Chapter 38

Adams POV

"Adam stop" Leo shouted after me. I ignored him running closer to the elevator as i could. But of course Leo always has to be better than me. The better one. He was faster and now ten times stronger than me.

His grip on my arm tightened as i tried to pull away from him. his grip tightened as he stared sternly down at me. "Let go!" i growled. But he was too stubborn. I chuckled angrily " she doesn't even remember me you asshole!" i snapped.

He winced like he had just been slapped in the face. But that was the true reality she doesn't even know who i am. She doesn't even realise that I should be the one to hold her like that to comfort and kiss away her pain. But no she had to forget who i was to her. Her mate.

Leo just stood their he decided to not say anything which angered me more. HE stood their looking uncomfortable like he knew how it had hurt me to see that she couldn't even remember or when she wrapped her arms around him for comfort. Like she depended on him. I had lost my daughter to him and now my love.

"See! You win!" I spat bitterly ripping my arms from him. He won.

"Its not a competition Adam!" Leo cried out but i shut the elevator door in his face.

I slammed the inside of the elevator. I kicked in frustration, then it happened, I started crying. I sat on the floor of the elevator clenching my hands in my hair and crying.

......

I sat on the park bench thinking over the past 7 years and how things changed. Everything that was mystery to all of us was finally unravelled. Her accident had made us all different people made us face reality and the sticky situation ahead of us. We had all planned about what was going to happen and we did. We never thought about the moment she woke up, finally completing the jigsaw; it felt as though she was dying a ghost in our life. There was not a day where nobody thought of her, she was always a part of our our life no matter where we were.

It killed me when i heard the news that she was un critical conditon fighting for her life. It made me go ballistic, Leo had to keep me calm because at that time I was in hospital still undergoing physical therapy. but i had to see her and that was when it hit me i could lose her. But i made cowardly mistake that altered my life forever

I had to admit even though I hadn't stayed faithful to her James had. The guilt ate me up alive, i felt like i deceived my family. James had stayed by her side, never going out wih other women, was there for Alina.

On the other hand I couldn't be faithful to my daughter or her. While she lay in deep sleep, i had other women warming my bed. It was always a way for me to to relieve my stress. It did work but not for long, at the end of it i felt ashamed, angry and disgusted. I left everything for this life, i walked out on the most important person in my life without even an explanation, the guilt always ate up at me.

This was the reason why I hated Leo so much. He was able to stay faithful and honest with himself while i always was in denial. I envied his strength. I envied the way that MY daughter looked at him, I envied the love he got from people. I envied Leo!

"Hello?" my heart constricted when I looked up to see Alina staring at me sitting beside. She had the biggest smile any person could, i stared at her eyes. It made me tear up seeing that she shared the same intense eyes as me.

"Hey" i manage to choke out still staring at my little princess.

"Did you go see my mum?" she said happily. The happiness was radiating off her she was ecstatic. She finally got her mum back.

"Yea sweetie" I spoke in a whisper. I stared at my daugher wanting her to cuddle up in my lap, play tickle fighting like she did with Leo. But I knew it was to late. I left her at the most crucial time. I left her when she needed me the most, giving Leo the title of being a father to her.

I had gone MIA after the accident. I left after 3 month of the accident leaving Alina with Leo by the time she was 5 i had returned but that was what had killed me the most. Alina saw Leo as her father and all i was to was her uncle. It killed me but Leo had warned me he would not let her be fatherless sticking to his promise.

"Uncle do you think I'm pretty?" Alina frowned making me angry. Her eyes looked toward the swing set where a boy from her pack was play fighting and laughing with his frineds.

I picked her up sitting her in my lap shocking both me and her. She stared up at me.

"Of course you are. You are the most beautiful girl in the world. No one else can even be compared to your beauty." I said sincerely. She cuddled into my chest.

"You think?" she sheepishly asked blushing.

"Whose making you feel like your not pretty sweetie?" I asked.

"Nobody" she sighed hugging me. "You always smell so nice" she giggled her eyes twinkling with laughter. I chuckled at her innocence.

"You and i smell alot alike" i whispered to myself.

"Huh?" she looked up at me. "Hows baby Jack" her eyes shone with interest.

"Baby Jacks good, he misses his favourite cousin."

She pouted, her and Jack both had similarities. I choked really wanting to let her know that the Jack she adores is actually her baby brother. But he knew the day he walked out on her and her mother, he lost all rights of being a father to her. She didn't even recognise him as her dad; just goes to show that Leo had been a great father to her.

"Really" the excitment in her eyes showed how fond she was of her 'cousin'. "I'll come and see him today uncle, i cant wait to show mum baby Jack. Shes going to love him. ooo can bring him" I panicked, standing up taking her hands into mine.

"I think your mummy will need time Alina. I'Ll bring him down when she has recovered. How about the princess?" i smiled down at her, squeezing her small hands gently.

"But my mums always strong. See she's awake" she said worriedly, frowning sadly. I could sense the sadness to.

I bent down to her level. "Your mum has always born a fighter" I replied, wipig away her tears. "If you think shes going to go again, think again princess. A mama wolf will never leave her pup without a mother. You have you-your" I sighed deeply, it pained me to say it but I did "dad".

She had worry in her eyes "Why are you sad uncle?"

"I lost someone to just like you did"

"Who?"

"My queen" i replied. "But if i have a princess i don't no queen"i held her in my swinging her around making her giggle and laughing chanting for me to throw her higher in the air and go faster.

"I love you uncle" she giggled laughing when i swung her in the air.

