I whisper.

"This connection would be so much easier to understand if you started turning into one of us," he says.

I laugh, my hands falling behind his neck. I smile at him. "I think it's more one-sided. Sorry. But if I start growing wings then you'll be the first to know."

He doesn't smile back. "What if that's the next thing that changes? What if I lose them?"

"This is really worrying you, isn't it?" I say. "I thought the completed soul makes you more powerful, not less."

"Aurora, I've never come across a soul like yours. I don't know what it can do to me. Apart from being unkillable, I don't feel powerful anymore. I feel the opposite. I feel vulnerable."

"When did this change?"

"After your attack. When I had to watch you in pain and struggling without being able to help you."

I back away from him, turning my back to him as I approach the stove. I stir the vegetables and potatoes.

"You know why I feel this way," he says.

"Yes."

"Would you like to tell me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I whisper.

"No." He stands beside me, silently pressuring me for an answer. "Aurora."

I throw the wooden spoon onto the side and I turn to him. "You're becoming human, Cain. When we. . . when we meet someone that we have a strong connection with, that we have desires for and share feelings for, we feel vulnerable. They make us vulnerable."

"Why?"

"Because that's what love is, Cain. It's what it does. It opens us up to being hurt and sharing things and experiencing fears we've never had to consider."

"Love?" he says, slowly distancing himself from me. "Am I in love with you?"

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I try not to laugh but I can't keep a straight face. I grin instead. "I can't tell you that."

He comes closer, taking my hand and pulling me into his chest playfully. "Describe it to me."

"Can't your souls do that?"

"I need to hear it from you."

"Fine." I sigh, rubbing my head. "Um. . . it makes you confused. All the time. Keeps you awake at night wondering how it even happened because you were so sure it would never happen to you. You question yourself and your choices, sometimes you change for the better and sometimes you stay the same. It just makes you feel happy, like you're blinded by everything else around you. I guess it means that you choose someone and they choose you and seeing them in pain makes you feel it too."

"Like when you were injured," he says. "Seeing you in that room every day almost broke me."

"Sure." I turn back around and I turn the stove off. I'm trying to discreetly divert the attention away from the topic because there's one question I really don't want to have to answer. And it's the question he asks next.

"What are the bad parts?" he says.

"I don't need to tell you the bad parts," I say. "You've consumed enough humans to know everything."

"I need to hear it from you," he repeats.

I clench on my teeth, closing my eyes for a moment. I compose myself as I search the counter for the oven mittens. Cain opens the oven and casually reaches in and takes the scorching trays out, placing them on the cooling rack. I watch him with wide eyes, he doesn't even wince.

"I guess not everything lasts," I say. "Things can get in the way."

"What things?"

"A lot of things." I scoop the vegetables and potatoes onto the plates. "Jealousy. Anger." I clear my throat. "Betrayal. It's complicated. Can we stop talking about this?"

"Sure. Whatever you want. Sorry if I upset you."

"You didn't. It's just that there's enough negativity around here without me having to list more."

"I will not speak of it again. I swear."

He remains silent as I finish plating the meals and he helps me carry them into the smaller dining room. I stand near the doorway as Jackson slumps over in his seat, his face turned sideways on the table. His snores fill the air.

"How long were we in there for?" I whisper.

"A while," Cain says.

"Jackson," I say gently as I walk towards him. I touch his shoulder and he jerks awake. "You okay?"

He rubs his eyes and yawns. "Sorry. I'm tired. Can I just go to bed? I'm not really hungry."

"You'll miss the burial."

"I don't want to go. It's sad. I'm going to go and say goodnight to Natalie."

"Okay," I say. "But I'll be waking you up early for a big breakfast."

"Fine," he laughs. "Goodnight."

I pull him close to me and I kiss the side of his head. "Sweet dreams."

Cain places the plates onto the table and meets my eyes from across the square barrier that separates our bodies. "Guess it's dinner for two. Mind if I have his?"

I shake my head as I sit down. I pour water into a glass and I sip it as I watch him scrape one plate of food onto the other with an overexcited expression. He picks up the cutlery and studies them carefully, twisting them around until he's satisfied that he's holding them correctly. It is literally like I am watching someone's first day as a human.

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"Is there an order I should eat it in?" he asks.

"Just start with whatever appeals to you first."

"Hm. It all appeals to me."

I start cutting into my pork loins and he watches me, observing every single movement I make before he copies it. "I thought you had knowledge of this?"

"Just because we have the knowledge doesn't mean we remember it all," he says. "Some humans ate with their hands."

"If we were all the same then we'd be boring."

He smiles at me as he chews. He observes me checking my watch and then asks quietly, "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"The burials. Why do humans do that?"

I squint my eyes slightly. "Why do we bury our dead?"

"Yes, it's always seemed a little strange to me. Their soul is gone, they are somewhere else, why do you care about the physical remains?"

