After Daniel had a moment with Emmanuelle, Brendan and Vanessa, the man sedated him. He died about an hour later, and we all sit in the car after saying one last goodbye.

Nobody says anything, and we remain in the parking lot for a while. The silence is calming, but at the same time it's tense. Rian sits next to me, and his body is slouched and shakes his head in disbelief. Suddenly, a loud sob comes from Emmanuelle, and the tears that have obscured my vision finally escape my eyes.

I feel so bad for her.

Vanessa sits in the passenger seat, and she leans over to hug her mom, and I can tell that she's on the verge of tears as well.

Brendan is in the back of the car by himself, just closing his eyes while shaking his head as if he wishes that this is a dream and not reality.

That's exactly how I felt after my father died.

That it couldn't possibly be happening and that it was just a nightmare.

I think about the times I've spent with Mr. Peterson as he told me about Rian. I remember meeting him at the party and how he instantly complemented me on how I looked, when we went to brunch and how he told me about how he met Emmanuelle at that restaurant, just everything.

All of the thoughts swirl around in my mind, and I feel sad. Mr. Peterson was a wonderful man who still had so much more in front of him, but the damn cancer had to come and rip that away from him.

Not only did the cancer take away what else that life had in store for him, but it also took away his independence.

Mr. Peterson spent his last days constantly relying on the doctors and nurses to help take care of him. He had become so weak that he could barely move, and when I hugged him, it felt like I was holding a bag of bones.

I remember that bright smile on his face when I met him, but then there's a split image of his body stuck in the stuffy hospital room, not even able to force a smile.

That's such a cruel way to die.

Back at the mansion, I make my way up to Rian's room. I grab the blanket and wrap it around myself, using it to dab away some tears. Rian comes in, looking like he literally just got hit by a train. His facial expression, his posture, everything.

I've never seen him look so crumbled.

The corners of his lips are pulled down, and his eyelids are droopy and his eyebrows are slanted. In his eyes, so gaunt and melancholic under the sheen of water, looks like he's been hurt so much that he'll never be the same. The sadness has built up for so long that it seems like it will permanently gray his spirit and taint any kind of joy.

My poor Rian.

"Alex," Rian says quietly.

"Come here." I say while beckoning to him.

Rian walks over to the bed, sitting next to me and placing his head on my shoulder. I hug him again, and he sighs heavily before sniffling again.

"I'm so sorry about your dad." I whisper, and his head hangs low as he nods.

"Yeah, I just still can't believe it got to the point where he decided to take himself out of this world." Rian says in disbelief, and he wipes his eyes.

"I know, that's still shocking to me, too."

"We both lost our paternal figures in such tragic ways, and it all happened so quickly." Rian sighs, and I swallow the lump in my throat.

"Yeah, over the span of a few months the disease just ate him alive. In a split second, it was over for my dad. I wish I could bring him back so that you could meet him." I say, slightly rasping.

"Meeting your dad would've been an honor. He raised an excellent, polite, courteous, and beautiful young woman." Rian says, and I blush.

"You would've liked him. He was my hero."

"I'm glad that you got to meet him, Alex. My dad was really fond of you, and I mean that."

"I know, but I still feel like I barely got to know him." I say, and my voice wobbles.

Oh, no.

Here come the tears in 3...2...1...

I shake my head, and my eyes become cloudy with tears. I sob into my hands, and the tears begin to drip from my fingers. I'm gasping for air soon, and my cheeks and eyes begin to burn. All of the emotions that I'm feeling swirl around in my stomach, and I know that my vulnerability is at an all time high.

"Alex, you did get to know him. It may not have been a long time, but you got to spend time with him and get to know him and become part of the family." Rian reassures me, and his hand moves in circles on my lower back.

"He kind of became another father to me, y'know? Just like how your mom is to me, that's how I felt about your dad."

It stays silent between us for a while, and Rian walks over to the door and takes something out of his jacket pocket. Rian holds it in front of me, and I notice that it's the handkerchief.

