When we got to Sacramento, it was past visiting hours and we couldn't go to the hospital. Brendan stands outside of the mansion, pacing back and forth.

"Brendan, what did the doctors say while you were there?" Rian asks, extremely panicked.

"All Dr. Quincy said was that he's very weak. He's basically bed bound, and that he's not taking in a lot of nutrients. He's lost some weight because of that, and the whole time I was there, he just slept." Brendan informs us.

"He's gonna be okay, right?" Rian asks.

Brendan pinches his lips together, and I know that expression all too well. It's that look where no matter how much you wish something was true, you know that it'll never meet your expectations.

"Right?!" Rian repeats, louder this time.

"I—, I don't know."

There's a brief silence before we all head inside, and Rian and I go up to his old room. He slams the door, which causes me to jump, and he anxiously paces back and forth.

"Damn it!" Rian exclaims, and he takes deep breaths in and out.

"Baby, I know you're worried but—"

"Why does this always seem to happen?!" Rian asks, and I wish I had the answer to his question.

"Baby, I wish there was something I could—"

"There isn't anything you can do, Alex! Saying that won't change shit! You always think that can help, but it doesn't." He snaps, and my eyes widen.

I don't bother saying anything back, so I just stand there while looking at my feet.

"I understand that you're hurt, and that you're in pain. But please just listen to me."

Rian sits on the bed, and he holds his head in his hands. I sigh, running my fingers through my hair out of frustration. I place my hands on my hips, slowly pacing back and forth.

"Love—," Rian starts, but I glare daggers at him.

Bitch mode, activated.

"Listen to me when I say this, Rian. Just because you're worried sick about your dad doesn't mean that you get to snap on me like that." I say through gritted teeth, and he sighs.

"I know, and I'm sorry." Rian says apologetically, and he tries to reach out for me, but I back away from him.

"It's frustrating for me to see you like this, but I'm not going to deal with you thinking that you can just shout at me when I try to comfort you." I spit, and he nods.

I'm done dealing with this shit. Lately I've been trying to control myself with all of these raging hormones, and Rian just set a flame to my rage.

Rian stands up from the bed, and I immediately focus my gaze on something else. The warmth from his body sends the familiar waves to my blood, but I grit my teeth and swallow bile.

The salty taste forces me to pucker my lips in disgust, and it makes my throat burn like I have acid reflux. Once the gross vomit swallowing is over, Rian places his hands on my shoulders before lifting my chin so that I look at him.

Our eyes are wide, and not a single word comes from either of us. We communicate through our eye contact, and it's like we've been put under some sort of spell.

"Rian?" I say, wondering what he's thinking.

"Alexandrianna?" Rian says back.

"Let's just go to sleep. We'll go to the hospital in the morning, okay?"

"Okay." Rian says back.

Hesitantly, I kiss his cheek, and his flesh is burning hot underneath my lips. His dimples slowly form as he smiles, and I allow him to grab my hand and lead me to the bed. My head rests comfortably on his chest, and I listen to his heartbeat slow down until it is finally beating regularly again.

I feel awful.

