"He said that he'll try to change." I muttered.

My therapist's office was cosy and comfortable. I was seated in one of her plush chairs with a blanket wrapped around me. She had an entire assortment of blankets and pillows all for her clients. You'd get to pick how many you liked to get comfortable before the session.

"And has he actively tried to show you that?" She asked while holding her notepad.

At first, it really annoyed me that she wrote everything down. It made things feel so insincere and I always felt like I had to talk slowly for her to get it all. But then she caught onto that and explained to me why she wrote things down. She had fifty clients and she wanted to remember what I told her. Writing helped with that.

"Eumh, he dropped me off at my boyfriend's place." I brought up.

I've been avoiding my family for the past month. Mainly because I was focused on healing. I had sessions three times a week and it really helped me understand where those dark thoughts came from. I wanted to be strong when I confronted them.

"Has he contacted you ever since then?"

I shook my head. He hasn't. Mainly because I told him that I'll come to him when I'm ready.

"It's not like him, though. He gets annoyed when I pull away from him." I brought up.

When I was a teenager and I'd get into an argument with him, he wouldn't let me walk away until we sorted things out. That was when our relationship was good and I depended on him. The thought of there being tension between us, terrified me.

Now I didn't care as much as I used to.

"Maybe he is trying to change." My therapist pointed out.

I'd considered the same but I shook my head.

"I think it's because he thinks that I hate him."

"And do you?"

I didn't love him as much as I used to. But hate was such a big word to use.

"I don't trust him anymore. I feel that if I don't continue being this cold and distant towards him, that he'll just jump back into old habits."

I had to keep him on his toes because I know how hard it is to change. But that would get so exhausting after a while. I didn't want that kind of relationship with him where I had to constantly keep my guard up.

"It's hard for people to change. We as humans like predictability and habits. But that doesn't mean that it's impossible to change. If you really want to work for it, nothing can stop you. Your determination can bring you anywhere."

"Then I hope his determination is strong enough." I muttered.

She sent me a soft smile and closed her notebook. Our session was almost over.

"You'll only find out if you give him a chance. It can be scary to set yourself up for that but you can never predict what's going to happen. Maybe he'll change and you can work on your relationship. Maybe he won't and that's when you'll have to make a decision..."

My heart dropped slightly as she spoke those next words.

"Is all this pain really worth to keep in my life?"

Would I be able to remove Hector from my life if he didn't change?

//////////////////

"Call me when you need me to pick you up." Alexander kissed me softly.

He'd parked right in front of my family home. It was after my therapy session and he'd come to pick me up. I asked him to drive me here. While he looked worried, he still complied. He knew that I needed to do this.

"I will." I nodded.

Before I could exit the car, he pulled me back and cupped my cheek. I'd practically moved in with him after I returned from London. My nights were better with him next to me and I wanted to catch up on those two weeks that we missed each other.

"You're so strong, bellissima. I'm so proud of you. I want you to know that I'll always be by your side."

I smiled brightly at his sweet words and pressed a kiss against his cheek.

"You're even sweeter than a cake pop." I flirted.

He laughed and squeezed my cheek with an adoring smile.

"I love you, amore."

"I love you too, Xan Xan." I grinned.

He rolled his eyes but chuckled. I took a deep breath before I got out of the car. I walked towards the front door and decided to ring the bell. I felt too weird using my key despite the fact that I've used it so many times before.

It took a while before someone opened the door. Tonight was busy. It was a Saturday and Saturdays were family nights. Amelia would be here so that calmed me down. If anything went bad, I could count on her like I always did.

"My little shit has come home." That's how Silas opened the door.

He wore black jeans and a tight fitting black shirt. I almost rolled my eyes at him. He always tried to show off his body that he worked so hard for. It made me want to punch him in his annoying gut but I held back.

"I-" he cut me off by pulling me into his bear hug.

I tensed as my feet dangled from the ground. His strong arms were wrapped around my shoulders as he buried his head against my neck. He was crushing me with all his strength but I couldn't tell him to stop.

He looked like he really needed a hug.

"Silas is suffocating Elena!" I heard Leonardo yell with annoyance.

Silas didn't let go but I heard a thunder of feet. Soon the foyer was filled with my family. My eyes went to Fabio first and I noticed that he was crying. He was holding out his cute arms to me and it broke my heart.

I should've come home sooner but I wasn't ready.

"My baby wants to hug me. Get off me, muscle man." I struggled in Silas' right grip.

"I fucking missed you." He whispered.

I looked at the ceiling to collect my emotions. I tried not to think about them for the past month but sometimes I couldn't help myself. I'd remember all the good moments and I'd long for them. I even missed bullying Silas and his bear hugs.

My arms went up to his shoulders and I softly patted him. That only made him grip me tighter. I didn't know Silas could be that sensitive. He loves me, I know that, but I didn't think that he'd be this upset about me leaving for a while.

