"He hasn't called you yet?" Asked Drew as he sat next to me on the sofa, placing the six pack of beer on the coffee table. Drew and I were friends since the day I moved to LA. He moved to California to became an actor but he ended up becoming a professional male model and he had big designers signing him up for runway shows and photoshoots.

I nodded no to his previous question.

I was currently waiting for the guy who called himself my 'manager,' he wasn't really my manager, just a guy who helped me audition for roles, I guessed that's what managers do but I didn't hire him, he just saw me practicing for an audition one day and he said he wanted to help me make it big, I let him help me because landing a role in an industry where every actor was connected and every director or writter knew exactly who they wanted for their movie wasn't easy.

I had been told 'NO' more than anyone could ever imagine, I wanted to give up every time someone told me no but I didn't give up, so I auditioned one last time for a movie that guys like me only dreamt of.

It was a movie where they had to call every famous young actor in Hollywood, directed by award winning director Tom Gathers, starring the famous Serena Ryan.

I wasn't expecting to get it, I knew I wouldn't get it.

We heard the front door shut then James walked into the living room and sighed, he looked tired and depressed.

"So?" Drew sounded eager, James just shook his head and dropped on the couch, taking off his hat.

I wasn't disappointed, I knew I wouldn't get it.

"Sorry, bro." Drew patted my shoulder.

"I give up. No more auditions." I said to them.

"Why would you give up?" Asked James, reaching for a bottle of beer on the table.

"They all think my acting sucks." I pointed out dramatically.

"Everyone except for Tom Gathers." He opened the bottle with his teeth and had a sip. Drew and I turned to look at him.

"Dude, you just said he didn't get it." Said Drew.

"I said no such thing, I shook my head and y'all assumed." He shrugged, I widened my eyes at him, he smiled at us.

"No fucking way! He got it?" Drew screamed beside me, I just froze.

"He got it." James confirmed.

"You're not fucking with me?" I pointed at him.

"No, I showed him your audition tape and he just looked at you and said yes, he's exactly what I imagined Ashton to look and sound like, I want him." He explained.

"Wait, isn't Ashton like the lead?" Asked Drew.

"I didn't audition for the fucking lead." I shook my head.

"He said he wants you to play the lead." He chuckled, swinging another sip.

"Oh my God, you're gonna be kissing Serena Ryan." Said Drew, I turned to look at him with narrowed eyes.

"What? I'm jealous." He lifted his shoulders dismissingly. I didn't blame him, Serena Ryan had been acting since she was three years old and had made a name for herself by the age of twenty two.

"Now remember, Adrian," Said James in a serious tone, I returned my attention to him. "This movie is going to make a lot of noise once it comes out, Serena Ryan movies never flop, especially when she works with a badass director like Tom, do you know what that means?" He questioned.

I knew exactly what that meant because he already told me what it meant.

"It means I'll be surrounded by the best." I said the words he told me.

"Exactly, and what do you do with that?" He asked pointing at me with his bottle, like he wanted me to recall his words.

"I take advantage of my time on screen." I recalled his words.

"Good. I want you to be fully booked before that movie even leaves theatres." He told me, determined.

I loved his determination.

"WOW, I can't believe this is happening." Drew wrapped his arm around me and ruffled my hair. I shoved him.

"Believe it, I'm gonna go but I'll be back later so we can celebrate." James got up with his beer and started walking out of the room.

"Hey James?" I called, he turned around.

"Consider yourself hired." I said, he smiled and turned back around.

I turned to Drew, he was giving me a curious stare.

"What?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"Are you gonna call her?" He asked.

By her, he meant Emily. Drew and I had been friends for five years, we knew everything there was to know about each other, I think I used to talk about Emily a lot whenever he forced me to go out and have drinks with him.

I told him about the no phone calls thing and he had been pushing me to call her ever since. I said that I'd only call Emily once I landed a role because she was the first person to believe in me, that was to shut him up but every time he insisted I called her just to say hello but she and I had a deal, no phone calls unless it's a life and death situation.

