[Nea's POV]

We're back at BU after the spring break. A lot of things happened the past week, but Adam is still being patient and kind to me. I still can't open up to him, it's just I don't think I can.

My family always confides to me in anything, I know why they did so, they wanted me to confide in them about my thoughts too. What Adam said to me on the way home that day still lingers in my mind. I know I hurt him when I didn't say that I trust him, but this is me, I don't even trust myself, let alone trust other people.

Kris has been bugging me for a week since I'm back from the break. She knows I have something that bugging me inside because I'm not my usual self. I have been listening to that playlist non-stop for weeks already. My head is all over the place and my insomnia came back, just like two years ago.

I pushed people away at that time, my family and my best friends are the only people I have, but I can't help it, it's my dark days. I feel like my heart is empty and I'm not lying, I do have self-harm thoughts, but thank god I didn't have that much courage to even do that and I do in fact love my bodies (and really I hate getting hurt). My defense wall is so thick that I don't allow not even my loved ones to hurt me.

I saw the hurt in my family's eyes, whenever I keep things away from them, but I just can't talk about it. I feel like my thoughts, the things that are bothering me are just stupid and not even a problem. I feel like if I opened up, they will say like it's just a simple thing and why did I make it as if it's a big problem, I'm scared of it.

Sometimes I do feel like I wanted to go to the doctor, to check up on my mental health, but again I'm afraid of knowing the truth. I know I'm a coward, a total coward to be exact. I keep on ignoring and avoiding it, which I know one day I wouldn't be able to anymore. But, for now, I just want to keep it to myself, until Adam came and he tries hard to crush the wall I build up hard in those two years.

Someone nudges me in my ribs, making me wince and I glare at Kris. She signals with her chin to the front and I saw the professor is looking at me with her hands on her hips, "Is my class that boring for you to sigh non-stop Nea?"

I heard some people laugh, but turn silent when the professor glare at them. I sit up straight quickly, "I'm sorry Mrs. Blake, I won't repeat it again."

"Spare me a minute after this class will you." Mrs. Blake said and I nod, complying.

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"Is something bothering you Nea?" Mrs. Blake asks me. We're currently in her office as I helped her with her things and she wanted to talk to me.

I shake my head while playing with my hands. After a minute I look up and smile, "I'm okay professor."

She clasps her hand together and she looks at me, smiling softly, "I don't believe you." I avoid her gaze and bite a side of my lip.

"You're a bright student Nea. You always have a great focus in class, but all this week you seem bothered. I know I'm just a professor, but if anything you can confide in me. I'm a great secret keeper." Mrs. Blake smiles, She looks like the same age as Bella except for her marital status.

"Thank you, Mrs. Blake. I'll keep that in mind." I said as I stand up to walk out of the room.

"Nea, do you mind if I ask you something?" I turn around and shake my head, "No, what is it, Mrs. Blake?"

"Are you perhaps.. urmm.. pregnant?" Mrs. Blake carefully asks and my eyes widen.

"I'm sorry? No, no. What makes you say that professor?" I laugh awkwardly.

"I mean I do know you're in a relationship with Adam Clark, and I saw how smitten both of you are to each other. So I just straight forward ask." Mrs. Blake smiles.

"I see, most people know about us by now. No, I'm not pregnant professor, don't worry."

"Then this thing that bothers you is regarding the relationship of both of you I guess?"

"Maybe, or maybe not. But, yeah, it does link to one another."

"I see, oh yeah, before I forgot. Here, is the information about what you asked me before, the deadline is before the final exam. The requirements and the form are also there. There's still time for you to apply for it."

"Thank you, professor, I could've gotten this myself in the administration office. Anyway, thank you so much, professor." I look at the papers and brochure in my hand.

"Think about it, it's a great opportunity and you're one of my best students although we've only met for this semester." Mrs. Blake commented and I smile in gratitude before I walk out of her office.

I sigh before I put on my earphone in high volume and tie my hair up in a messy bun. I walk aimlessly, I don't want to go back to the dorm because Kris is waiting for me, to ask for what happens and all other things. Adam is currently busy with his studies and business along with the boys, while Sara is busy with her project and studies.

I arrive at a secluded place and I sit on a bench while looking at the surroundings. The flowers and the greens are soothing as I am listening to my music. I'm too immersed in the song that my tears rolls down unconsciously as my heart feels heavy with all of the things I bottled up inside.

A hand holding a handkerchief is in front of my face and I look up to find Luke standing behind me. He's looking away, not even to my face. I take the handkerchief and wipe my tears away. Luke takes a seat next to me, silently staying there.

"What are you doing here, Luke?"

"Where's Adam?"

"He's busy with studies and business. What are you doing .."

"Why are you crying?"

Of all people, you're one of the people that I don't want to confide in.

"Nothing, just immersed in the song."

"Fought with Adam?"

"No!"

"Then?" Luke turns to look at me and our eyes met.

"It's none of your business," I said as I stand up to walk away, but Luke tugs my hand.

"Adam asks me...What happens two years ago."

My heart races and my mind scatter away at that topic. I take a silent breath and I gulp down air.

"What happens to you two years ago, Aryn?" Luke's pleading.

I shut my eyes, "It's nothing." I pull my hand away from him and start walking away.

"Then why did you say I left you when you need me before? You said it as if I left you without informing and It's like it's my fault that you're like that two years ago."

"No, it's not Luke. You're not involved." I try to walk away again, but Luke pulled me away to face him.

"You're lying. It does have something to do with me, right?"

I rolled my eyes as I get annoyed, "What if it does?"

Luke gasps a bit, but he remains composed, "Then I have to fix it!"

"You can't and It's already too late." I push his hand away.

"No! It's not too late Nea, I'm just two years late."

"For god's sake, cut it out!" I yell and thank god there are not many people nearby.

"You're keeping it in. It's not good for you, Aryn." Luke talks softly.

I scoff and I take a few steps away from him as I shake my head.

"I keep in tab with Bella about you," Luke yells and I stop in my track. My heart races, afraid of my thoughts getting revealed.

Luke steps forward and stands in front of me again, "She told me everything and your dark days."

I stare him in the eye and I speak full of sarcasm tone as I walk past him, "Congrats then, for knowing it."

"Aryn...Talk to me... Please?" Luke holds my wrist again and I feel my anger boiled up.

"And then what? Do you think I would feel better after that? I don't think so Luke Carter, I don't think so!" I push his chest with my hands, making his stagger back as he looks at my anger state.

"You'll feel better. I promise you." Luke pleaded again.

I sigh as I wipe my face with my hand roughly. My hand started trembling and my heart almost explodes.

"Why didn't you go to the ice rink two tears ago?" My voice cracks as I look at him, hurt shows in my eyes.

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