His question completely startles me. Part of me is suddenly mad that he would carelessly throw around the words 'they are somewhere else' when he knows his kind take them and isolate them.

"It's not really about them," I say. "Burials are more for us, so we can get closure and say goodbye."

"That's even stranger."

I start grinning. "Why?"

"Because no goodbye is ever permanent," he says. "Souls last forever, no matter what my species does with them. Eventually, one day, every soul will find its way to the place it should be."

I lean back. "Do you really believe that?"

How can someone that consumes souls believe that all the souls should be free? Maybe it's the change that's causing him to think that way, maybe my soul is whispering things that I'll never understand.

"My kind has to die out one day," Cain says. "Myself included. All the souls will find each other. I believe that."

"Do you think. . . ours will?"

He flicks his eyes up, a sadness sweeping over his expression. "I'm not sure if we're meant to be in the same place, Aurora."

"You say that like you think you're damned or something."

He chews on a piece of potato slowly, before taking a deep breath and glancing towards the window. His silence proves that I'm right. It's such an odd thing to ponder. Almost every single creature deserves to be damned to hell, but I can't see that future for Cain. Since I educated him on what evil meant, I think he has been seeing those traits in himself.

"Cain, you're not going to end up in a bad place. Is that why you're so obsessed with immortality?"

"I was obsessed with immortality." He looks back to me with a wry smile. "I was obsessed with many things, Aurora. It corrupted me and infected me with greed and ignorance. I never want to be that again. I never want to. . . take a life again."

"You never saw them as lives, did you?" My question shocks him but I'm finally starting to understand life through their perspective. "You never saw the physical bodies. You've only ever seen their souls. Food."

He nods, his face filling with shame. "I see them as lives now. I look around this palace sometimes and all I want to do is save them. I know that I have the power to do it and yet I can't get the words out. I'm scared of disappointing my species but I'm even more scared of disappointing you."

"I don't expect you to save them. I know that you can't do that."

"If I did, I'd be dethroned by the end of the week," he says. "My power as King is the only thing keeping you safe. Even the guards would turn against me if I took their humans from them, without them this palace would fall."

I swallow. I had no idea he had been considering this, that it was bothering him this much. The humanity in him is stronger than either of us realized. It makes sense, he has human emotions so it's that part of him that connects him to the other humans, that wants to help them. Plus, his lack of hunger must be contributing.

"No matter my feelings now, it can't undo a thousand lives of killing," he says. "There is no creature strong enough to create a beautiful world for me."

"I will," I say. "My soul is strong enough to do anything apparently."

Cain laughs. "True. Maybe there is hope for me yet."

The moment he looks at me, this slight ping tightens in my chest. I'd like to believe that one day our souls could be together—and free—but the journey surrounding it is complicated and tainted.

I finish my food long before him. I wait impatiently, picking my teeth and drinking water as I glance at my watch again.

"You don't have to wait for me," he says. "The other humans will be gathering soon. I'll wait for you upstairs."

"Are you sure?"

He nods. "I need to talk to Blake anyway."

"Okay." I place my cutlery onto the plate and I pick it up.

"Leave that," he says. "I'll take care of it."

"Thank you."

I leave the room immediately, taking deep breaths as I climb the staircase. I pass other humans as they walk past me in black clothing. Some smile at me and greet me, others are quiet. I enter my bedroom and I take my dress and costume off, throwing them into the basket beside the bathroom door. I wear a black dress with a wool throw. I wasn't that close to Gianna, I wasn't even that close to Wendy, but the dreadful feeling of a burial is always emotional. I've lost so many children over the years to impending death and been at so many slave burials at the nannery that it became more of a routine than a goodbye. This feels different. I guess it's because I'm now in a position where I can make a difference, a position that has me constantly questioning if there's something I could have done to save them.

I leave my room and I follow a small group of girls down the staircase and out the front entrance. Because of what happened with the world leaders, Cain has placed almost all of the indoor guards on the roof again. I can feel them above me as I walk down the path to the burial section. Christian waits for me at the path as the others gather in a crowd at the large patch of dirt. He's wearing a formal white shirt with a black blazer and shiny, polished shoes. I link my arm through his.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming," he says.

"Sorry, I got held up."

"In the kitchen I heard. I hope you haven't left it in a mess."

"Cain's cleaning it so that's nothing to do with me."

He chuckles and then looks over his shoulder. "Where's Jackson?"

"He isn't coming. I don't really blame him."

We take our places at the edge of the crowd. Christian's body goes stiff as he stares down at her crinkled body that lays inside a dugout hole. She has been positioned peacefully, with her hands crossing over her chest. Christian leaves me to pick up a shovel, he joins two others that slowly place the dirt on top of her.