"Thank you." I squeak.

"You're welcome." Rian softly says, and he caresses my soaked cheek.

"You know how you said that your dad was your hero?" Rian asks, and I nod.

"He really was, but not every hero can live forever like in the stories." I reply gloomily, and I reach up to wipe my face with the handkerchief, but my hands are too shaky.

"Who do you consider to be your hero now?"

I look up directly into his eyes, give him a faint smile before I say, "You."

Rian leans down, gently kissing me as if my lips are so fragile that they could break. My mouth inches closer to his as he pulls away, wanting more. Rian smiles, and my chest feels airy because that's the first time he's smiled genuinely in a few hours.

In the midst of a terrible situation like this, we still somehow manage to find some happiness at the end of the day.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're my hero. You saved me from my train wreck of a mother, and really taught me a lot of things. Cherishing the moments with you is really important to me." I say, and I feel my cheeks begin to shake as I smile.

He kisses me again, and we both lay down together on the bed. Suddenly, the letters that Daniel asked me to look at come into my mind.

Shit. What if Rian asks where I'm going?

I need to do it now before I forget.

I get up from the bed, and Rian furrows his eyebrows at me.

"I'm just going to the bathroom. I'll be right back." I say, lying through my teeth.

Rian nods before turning over on his side again, and I quickly walk over to the master bedroom. I open the door, and the huge chandelier illuminates the room in gold, and their California King bed has a wooden frame with intricate carving and designs. A gorgeous oil painting with a gilded frame hangs above the bed, and I notice the huge vanity right across from it.

I walk towards the vanity, and I see the huge box that Daniel must've been referring to. I put my ear up to the combination lock as I enter it, and I gasp.

I open the box carefully, and it's overflowing with paper. Daniel's voice echoes in my head, and it sends a chill down my spine.

"Show them to my family, and have them read every single one."

I take all of the letters out, and I'm being careful so that I don't drop any of them or mess up the order that they've been put in. I take the first letter off of the top of the pile, and I set the rest down on the vanity.

Today I found out that I have Stage IV Colon cancer. I don't know what to do with this information, and I don't know if anything can help me.

I keep denying that I'm upset to my family because I don't want to see this family get torn apart or distressed because of me. That would be selfish.

They've never seen me be so vulnerable, and I'm not going to let it show now. I need to stay strong for them because they're trying so desperately to stay strong for my sake.

"He's afraid of coming across as weak." I whisper to myself, and I gasp when all of the pieces come crashing together inside of my mind.

Maybe I'm not scared, maybe I am. They'll never really know. I feel awful keeping my true feelings from them, but I don't want them to worry more than they already are.

I need to remain as strong as I possibly can.

Daniel was afraid that his family would drive themselves crazy while worrying about him, so he disguised his true feelings. He wanted to come off as nonchalant so that nobody would worry about him. The conversation that we had after brunch rings in my head, repeating itself over and over and over again.

"Tell him that there's nothing to worry about."

"It's just something in me, okay? I worry about others, yet I don't want them to worry about me."

I look at myself in the vanity, and my eyes slowly transform into Daniel's eyes. The serious look in his eyes bores into mine, and I swallow the huge lump in my throat. I find myself thinking about the conversation we had in the hospital, and I read certain parts of the letter again, trying to put myself in his mindset.

Why?

It's not a crime to let out your emotions.

You shouldn't feel the need to hold back anything, especially from the people that you love.

I fold the paper and put it down, and I finally notice that my hands are shaking. I move on to the next letter, unfolding it carefully and noticing a few scribbles here and there.

I'm afraid that Rian is upset or disappointed in me for how I've been acting lately. He's smart enough to catch onto what I'm trying to do.

Rian knows that I'm trying to disguise my sorrow by acting like I'm not deeply affected by this news. As I think about it, I'm realizing how hypocritical I've been sounding and acting.

I taught my children to deal with reality and face it head on, and no matter how tough it may be; they can withstand it. Yet here I am, completely denying the inevitable.

