While I wasn't even sure if I wanted to major in theatre, Emily was more than sure about being in love with me. I swore I'd never wonder but I had started to wonder.

What the hell is LOVE.?

I grew up in a home where people showed only one emotion. Anger.

My mom was angry because she never made a right decision after that fire, that included moving on with a guy called Randall. I was angry because of a lot of things, hell even Randall was angry for some stupid unknown reason.

But then again I'd be lying if I said we were a happy family right before the fire. My parents argued all the time, those kind of arguments that made me want to shout "just get a divorce already!" But I didn't, I thought things were much more simpler with all of us together in one home.

I did hear them say they loved each other, they did kiss hello and goodbye but they didn't quite show that much affection. My Dad used to say that there was a time when he was madly in love with my mom, he said he guessed he must have fallen out of love along the way and that's when I knew I didn't want it.

I didn't want to fall in love just to fall out of it.

Especially with Emily, if I was going to fall in love with her, I wanted to fall in love with her for the rest of my life. Her and only her.

And since the people who raised me never showed me what love is all about and I never bothered asking, how was I supposed to know if I was in love with her or not?

My phone vibrated on my nightstand, dragging me out of my daydream, I picked it up and found a text from Jared.

'

I rolled my eyes. Jared and I hadn't spoken since I quit my job at the convenience store, maybe it was because he liked Marianne and he always wanted me to ask her out.

I decided not to reply, he was never going to leave me alone.

Speaking of Emily, I couldn't go two minutes without thinking about her, I guessed that's what happens when you spend too much time with someone. You forget what your life was like before they walked into it.

I grabbed my car keys and slipped on my shoes. The hallway was quiet.

Sundays were quiet.

I walked down the stairs and spotted my Mom in the kitchen, I pretended not to have seen her and headed to the front door.

"Hey hey hey, where are you going?" She called, I halted.

"Out." I responded.

"Adrian, get in here!" She demanded. I cursed underneath my tone as I turned around and went to stand in the doorway to the kitchen.

She was sitting on the kitchen counter, writing something.

"Did you decide?" She asked.

By decide, she meant decide on whether or not I was going to California before the end of summer or afterwards, I already told her afterwards but she kept on insisting because it's a big city and my scholarship only covered my tuition fee so I had to look for a place to live and all that other stuff.

"I already told you, after summer." I said.

She sighed, "Adrian, you need to settle before school starts in August and if you decide to go there in August then-"

"Like you give a shit." I leaned my shoulder against the door frame and tucked my hands in my pockets.

"I do, and I know you're doing this for Emily, I know you want to spend more time with her but, there will be others." She said.

My brows drew together, "Did you just say there will be others?"

She looked down at the counter, shifted in her seat then looked back at me, "Don't get me wrong, Adrian, Emily is a very sweet girl and you deserve that but highschool relationships never last and I know you will not understand it right now but you will, someday."

I felt as if her words flooded me with a hard golden darkness, an unpleasant and heavy sensation sat at my heart. I hated feeling like she was right.

I had no words for her.

"See you later." I turned and walked away.

"Think about it!" She shouted after me.

***************************

I opened the door to her bedroom, she was sitting cross-legged on her bed with books in front of her, She looked up at me and smiled.

"Hey you." She looked back down at her books.

"Hey, your Dad is never here." I stated the obvious as I ambled to her bed and plopped down next to her, looking down at what she was doing.

She smelled so nice.

"My Dad has a girlfriend now, I think we exchange five words in a whole week." She laughed at her own words.

I smiled at her laugh, she was turning me into a cliché.

My eyes shifted to her books again, they were actually drawings.

"So you really do draw?" I picked a drawing that looked more like a design.

"Yeah. My Mom used to paint, she was really good." A bitterness crept into her face.

"You never talk about her much." I said, studying the creative sketch.

"I don't like talking about things that make me sad." It came out as a whisper.

"You should major in design arts instead of medicine." I said, she laughed away my protestations.

"Too late for that." She murmured, like she didn't want me to hear it, "I promised her I would become a doctor and help fight cancer, I know I was only ten and she told me kids change their minds all the time but a promise is a promise." She sounded determined.

Something about her words told me she had gotten into a college somewhere, somewhere very far from where I was going to be.

"Where?" I asked, dropping the piece of paper from my hand.

"Where what?" She kept sketching.

"Where'd you get in?" I asked, she stopped sketching but didn't turn to look at me.

There was tension in the air.

"Georgetown, in Washington." She responded, dropping the pencil but still not meeting my eyes.

Two states away.

I didn't like the idea of being two states far away from her.

"Smartass Emily, I'm a proud boyfriend." I joked, except I didn't exactly sound proud.

"No." She looked down at her hands, "You're not, you hate that it's so far away." She sighed.

Like I said, we spent too much time together.

I laid down, glancing at the ceiling. She dropped next to me and I looked at her, she looked at me.

I turned on my side and placed my hand on her stomach, "Are you sure I didn't put a little Adrian in here?"

She laughed, "No and don't even joke about that."

"Why? You wouldn't want to carry Adrian junior?" I teased.

"I'd love to carry Adrian junior but I really wanna make it to college and you said there's no forever so I guess I'm gonna have to carry someone else's junior in the future." I guessed that was supposed to be a joke, I didn't like that joke, it wasn't a funny joke.

I hated that she was already thinking about moving on with other people.

I brushed my thumb on the material of her shirt and tried not to react to her comment.

"I wonder how you would look with a baby bump." I said after a while.

"Adrian." Her tone was warning me.

"I'm just saying, you'd look good with a baby bump. I'd do anything to see that someday, even if it won't be Adrian junior." I said more to myself.

"Remember when I said I didn't like talking about things that made me sad? This conversation is one of those things." She said.

"Okay." I dropped it, retrieving my hand and glancing back at the ceiling.

We stayed there, in silence.

She broke it, "I thought about it while we were having sex last night."

"About what?"

"The what ifs." She said.

"What ifs?" I turned to face her.

"What if I get used to you and don't comply with other guys, what-"

"Why are you already thinking about sleeping with other guys?" I blurted out, feeling annoyed.

"You told me to, remember?" She looked at me. In the eye.

Did I?

"I told you not to expect forever, I didn't tell you to start thinking about fucking other guy, Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you?" I snapped.

"What the fuck is wrong with me? Wow, says the guy that told his girlfriend not expect forever right before having sex with her." Her sarcastic tone remarked.

Damn it, she was right.

I sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Whatever. Are we going to the party? I know you're about to say no but It's a pool party and my friends will be there." Her elbow supported her body as she looked down at me.

"Okay." I stared up at her.

"Okay?" She raised her brows at me, shocked that I agreed.

"Okay." I repeated, she smiled.

"YES." She exclaimed, climbing on top of me and giving me a prolonged kiss. "I love you, you asshole!" Her hair tickled my face as she rolled over, rushing to her closet.

So if love and forever didn't exist, why was it getting to me, why was Emily saying she loved me becoming my favorite thing and why did the thought of her moving on with other guys bother me so much.