I realized that was a dumb deal about a month after I left, I felt like I was going crazy without her, I felt like an idiot not picking up the phone and just calling her in order to hear her voice, to hear her call my name one more time.

I would have liked to say I was in a better place five years later but I wasn't, I felt like I was going crazy the first time I slept with someone else, I became a total drunk and Everytime I was drunk, I stared at the summer pictures in my phone, I missed her every day and to top it off, I hadn't exactly been in a serious relationship after her. Every time I got attracted to someone I fucked it up.

"I lost her number." I lied, I did delete her number cause I didn't want to be tempted to call her but I bumped into Jessica a few years back, she gave me Emily's number without me even asking for it. I took it but only stared at it every night.

"I know you still have it, just call her and tell her you got the role." He said in a pushy tone.

Everything inside me was telling me to do it, to swallow up my pride and just do it and maybe, just maybe. She waited for me.

"I don't think I'm ready, man." I said honestly.

"Adrian, you'll never be ready. Just take a leap of faith." He said.

A leap of faith, that's all I needed to hear.

"Okay," I nodded, "I'm gonna go call her." I stood and walked to my room, I shut the door, leaned my back against it and eyed my phone on the night stand.

I ambled towards it but ended up turning back around, I turned yet again and looked at it.

I told myself to man up before I walked to my bed and sat down, picking it up.

I didn't save the number as 'Emily' for some reason, I saved it as 'forever' but with a question mark.

Staring at the name, my hands started shaking, I tossed the phone on my bed and ran my shaking hands through my hair.

First, I wondered if they were going to cut my hair for that movie role. Second, what the hell was I supposed to say to her after five years? What if she changed, what if she was no longer the Emily I used to know? What if she was no longer my Emily.

I picked it up again and pressed my thumb on the call icon. Laying down on my bed and pressing the phone against my ear.

It rang once, my heart beat faster.

It rang twice, my stomach tightened.

It rang three times and then...

I shut my eyes at the familiar voice, it sounded different. A little older. I suddenly started picturing what she looked like.

Did she cut her hair short, did she look taller, did she-

she snapped when I didn't respond, she sounded like she was having a good day, I could hear slow, peaceful music playing in the background.

I wondered if Collin was her boyfriend or if it was someone she was really close to.

She went quiet, I heard a little shifting and then a door shutting. The music was no longer playing in the background, I guessed she was now in a different room.

There it was.

Her, calling my name again, all I ever wanted.

I wanted to respond but what was I going to say when she specifically told me not to call her.

She didn't exactly sound upset.

I said out loud, pressing my palm against my forehead.

I laughed, she giggled.

I missed the sound of that giggle.

Suddenly, I felt at ease, I fell in love all over again, I had a genuine smile on my face and every muscle in my body relaxed.

So she changed, the old Emily would be excited to hear about someone getting married.

I didn't know what to say to this new Emily that was clearly taking this casual, like it was just another day in her room, talking to her ex boyfriend on the phone.

I thought about telling her but what if she didn't give a shit? Or worse, what if she pretended to give a shit?

My hands shook even harder.

There was a long pause.

Her tone was low and whispery. She missed me too. That relived me.

I admitted.

There was a sound of a door opening, Asked a guy's voice.

She responded to him. Then a door shut.

She told me, I didn't want her to go, not again.

I nodded even though she couldn't see me,

I had to take three breaths to calm my heart and brace myself because my next question was either going to break me for life or heal me for life.

I asked.

She released a shaky breath, like she wasn't expecting me to ask that.

Her name felt strange in my mouth, maybe it was because I hadn't said it out loud in a while.

There was that long pause again.

Her tone cracked like she was about to cry, forever.

That statement broke me, infact, it killed me.

I got up from my bed and walked to my door, I didn't open it though. I just looked at it while I tried to control my breathing.