The whole miracle cliché is overused, but necessary. If I couldn't receive a miracle when it came to my father, then Rian should.

~~~

In the hospital the next morning, Daniel is in the bed, unresponsive to everything and everyone around him. Emmanuelle grabs his hand, and she runs her thumb over his knuckles. Vanessa sits in the chair next to the bed, resting her head on his shoulder. Rian and I hold onto each other as we watch him lie there so incredibly still.

Daniel is extremely pale, and he looks unhealthily thin like he's been nutritionally deprived or starving.

Emmanuelle shivers when she touches his face, and she sighs.

"Why's he so cold?" She asks, and her eyes look frightened.

Rian walks over to Daniel, briefly feeling the skin on his arms and face. Watching him do this brings a knot in my stomach, and I've been trying not to break down all day. The memories of my father have been flashing in my head a lot more recently, which is kind of selfish because this is dealing with Rian's father, not mine.

"He's under oxygenated." Rian says quietly, carefully observing his father.

"What's that mean?" Vanessa worriedly asks.

"Exactly how it sounds, Nessa. There isn't enough oxygen in his blood, especially his arteries. His anemia could've caused this, or his arteries are giving out." Rian chokes out, and I cover my mouth.

"No, they're not! Don't say that, Rian." Emmanuelle mutters.

"Well, I hate to say this, but you've got to be realistic." Rian sighs, but Emmanuelle stubbornly shakes her head.

"No, I am being realistic. He's pulled through all of the other times he was here, so he'll pull through now." Emmanuelle says, desperately trying to cling onto what she wants to think is true.

"Mom, when your arteries gives out on you, there's so little that the doctors can do. I've experienced something very similar, and I can guarantee you that this isn't an exaggeration."

"Rian, no!" Emmanuelle exclaims, and she stifles a sob.

"Once the blood flow decreases the arteries harden and narrow which can damage tissues and nerves. This can only go on for so long before—, well...death." Rian croaks, and he swallows the lump in his throat.

I know this is extremely hard for them, but especially for Rian. With him being a doctor, he knows exactly what's destroying and deteriorating the health of his father. I can see why he's being realistic because he's developed a thick skin with being a doctor.

Rian has probably witnessed so many deaths, and he knows that sometimes it's beyond his control or ability to fix the problem.

That's what would hurt me the most.

Knowing that I've done everything for this patient, but there's nothing else that can be done.

"Baby, are you okay?" I ask, hugging him from behind.

"Yeah, I'll try to be okay. I just hate seeing him so frail and basically helpless. He's so much stronger than this, so seeing him be the complete opposite is rough." Rian whimpers.

"I know, I know. At my father's funeral, I looked inside of that casket and it just didn't even look like the same person. Hopefully a miracle will happen for you guys."

"I wish that could happen, too."

Rian walks out of the room, and I follow after him. The both of us are tall, but with him being nearly 6'4, his strides are much longer than mine. I find myself quickly running out of breath trying to catch up to him, and I feel a jolt in my stomach that signals me to stop.

"Rian," I breathlessly say. "Look at me."

"I can't." Rian protests.

I walk in front of him, and I cup his face in my hands. My fingers tremble as they carefully touch his cheeks, and he bites his quivering lip.

"Why can't you?" I ask, and he lets out a sigh before shaking his head.

Rian takes my hands from his face, and I let them fall to my sides.

"I just can't."

It stays silent between the two of us, and I don't take my eyes away from him. Rian clenches his jaw, and he shakes his head in disbelief. My body literally aches when I see him in this much pain, and I feel a twinge in both my chest and stomach.

Suddenly, I see Brendan at the end of the hall. That uncomfortable tension rises because the last time the three of us were in this hallway, shit got real.

"Dad's awake. He wants us all together so that we can see him. Hurry!" Brendan urges.

Rian and I speed walk back to the room, and we all circle around the bed. Daniel gives us a weak smile, almost as if it physically hurt him to smile.

"Hello," Daniel whispers, and a chill moves down my spine.

Emmanuelle kisses his cheek, and Daniel smiles again.

"My dear Emmanuelle, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what? This was beyond your control, and you don't have to apologize. I know you're strong enough to pull through this." Emmanuelle insists, and Daniel shakes his head.