"Uncle Silly, I wanna hug auntie!" Fabio cried loudly.

I can't stand watching him cry, so I pushed Silas hard. He finally released me and I kneeled down on the ground. Fabio ran in my arms and I hugged him close to me. He was my first nephew and I love him with my entire heart.

He was everything that's good and all he could do was love. I hated to think that he'd grow up and would be confronted with the harsh reality. I couldn't see him becoming the new Capo of Las Vegas, even though that was his birth right. I couldn't see him become part of the mafia even though that was what would happen.

"I missed you so much! I don't like it! Don't stay away anymore." He cried against my chest.

I patted his soft blond curls and kissed his cute cheek. By staying away, I hurt him. That was never my intention and I hated myself for doing that to him. I should've consider how he felt more.

But did I really want him to see me in the state I was in. I was having suicidal thoughts. I needed help.

"I'm sorry, buddy. But I'm here now. We'll play together, alright?" I promised him.

He beamed at that.

"Papa bought me a new Lego set!" He grinned.

"I'll help you set it up." I kissed his forehead.

He did a little happy dance and my heart just burst with so much love. I love that little boy with my entire heart and I would make it my priority to come around more.

Fabio was a medicine to me.

"But you have to eat first." Ariana stepped forward.

She bowed down to us while Fabio whined. Her eyes met mine and she gave me a small smile. She pushed my hair behind my shoulder and cupped my face.

"You look happier. I'm glad." She spoke softly.

I felt happier. Being with Alexander and going back to therapy really helped me get through a dark period. I still wasn't where I should be but I was on my way.

"I don't want to eat! I want to play with auntie!" Fabio whined loudly.

He tightened his grip on me and Ariana gave me a look. We both giggled slightly. Theo moved forward and ruffled Fabio's hair. He bowed down next to us and gave me a soft look before speaking to his son.

"You always say that you want to be as strong as me. That means that you'll have to eat a lot."

Fabio furrowed his brows and turned to me.

"If you frown like that, you'll become as grumpy as uncle silly." I whispered to him.

He gasped and immediately ran towards the kitchen. I grinned and got up from the floor. Ariana and Theo followed. I could tell that my brother wanted to hug me but he seemed hesitant.

There was a tension between us that I loathed. Theo used to be my favourite brother. I'd run up to him for hugs and complain to him when my other brothers were being idiots. He was always patient and sweet with me.

But I didn't forget when he locked me up in my room. I didn't forget how hesitant he was to let me go see Alexander. I didn't forget any of it.

"Are you staying for dinner? I'm sure Greta will be thrilled to have you eat her food again." Ariana smiled.

I nodded and my eyes went to Amelia. She was leaning against the wall, watching with her fiancé next to her. I wasn't surprised to see Henry here. He followed Amelia around like a lost puppy. She had him wrapped around her finger and he did everything she told him to do.

"Too busy fucking your pretty boyfriend?" She smirked.

Theo and Silas tensed as my jaw dropped slightly. I gazed at them and I knew this wasn't something they wanted to know about. Even Leonardo was cringing and walked out of the foyer.

It was a miracle that Hector wasn't here. I don't even know what he'd do.

"I can say the same about you." I rolled my eyes at her.

She grinned up at Henry and patted his strong chest. He was an uprising quarterback and he recently got an offer from the NFL with the New York Giants. Henry can be a bit of an airhead but he was extremely talented at football.

"My Henry never disappoints."

Silas groaned loudly before walking away. Theo was frowning in dismay but Ariana giggled slightly. Amelia wasn't ashamed to hide her sexuality so I shouldn't either. Alexander and I did what all couples did.

"It's good to see you, Elle. It's been a while." Henry pulled me in for a hug.

He was very big on hugging. I smiled as he hugged me. Henry can be a bit slow but he was incredibly sweet. Amelia and him were happy together and he treated her like a goddess.

"It's nice to see you too, Henry." I patted his ginormous back.

He let go of me and we moved towards the kitchen. Greta was busy with placing down all the dishes on the table. I spotted Dahlia talking to Silas. Hector was busy strapping Ezra into his high chair. Ezra had grown a bit and he was putting up the fight of his life.

"Do you know how much I've missed you, baby girl?" Dahlia yanked me towards he for a tight embrace.

I nearly stumbled but she caught me. I smiled against her shoulder and patted her back. She didn't let me go, though. She caressed my hair like I was a baby.

"How is that sexy boyfriend of you treating you? Lia told me that he's fucking whipped for you?" She cupped my face.

I grinned at that because it was true. Alexander was whipped but so was I. He was too addicting and I wanted to spent the rest of my life with him.

"Did you just call Alexander Ferrari sexy?" Silas demanded.

