《Much Ado About Kissing (Howertys #4)》Chapter 18: Beauty and the Beast
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Raindrops smattered against the window panes two days later as Rain sat in the upstairs drawing room, curled up with a book by the light of an oil lamp. It wasn't cold, but a servant had still lit a fire in the grate, leaving the room warm and cosy. She looked up as she heard Mr Russell exchanging a few words outside the door.
Marcus had mostly avoided her since she admitted to her plans for the future, other than the brief visit in the garden the other day. He still slept on the blankets in her room, but she was asleep when he arrived and he would be gone before she woke in the morning. The only signs that he'd been there were the folded blankets and a bowl of water from where he washed his face.
Part of her was angry that he was avoiding her. He had admitted to caring for her and wanting to remain married, but it wasn't enough. What did that mean? He cared for her? How? Like she cared for Malvern, the hedgehog in their garden? Another part of her was awash with guilt because she had obviously hurt him. She had not meant to. Had never considered that her admission might. He had not said as much, but it was obvious she had.
The door opened and Mr Russell popped his head in to say goodnight before disappearing, and Marcus entered. Like the other night, he had divested himself of the coat, wearing only his dove-grey waistcoat and white shirt with his dark trousers. She'd never known him to be someone who over-imbibed, but he had been having a brandy most evenings lately, and tonight was no exception. Taking a sip from the glass in his hand, he watched her silently, his thoughts clouded behind his stoic facade.
"Good evening," she said, putting a finger between the pages of her book as she closed it.
"Good evening." He moved a little further into the drawing room, his tall form casting a tall shadow on the wall from the flickering light of the fire. "Enjoying your book?"
"I've read it before. It has a few different tales." She lifted the volume to show him. "Currently I'm rereading Beauty and the Beast."
"Ah." He took another sip of his drink, then chuckled darkly. "Are you enjoying the similarities?"
She frowned. "I do not catch your meaning."
He made a sweeping movement with his arm. "A beauty trapped by a beast. Her surroundings might be decadent, but she is still destined to share it with not a man, but a beast."
"He does turn into a prince in the end," she pointed out, not quite sure what to make of his current mood. "Although, I must admit. He strikes me as rather desperate at times. The begging does not suit him."
"I imagine he is desperate," Marcus said. "He means to present a pleasing demeanour, and that is what makes her fall for him."
"Too pleasing is not appealing." She scoffed. "At least not to me. The lack of sense and looking like a beast is his curse, but the constant grovelling and almost begging to be pitied are not appealing qualities. No matter how much the author is trying to make it so."
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The corner of his mouth twitched. "Are you saying you rather he be a little rude?"
"Maybe not rude." She looked away from his direct gaze, her cheeks heating as she remembered the passion in his kiss a few days ago. Not these last two poor-excuse-for-a-kiss kisses, but the one when he'd been displeased with her. That was the type of kiss she wanted. Even if she shouldn't.
"Then what?" He crossed his arms over his chest as he watched her with a quirked eyebrow, and she could not escape the feeling that he was silently amused.
"I do not know." She put the book to the side and stood. "It is late. I believe I will retire."
"Pity. I was looking forward to hearing what you feel the beast was lacking."
"Passion!" she burst out, and his eyebrows shot up. "He lacked passion. But I know fully that not everyone wishes for the same. Certainly, there are ladies who find the beast's demeanour immensely pleasing."
"It is a tale meant for the young," Marcus said, a hint of amusement lacing his words. "I suspect passion would not have suited their innocent minds very well."
"Not that type of passion," she muttered. "But when she leaves to see her family, the beast is so saddened when she does not return that he starves himself to death. He did nothing to get her back. Instead, he instantly gave up."
Marcus frowned. "Are you making a comparison to our marriage?"
"Not intentionally." It wasn't entirely wrong, though. He had done nothing to get her back after everything that happened on their wedding night.
"Do you wish I had fought for you?" The question was quiet, his hazel eyes not leaving her as he waited for her answer.
She wanted the answer to be no, but she did. Or, at least, she had at the time. She had wanted him to fight for her. To explain that it had all been a mistake, and he loved her. Instead, he withdrew, and they had begun their two years of avoiding one another as much as possible.
"I don't know, Marcus." Suddenly tired, she sighed. "It's been so long, it hardly matters now. I'm tired."
Moving towards the door, she stopped when his arm reached out to touch her elbow as she passed him. Looking up at him, her heart skipped a beat when she caught the dark look in his eyes.
"Do you wish for me to fight for you now?" he asked. "Because I will."
