"What are we going to do?" I ask, holding my head into my hands.

As soon as I got off of work, I sped off to Sacramento without another word. My mother opened the door to welcome me, and I didn't say anything to her because if one single word escaped my lips, I would've been hysterically rambling on and on until I feel like all of the emotions that I was holding inside were gone.

I sit in front of my mother in our living room, and the silence in the air between us is tense. She reaches out for my hand, and she grasps it tightly. I can tell that her eyes are scanning my face, and it just makes me want to break down even more than I already am.

"Rian, baby, you have to be my backbone. Remember when I visited you at the hospital, and you promised me that?" Mother says, and her eyes look dreary.

"Yes, I remember, but it's hard to be someone else's backbone when you're not strong enough to support your own." I admit, and my voice wobbles while my tears blur my vision.

"I know, I know that this is going to be difficult. We just need to face reality, and accept the fact that even if the doctors prolong his life with multiple treatments, his illness is terminal. There's nothing they can to to make it disappear completely and I—" My mother continues, and I groan.

"Mom, would you please stop it? Stop!" I shout, becoming aggravated.

I stand up from the couch, and I pace back and forth while running my hands through my hair. My mothers eyes widen, and they're covered with tears. She looks confused as to why I just shouted at her, and she looks broken. Like my words just shattered her into a million pieces.

"Rian, what's wrong?" She asks, and I frustratedly wipe away a tear.

"What do you mean? Everything's wrong! Don't act like you don't know why I'm hurt. You should be, too, because this is your husband. The way you're talking about it just sounds so nonchalant that it kills me, Momma." I exclaim, and my voice echoes throughout the mansion.

"What are you talking about, Rian?" She asks, slightly furious.

"You're letting him go so easily, it's like you're ready for him to die because, oh, there's nothing they can do so there's no point in him being alive for any longer, huh?" I say sarcastically.

"I'm not nonchalant about this at all, Rian! He's my husband, and he's your father, and if I could change all of this I would! If I could stop myself from hurting like this, I would. He means everything to me, Rian. When he dies, a part of me is going to die as well! Okay?"

Tears stream down her face, and I feel a twinge of guilt in my chest. I walk towards her, and my body goes completely still as a loud sob shakes her body. Her facial expression makes me believe that she's almost to the point where her depression is inconsolable.

"Momma," I mumble, and I walk closer to her.

"It hurts me that you think I don't care anymore, Rian. Your father means everything to me, and I just hate that I'm going to lose him no matter what the doctors do." She croaks, and she cries onto my chest.

Her sobs make her tiny body tremble, and her hands clutch desperately onto the back of my shirt. Her tears make wet dots on my shirt, and her crying is muffled. The sound of my mother crying makes every part inside of me crumble, and forces tears out of my eyes as well.

"I'm sorry, I just hate hearing you so upset. In my opinion, honestly, I think that you're letting him go too easily. Saying that there's nothing they can do is most likely true, but don't give up hope. We never know what could happen." I say, stroking her back while she hugs me.

"I'm sorry if I gave off the vibe of being apathetic, I've been crying ever since we found out, and it has drained me of my energy."

"Don't apologize, Mom. I'm the one who should be sorry for shouting at you like that." I say, feeling regretful.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Sometimes you just have those outbursts where you can't help but rant until you've gotten it off of your chest. We all have those moments, especially in situations like this. I'm not angry at you, I'm actually glad you spoke your mind." She says, and I raise my eyebrow.

"How so?" I ask.

"I know you well enough to know that you're a bit hesitant when it comes to speaking your mind. You'd rather keep your mouth shut then to actually say what's all on your mind. You're a complaisant and respectable young man, just the way your father and I raised you to be."

I remember another lesson that they taught me when I was younger.

Don't hold back what you have to say, because your feelings may never get out, and remain unheard.

"Thank you, Mom."

"So, I take it that you're going home once you've talked to your father?" She asks, and I nod.

"Yeah, I am. Once I got off of work, I sped over here as fast as I could. I just needed to see you guys. Where's Dad?" I ask.

"Upstairs." She says, pointing upward.

I slow ascend up the staircase, trailing my hand against the iron bannister. Once I'm at the top of the staircase, I make my way through the hallway, and I gently knock on the door of my parents bedroom.

I can faintly hear him say something, and I open the door and see him staring off into space. I stand in the doorway, and I knock on the door again, and he doesn't even react to me.

"Dad?"

Silence.

"Dad?" I repeat, and he finally turns his head. His eyes widen slightly, but then return to their natural state.

"Rian." He says, looking quasi-perturbed.

"Do you want me to go? I'm sorry if I just interrupted or anything—"

"No, I want you to stay. Come, sit." He says, patting the empty spot next to him on the bed.

I walk over to the bed, and I sit next to him. We both sit in silence for a while, and instead of it being a tense, uncomfortable silence, the silence somewhat alleviates the pain that's slowly gnawing at me.

"Say something." Dad says, with a slight chuckle.

"I don't know what to say, Dad. It's good to see you? I mean, we just found out that you're basically terminally ill."

