Chapter 33

Mariah's POV

I entered the house with a long sigh. I stared down at Alina who slept in my arms with comfort, and security. I was proud of myself making my daughter feel safe in my very own arms. I never felt any safety in my own mothers so i never knew how it felt. But Alina showed me how security and love felt in a mothers arm. I would die for Alina if i had to; she was everything to me. She kept me going through night and day. Never once did i consider abortion or adoption because I knew Alina was the only thing that kept me going; making me stay away from suicide or anything close to that kind of thoughts. Without Alina there would be no model named Mercedes or friend named Mariah.

"Is he awake?" a sleepy voice echoed, which startled me making me jump backwards clutching onto Alina tightly.

I looked up to see James rubbing his eyes looking at Alina then back to me with a huge smile on his face. I stared at him with a confused expression, as the hallway light hardly shun on him but mostly at the stairway that separated us both.

"He needs you" was all James said before going back to his room.

I was left confused and shocked by that statement. Did James want me or not? What was his point, to be with Adam? I knew Adam meant the world to him but i didn't realise he would give up that easily for his monster of a brother.

I made my way upstairs still trying to shake the thought of James not loving me anymore. I placed Alina back into her cot before going into the hallway.

I stood in front of James bedroom door sighing and pushing the door open revealing a sleeping James. I walked closer to his bed, sitting next to him. I could hear him sighing, but i didn't question it.

I stayed in his room feeling the atmosphere changing into awkward silence; I fiddled with the hem of my shirt and glaring at the photo ahead of James. The mere fact that he didn't have the boldness to even face me or even uttering a word.

We sat in complete silence for another 10 minutes. He didn't even move or making any type of sound. Just the heartbeat thudding in his chest was all I could hear.

"You know that i want you so bad" he said, which took me by surprise. But he still had his back to me, while his hands rested under his head. "But I know that a mates bond is stronger. How much you hate him, it's never going to change, it's always love somewhere behind the word hate" he whispered in despair.

"James I don't want anything to do with him." I sighed, sleeping beside him with my face, facing to the ceiling. "I just want him to be there for Alina. So at least I can tell her I gave him a chance and gave her a father. I don't want him to be hated by her. Or worse be hated by my own daughter because i didn't allow her father access to her." The words pained me even more when i said it out loud.

I heard James shuffling beside me so he was now faced towards me. I faced towards him to. "I know it's just that... I'm scared I'm going to lose you to him" he chuckled nervously and embarrassedly.

I leaned in placing a kiss on his cherry lips; I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me up. My chest was smashed against his while his hands traced down my back. I pulled away breathing heavily. "There's nothing to be scared of" I whispered back to him.

.....................................

"Alina!" James squealed in a rather childish manner, which made me laugh. Which had made me slowly pull away the spoon from her mouth. "Is Alina being fed?" James questioned with his arms across his chest. She nodded eagerly, grabbing my hand, ordering me rather energetically to give her another spoon of a very delicious homemade porridge. I giggled when she stared at me sternly. Her eyes stayed on mines, making me feel like she was my master I her slave. I sighed in defeat when her stare intensified. I scooped up the porridge and started flying it like an aeroplane. I played with her for a bit, seeing her eager. She pouted her lips making me sigh in defeat giving her a spoonful of porridge.

"She's rather demanding" James chuckled.

"And who made her that way" I playfully glared at James.

Ever since Alina and I were brought into James care, he never once stopped paying attention to the little bundle in my arms. He always seems to have interest in her. I realised over time he had gained a strong connection to Alina; he watched her like his own, played with her like his own and treated her like she was his own. Over time James kept on spoiling her, just at 15 weeks of age she became spoilt.

He sheepishly raised his hands, dropping his head downs light. "That would be me" he answered shamefacedly, like a teenage boy in trouble.

