"Fuck man!" Everett pinches the bridge of his nose, his eyes scanning the mess I've made in the living room and kitchen. "It smells like ass in here!"

I simply grumble, hungover and barely able to keep my eyes open.

"Maybe it's a good thing Declan's not here. Because then he wouldn't have to sit and watch his father rot away in this filth."

I didn't respond, because of course, he was right. For once, Declan's better off with his bitch of a mother.

I fought hard to clear my name and keep my son, but in the end, Natalie still won.

Which was total bullshit. I had solid evidence against her claims and yet, the judge still ruled in her favor.

Now not only is my girl gone, but my son is as well. I haven't seen him in weeks. The judge has allowed me to visit him twice a week, but it has to be supervised and Natalie has to give me permission.

You can infer with that ruling that Natalie has used it well to her advantage. She's the reason I haven't seen my son in damn near a month.

I have no idea how he's doing. I can't talk to him, look at him, or even hold him. I've begged and begged Natalie to let me see him, but she's chosen to ignore my pleas and punish me instead.

As for Laurel, she's completely shut me out. Which she has a right to do after the way we ended things.

Everett's been keeping me updated. She's a teacher now. I smile at that. I'm so fucking proud of her. I wish I could tell her, but I've lost all motivation, hope, and strength to fight.

"Where's the maid I hired to keep this place clean?" Everett asked, sounding nasally as he spoke through his nose.

"I fired her."

He huffed. "Why?"

"She doesn't smell like my babygirl. She smells like cleaning products."

"Seriously, Levi? You fired her because she doesn't smell like Laurel?" Moving quickly towards me, he grabbed my plain white tank top and jolted me upright. "I don't know what kind of voodoo pussy she has, but I need you to snap out of this shit!"

"I miss my babies," I whined, feeling like my world had crumbled down around me.

"Then get your filthy ass up and do something about it!"

I shoved him off me. "Do you have to fucking yell? Shit, I'm right here."

He rolled his eyes. "You leave me no choice, Levi."

What the hell is he barking about now?

I watched him make his way back over to the front door. I shot up out of my seat when he opened the door and my parents walked in.

"What the fuck, Everett?"

He shrugged. "I'm tired of seeing your depressing ass mope around all day. I miss my brother."

He used the brother card.

That clever bastard.

Running my fingers through my messy hair, I groaned when I saw the amount of luggage my parents were towing in behind them.

"So this is what you've been doing instead of getting my grandson back?" My mother scoffed, her green eyes skimming over everything in a disapproving manner.

I felt like a teenager all over again as she scolded me for allowing my place to get this messy. There were dirty dishes in the sink, days old takeout, and a half empty pizza box on the kitchen counter.

She eyed the empty bottles of beer on my coffee table and shook her head in disappointment.

"I'm sorry you guys had to see me like this."

The voice that spoke next belonged to my father. "It's okay, son. We're going to get Declan back."

****

After cleaning my place up and finally showering, I dropped my parents off at the hotel. I offered to house them at my place, but after the mess my mother saw, she refused to sleep anywhere other than at a hotel.

"Are you ready?" Everett asked.

I looked out the window of his car, staring at the house Declan was currently living in. "Yeah." Unbuckling my seat belt, I got out of the car and shut the door.

"Remember the plan, Levi."

"Yeah, yeah."

Jogging up to the front door, I let Natalie know I was here through text and waited for her to let me in. I glanced back at Everett, who gave me a head nod. "You can hear me, right?"

"Yup. I'll hit record as soon as she answers the door."

Turning back around, I sucked in a deep breath. This just might be the stupidest thing I have ever done. But, like I've said before, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to protect my son.

The door opened, Natalie smiling brightly when she saw me. I held back the urge to roll my eyes. She stood with her hand on her hip, her spray tanned leg peeking out of the robed kimono she was wearing.

"Where is he?"

"Who?"

"Don't you fucking play with me, Natalie," I seethed, losing the patience I barely had to begin with. "Where's my son?"

Natalie was pushed out of the way. She stumbled back a few steps, Declan shouting loudly, "daddy!" Picking him up, I swung him around in my arms, tears blurring my vision.

"He doesn't act like that with me," Natalie said with a frown. "This is the first word he's said since he was placed in my custody."

"That's because he doesn't know you."

Stunned, I suppressed the laughter bubbling in my throat. It was like she was just now realizing the effects of her actions. Using this opportunity to ask the question that's been burning in my mind since the day she left and hopefully get a confession out of her, I asked to come inside.