"I just want to not focus on it, and enjoy the rest of the days I've been granted. That's why I've been acting so causal, because I didn't like thinking about it. I want these last few months to be spent well, with you guys and your mother. I think I'll start realizing when my inescapable fate is coming, and I'm not saying that to make you feel worse, I'm just want you all to know that the last months I had were spent well, and I died a happy death." He says, and a weak smile forms on my lips.

"I love you, Dad." I say, and he wraps his strong arms around me.

"I love you so much, Rian." He replies, gently sobbing into the crook of my neck.

We hold each other, and I don't think that I can let him go. I don't want to let him go, but eventually I'm going to have to.

"Okay, okay, no more sad talk. Let's talk about you. I see you just got off of work, because you're still in your uniform." He says, and I nod.

"I just had to be here, I couldn't wait another day to see you all. This is pretty serious." I say, flattening my lips together.

"Yeah, it is. Just know that your mother and I love you, no matter what." He says, still teary eyed.

"You said that you want your last months to be spent well, so what do you want to do?" I ask, and he smiles.

"Go on vacation with your mother, and spend more quality time with my boys. Spend more time with Vanessa, too. I also want to meet the Alexandrianna." He says, and I smile.

"Of course. You'll definitely meet her, and I know you'd like her. Inside and out, she really is a beautiful person." I say, and my smile widens as I think more and more about her.

"You speak about her like I speak about your mother. I can hear it in your voice, Rian. You really love her, don't you?" He asks, smiling at me.

"Love is an understatement when it comes to her. Once you meet her, you'll understand why I talk about her the way that I do." I say, and I see flashes of her smiling.

"I'm happy for you. I think it's time that you go, though. It's getting pretty late and I'm sure you have work in the morning." He says, and I nod.

"You're right about that, I've been working nonstop while juggling school."

"I can't wait to see you holding your degree, Rian."

"Me either."

"Goodbye, Rian." Dad says, still hugging me.

"Bye, Dad."

I walk out of the bedroom, and I bump into Vanessa, whose mascara and eyeliner streams down her face.

"V, are you okay?" I ask, aching at the sight of her in tears.

"I just—, I don't understand how..." Vanessa starts, but the rest of her sentence is incomprehensible as she chokes on her words.

"Vanessa, take a breath. Keep doing it until your breathing isn't convulsive. In, out, in." I say calmly, placing my hands on her shoulders.

I breathe deeply through my nose, and out of my mouth along with her. We stay like this for a while, and Vanessa whispers to herself to regain her composure.

"Okay, just calm down and breathe. You'll be okay. Everything will be okay, just breathe." Vanessa says to herself, breathing deeply.

"Take all the time you need to, V."

"I just didn't want to believe it, but then seeing Mom crying and basically giving up hope, and then Dad making this bucket list of the things he wants to do just made it set in. That's when it really hit me." Vanessa explains, closing her eyes to prevent tears from escaping.

"I know, I know, it's hitting me hard. The three of us are all gonna get through this. Speaking of that, where's Brendan?" I ask.

"Ever since we found out he hasn't been home since." She informs me.

"Has he texted you guys to tell you where he is?"

"No, he hasn't, and I'm actually worried about him." Vanessa says, and I finally notice that her hands are shaking.

"Don't worry, I'll get a hold of him."

"Yeah, I have a feeling he'll respond to you instead of me." Vanessa says, giving me a small smile.

I have his number on speed dial, and I pace anxiously in the hallway while Vanessa slides her back down the wall, sadness and despair painted all over her face as if it were a blank canvas.

"Brendan, where are you? Everyone is worried about you." I ask.

"I'm fine, I just went out for a drive. I wanted to clear my mind." Brendan says, and I raise my eyebrows in shock.

"That sounds nothing like you, Brendan. Now, where are you really at?" I ask, and he groans.

"Exactly where I said I am. I can't go out for a peaceful drive?" Brendan says defensively.

"You don't do peaceful drives when you're upset, you're more of a get drunk to forget everything." I say, slightly chuckling.

"Well, I guess you don't know your brother as well as you thought." He replies, and I can hear him sniffle a few times.

"Have you been crying?" I ask.

"A little bit, yeah." He admits.

"Oh, you don't want to cry in front of your family members?" I tease, and that somehow forces a laugh out of Vanessa.

"You've probably cried too, you little bitch, so let me deal with my emotions however the fuck I want to deal with them." He snaps.

"I'm sorry, Brendan. We're all really saddened by this, and I'm sorry for being discourteous towards you." I apologize quickly.

"It's okay, it's okay. Everything's just a bit of a mess right now." Brendan says, sighing afterwards.

"I just wish that we could clean that mess up, you know?"

"Yeah, no matter how much of a dick I can be to you and to Vanessa, we're all still family and I'll be there for you guys if you ever need me to." Brendan says, and I smile.

"Thanks man, we could definitely use each other in this situation." I say, nodding in agreement to what he said.

