Adrian and I laid down in silence, me on his chest and him on my pillow. The realisation that when I go to sleep it will smell of him, excites me. We have been quiet for about twenty minutes, staring at my ceiling with cracked white paint. I decided to break the silence.

"Can I talk to you?" Something in the atmosphere made me relaxed enough to open up about everything that has been on my mind.

"Of course. What about?" He tightened his grip around me, quietly encouraging me. Probably he is aware that we have quite a bit to discuss.

"I have a lot to say, so please don't stop me until I'm finished." I warned before opening my heart. "Ever since we met I felt like I am less. It's not because you have everything that I don't or because you are the dominant one, but because you don't show me certain things. I feel like you come and take me as you please, leave whenever you want and don't respect me. I cannot play hard to get and reject you each time because I have feelings and I like to show them, not play games and hide them. And even when I said no, you went off with Scarlett instead of fighting for me. It makes me feel worthless. You behave like a fifteen year old."

A large stone was lifted off my chest once I let out everything I kept inside. I got up from his chest and leaned on my elbow to get a better look at him. His facial expression showed me that he had a lot to say himself.

"Look Lana... I honestly thought like I was doing right by you until you told me this. So it comes as a surprise. I'm sorry I made you feel this way." He started off, talking slowly and pausing to think every now and then. "At first I wanted this to be just another fling, especially with you being nineteen and so many years younger. I never thought this could take a serious turn but it has. I'm not very skilled in showing certain things but of course I respect you. And doing what I did with Scarlett was very childish and stupid. I have feelings for you too, you mean a lot to more to me than you think. You are special not worthless."

It took me a little while to absorb each word, not having expected him to say so many things. I thought he would shrug it off and say something just to put me at ease. But instead he made it a point to reassure me.

"Then make me feel special." Was all I answered before changing the subject. "Is this a relationship?" This was one more thing I wanted to clarify.

"Yes of course. You're my little girlfriend." He smiled and put his arm around me, forcing me once again to lay back on him.

He stayed the night and I enjoyed sleeping next to him.

___

This morning Ellen called asking me to babysit Sam as I promised a couple of days ago. I gladly agreed since Sam is a very well behaved child and can entertain himself.

Sam came over to my house and brought some of his toys. He started playing on his own straight away and I made him pancakes because he likes them very much. When I checked my phone I gasped realising that I promised Valentin to hang out but forgot that I have to babysit. I gave him a call and invited him to come over, explaining the situation.

It felt more like the two of them were hanging out than Valentin and me, because the moment he and Sam met they clicked and began playing. I came in the picture only when they decided to watch cartoons so I could join them. It doesn't bother me though, I find it cute.

I got bored of cartoons at one point and secretly cheated on our 'no phones' rule every now and then. When Ellen came back, Sam didn't run to hug her like he usually does.

"Sammy?" She shouted from the door, giving me a confused look and causing me to smile.

"He has a new friend, we don't exist anymore." I chuckled, sparking her curiosity.

"Who?" She let herself in and we went over to the living room, finding Sam and Valentin asleep on the sofa and leaning on each other.

"Ms Heilig's son. I met him at the library." I explained and then coughed on purpose for them to wake up.

Her eyes were fixed on the young man who flinched due to the fright my cough gave him. He opened his eyes, immediately meeting hers. Even I could feel the energy between them. Valentin got up and reached out his hand while I introduced them. They shook hands for longer than expected and I did my best to conceal the urge to laugh. Sam was still sleeping.

Once they let go and came out of their bubble, Ellen woke Sam up and they were off. Valentin followed soon and I knew immediately that I'll have to organise something to get them together again.

___

Tom and I met for brunch at a restaurant by the river. I admired the beautiful view and watched people walk down the promenade and sit on the benches. The atmosphere seems very calm, it reminds me of a Monet's painting.

"How are the roses?" With a smile on his face, he asked.

"Dried." I made a sad face. "But I saved one by pressing it between the books." I like to preserve the flowers I get.

"Did you think about my offer?" He changed the topic and I took a second to think what he meant.

"What offer?" Unsure, I asked. Once again I noticed that he dressed up more than usual and even wore a stronger cologne.

"To give us a chance." I sighed to his reply, especially because of the fact that he used the word 'us'. There is no us.

"But Tom, we've already discussed this." I didn't bother hiding that the subject annoyed me.

"I know but I told you to think about it some more." He persisted.

"I have feelings for Adrian, you decided to ask me out when I already met someone else." I explained the same thing again. "I'm sorry but it's a no." My face looked sad because I don't like making people feel bad, but in this case it is inevitable.

"Ugh." He groaned in disappointment. "Fine." He accepted but I doubt that he really did.

I did my best to talk about other things and his mood got a bit better. The food was really tasty so we enjoyed eating it in silence without it being awkward.

Before falling asleep at night, I thought the situation with Tom through. I cannot be friends with someone who likes me and I don't feel the same way about, because it gives them false hope. But Tom is my boss and I have to be friends with him. Perhaps I'll try avoiding him until these feelings fade.