The last words of the letter engrain themselves in my brain. Denying the inevitable.

"Alex?" A voice calls out, and they repeat my name a few more times.

As it gets closer, I can tell that it's Rian. I take the letter and fold it before trying to cram them all back inside of the box before Rian comes in. He walks past the doorway, but he walks backwards once he sees me.

"What're you doing?" He asks, and my heart hammers in my throat.

Damn it, he caught me.

"I—, I umm..., was just—" I stutter, and Rian begins to walk inside of the room.

I try to stand in front of the box, and hide the fact that I was looking through all of those letters.

"Is everything okay? You seem nervous." He notices, and he places his hand on my waist.

He looks past me, and he gently moves me aside. His eyes widen as he looks in the box, and he takes one of the letters out and starts reading it. I feel the sweat forming on my forehead, and my palms become clammy.

"How did you find these?" Rian asks, looking over at me.

I stay silent, trying to find an answer for his question, but nothing comes in my head. Just as I remember his father and his last commands, I'm about to tell Rian.

"How did you even get this opened?" He asks.

"Your father told me to do this." I admit, and Rian's cheeks redden with anger.

"Do not bring him into this. Don't you dare." Rian growls.

Here we go.

"It's true, Rian. I wouldn't lie to you about something this important, especially him!" I exclaim, tears filling my eyes.

"Can I please explain?" I beg, but Rian shakes his head.

"Alex, I thought you knew how much he meant to me. Why would you keep this from me?"

"I do! I know you loved him very much, and he loved you. I'm not denying that." I say defensively.

"So why not tell me about these?" Rian asks.

"He didn't want me to tell any of you until—, until he died. He said that once he's gone, I could show you guys these."

"Why would he say that?"

"He had very specific wishes, Rian. I wasn't going to go against them." I add, and he sighs.

"I'm still confused as to why he didn't tell our mother, or one of us. "

"Yes, I thought about that, too. I don't know why he didn't choose to tell his wife or children, instead he chose his sons girlfriend. I thought of it as weird at first, but I put the pieces together." I explain.

"He constantly kept saying that he didn't want you guys to worry about him. So that's why he acted like nothing was wrong, but really he just wrote how he felt in these letters. I'm guessing he waited until he died because—"

"He wouldn't be here anymore, and so he'd be at peace. We'd all be at peace if we read these." Rian finishes, and I nod.

"That's what I was thinking." I mumble.

"Everything's just so confusing right now, and the pain still hurts." Rian whimpers.

"I wasn't expecting the pain to fade away this quickly, Rian. To be brutally honest with you, your pain is probably going to last a while. It's not like you can just act like everything's okay after you lose your father."

"It hurts even more knowing that he basically didn't want to live anymore so he had the physician relieve his suffering."

"I know this is overused and cliché, but he's in a better place. Would you want to see your father continue to suffer and be miserable, or know that he's finally at peace and nothing will ever harm him again?" I ask, and his eyes widen before he sighs.

"I guess you're right on that." He says.

"I'm sorry, R. So sorry." I croak.

Rian puts down the letters, and I wrap myself around him. He gently sobs as my fingers move up and down his back slowly, and my tears create dots on his shirt. We stay like this for a while, and we don't bother letting go.