"No, I'm not. I cannot continue to live like this." Daniel says, and I furrow my eyebrows.

"Like what?" Rian and I ask in unison, and we both look over at each other before returning our attention to Daniel.

"Just being in and out of the hospital and having constant check ups and having to live in constant fear because I never know if I'll live another day. I've decided to take this into my own hands." Daniel explains.

"What do you mean by that?" Vanessa asks worriedly, gnawing away at her fingernail.

"Have you heard of Death With Dignity?" Daniel asks, and everyone breaks out into a commotion.

"Dad, no!" Brendan exclaims.

"Honey, you don't want to do this! Think about us and all of the things you can still experience!" Emmanuelle coaxes.

"I thought that wasn't enacted in California yet!" Rian adds.

"Well, it has. I'm sorry, but I just can't."

"I'm sorry if I sound stupid asking this, but what's Death With Dignity?" I ask.

"It's basically an act that gives people with terminal illnesses to control their own deaths." Rian explains, and my heart sinks to my stomach.

He's willingly choosing to kill himself.

He's putting himself out of his misery.

"You really want to go through with this?" Emmanuelle asks, and a tear falls down her cheek.

"Yes, I do."

We see a man walk in, and he holds some sort of medicine in his hand.

"Mr. Peterson, are you ready to be sedated?" The man asks.

"Just give me a few minutes with them." Daniel begs, and the man nods before stepping out of the room.

Vanessa, Brendan and Emmanuelle walk out to take a breather, leaving Rian and I alone with Daniel.

"Dad, I can't believe you're going through with this." Rian quietly says.

"I just can't take it anymore. I hope you understand that." Daniel says, and Rian doesn't say anything back.

"Son, I closed my eyes for a moment, and suddenly there was a man who stood where the little boy used to. I will always carry you in my heart, and you've given me so many reasons to be proud of the wonderful person you've become. I'll love you, always." Daniel says, and Rian begins to cry.

"I'm gonna miss you." Rian croaks.

They hug each other, and I cover my mouth to stifle a sob as I watch them hold each other for the last time. Nothing is in the air but the sound of their weeping and sniffling, and they whisper their goodbyes before splitting.

"Okay, could you give me a minute with Alexandrianna?" Daniel asks, and I feel my heartbeat quicken.

"Of course." Rian says, unhesitatingly.

I slowly step closer to the bed, approaching him with slight caution. Mr. Peterson is still rather still, as if he's paralyzed, and just his eyes move around the room.

Daniel reaches for something on the bedside table, and I realize that it's a piece of paper that has been folded.

"Don't have them read this yet. Once I'm gone, then you can show them this." He whispers.

"What is it?" I ask.

"A letter. I want you to read alone, and then you can show them." Daniel says as he hands me the letter.

"The next time you go to visit them, I need you to do me a favor."

"What do you need me to do?" I ask.

"In my bedroom, there's a box on the grand vanity, and there's a lock on it. To open it, there's a combination. Inside of it, there's a lot of letters inside that I've written over the past few months. Show them to my family, and have them read every single one." Daniel says, and I nod while taking in his instructions.

"If they haven't discovered them by then, I'll show them." I say.

"They won't. They've asked about it multiple times, but I never said a thing. None of them know the combination."

Why's he trusting me with all of this?

I would've expected him to tell this to his wife or one of his kids, not the girlfriend of one of his sons.

"Oh, okay." I say, and my voice begins to wobble.

"The combination is 10-29-49. Please remember that." Daniel says, and I nod.

"Is that your dying wish?" I ask, sniffling afterward.

"Yes, it is. I also have one more proposition. It's for you." Daniel admits.

"One of my dying wishes is that you treat him right. You should see the twinkle in his eyes when he talks about you, Alexandrianna. He loves you so much, and I just want what's best for him. You're the woman I envisioned to be with my son. You're not selfish, you're not bad-tempered and you're not avaricious. You're altruistic, affable and so many other things that I've wanted Rian to have. You're the perfect woman for him, and that's all I've ever wanted for Rian. Can you please promise me that?" Daniel pleads, forcing tears to creep out of my eyes.

"Of course I can promise you that. Your son deserves nothing but the best, and I'll definitely give that to him." I say, and I try to suppress a sob.

"Thank you very much, Alexandrianna. I'm glad that I got a chance to meet you." Daniel says, and his voice croaks.

