《The Ecstasy Of Faking It》Chapter 16: If I die tonight.
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Two weeks.
That's how long I stayed without talking to Adrian. We went back to being strangers in a split second, he passed me by in the hallways without even glancing at me and I went back to eating alone behind the school cafeteria block. A few people asked why we weren't talking, especially Jess. I made up a story saying he and I had a fight after the bonfire party and that we decided to take a break from each other.
Everyone knows that a break actually means a breakup.
I did hang out with Jess and the other girls during the first week but I honestly didn't feel as comfortable, they usually talked about boys, clothes, smashing and gossiped about other kids from our school. I usually compared them to Adrian, unlike them, he didn't like talking about other people's businesses and neither did I. So I started making excuses and I stopped being around them so often.
There was something about being alone that I liked. I had more time to myself, time to think about my life and how everything was changing like a chemical reaction. I went from having a boyfriend who I thought was my forever to getting myself a fake boyfriend who dumbed my ass before I was done with him to being alone in my room and thinking about how I was going to graduate high school as the loneliest girl in the history of lonely teenage girls.
But then I thought, I don't need anyone in order to survive highschool, I have myself and that's already good enough.
I shook my head to get rid of my own thoughts, my Dad always said that being in your own thoughts brings about depression and depression invites all sorts of mental health problems. And I really didn't want to be depressed, not again.
I finally got out of my room for the first time since I knocked off from school, the house felt way too quiet. I strolled towards my Dad's bedroom to check if he was in, I knocked on the door, there was no response so I knocked again.
"Come in!" He screamed and I let myself inside, I saw that he was packing his clothes in a suitcase. Again. He looked over at me and sighed.
Feeling disapointed I huffed, "Dad-"
"I promise I'll be back before Friday." he closed his suitcase and lifted it off his bed.
"Friday? That's like three days away." I whined like a child.
"I know sweetie, it's just that, work has been really tight these days and I'm trying my best to be here at home with you." He explained. I crossed my hands over my chest, tilting my head to my side as I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Are you sure it's just work related?" I questioned him.
He narrowed his eyes back at me, "Are you doubting your own father?"
"No, I'm just asking him." I said.
"Well, yes it is work related. Can I go now?" He started walking with the suitcase in hand, I looked down at the suitcase then back to his face.
"Yeah, I guess." I got out of his way.
He walked towards me and kissed my forehead, "I love you, Tamika." He called me by my middle name.
"Love you too, father." I put emphasis on father while rolling my eyes, he chuckled and I put on a faint smile. He walked out of his bedroom door and I followed behind him.
"Mr Quinn is going to be checking up on you every day and I'll be calling you every after two hours." He informed when we reached the bottom of the stairs. Mr Quinn was our nextdoor neighbor and my Dad's most trusted human being, he even trusted that man more than he trusted me.
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"Okay." I said.
"Take care of yourself and please do try to cook something healthy instead of eating snacks all day every day." He scolded me. I wasn't really into cooking, especially when I was all by myself.
I sighed defeatedly, "I'll try."
"Please do, oh and I already paid for your school trip to New York next week." He gave me a hug and we said our goodbyes. Our school announced a senior's trip to New York City but no one took it seriously, we all thought they were bluffing and just wanted us to pay for the trip. New York was too good to be true and my school was too much of a shit hole to be that cool.
Once he walked out of that door, I realized just how alone one can be. The house was awfully quiet, my heart felt empty and I felt like my whole life was falling apart right before my eyes. I ambled to the kitchen, trying to figure out what I was going to have for dinner, I stood there for twenty minutes and still couldn't come up with something to eat. I grabbed a bag of chips from the cabinet and put the chips in a bowl.
"Might as well turn this into a movie night." I said to myself as I opened the fridge and grabbed one of my Dad's beers. I went to the living room with chips in one hand and beer in the other. I plopped on the couch, turning on the TV and trying to find a good movie on Netflix. I roamed and roamed and roamed until I decided to rewatch the first season of Elité.
Rubbing my hands in anticipation as the show started, I threw a chip in my mouth and took a deep breath, letting my body relax while I sat cross legged on the couch.
Halfway through the show, I realized that the beer bottle was now empty but the chips were still full in the bowl because they were a little too salty for my liking. I needed another beer but I didn't feel like getting up, mostly because the show was getting good and I was just too lazy.
I heard a light knock on the front door, I groaned irritatedly thinking it was Mr Quinn, I decided to reduce the volume on the TV and not get the door but the knocking didn't stop.
"Why me?" I Sunk deeper into the couch and whined. He knocked again.
I forced myself up and walked to the door like a zombie, I opened it widely and plastered the best smile I could endure but my smile dropped when I saw Adrian leaning his arm on the doorframe. I immediately shut the door in his face.
"Emily, open up!" He demanded, I leaned my back against the door as my heart started racing against my chest. I placed my hand over my chest and started rubbing my chest, hoping it would stop.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Emily? Get your shit together." I whispered to myself while I hit my chest repeatedly, trying to ease my beating heart. "Go away Adrian!" I shouted.
"Look dude, I'm hurt real bad and I really need your help." His voice sounded shaky and desperate.
