chapter twenty-one – flat lines and love letters

I watched the headlights pass up above me and I tried to scream out for help. But all that came out was what sounded like a wheeze.

I thought back to the events that lead me here.

Going back to my car to get the letter I had spent years trying to write for her.

Thea cheating on me with my brother.

Speeding off.

The rain that started pouring down around me.

The slick sound of my tired skidding on the bridge.

The fear that wrecked my body as my car crashed through the guard rail.

It seemed like that was hours ago but I couldn't have been here for hours, right?

Someone should have found me. Someone should be looking for me. Thea should be looking for me. My brothers should be looking for me.

But what if... what if Thea and Kevin just continued what they were doing after I had left.

What if she was kissing him with those lips that I had never thought I would get the chance to feel? What if she was staring at him with her beautiful brown eyes?

While I was here...

I tried to move my legs but I couldn't feel them anymore. I was pinned in. Just like Summer. Just like Matt...

"Car crash, no consciousness since we showed up on scene, trauma to the abdomen. 18 year old female. Possible miscarriage"

My brain swirled as I listened to the paramedics speak frantically to the doctors. Miscarriage?

I was following them when someone yelled my name.

"Eric!" Mom grabbed me.

"Mom. Anthony stayed with Summer and Matt. I-Im sorry- I have to" I couldn't speak anymore, the lump in my throat growing too big.

I left my family in the waiting area as I chased the doctors.

I grabbed Marilyn's hand as soon as I was close enough and pulled it to my lips.

"It's okay baby. Everything's going to be okay" The tears were leaking down my face. "You're going to wake up and the babies going to be fine."

A doctor told me I had to stay back and I watched as they wheeled her into a room. The door was still open so I continued to speak.

"We're going to have a family, okay? We'll get married and-and if it's a girl we'll name it Juliet. We'll name her Juliet" My voice broke at the end as the sobs wrecked my body.

"Her stomach's filling with blood" One of the doctors yelled.

I felt hands wrap around my shoulders and my eyes met a young nurse that I recognized as a friend of my Dad.

"C'mon. I'll take you back to your family" She smiled sadly at me.

"I don't want to leave her" I whispered.

"You don't want to see what they're about to do" She pulled me away.

But I glanced back and she was right. The sight of the doctor cutting into Marilyn and blood spilling out made me vomit.

It was getting harder to stay awake. My head hurt. Everything hurt. From the physical pain to the emotional hurt I was feeling.

I stared down as my phone rang. It was too far for me to reach.

I saw Thea's smiling face and I felt even worse. Then I saw the time. It was 1am.

I left the party an hour and a half ago. I only drove for 15 minutes before I ended up here.

I was trapped and nobody was coming... nobody knew where I was.

I heard voices. Speaking. I squinted through the smashed windshield and I saw a couple of kids walking on the bridge.

"Woah" One of the kids said. "Where did this happen?"

"They're probably just doing construction or something" A girl spoke.

I need help. They need to see me.

I gasped for air to prepare myself to scream. The burning in my lungs made me whimper.

"Help" I tried to scream but it sounded like a whisper. "Please help"

I saw one of the kid glance down towards where I was but then he looked away. It was dark... They can't see me.

The sound of crushing metal and pure, hot pain woke me up.

The pain only woke me up but now it was gone. I couldn't feel anything.

"Hello?" I spoke but my voice was dry.

I looked around me and I started to panic. All I could see was crushed metal and a truck tire parked on top of one of my legs.

"Eric?" I called out. But nobody was in here with me.

"No! My little brother. He was in the back seat but I can't see him" I heard a muffled voice yell and then I heard creaking metal.

"Summer?" I furrowed my eyebrows and focused my attention to the blonde hair sticking through the metal in front of me.

I lifted my hand to run it down my face but almost choked when I pulled it back and it was covered in blood. My blood.

I was getting scared. The last thing I remember was taking some shots and sitting down next to Eric.

Now we're here. In what I think is a car.

What happened? Who's in here with me?

Is Eric here? Tony? Marilyn?

If they are.... Why can't I hear them? Why can I only hear Summer?

Are they dead? Did they die because I got too drunk?

I felt tears well up in my eyes but then the pain hit me and I couldn't worry about anyone else.

It hurt too much.

My eyes drooped as I stared at my phone ring again. This time it was Mom calling me. The time read 2:00am so I guess she's worried. I said I would be home at 2.

Maybe someone will come find me now.

I hope. Because everything's getting dark.

I don't think... I don't think I'm going to make it.

I flinched awake to a someone screaming bloody murder next to me.

Summer.

"Summer" I sighed, sitting up. "Summer wake up"

I know I sound like an ass right now but I'm exhausted. Every night. Every single night, she wakes up screaming. And then I'm up for hours consoling her. I get about an hour asleep a night. I can't keep doing this. I have to work in the morning.

"What? What? Anthony?" Summer looked around frantically. "Where's Marilyn and Matt?"

"They're fine. Marilyn's in LA with the kids and Eric working on that movie. Matt's back in Eastview with Brielle and River. Just like they were last night and the night before" I sighed.

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry it happened again" Summer cried.

"Sunshine" I smiled at her. I pulled her into my lap and kissed her forehead. "Don't worry. I know you're struggling. I'm just tired"

"I'm sorry" She cried harder. "I know you have work. I know- I'm sorry"

"Maybe you should talk to Dr. Russel about those anti-anxiety meds he suggested" I breathed in the scent of her hair.

