On the way back to motel, the taxi driver kept asking me if I'm alright while I sobbed, unable to contain myself. I ran out of the club as soon as I was given the opportunity, and right in that instant I broke. I just cannot take it. This isn't the bright future Tom spoke about. The amount of disappointment and shame I feel because of what happened is currently the strongest emotion in my body.

I showered for over an hour because I wished it would wash the shame away. I always knew that this kind of job isn't an innocent one and things aren't always pretty, but this is a form of sexual abuse. My brain refuses to think logically and strategically as to what action I should take after this. It's certain that I need time to process it, but it is so difficult.

The good thing is that I don't work at the library anymore so I don't have to worry about swollen eyes and puffy face due to all the crying. And I can also sleep in.

I hid under the bed sheets, squeezing them tightly around me as though they could protect me from something. I'm feeling pure sadness and I just need someone to lay by my side and hold me, not saying a word. It is in times like this, when the only hug I get is from the sheets, that I feel loneliness. My entire being can't bear what happened tonight, but I must allow myself to let it all out before trying to heal. If only I stood up for myself...

___

When I woke up in the morning I felt much better. I realised that it's not their touches which hurt me as much as me being unable to stand my ground did. What happened last night is mainly my fault. Yes, those men are guilty but not as much as me. I had a choice. In rape, there is no choice and the guilty party is solely the rapist. But in my case those men aren't rapists, they are just perverts. If I walked away I would lose my job but I would be free to go. Instead I shut my mouth without even showing displeasure.

My insecurities and lack of confidence are my biggest enemies. They are what allowed Adrian to play with me and inevitably hurt me, they are what makes me feel worth less when I look at Julian's rich life on Instagram, they are what stopped me from standing up to my boss last night. It will be difficult for me to change it but the first step to solving a problem is identifying it.

I am not as badly affected by it as I thought I'd be, probably because I've seen other dancers do it willingly on various occasions, and that's a good sign. At least I won't spend the next two weeks overthinking what happened and eating myself inside. Although it would be a lie to say that I'm not upset.

___

"But Tom, he can't just kick him out like that!" Ellen cried out in desperation, pulling Tom's arm while I watched the whole thing from the side.

The dickhead boss 'asked' Valentin to leave saying that customers don't like the dancers who have partners, so we cannot bring them to the club. Valentin didn't protest, he just kindly left because he didn't want to cause any problems for Ellen. However, she wouldn't have it so she immediately found Tom and complained. I already know it's a lost fight...

"Ellen, he is very strict and I can't do much, I'm sorry." Once again, Tom acted helpless.

He did the same thing with me when I told him I was forced to dance for a guy I wanted to refuse. Tom always stood up for his girls and protected them. He made our comfort a priority. Things seem to be changing now. I wonder what he would say if I told him what happened last night.

When he walked away, Ellen and I remained alone. She stared at me in disbelief, obviously annoyed by his answer. I gave her a pitying look.

"There is something that happened last night and I need to tell you, but not here. Meet me tomorrow, I'll send you the location." I decided to tell Ellen everything. She is older than me and she will be supportive. I'll probably feel better after telling her.

"Sure, I'll text you. Now let me go have a drink because I am pissed!" She turned to leave still angry while I got back on the stage.

My first break practically passed in watching Ellen being frustrated, but at least the dickhead boss was nowhere to be seen. Now as I dance I can see him sitting at one of the tables with some people. Jerk.

The club isn't as full as it was yesterday, but there are still plenty of people. So far no creepy men asked me for a lap dance. I considered being terrible at it just so they wouldn't want me, but now they are being asked to give their review so the dancers' work is monitored.

The time for my second break eventually arrived. I don't know what gave me the impression that this night will be nice, because when I saw Adrian entering my stomach turned upside down. He didn't take long to find me and headed towards me as soon as he did. I sighed knowing I will have to give him a dance if he asks for one.

"What do you want?" I fired immediately, taking a defensive position.

"What would a man want in a strip club?" He smirked. "One last dance. I'm leaving in the morning." I felt relieved when he said he is leaving.

"Finally!" I closed my hands happily with my tone being full of sarcasm. "But can we skip the dance part please?" I urged.

"Oh come on Lana! It's the last time you are seeing me. This is where everything started, let it end here as well." He made a little speech but I'm still not buying it. His tall frame towers over me and his blonde hair is messed up as usual.

The new boss approached us, probably noticing our little chit chat. I sighed. There is no declining now...

"I see you picked one of our best dancers." The dickhead smiled, putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer. I think I need to go vomit.

"Oh yes, indeed I did." Adrian returned a big smile, unaware that the man molested me last night. But he surely noticed how uncomfortable I am.

"And she has quite a body." He winked squeezing my right breast slightly with his arm still around me. I flinched and Adrian's smile disappeared.

"Agreed. But if you don't mind I'd like to get my dance now." He fake smiled while I used it all as an excuse and pulled away, taking his hand and leading him into a private room.

Once I closed the curtain behind us, I took a seat down on the sofa and he joined. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and leaned back in silence. Adrian sat next to me and shifted his body towards me.

"He's a bit too touchy." He remarked and I nodded.

"Last night he and three of his colleagues made me dance for them and molested me all together. And I didn't stand up for myself. So now you can go up to him and tell him that I refused to give you a lap dance, I don't care. Even if I lose this job I don't care. This isn't what I moved to this city for." I burst out saying everything I had on my mind while he listened carefully. It surprised me that I actually spoke about it to Adrian.

A tiny part of me expected him to pull me on his chest and remain silent. A bigger part of me expected him to get up and go punch my boss in the face or threaten him. But no part of me expected him to do what he just did. And that is to simply get up and leave without saying anything.