Hector looked up when he heard that. His blue eyes met mine and he stiffened slightly before he looked at his wife. He'd usually scan me down or try to analyse the shit out of me.

Now, it looked like he was scared to even look at me.

"He is sexy." Dahlia shrugged.

I agreed but my brothers didn't.

"I think he's sexy too." Ariana grinned and sent me a wink.

Amelia closed Henry's ears and grinned widely before she spoke.

"I think that he's very sexy too."

They were doing this to taunt my brothers. They all sent us glares but I couldn't stop the smile that was growing on my face. At least the girls still had my back.

"Why are you all glaring? He's very sexy indeed." Greta spoke up and smiled at me.

Oh. Greta. I love her so much.

I let go of Dahlia and hugged the older woman close to me. She squeezed me tightly and sat me down on a chair before filling my plate. It was so full but I couldn't stop her. She seemed to excited to feed me.

Fabio came to sit on my lap and helped me with the plate. I smiled brightly every time he did his happy dance after eating something delicious. I'd really missed Greta's cooking skills. This last month, Alexander had mainly cooked for me. He was very skilled but Greta's skills were superior.

It was odd to have dinner with my family again. There still tension but Dahlia tried hard to fight it. She bullied Silas like usual while Ariana softly spoke to me. They tried hard to make me feel at ease.

"Where's Victor?" I noticed that he wasn't here.

"He's having dinner with his girlfriend's parents." Ariana explained.

My jaw dropped in shock. Victor had a girlfriend? I was happy for him but I didn't think that he'd date. He hasn't expressed any want for a girlfriend and he always seemed to avoid girls. It was mostly because of his social anxiety, so I was happy to hear that he found someone.

"Layla is a ray of sunshine. They're really cute together." Ariana added.

I didn't know. I didn't dare to ask how long they've been together. Because two months ago, I was still on good terms with my family.

"I'd like to meet her." I got out.

Silas grunted and gave me a look.

"Good luck with that. Victor was better at hiding his relationship with her than you were."

Ouch.

I looked at Ariana for more explanation.

"They've been dating for a year."

My jaw dropped. Victor never said anything about Layla to me. I stopped myself from feeling offended because I didn't tell him about Alexander either.

"When did he tell you?" I questioned.

"Only yesterday. Brought her home out of nowhere. I was very confused." Amelia muttered.

So he hasn't told anyone. I wasn't on speaking terms with my family until now. Victor hadn't called me and neither had most of my family. They wanted to give me space.

I still felt hurt that I didn't know about his relationship. We were so close. Even though he could be overprotective, I still considered him my best friend.

Fuck, everything was just... fuck.

My chest tightened and I felt horrible. I was doing better but now I felt shitty again. I tried to armour myself against those feelings but they always seemed to win no matter what I did.

I pushed them away because they hurt me. These were the consequences of those actions. I was an outsider now. There was no denying it.

I was back to being fifteen year old Charlotte.

Charlotte.

My stomach turned and I got up from my seat. I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I locked myself there and grabbed for my phone.

I needed to get out of here.

"Amore, do you miss me already?" Alexander chuckled in the phone.

"Come. Please. Come." I begged.

Tears filled my eyes as I fell down on the cold floor. My hands were shaking and a panicked feeling constricted my chest. I could barely breathe.

"I'll be there in five minutes." He hung up.

He couldn't get here in five minutes. But I felt like he'd break every traffic rule for my sake.

I buried my head in my hands and tried to calm down my breathing.

I'm not Charlotte. I'm not Charlotte.

I'm Elena. I'm Elena.

Am I Elena?

Elena wouldn't push away her family. Elena wasn't an outsider to her family.

Charlotte wouldn't love the Cassano's.

Charlotte wouldn't trust them. Charlotte wouldn't let them walk all over her.

Charlotte was stronger, wasn't she?

Charlotte wouldn't have let Ian die. Charlotte wouldn't have let Ronan haunt her even after his death. Charlotte wouldn't have found comfort in Hector's arms. Charlotte wouldn't have put up with his strict rules. Charlotte wouldn't have let them hurt Alexander. Charlotte wouldn't feel so shitty for estranging herself from the Cassano's.

Why did I let go so easily of Charlotte? Why didn't I fight harder?

My mind was a mess and I didn't know what to believe. Why was I even thinking like this?

I was supposed to be better.

I had Alexander, Amelia, my friends, Nicolas, papa, and the girls from my family. I could count on them.

I needed to be better for them.

I couldn't. I felt drained and weak.

Why did I ever accept them as my family?

~~~~~

Hi!

Sorry if the update took a little longer than usual. I got my third dose of the vaccine yesterday and it took me out like a bitch. My arm hurt and I had a fever but I'm better now.

Thank you for reading my book like always.

You're the best!!!! ;)))