"I thought you didn't want me to take them?" Summer looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I didn't back then. I thought that talk therapy would be better. But Sunshine... It's been years of this. Every night you wake up screaming and I have to remind you that Marilyn and Matt are alive. I'm exhausted so you must feel worse" I sigh. "But it's your choice ultimately, Summer. I just don't think I can continue living on an hour of sleep a night anymore"

"I'll call him in the morning" Summer hugged me and then climbed back into her spot.

I turned away before I could see her open her arms, ready for me to climb into them and go to sleep like every night.

"I think I'm going to sleep in the living room tonight" I stood up, grabbing my pillow.

"Oh okay" My heart clenched at the sound of her dejected voice.

"I love you" I whispered.

"I love you too"

I was limp now. I was awake but I couldn't hold myself up anymore. Everything hurt and it was exhausting me.

I've been here for hours. I couldn't do anything but watch my phone ring over and over again. From Thea to my brothers, to my Mom. I think Mom got a bad feeling because now I was getting calls from everyone.

Mom, Dad, Eric, Marilyn, Summer, Tony, May, Piper, Sage, Mick, Charlie, Kevin, Devin, Laurel, Millie. And of course, Thea.

Every time my phone would light up and I would see the "120 missed calls" and the dozens of texts from each one of them.

It hurt and I was terrified.

I didn't want to die alone in this ditch. Would anyone ever find me?

I snorted the second white line and breathed out.

I stood up straight and wiped my nose.

I glanced into the mirror and stared at myself in the mirror.

I cringed at what I saw in the mirror.

Beside me were Summer, Matt and Marilyn. The way they looked 7, 8 years ago. Covered in cuts and scratches. And covered in their own blood.

I blinked and they were gone.

I glanced down at the last white line and leaned down to finish.

This isn't strong enough to keep them away forever. Just like the alcohol and pot wasn't. I'll have to move on to something stronger soon. Before they never leave me.

Knock, Knock.

"Yo Devin! Reggie and I aren't gonna wait forever" Mike yelled.

"I'm coming" I laugh. But it was forced because they were back...

The last thing I saw was headlights parking on the bridge.

Then my eyes drooped. And I couldn't see or hear anything anymore.

And soon I couldn't even hear my own thoughts.

There was nothing.

"Brielle. Give me my fucking pills" I growled at the woman standing in front of me.

"You don't need them!" Brielle crossed her arms.

"I'm not a goddamn addict. I'm in pain. Give me the pills" I reached out for the little yellow bottle but she pulled them from my reach.

"I swear to god" I grabbed her wrist to make her let them go.

"Matthew, stop" My brain didn't register the pain in her voice.

"Daddy! Stop it!" My eyes snapped to River and my grip loosened.

In a split second Brielle ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.

I rushed after her and by the time I got in, she had flushed the toilet.

"Are you crazy?" I grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her.

The way Brielle squeezed her eyes closed and the way her lip quivered, sent a bad feeling down my spine.

I quickly let go of her and turned around.

"Watch out, buddy" I whispered as I walked out of the bathroom and passed my son.

"Matthew?" Brielle called my name. "Where are you going?"

"My parents"

"You're leaving me?" Brielle whimpered.

"No-No. I just... If I stay.. I'm going to hurt one of you and... and I don't want to do that"

Dr. Preston drove his car up to a small bridge. Eric was sitting in the passenger seat with Matt and Sage in the back seat.

"Dad- Stop" Matt spoke frantically.

"What-What happened?" Dr. Preston panicked.

But his eyes set on the guard rail. It was broken.

Eric hopped out of the car with his family in tow.

"Do you see anything?" Dr. Preston squinted at the dark ditch under them.

"Right there" Eric pointed at the small glow. "That's him. Someone call 911"

And then the father and sons ran off of the bridge and down the steep hill while Sage stayed behind to call an ambulance.

"Marc!" Eric yelled as he ran up to the side of the car. "Marc can you hear me?"

Eric opened the car door and checked Marc's pulse right as Matt and Dr. Preston reached him.

"Dad-Dad I can't feel a pulse" Eric cried out.

"We need to get him out of the car and on his back, now" Dr. Preston demanded.

"Isn't that dangerous?" Matt questioned.

"Right now, his heart isn't beating and he isn't breathing. We don't know how long he's been here but if we don't get blood flow restored, there's nothing else the hospital will be able to do" Dr. Preston had his own tears as he helped Eric pull Marc's lifeless body out of the car.

"Marc!" Sage screamed from the bridge as she watched her father begin compressions.

This was a nightmare that had turned into reality for the entire Preston family.

Dear Thick Thea,

Would you believe me if I told you that I've loved you my entire life? The earliest memory I have is of you. I don't know how old we were but.. I know that we were still in diapers. You had the prettiest hair and eyes and I just thought you were amazing. I spent years, just wanting to be your friend. But you had Kevin and Devin. They were always so much better than me. And you never gave me any attention when they were around. I guess that's why I started picking on you. I just wanted you to think of me. And then you asked me to the Spring Formal and I saw the fear in your eyes when Kevin got angry at you. And I knew that he would have cut off your friendship if we went together. So funny thing. I found this half written letter at the clubhouse and... wow. So much has changed since you asked me to the Spring Formal. I mean for one, I got sent to a boys school and didn't see you for 3 years. And then I got back and we became kind of friends. And now... now you're my girlfriend. My girlfriend. That still amazes me. I still feel like this is all a dream and I'll end up waking up to find out I'm still at the boarding school. But every time you laugh, every time I feel your hand touch mine, every time you kiss me... I know that this is real because the feeling I get when I'm with you. It's magical. I know that sounds girly but it's true. It's like I'm at Disney World and the fireworks are going off. We should go to Disney World one day, Tee. I know you don't love me yet but I want you to know that I love you. And I hope that we're together for a long time.