All I want is to be in his arms.

~~~

Over the course of two weeks, we've all been responsible for planning my father's funeral. We never really knew if he wanted to be buried or cremated, and we were constantly thinking about what he would want the most.

Everything inside of me aches, and I wish I could turn back time to the good old days when we didn't have to worry. I know that we got the chance to say goodbye to each other, but I still wish that I could say a few more words to him.

He was extremely important to me, and the memories keep coming back to haunt me in my dreams. It's so bittersweet, and it hurts so much.

I want him back so bad.

My father lived a long life, and just like Alex's dad, his life was cut short as well. Alex's words really hit me hard, and she had to grow up on her own and teach herself those things from a very young age.

Alex was still basically a kid, and I won't deny that she must've been naïve and confused about why certain things had to happen or why some things are the way they are and that there's nothing that can change that. Her soft gentle voice echoes in my head, and I smile.

My girl's always looking out for me.

I stand in front of the vanity, and Alex hands me all of the letters that were in the box.

Alex wears a black dress with lace sleeves, and her hair is tied up into a huge bun on the top of her head. The black pumps that she wears almost make her taller than me, and we see eye to eye. The black birdcage veil goes across her face, and her dark lipstick covers her thick lips. She runs her hands over my chest before fixing my tie, and her eyes look tired and swollen from crying.

"Are you going to show them these before or after the funeral?" Alex asks quietly.

"I'll show them now before we head out. I might take one to add in my speech." I say, and her eyes widen.

"You are?" She asks.

"I feel like it would be a way to honor him by having what he said in my hands."

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about these sooner, but I just didn't want to go against what your dad had—"

"It's okay, baby. It's fine, and you don't need to stress yourself out about it anymore. I know now, and they'll know about these, too." I say.

I kiss her before she grabs my hand, and we both walk down the stairs. My heart pounds so hard that it hurts, but I still need to do this.

My mother sits on the couch, and the black veil covers her face. She grabs a tissue and blows her nose into it before sighing. Vanessa comes out from the kitchen with Brendan, and they both walk over to Alex and I.

"What's in your hands?" Brendan asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"You know that box that was on the vanity? These were dad's letters." I say.

"How'd you get it open?" Vanessa asks, and she snatches the letters from my hands.

"Alex opened it because he told her the combination before he died." I say, and Vanessa gasps while Brendan just scowls at Alex.

"Why would he tell her?" Brendan asks, sounding offended.

"I'm not sure, but don't try to get mad and make this about you, Brendan. Nobody's in the mood for your shit today." I grit, and he shuts his mouth before lowering his gaze.

"Mom, come look at these." I say, and she perks her head up.

We take the letters over to her, and we pass them around until there's no more to read. My mother is in hysterics, and her teardrops make the paper wet. I walk over to her, and she buries her face into my jacket, and her sobs are muffled.

"I still can't believe that this is happening." Mom whispers, and her weeping increases.

"I know, Momma." I say, shushing her.

"Thank you for doing this, Alexandrianna. It really means a lot." Mom says after pulling away from my embrace.

"Of course, I definitely wouldn't keep these from you and your family." Alex exclaims.

She stands up and walks over to my mother, giving her a tight squeeze, and they both sigh.

"Okay, let's go before we're late." Mom says.

We all stand, and the sound of their heels creates an echo as they walk. Near the fountain, I see the hearse waiting for us. We follow the hearse on the way to the church, and once we get there we see a few family members.

"Grandma!" I exclaim.

My grandmother, Barbara, is another woman who I love and cherish a lot. The wrinkles in her face make her mouth turn down at the corners, and her eyes look wise and cloudy. She'll be eighty one in October, and even though she's old and little, she's still as bright and fierce like a younger person.

"Rian, goodness you look even more handsome than the last time I saw you! How are you?" Grandma asks, and I shrug.

"I'm doing alright. You?" I ask.

"Just trying to find your mother. Just like when I was raising her, she seemed to disappear in a second." Grandma jokingly says, and that forces a laugh out of me.

"I think she's looking at his body." I reply.

"Thanks, honey." Grandma says, and she kisses my cheek.

"Rian, do you want to go look at him?" Alex asks, and I slightly jump out of my skin.

"Oh, baby, you scared me." I exclaim, and she apologizes before kissing me.

"My, my, my! Rian, would you like to introduce me?" Grandma asks, and I blush.

"Grandma, this is Alexandrianna, my lovely girlfriend. Alex, this is my grandma." I introduce, and Alex crouches down to hug her.

"Nice to meet you, dear." Grandma says into Alex's ear.

"It's nice to meet you as well." Alex politely says, and I smile.

Once they finish hugging, my mother appears and hugs them both.