God, I love you.

Why why why why why, oh why did I have to say it. I cringed myself to death every time my own words repeated in my head. Adrian wasn't picking up my calls or returning my texts, hell I even emailed him but still, no response.

What was his deal anyway, If he didn't feel the same way all he had to do was say so right? I also thought I pushed it a little too far but don't judge me, it just came out.

It was Monday and I couldn't help but look around my surrounding every time, FYI, I didn't spot him anywhere, not even in the classes we shared.

I didn't want to believe that he skipped class again, so I kept hoping he was around somewhere.

"Hey, guys." I weakly greeted as I sat down with Gina, Stacey and Jess in the cafeteria.

They all gave me questionable glances.

"You look like shit." Gina scowled and laughed. I touched my own face which felt numb and my hair which was all tangled.

I felt like shit.

"Are you okay?" Stacey sounded concerned.

"No." I hit my forehead against the table repeated, I felt Jess's hand on the back of my neck.

"Are you on your period?" Asked Jess. Gina snorted and I raised my head.

"Have you guys seen Adrian today?" I asked, looking at all of them.

"Yeah, we're in drama together, why?" Stacey took a sip of her smoothie.

So he was at school, and that only meant one thing, the thing I didn't want to believe. He was avoiding me.

"Shit." I whispered.

"What's wrong? Did you guys fight?" Gina asked with her mouth full.

"I told him I loved him." I uttered, they did not look surprised, rather confused. "For the very first time since we started dating." I added.

"Oh." Said Stacey underneath her tone, Jess and Gina didn't say anything at all which made me feel worse.

"I think he's avoiding me." I ran a frustrated hand through my messy hair.

"Why would he be doing that?" Asked Gina, cluelessly.

"Probably because he didn't say it back, dumbass." Jess hissed at her.

"Oh, shit." She said.

"That must have been awkward." Stacey said in a low tone.

"I think he doesn't feel the same way." I cried out dramatically.

"That's not true babe, I see the way that guy looks at you." Jess objected.

"Yeah, he looks at her like he's seeing her for the first time, it's so sweet." Stacey giggled, I started feeling better and a smile grew on my face.

That was true but a look didn't prove shit.

"I just wanna talk to him." I whined, gripping my hair.

"Give me your phone." Jess extended her hand in front of me. without asking, I pulled out my phone and placed it in her palm.

"I have some good news to share with you girls." Stacey chipped excitedly.

"You got asked to prom?" Gina asked.

"No." She narrowed her eyes at Gina.

"Oh, what is it then?" Gina took a bite of her chicken leg.

"I got into Stanford." She announced.

Gina choked and I widened my eyes while Jess was still busy on my phone.

"Oh my gosh, Stacey congrats." I exclaimed.

"Thanks." She smiled.

"Bitch, WHAT?" Gina coughed and pulled her into a side hug, she giggled.

"Bingo." Jess raised my phone in the air before passing it back to me. I looked down at the screen and saw some kind of a map.

"What's this?" I asked.

"School map dummy, he's in the school library." She pointed at the red dot on my screen.

"You fucking tracked him?" Gina laughed.

"It was the only way so yeah, you're welcome." She said to me with a shrug.

I engulfed her into a suffocating hug before I got up from the table and Sprint across the cafeteria, the hallways were empty since everyone was In the cafeteria so I ran on my way to the library, I guessed he was eating from there since he was avoiding me and all but as soon as I reached the glass doors, I spotted him inside talking to Lana Spencer, Lana was one of those girls that could easily be mistaken for a Victoria secret model, I didn't hate her, she was cool but I also didn't want her near my boyfriend.

I pushed through the doors and started walking towards them, Adrian had his back facing me so he didn't see me coming but neither did Lana who was leaning against a book shelf. Adrian might have said something funny cause she laughed out loud and everyone in the library shushed them.

Looking embarrassed, she held his arm and cupped her mouth.

I stared at the hand on his arm and I felt a huge amount of jealousy in my veins and the worst part was that Adrian didn't even seem to mind that she was touching him like that.

I stood beside him when I reached them, they both turned their heads to look at me, Adrian looked like he'd seen a ghost while Lana plastered a smile on her face.

I tiptoed and pecked his lips. you know, just in case Lana had no idea that he was my boyfriend.

"Oh hey, Emily." She whispered while waving her hand at me.

"Hey." I responded, my eyes still glued to Adrian's face.

No one said anything, we all became really quiet and it became awkward real quick.

"Okay then, I'm gonna go eat, see you later Adrian." She smiled at him flirtatiously and he fucking smiled back. I rolled my eyes.

"Later, Lana." He responded and she walked away, he looked at her leaving.

I scoffed and shook my head at him, he looked down at me but didn't say anything.

"Are you seriously checking her out while I'm standing right here?" I tried not speak loudly.

He rolled his eyes at me and started walking to the next shelf, I followed closely behind him.

"Adrian." I hurried to stand in front of him, "I'm literally talking to you."

"I know." He said.

"Maybe you can at least try to talk back?" I asked and got shushed by someone in the room.

"What do you want me to say, Emily?" His tone was calm as he walked around me and started looking for something on the shelf.

"Something, anything." I pointed out.

"Are we still talking about Lana?" He asked.

"No, I know she's hot and guys look at her ass all the time but I trust you. I'm talking about last night when I told you I loved you and you ran out of my room." I reminded him.

"Oh." He was now staring at the books on the shelf, avoiding eye contact with me.

I hated that he couldn't even look at me.

"Oh what?"

"What exactly do you want me to say?" He scratched the back of his neck, still not looking at me.

My heart ached, he really didn't want to say it back.

"What you're feeling." My tone trailed off brokenly, his eyelids dropped and he released a restless sigh which made me drop a tear but I wiped it almost immediately.

He finally turned to meet my eyes, he looked like he was about to say something that I wasn't going to like and the horrible part was that he was about to whisper it.

"Emily, I know you're expecting me to say it back and trust me, I would have liked to be that person that said it back but I'm not." He whispered softly, there was a throb on my throat, "I like you very much and I care about you more than my own life but.." He hesitated,"I don't think I'm in love with you, I don't think I even believe in love." He said, another tear rolled down my cheek but I didn't wipe it away this time. I never thought I would turn into that girl that cried over stupid shit like that but there I was.

I nodded like saying I understood even though I understood nothing, he said he liked and cared about me, that was the best he could offer.

And yet again, I found myself being betrayed by love.

"I get it." I whispered back after some time.

"Yeah?" He looked so unsure as he wiped my cheeks with his thumbs.

Maybe I was pushing things, maybe I said it too soon, maybe he was going to say it back later before we both left for college even though graduation was just around the corner, four weeks away to be specific but if he didn't fall in love with me all that time, would he fall in love with me in three weeks? Or maybe during the summer?

"Yeah." I responded, forcing a smile, he planted a kiss on my forehead and went back to the shelf.

My phone vibrated in my hand, I looked at the screen and read a message from Charlie.

I locked my phone and shoved it in my back pocket without responding, I didn't know how to tell Adrian about Charlie, having him not talk to me drove me nuts and I didn't want to think about what losing him would've felt like.