Her throat was dry as she shook her head. She didn't know if she did. Didn't trust her feelings, nor his. "I fear it might be too late for us." She forced a light tone. "We are better off getting that annulment."
"Rain." His voice was unusually soft as he looked down at her. "Surely you must realise that they would never approve it?"
His hand on her arm was warm, his grip loose. She frowned. "Why would it not?"
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"Because," he drawled. "As much as you may wish it so, darling, I am not impotent."
The dark fire in his eyes sent goosebumps over her skin. She opened her mouth to argue, but he shook his head.
"They investigate. I would have to prove my inability to perform, and I can promise you that would fail." He took another sip of his drink, then he leaned a little closer, enough that she could smell the brandy on his breath. "All I have to do is imagine kissing you... and no one would think I am impotent."
She drew in a shuddering breath, partly because his nearness affected her, partly because his admission shocked her. "Then..." she said slowly, as his words sunk in. "Why did you request our deal? You allowed me to believe it was possible."
"I foolishly believed I could get you to change your mind." A bitter laugh escaped him. "I know better now."
"All these kisses..." She shook her head in frustration, then glared at him. "You made the deal knowing full well we could not have an annulment. We need not have kissed even once. It was all for nought."
Her life would have been a lot easier had he never kissed her. Had he never remained near her and shown her a little of the Marcus hiding behind the impassive mask. But he had kissed her. And he had shared some of himself with her. And now she didn't know what she wanted. She huffed in annoyance.
"Not for nought," he murmured. "I, at least, enjoyed our kisses, and I would like to believe they were not abhorrent to you. But I would not know."
Surely he must know his kisses were anything but abhorrent to her? His attitude sparked her temper. "Do not pretend to be the victim. You lied to me. If you wish for my pity, then you can do like the beast and lie down on a patch of grass to starve yourself."
"I will not be quite so melodramatic." His dry comment stopped her ire, and she huffed in frustration.
"If an annulment is out of the question," she said. "Why should I agree to any further kisses?"
He considered her question. "We could be legally separated if that is what you wish."
"What would that entail?" She didn't think she had ever heard the term mentioned before.
"For all intents and purposes, we would no longer be a couple. Any financial ties would be severed. You set up your own residence. But neither of us can ever remarry since we are technically still married."
How could he speak of these things with no sign of emotions? Even standing so near him was bringing her pain. Pain because she still wanted him. Pain because he had hurt her too badly for her to trust him.
"It is not to be advised though," he continued. "It is generally only accepted in cases of adultery, and a suit would have to be brought against the offending party."
"So what you are saying is that essentially we are locked together forever," she said bitterly.
He regarded her quietly, the look in his hazel eyes unreadable. "Yes. Marriages are rather final. There is no easy way out that does not spell social ruination for one or both of us."
"Brilliant," she muttered sarcastically.
Marcus watched as his wife ruminated on the information, her beautiful face betraying her conflicted emotions. If only he could decode which ones they were exactly, but he lacked the key to solve emotions as well as he could ciphers and codes.
She had made it clear she wanted out of this marriage. He should be a better man and allow her what she wished for. Maybe his brother had the right idea, and all that mattered was her happiness. She obviously was not happy with him, but she might be happy if she could leave and begin a new life without him. So the logical conclusion was that he had to let her go. The very idea left a sour taste in his mouth.
But this was not for his benefit. He sighed inwardly. It was for hers.
"I cannot offer you an annulment," he said. "Nor can I say we would fare well with a legal separation. But if you wish, I will step away. You can live in the house your uncle willed you, and I will never bother you. But this cannot happen until this whole ordeal is over, and we know you will be safe."
She nodded slowly, her gaze coming back to his. "Yes. That could work. It will definitely raise some eyebrows and people will gossip, but it will hopefully not mean social ruin for either of us. But what of an heir to your estate?"
If he did not have her, he did not much care for an heir. He found his glass again and a bottle of brandy in a cupboard. Keeping his back to her, he refilled his glass. "If I do not have an heir, the estate will go to Dash or his future sons. It matters little."
Taking a sip, he finally turned back and gave her a mock salute with the glass. He rarely imbibed, but lately, he had been drinking more than normal. "Does this sound fair to you?" he asked.
"Yes." She nodded, but if he read her correctly, she did not look happy. Why, he did not know. He was giving her exactly what she had been asking for. A life without him.
She nodded again, her chin lifting resolutely. "Our deal may continue. Four more kisses."
Continuing their deal had not been part of his plan, but now that she offered, he could not decline. He desperately wanted those final four kisses. He would savour them, and then he would release her. Just like the beast in the tale, only his beauty would not return.
~~~~~~
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