The crowd is a mixture of new faces and old. Some girls I recognize from my first day here and some girls are trembling from fear as they look upon the hole with a terrifying glimpse of their own futures. Bella isn't here, which isn't completely shocking. She doesn't care about anyone.

When the guys are finally finished burying her, Christian drops the shovel and clears his throat.

"I'd like to say something," he says. "I know that isn't usually how these things go but maybe we owe it to them to say a few words. Some of you knew Gianna and some of you are only here because you were curious about what happens and that's fine, I was like that once. Gianna was sixteen when she died. She was born and raised in France with American parents. She was chosen to stay as a nanny and to care for other children for three years because they were low on transfers. Eventually, she was owned by a council member who treated her cruelly." He turns and smiles at me sadly. "She was given a second chance here and she was very grateful for it. She made friends and danced and laughed and she became very obsessed with learning to cook. She was bad at it but I never told her that."

I laugh with the others. I wipe the tears under my eyes.

"I know you all think that getting to each other is a curse but I am glad that I knew her. I am honoured that she chose to spend her final days by my side. She taught me that it's okay to be vulnerable with each other, that it's okay to share our fears together. And I hope that can inspire the rest of you to do the same because our lives are too short to spend it alone like this. I'd like to finish by saying something that Gianna told me a day before she died." Christian stares right up at the palace roof, narrowing his eyes at the line of creatures that are watching over us. "They can take our mind and they can take our soul but they will never take our spirit." He bends down and places a hand to the soil. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye," we say.

Christian walks over to me and I wrap my arms around him. We leave first because I can tell that it's breaking him.

"That was beautiful," I whisper. "You made me cry."

"There was so much I wanted to say but I didn't want to bore them. I'm just glad it's over, burials are never easy."

"No," I mumble. "They aren't."

"Looking at the state of some of those girls and slaves, there might be a lot more to come over the next couple of weeks. They die while we live."

I frown, removing my hand from his arm. "If you're trying to make me feel worse about myself then it's working."

"I'm not," he says. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. You give hope to the living but who gives hope to the dead?"

I want to tell him that it's me too but I don't have the courage. We're inside the palace and I'm not sure who could be listening. I can't tell anyone about the bell. I've hardly even thought about it for a while. Being with Cain erases all evidence of its existence, as though that conversation with Marina never even happened.

"Let's just focus on the good, okay?" I say. "The things we can control. Like tomorrow."

Christian smiles. "What time are we leaving?"

"Depends when Cain decides to wake up."

He laughs.

"Seriously, not a joke. The man could win an award for longest lay-in."

I freeze before Christian freezes. He stares at me and I point my eyes to the floor in horror. I can't believe I just said that, that I used that word so casually and thoughtlessly.

"He's not a man, Aurora."

"Yeah." I shake my head, swallowing as I turn left while Christian moves right. "I know. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

My head spins as I enter my bedroom. I didn't even second guess it, it left my mouth confidently with no doubt. Christian's right, he's not a man. He isn't human. But that's the first time I've called him that, even to myself.

I meet his eyes across the dimly lit room. I stare at Cain as he reads a book inside my bed. This just gets stranger and stranger. I shake my head again as I take my dress off.

"I can see why these are appealing," he says. "It's good."

I stay quiet as I change into shorts and a tank top. Is he trying to trick me? That's what it feels like, a trick. I already feel things for him that I shouldn't feel but the more I see him becoming human the more he's rising above my priority to ring that bell.

"Would you like to watch a movie?"

"What?"

"What part of that question confused you?"

I keep my eyes on him as I back up and enter the bathroom. I splash water on my face as I breathe over the sink. I start counting to myself until I feel calm enough to walk back into the room. Cain is already setting up a movie, he plays around with the remote and then jumps back onto the bed.

"How was it?" he asks.

"Sad and depressing."

"Come here, I'll take your mind from it."

I hesitate as I watch him pressing the buttons on the remote, narrowing his eyes at the television. He has the same expression that my father used to have when he tried to get the television to work. I walk around to my side of the bed and I slide in the covers.

"Okay, I think I've worked it out," he says. He twists his head at the blue screen that is flashing. "Huh. Or not."

"It's okay, I'm not in a movie mood."

"Oh." He turns it off and throws the remote on the nightstand. "What's wrong?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Do you think we only feel this way because of the connection? I mean, if my soul was removed from you then do you think you'd still feel like this?"

This is something I've been wondering ever since Christian brought it up. I've only ever seen the 'good' Cain, the Cain that tricked me into keeping me happy so my soul would stay pure. I haven't seen the other side to him, the side without my soul. Not completely. He was kind to me before he fed on me but that could have been a trick too.

"You mean, would I still have human traits and desires?"

"Yes, that too but would you still feel for me like this?"

"I'd like to think so," he says. "But it can never be tested. I don't think I'd like to live in this world if I lost that connection to you."

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