Feeling confused, I squinted my eyes and turned to open the door, "What the hell are you talking about?" I asked once I opened the door.
He looked down at his hand and so did I, I saw blood on his shaking hand which went back to holding his stomach, he was wearing a black shirt and I guessed that's why I didn't see the blood the first time.
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"Oh my God, should I call an ambulance?" I stared at his stomach. I felt alarmed and scared.
"No. Is your Dad around?" I heard him ask. I nodded no and he let himself inside the house, closing the door behind me, I noticed that he was limping. He laid down on my couch and checked his wound. I knelt down beside him and turned off the TV.
I helped him sit up so he could take off his leather jacket and shirt. I felt nauseous as soon as I saw how blood was just flowing out of his stomach like water from a tap.
"Jesus Christ Adrian, what happened to you?" I asked.
"Get me some liquor and some bandages." He put his t-shirt on the wound and pressed, Instead of doing what he told me, I just kept staring at him frozenly. "Emily, hurry!" He squeezed his eyes shut and I rushed to the kitchen for the first aid kit and a bottle of vodka. I hurried back to the living room and sat them on the table.
I watched as he opened the bottle of vodka and poured a little on his stomach.
"FUCKING HELL!" He closed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw as he threw his head back.
His breathing became heavy but he had stopped the bleeding. He had his eyes fixed on the ceiling and he stopped moving.
Thinking the very worst I moved away from him.
"Adrian?" My tone was a whisper, He hummed a response and I let out a breath. "Thank God." I whispered. I got off the floor and sat on the couch next to him. "What happened to you?" I finally asked him, his eyes met mine and he grabbed the bottle of vodka and had a sip, making a disgusted face then after.
"That motherfucker stabbed me." He had another sip as he left my gaze, I snapped the bottle from his hand and put it back on the coffee table. None drinkers really shouldn't drink vodka.
"Who? Who stabbed you?" I searched his eyes, he stared at me and I immediately felt like running upstairs. He didn't respond to my question.
He took the first aid kit and I tried not to watch him stitch himself up, His forehead was sweating and his hair was sticky to it, his hands were shaking which made it hard for him to finish up quicker but he managed to do it without my help, which made me think that that wasn't the first time he was doing something like that. After finishing up and cleaning himself, He slowly moved his body, sitting on his side and looking at me.
"There are so many places I could have gone to but I ended up here for some reason." He looked around the place.
"What the hell are you involved in?" I asked.
"Thanks for the help, I'm gonna go now." He tried to get up.
"No." I grasped his hand, he looked at my hand then at my face. "You can stay, I won't ask anymore questions."
He leaned back on the couch and placed his hand on his stomach, "Thanks, I'll sleep on this couch."
"And I won't sleep at all." I muttered.
"Why?" He asked.
"Because I don't want you to die on my couch, duh!" I said playfully.
He laughed stiffly, "Tell my mom to give you my guitar if I die tonight."
"Adrian, you don't even own a guitar." I laughed.
"I do, I play it every night." He said with a serious expression, I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Really?"
"Yeah." He nodded.
"How didn't I know you had a guitar?" I asked.
"Because you're too caught up in your own life that you have no idea what other people are doing with theirs." He looked me straight in the eye, There was this one thing that I liked about Adrian, he was always honest with me, well, mostly about things that involved me.
And he was right, I was too invested in my own shit to find out about Adrian's bruises and his life in general. Anyone's life actually.
"Right, anything else you want to let me know before you die?" I joked.
He didn't laugh, he looked at the ceiling like he was thinking of what to tell me.
"Sure." His face was dead serious as he met my eyes again, "I'd like you to know about that petty crush I once had on you during sophomore year." He said, my heart started racing again and I was pretty sure I stopped breathing for a second there.
I raised my eyebrows at him in shock, "You what?"
"Had a crush on you. I always stared at you laughing or giggling from a distance and I admired how you tucked your hair behind your ear when you were explaining something. Everything about you amazed me." He smiled at the memory.
I twirled my fingers around my hair nervously, "What made you stop?"
"You started dating Charlie, and that made me go from crush to hate." He shrugged and grabbed the bowl of chips from the table.
"Is that why you agreed to fake date me?" I asked.
"No, I fake dated you because you looked desperate and I wanted to help you but part of me did think that I would like you again, that's why I refused to kiss you at first but then I did kiss you and it was nothing but simply... A kiss." He explained.
Why was I disappointed at that last bit?
"What.. about the uh, second kiss?" I stuttered, picking a chip from the bowl and shoving it in my mouth, I felt like I talked too much even though all I ever did was stutter.
Adrian stared at my lips as I chewed, I immediately stopped chewing and his gaze met mine again.
"The second kiss almost brought problems but in the end, it just made me think, damn, it's so good to pretend." He smiled. I wanted to roll my eyes at him for saying that.
Like what the hell? I was over there feeling things that I had never felt before and I hated myself for it but there he was thinking it was good to pretend?
I nodded off like saying yeah sure it was. At that point, I knew I was the only one seeing problems, especially after he told me he once had a crush on me. I guess what goes around does really come around.
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