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Why?"

"Because I want to talk."

"Mm, okay." Stepping to the side, she watched me with caution as I entered the house she used my money to buy.

Sitting down on the couch, I held onto Declan. Being almost a month without him has been total hell. And now, I'm even more anxious than I was before he was taken from me.

"I just want to know why?"

"Why what?" She asked, still standing.

"Why did you leave? Did I not make you happy? Did I not give you everything you've ever wanted? Was my son not enough for you?"

I didn't want Declan hearing this. But I felt that if I let go of him, he'd vanish from my arms just as quickly as he did the day the judge deemed Natalie more fit to parent.

She released a sigh. "You did everything right, Levi."

"Then why..." I choked on my words, feeling my eyes begin to well up with tears. I've kept these emotions inside me for so long that it was hard to separate my pain and hurt from anger.

It all just poured out of me at once. I covered Declan's ears, overflowing with emotion. "I loved you. I fucking loved you, Nat." Her eyes grew in size, hearing me call her by her nickname. "Fuck. I would have given you the world if I could."

"Levi-"

"I'm not done," I barked, having to remind myself that Declan was watching me so I didn't lash out in front of him. "I can understand you leaving me, but Declan? I will never forgive you for abandoning him."

She shifted with discomfort, fully understanding the pain she'd caused our family. "I'm sorry," She said with a sniffle, blue eyes that used to have me worshiping her at her feet filled with tears.

"I just want to know the truth, Natalie. That's all."

"I felt trapped," she finally confessed. "You were married to your work. You hardly paid any attention to me, which made me feel like the mistress you occasionally fucked and eventually impregnated."

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because I was afraid. Not just of breaking your heart, but in telling you that I never wanted kids." She looked down at her painted toes. "You were so happy when you found out I was pregnant that I couldn't go through with it."

I straightened my spine, not sure I was prepared to hear any more. "Go through with what?" She was sobbing now, black streaks of mascara rolling down her cheeks. "I had a plan and everything. I was going to go to the clinic-"

"You were going to get an abortion!?" If I wasn't still covering Declan's ears, he would have heard his mother confess to almost getting rid of him, to wanting to get rid of him. She was crying even harder now.

She nodded. "But I couldn't go through with it," she tried to defend. "It wasn't like the other times." She stopped talking when she realized she'd slipped up and revealed more than she wanted to.

"What other times?" Boiling with rage, I sent Declan into another room. I started to stride around the living room, my fists balled at my sides, and my heart drumming in my chest. "Are you telling me that Declan would not have been my first child?" She nodded her head slowly. I scoffed. "How many? How many of my children did you rip out from under me?"

"Two," she admitted.

I made sure to keep my distance. Not just for her sake, but for mine as well. "Is that why you dropped those bullshit abuse allegation charges against me? Are you feeling guilty?"

"I know you're a good father, Levi. And I know you would never put your hands on me."

I couldn't stop myself from raising my voice. "So then why the fuck would you tell the world I did? And then you had the nerve to take my son away from me knowing you didn't give two fucks about him or my unborn children! Why the hell would you even marry me, if you didn't want to have any of my kids?"

"I loved you, Levi," she sobbed, her face red. "I never stopped loving you."

"You don't love me. If you loved me, then you would have told me the truth. If you loved me, then you wouldn't have stolen from me. If you loved me, then you wouldn't have left me. If you loved me... you wouldn't have done all the shit you did!"

I couldn't control the flood of tears streaming down my face. Despite my rage, I was more hurt than anything. The woman I had given my heart to had lied to me.

I took a breath, my heart, or what's left of it, beating at an unhealthy rate. I clasped my hand over my chest, suddenly finding it harder to breathe than normal. Feeling lightheaded, I used my other hand to grip at the wall.

The distorted sound of Natalie's frightened voice filled my ears, Everett sounding just as frightened in the other. My chest felt tight. Struggling to pass oxygen into my airways, I realized I wasn't having a panic attack, but a heart attack.

Damn, Everett was right. I am old.

I hit the floor, my vision going in and out. Breathing heavily, I only heard the loud, pestering sound of ringing in my ears.

Declan, Everett, Laurel, and my parents. They all flashed in my mind, memories of them both good and bad. Closing my eyes, I fell numb to the stabbing pain in my chest. And that's when I let darkness devour me whole.