My mind was whirling on where I went wrong, my heart was sinking and my whole body was vibrating with tension like something wanted out. it hurt so bad.

She ruined me.

I managed to respond as I rubbed my hand against my chest.

" ." She said. I tugged on my hair and growled frustratedly.

I whispered, running a hand on my face.

I heard her ask, I nodded even though she couldn't see me.

Find ecstasy in living, Adrian. The mere sense of living is joy enough."

She was telling to move on.

Why did this hurt more than when I walked out of her bedroom that night.

I shut my eyes and leaned my forehead against the door, hitting my forehead against it repeatedly.

I said her name for what felt like the last time.

She whispered, she sounded like she was crying.

She cried even harder.

The words made it through my tight throat, I heard her release a sob.

She whispered my name in the saddest tone.I cut the call and the phone fell out of my hand, landing on the floor then I felt something wet roll down my cheek.

Goddamn it, I loved that girl more than anything in my life and it was way too late for me to move on, she already ruined me for anyone else.

But then again who was I to blame her for moving on without me? All I had to do was promise her forever five years ago and maybe I still would have had her, maybe she wouldn't have fallen in love with someone else.

I started pacing, telling myself that it was time to move on from Emily Bennett but how was I going to get her out of my system in a day if I couldn't even do it in five years?

I felt angry at life, love, the world but mostly at myself. I thought I got rid of this anger five years ago when Emily told me that I wasn't a bad person, that it wasn't my fault.

Goddamn it, she was everything close to perfect.

But of course, I fucked it up.

My door flew open and Drew walked in with a curious stare.

"Please don't tell me she got married to another guy?" He sat down on my bed and looked at me.

I forced a smile as I looked at him, "Fell in love with someone else."

"That traitor." He whispered, "Oh well, at least you can finally move on now." He shrugged it off. I sat on the floor and leaned my back against the wall.

"How? I don't know how to move on, Drew. I still have Emily in my heart, in my mind, her name's literally on my chest and every time I sleep with someone else, It's so different from what I felt when I was with her. So tell me, how am I supposed to move on?"

"Adrian, we're literally in Hollywood, I don't think you know this but every girl tries to get with you wherever we go and you don't even pay attention because of this forever promise you made to this chick who apparently, moved on without you. how dare she." He shook his head disappointedly.

"Did I ever tell you she begged me to do long distance?"

"Adrian, Stop."

"She begged me to do long distance all summer and I flipped out on her and left and she never got mad at me for some reason, every time I went back to her after our fights she would hold me so tight. I don't think I've ever been held that tight while feeling so loved by someone I didn't even deserve."

"Don't say that, you both felt the same way, you were just kids who didn't know better."

"No. Emily always knew better. She knew things would turn out this way, she knew I'd be the one who would never heal and she literally called me a coward for giving up on us. She always knew."

"So stop killing yourself over her and finally focus on your career which has just begun, you're talented bro, I want you to succeed but no one succeeds when they're too busy thinking about the past. Move on. You can start by showing Serena Ryan your panty dropping grin, I'll give you six hundred bucks if you consider dating her." He said, I laughed, looking to my side.

Move on.

Maybe I spent all those years worrying about Emily because I thought she was as broken as I was, but hearing her tone and her advice about me moving on, I concluded that she healed a very long time ago and that I was the only one who was still holding on to something that ended five years ago.

She was right, time totally screwed us over in the end.

"We're all trying to forget someone. For you? Emily will always be that someone and that's okay because she was a huge part of your life, I'd even shake her hand but it's time to let her go." He said, I nodded because it was true.

"Do you think I was also a huge part of her life too?" I looked at him.

"I guess we'll never know." He shrugged. "Okay?"

"Okay." I forced a smile.

The End.

***************

ongoing story "Chasing fate" that's if you like reading about badass chicks who crush on the wrong guys. Or you can check out my first ever story on Wattpad "Heartstrings" that's if you're a stan for haters-to-lovers and good girls who are naturally unimpressed by hot guys who live next door.