"I can definitely say the same."

Daniel beckons to me, and I hug him tightly. My body becomes paralyzed with the familiar tragic feeling of isolation, and I close my eyes and gaze into fields of nothingness. The tears creep out of my eyes again, and the hug gradually continues to become looser until we are no longer embracing.

"Can you ask Emmanuelle to come in?" Daniel asks, and I nod without hesitation.

"Of course." I reply.

I slowly walk away from the bed, and I'm still wiping tears off of my face. I open the door, and everyone fixes their eyes on me. I sigh before sniffing again, and Rian's eyes droop as he inches closer to me.

Rian grabs my hands, and I place them on his waist as he holds me tightly. We don't say anything to each other, Rian just runs his hand along my hair as my head rests comfortably against his chest.

"Mrs. Peterson, he's asking for you." I say, and her head pops up.

"Okay." She says, and throws away her tear soaked tissue.

Emmanuelle gives me a quick kiss on my temple while Rian idly strokes my back. I give her a weak smile before she reciprocates it, and soon disappears inside of the hospital room.

"Are you okay?" Rian asks, and he places his hands on my shoulders.

I look up into his eyes, and they're red and swollen from how much he's been crying. He's still worrying about me even though the situation involves his father.

"I'm fine. I should be asking if you're okay." I say, and Rian shakes his head.

"I'll be alright." Rian insists.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom. Just to freshen up a little bit." I say, and he nods.

"Be careful." Rian says, and I nod back before kissing his cheek briefly.

I quickly make my way down the corridor, and as soon as I'm in the bathroom, I lean against the tiled wall.

"Pull yourself together, Hawkins." I whisper to myself, trying to blink away more tears.

I take the letter out of my back pocket, and I carefully unfold it. The paper is covered in spidery handwriting, and it extends down to the very bottom of the paper.

Farewell

As I am sitting here in this hospital bed writing this letter, I'm reflecting on the last sixty one years of my existence. I'm constantly thinking about when I'll finally be taken, and how I'll have to leave so much behind. I will no longer be there for my family, and the thought frightens me. I've never been afraid of death until now. Emmanuelle, my rock, my light will have to continue to shine without me. My wife and the mother of our three beautiful children will somehow have to continue on. I can see the light draining from her eyes as my health continued to dwindle, and as I look into her eyes for the final time, I can see our lives flash.

I can still hear the audience clapping and cheering for us as we kissed on our wedding day, and I can still hear the echoing of our children crying after being born. I'm going to descend into death, and there's nothing that I can do to try and even alleviate their pain.

There's nothing else that I wish for my family except for happiness. If Emmanuelle is to fall in love again, then that's perfectly fine. I would want what's best for her, and if that man or woman makes her happy, I know that I'd be happy.

I want Brendan to go on and begin to look at life with a better perspective, and to start actually growing up without me. I know that he wants to create his own business one day like I did, and he'll have to mature first. Maturity or immaturity, he's still my son and I love him with all of my heart.

Rian deserves all of the success that he's earned, and I know that he'll achieve much more in the future. Rian deserves happiness, and I know that he's experiencing it with Alexandrianna. Rian is so much stronger with her, and I'm proud of how far he's come. I love him so much, and the love we share means everything to me.

Vanessa is still so young and still metamorphosing into a woman, so she still has much more to learn. I want her to go out into the world with her head held high, and she can face anything that challenges her because she's strong like I raised her to be. She'll always be my little girl.

As I finish this letter, my final tears now fall down my face. These aren't tears of sadness, they're the complete opposite of that. I'm content with how my life went, and I want you all to know that I wasn't miserable in my last hours. This is a final written goodbye to the people who mean the most to me.

I love you all very much.

-Daniel

After finishing the letter, my stomach forms into a knot and the tears are flowing down my face like a river. I hold onto my stomach, and I breathe deeply.

Rian's father left me with a huge responsibility.

I'm going to be the one who finds and reveals his letters to his family.