I sighed playfully. "If you didn't spoil her along with Taren then she wouldn't be ordering me like an alpha" i muttered more to myself, realising the truth. James and Taren spoilt her; however, Taren spoilt her wisely whereas James spoilt without noticing anything changing in her behaviour. Taren always knew when to stop, but that would be because he understood children. But because James relationship and love for Alina he didn't have the heart to upset her or do anything near to that. That's the reason why James spoilt her and made her spoilt and pretty much stubborn; since James always gives in easily rather than letting her know whose boss.

"Well she's an alpha in the making" he winked.

"James, you better stop my baby from bossing me around. I can't take it anymore" I cried while playfully glaring at him turning back to Alina who was smacking my arm for attention. "Alina you're a messy girl" I scowled playfully, wiping off the trail of porridge that was now under her chin.

"I love how you keep wiping every second, when you know she's not going to stop that" James commented beside me with a smirk.

James is a professional feeder. He fed Alina more times than i have. This is due to the fact that James wouldn't let me feed her because he believed that Alina only eats when he feeds her. Which is true because right now she is causing me trouble, and if James fed her she would be so calm and eat every scrap in this very bowl.

"I'm sorry I don't like the mess piling up" I muttered sarcastically which earned a light kiss from James to my forehead.

I looked back at Alina who had her hands over her eyes and a smile twitching at the edge of her tiny little mouth. I laughed when she tried peeking through her tiny little fingers.

"Alina you can look" I said, laughing with James.

"Alina do you want a kiss to?" James asked, raising an eyebrow. He knew how much attention she loved off from James, she never seems to share James love with anyone. Only James was allowed to pay attention to her. If James had even wanted to pick up another child she would do anything to gain back his attention.

But shockingly she shook her head. James however, didn't listen to her and her protest and kissed her cheek anyway, which also, had porridge smeared on it.

"Eww Alina you have porridge on your cheeks" he wiped his mouth including his tongue over his sleeve making Alina laugh. "That is not porridge Mariah. What do you feed her?"

I laughed at his expense. "Well the porridge is not for you but for a growing Alina"

"Dada" Alina said which made James look at her. She began to laugh which made me laugh for an unknown reason. I realised Alina was laughing at the porridge on James upper lip. I looked at him in disgust, because all it looked like was puke.

"Wipe your mouth" i scowled.

"Why don't you" he smirked. I ignored him going back to Alina. However, James moved my chin so i was facing him and planted his porridge lips on my mouth. I squirmed under him but he held me tight. I could feel his chest vibrating as i tried to push him off from me. Finally he moved away and i wiped my mouth which had porridge on.

"It's all gone" he said innocently, before walking to his cup of coffee and going back upstairs. I watched his shoulder muscles flex, while he held a cup of coffee in one hand and a sheet of paper in the other, while he read intently.

I could hear Alina giggle. I turned to face her and I glared at her lightly with amusement in my eyes. I couldn't help but smile at alias innocence. She was still laughing at the fact that i got porridge on myself to. "It's not funny" I muttered, pretending to be a child. She hadn't stopped laughing so i tickled her making her eyes wide and giggle even more.

"I hear laughter" Taren sang.

He plopped down beside me, playing with Alina and then giving me a light kiss on my forehead and then going back to Alina.

I began cleaning up the mess Alina had made. She had somehow managed to get porridge all over her baby chair and some on the seats beside her. Kylie, one of the other wolves in our pack took my dishes and started washing them.

I began to wash up and i could feel Tares stare at me. I turned to face him worriedly. His face was pale and his hair was messy. I hadn't realised it until now how different Taren looks.

Taren didn't look like his usual self. Even after the beating Adam gave him he still was the happy chap. But right now he looked worried and scared

"Mariah I need to talk to you?" Taren said confidently, but his eyes begged me to agree. I looked at him confused and nodded.

Taren never spoke to me in a serious manner. Over anything. He looked frightened and nervous. This is a side I had never seen before. He must have something terribly wrong going in his life.

Taren and I are like best friend. We confided in one another- but not like i have with James about my old life. But nonetheless I always spoke to Taren when i didn't feel good or if I had any hard decisions to make.