Once I hang up the phone, I update Vanessa on where Brendan is, and she does a sigh of relief once she finds out that he's okay.

"I'm surprised at how worried you are about him." I say to Vanessa, sitting next to her on the floor.

"The look on his face when he found out was just—, unlike any other look I've seen on his face. It's like the gravity of this situation just punched him in the gut, and it left him gasping for fresh air. I've never seen him look so... shattered." Vanessa says.

"Yeah, I guess we're discovering Brendan's soft side."

"You're right. Normally he's the toughest one if you compare the three of us." Vanessa says, putting air quotes around the word toughest.

Vanessa goes silent, just staring at me while I twiddle my thumbs. I can tell that her face is lighting up, so I look over and raise my eyebrow at her.

"Can I help you?" I ask before laughing at her wide eyes and opened mouth.

"Y-you! You're glowing, Rian." She says, happiness bubbling in her throat.

"Okay, and?" I ask, still confused as to what she's insinuating.

"You don't realize your afterglow? You're like, radiating." She says, astonished.

My cheeks heat up once I put the pieces together in my brain.

"Yes, Nessa, I realize it." I reply with a chuckle.

"It's already that serious between you and Alex?" She asks, prodding me for more details.

"Yeah, it is. It has been since New Years."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Vanessa asks.

I scoff before giving her a smile. "It's everything I want."

"Everything? As in, that's all you want from her?" Vanessa inquires, and I immediately shake my head.

"No, no, no! V, you've got it all wrong. I love Alex, I love her for more than her physical attributes. It's not all about sex, believe me, it's so much more than that. I'm completely—, deeply in love with that girl. She practically owns my heart, as schmaltzy and cliché that sounds. I know that I own her her heart as well. There's no need to worry, Vanessa. I haven't forgotten what Mom and Dad have taught me. Does that make your questions elucidated?"

"I'm just looking out for my big brother. A little sister can't do that?" Vanessa asks, sounding offended.

"No, I appreciate you looking out for me. I just want you to know that my feelings for Alex are nothing but genuine."

"I hope she's the same." Vanessa mumbles, and I give her a frown.

"She does, you don't have to worry about her feelings not being reciprocated. They most definitely are." I say.

"Good."

"Anyway, I've got to head home." I say, rising to my feet.

"Okay. Bye Rian."

"Bye." I say, giving her a weak smile.

I make my way down the staircase, and out of the grandiose double doors before driving off, trying not to cry as I head down the highway back to my house.

~~~

"Rian, please call me back when you get this. I'm really worried about you because you haven't come home yet, and your shift ended a while ago." I say into the phone, hanging up after I've finished the message.

Bruno jumps on the couch, nuzzling his head into my lap while continuously whining.

"I know, I'm worried about Rian, too." I say while rubbing his back.

When I went to the hospital, Rian told me when his shift would be over, and it's been more than four hours. I've been here with Bruno, trying to lessen my worries by binge watching American Horror Story on Netflix, and calling Xiu and Savannah.

"Rian, where are you?" I whisper to myself.

I hear the sound of the lock clicking, and when I turn my head I see Rian standing there.

"There you are," I say, sighing of relief. "Where were you?"

"I went to see my parents." He says, and his voice is weak.

I feel my stomach drop, and a lump develops in my throat. I walk closer to him, and his eyes are red and swollen, and his hands are balled into fists. Tears blur my vision, but I quickly blink them away.

"What happened?" I ask, struggling to speak because the lump in my throat is only growing instead of going away.

"Just hold me, Alex." Rian whimpers, and I lock my arms around him.

His sobs are stifled at first, like he's attempting to hide his grief, but that inevitable tidal wave of emotion drowned him. The pain that he's feeling is raw, like an open wound. His pulls himself away from me, clasping onto the nearby table for support. A steady stream of salty tears coat his cheeks as the sobs continue to rack his body. Rian opens his mouth to say something, but he's unable to speak because his breath is coming out as gasps.

My chest feels like it's been filled with lead at the sight of Rian breaking down like this. The tears burn my eyes when I cry, and I walk over to Rian and cup his face in his hands.

"Rian, look at me." I demand, trying to hold back my own tears.

His lip trembles while he stubbornly looks at he floor. I lift his chin, making him look directly into my eyes. As one of his tears trickles down my hand, I tilt my head upward so I can kiss him. The kiss we have is tenuous, like our lips never really touched, yet it's still enough to make the pain stop temporarily.

Rian collapses into my arms again, and I don't let him go for a while.

"Rian, I wish there was something I could do." I mutter, and I wipe my eyes.

"I just—," He starts before swallowing. "I just want to go to bed, and just sleep."

Once we're in the bedroom, Rian strips to his underwear, and he lays his head on my chest while tracing circles on my bare stomach. I run my fingers through his scruffy hair, and his breaths tickle my chest as his breathing regulates. I watch Rian sleep, and I notice dried tears along his eye and his cheek.

I sigh while watching him, looking the complete opposite of grief-stricken. He looks happy when he sleeps.

Sleeping the sorrow away, and slowly drifting into serenity.