"I love you to my pup" i whispered ignoring the ache in my heart.

I had a 2 year old son and 5 year old daughter waiting for me at home. Alina was James and Mariahs, all she was to me now was my neice.

.......

"Dad" i called out. I followed the laugh of my daughter Jasmine, she sat painting my dads wheelchair. She giggle up at me. "Thats beautiful Jasmine" i kissed her forehead sitting beside her.

"Grandpa said i should make his wheelchair look fun"

"I like the glitter effect" i sat her down on my lap. I adored my children but Alina was still in my mine, it tormented my heart and mind thinking what if it was Alina who sat beside me calling me dad. But i couldn't think of Alina ever being mine now. She was Leo's. I failed my own daughter by leaving her.

"Hey" i heard my dad say behind me, he rose from the sofa looking at me. "Did you just go see mariah?" he asked sadly.

"Yea dad. I think you shouldn't go just yet, Leo will be pretty mad and Mariah" I paused not wanting to carry on. Mariah had done alot of damage to my dad, he had deep scars and for few years he couldn't walk properly. Even though he could walk now, he still needed his wheelchair for support, just incase his leg would ever give out.

"I need to apologise to both of them. If i hadn't killed Aretha everythinng would be fine. James would have his mate and you-you would have her and Alina" he whispered sadly. He regretted everything. I partly did blame him if Leo hadn't disappered i would be a good kid, if i had become alpha i would have Mariah and alina beside me. I would be sitting with her and our pups. We could have been a family.

"Jasmine sweetheart" I heard a soft voice speaking out to her daughter. A smile spread out on my face, I turned around and smiled up at the mother of my two children. She was everything to me, when I needed a shoulder to cry in she was there, when I felt like I hated everything she gave me hope and gave me my future, my children. Though she was a human, and not my mate I couldn't help it but love her. Amanda wasn't my Mariah but she was someone i deeply cared for. My feelings for her were genuine, feelings that i hadn't felt for along time.

When i decided to leave Leo had warned me he wouldn't leave Alina fatherless, i would either need to step up and be her dad, or walk out on her. You guessed it I did the most coward thing that any man could do, i walked out on my little girl. Even though i hated his guts for taking my daughter and making her his, I knew he didn't do it out if spite, he did it because he genuinely cared about her.

But I hadn't cared enough to stay with her, instead I moved on with my life not taking her with me.

I had met Amanda when i flew to California, i wanted to start fresh forget about Mariah, my dad and even my daughter. I couldn't handle the pack or even handle myself for that matter. Leo had taken over the pack joining his old pack and new pack into one. I felt selfish making Leo take responsibility; I had felt guilty but i had to do it.

When i first arrived to California i would drink my life away. Sleep with women, get into fights and hate my life. But after 6 month away from my family i felt tortured, i felt as though people were trying to hurt me. I lost it and one night attempted to commit suicide. I had jumped into the sea floated away. I drowned myself but someone had grabbed me out before i could officially die.

Amanda had been the one to save me, swore at me for being stupid. Told me i was being irrational. At the point i found her annoying and bugging. She had taken care of me, watched me like a hawk even though she didn't know me. i found out later she was psychiatric, she could see the pain I was in. I remember her telling me to be strong for myself.

Thats when i decided to fight my inner demons which i did. I had fought them and decided that i needed to become the old Adam, before all the bullshit in my life could take over me.

Amanda refined me as a person, i change my physical appearance along with my inner self. We both had been dating, even though i felt guilty i couldn't help it. She helped me become the man who i am today, she had told me to take responsibilities. When i told her about my past, she had comforted me scolded me and slapped me. I felt that once in my life I could be the man Mariah wanted me to be, my daughter, my family and pack needed me to be.

Amanda taught me to live for he future which i did. At the time she had fallen pregnant i didn't want to go home so we stayed and built ourself a life. We had a beautiful daughter, she had taught me to be great father. But every time i stared at her she reminded me of home, my daughter Alina. It pained me and Amanda could even see that but she never said much.

One night i had decided I wanted to come home, at that time Amanda was pregnant with baby Jack. She agreed understanding how hard my life had been. She packed her bags and moved back home, so I could be with my mate and my family.

James had given me the cold shoulder when I came back home. My mum gave me a warm hug so did my dad. But i could sense the disappointment they had for me.

Alina had no idea who I was and that had killed me. Amanda had held onto my hands for reassurance, but that had me. I broke down in tears infront of my daughter and brother. I begged for forgiveness and begged for my brother to forgive me. Leo at that moment had told a confused Alina to leave the room. I bet she thought i was some freak, since she looked deathly afraid if me.

I had spoken to my brother who referred Alina as his. it pained me but i had to accept it. He had told me he needed to win his trust back which i did for a long time.

But the hardest part was to introduce my little family to them, my children. My mum was angry that she wasn't informed about Jasmine or baby Jack. She soon forgave me and took us in as her family once again. James had taken my children as his nieces and nephew, but he at that time wasn't in good terms with me. Alina was glad she had a little cousin and couldn't help but rub Amanda's swollen belly. Alina's and baby Jacks bond started from then, when he was still a little foetus.

Even though Leo wasn't in good terms with me, he still painfully allowed me to see her. After constant nagging and begging he had let me see her knowing I came back for her. When i had seen her laying their. Broken, it pained me. I broke down into tears begging for her to wake up. forgive me for having a family and being happy while she was dying. I felt so guilty.

But my choices resulted to my future. A future without my mate.

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