I dragged him to the living room telling Kylie just to look after Alina for a while. As we headed to the living room Taren stopped and looked at me a whispered "I'm scared"

My eyes widened as i became frightened to. I dragged him into the living room, looking at him seriously.

"What happened?" i asked with concern. Taren had always been there for me, so if something was wrong or troubling Taren i would be there for him without a shadow of a doubt.

"Well.... i urm went out to get a drink with few of my friends 3 years ago... and urm.... i had sex" i nodded slowly to where this was going. I knew the field Taren played, so hearing him saying this didn't shock me; but it still left me with confusion "Well urm I somehow got into sticky situation which involves a sperm creating a child" my eyes widened.

"You're a dad" I whispered with excitement.

"I'm scared though" he mumbled.

"Look you have nothing to be sacred of. Being a father will come natural. You're great with Alina that shows you're a natural. She's not even yours and you're lovely to her. So that would mean you will be a great father to your son" I could feel his confidence growing but he was still scared in his position of being a father. "What about this child of yours?" I asked.

"Well she came down yesterday and urm she walked in with a 3 year old boy. So naturally I asked her who he was and she said my son. Then i freaked. I mean it, i literally freaked. Then she spoke about how a player would never be a father and other things like that which did hurt me." He whispered the last bit. "What the hell does she except me to do not be panic finding out I have a 3 year old son, she knows it's a huge responsibility! She doesn't even know me and judges me to be a terrible father, sure I'm a player, but I'm not bad guy. Maybe if she looked at the real me she will understand that i will make a great father. But my reaction was only natural. I was shocked. I still am. She expects me to jump in the air and not feel shocked. Maybe if she told me about this child when she was pregnant i wouldn't be freaked out. I would have taken it easily." He ran out of breath. "And he looked exactly like me too, and I was too stupid to see it while the guys knew it before me!" he cried

"I will advise you to your son. You don't need to prove yourself right because i know you will make a great father. But try and be there for your son and please try not to jump the mother of my child" That would be typical of Taren to make an effort to sleep with this women.

He laughed. "My son comes first" he said.

I smiled at his comment. Taren shocks me every time, but this time he shocks me really hard. I knew he loves his son, but trying not to get the women who gave birth to his son to bed is a great improve. Just shows that Taren really wants to make it work with the mother of his child and for his son himself.

It's lovely to see how much Taren the player is growing up.

I smiled at our conversation on my way out. It was lovely how Taren wanted to take responsibility.

"One more thing" I turned back to him. "You know i must have a mate out their somewhere. Will this affect it?" he questioned.

I took his question into consideration. I never thought about it in the werewolf side. We weren't human so this was a different story. This kid is practically half werewolf and the poor mother doesn't even know. There is a lot of messy situation in this story then we both have thought about, but I think it's time to take it slow and not jump into all different points.

"Well unless you don't get with the mother of your child then there's nothing that would affect it. Unless your mates all that religious or doesn't want you having babies with others. But mates stick by each other's side through thick and thin" i paused. Did i believe the words that were coming out of my mouth? Maybe not all mates are like Adam. "Just quick note, your mate will love your son and if she doesn't, I'm sorry Taren she's not worth it. i wouldn't tell you to walk out on her, i would tell you to make it work, but just remember this that little boy is yours. You shouldn't even question yourself if you would jump inform of a bullet for that little boy" I smiled.

"i know about Adam." He spoke softly, making me stiff. No one knew about Adam, but Taren was clever so i shouldn't even be shock. "So I know that is my mate treats my son like shit I'm out of their before anything can happen. My true beliefs about mates are negative. We should pick our own mates and been bound to them without regret. I just wished we could pick our own mates" he whispered.

"So would I" I answered back.

In all honesty I was forced with Adam, but that didn't mean i love him. That just means i care for him. If things happened differently, surely i would be feeling love towards him. But I couldn't comprehend the fact that love isn't in the air for us. Adam will always be bound to me, but this is my time to follow my heart, without force of nature turning me the corners i forbid to go. Adam could be there for his daughter, but not for me. My heart will always be his but my choice to give it to will always be James.