"Hey babe, do you need help with anything?" Kel asked sneaking behind me giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"No, I'm almost done." I answered smiling.

I was making dinner for us on Sunday night, Evie was at home and we felt like a real family. Through out the week we spent time bonding. After dinner we snuggled on the couch to watch a movie. We were sharing a blanket and munching popcorn. I rested my head on his shoulder while carrying Evie, he had his hand around my waist leaning in on me. It was like a family night and it made me wonder how we would have been if I had told him, if we hadn't broken up. Evie would have had the chance to grow up with her father and Kel would have been there for us. Since Kel and I kissed and we've been on a good note I've been feeling guilty. I wanted to tell him but I didn't want him to go back to hating me. I couldn't concentrate on the movie and kept on thinking of how I'd tell them.

Soon enough the movie ended and I took Evie to her room.

"Mummy can I ask you something please. Promise me you'd do it." she pleaded.

"I don't know, if it's something I can do I will." I promise

"Great. I want to meet daddy on my birthday." she requested.

Her birthday was two months from now. I had enough time to tell them. Poor girl doesn't know she sees her dad everyday.

"Would you do it for me mummy?" she asked nervously

I sighed before answering. I was bound to tell them anyway. "I will."

"Thank you mummy. I love you." she excitedly said hugging me.

"I love you too Evie." I said smiling. "You'd have to promise me that you won't hate me or your daddy when you find out."

"I can't hate you mummy but I hate daddy. He doesn't care about us. He didn't visit us once, not even on my birthday." she was crying now and I was.

"Oh Evie it's not like that."

"I don't care. I just want to tell him what a horrible father he is. I'd rather have Kel as my daddy. " she said and I just broke down. This was an opening to tell her but I just couldn't say the words.

"So you like Kel now? " I asked instead

"Yes, I like him now but not the way you like him." she said and I nearly laughed. How does she even know I like him when I don't know yet?

"You can't hate Kel right?" I asked

"Only if he hurts and leaves mummy." she said and I smiled a little. I just hope she doesn't hate the both of us.

**********************

"Where are we going to? " I asked for the tenth time

"It's a surprise." he answered again smiling

"Fine." I huffed preparing I and Evie's bag

We came back from work by 4 and he told me to prepare our things for a trip, I've been asking him where our destination was but he refused to answer me. We got everything ready and got to the car.

"Wow. The plane is someone beautiful and we're the only ones in it." Evie exclaimed and I chuckled.

"That's because it's for Kel." I informed and she let out another wow.

Evie was scared for her first flight, I was too. Lucky girl got her first plane ride by five and mine was at 23. She could have been on a plane earlier than this if Kel and I had been together.

"So you're still not going to tell me where we're going to? " I asked again

"No matter how many times you ask I wouldn't." he replied with a smirk.

"But you can tell me? " Evie asked and he chuckled before saying no.

Soon Evie fell asleep and I intended to do the same.

"Why are we going on this trip?" I inquired

"I just want to relax and spend quality time with you." he replied and I smiled a little. I like how he was putting effort into whatever we were but I felt like I couldn't be happy, at least not yet. He still doesn't know anything and when he does he'd hate me and won't have anything to do with me and I'd be alone again.

"Shay you seem off, what's bothering you?" he asked with a genuine look of concern.

Ever since we kissed and have been on talking terms all I feel is guilt and sadness. I felt like I didn't deserve him.

"Shayan talk to me, please babe." he pleaded holding my face making me look up at him.

Tears were beginning to form in my eyes and he noticed them wiping the little tears away, his thumb gently brushing my cheeks. He's going to hate me when he finds out, we'd never be together.

"Talk to me Shayan, what's wrong?" he asked again

"It's nothing important, don't worry." I shrugged

"It's important if it got you crying and I'm worried already. Did I do something?" he sounded so concerned.

"No. It's nothing Kel don't push it." I slowly said. He didn't look convinced but he nodded anyway.

Soon enough he was hugging me. " I know I lost the right for you to talk to me but if you ever need someone to talk to don't search too far because I'm here Shayan, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."

He spoke so softly it sounded so genuine, I couldn't keep the tears from falling. How did we even get to this point. They're going to hate me, I badly wanted to tell him but I just don't know where to start from, would he even believe me?

"Kel... I... We... " I started, I planned on telling him once and for all.

"Shh." he hushed putting his fingers on my lips. "Don't rush it, tell me when you're comfortable, I'm not forcing you to do so now."

"I can't do this." I said releasing myself from his grip and he just stared at me, was that anger, hurt or both?

"You said you'd give me a chance, I haven't done anything wrong that I know of, so why? " he sounded kinda hurt.

"It's not you, it's me."

"Seriously, you're giving me that bullshit?" he said letting out a dark chuckle.

"I have a lot of things I'm dealing with Kel, I can't have anything with you not until I've settled some things. There's no point in this when I know you're still going to hate me. "

"I'd never hate you Shayan." he said tiredly

"Gosh I tried doing that but it never worked. Whatever you're dealing with let's deal with it together." He said almost pleadingly holding my hands. I wanted to believe him but I couldn't.

"You're just talking Adrios, you'd hate me then you'd leave me again. It's not a difficult task for you." I don't even know where this anger was coming from but it was true. That's exactly what he'd do.

"If I couldn't hate you after five years what makes you think I'd hate you now? "

"Because you don't know yet. I hate you Kel, I don't lie when I tell you that, I can't trust anything you say no matter how much I want to, I can't forget what you did, it's always going to be in my memory. I hate you for everything you did Kel and I can't just act like I'm okay with that." it wasn't the truth and it was better for him to hate me now than later.

"So you really hate me?" he sounded hurt and I could still detect anger.

"I want you to answer me honestly. Did you ever love me? "

"It's so obvious what the answer is, the real question is did you?" I asked raising a brow at him.

"Contrary to what you believe I did love you Shayan, you're the only girl I ever loved. The only girl I want to love and spend time loving. " if it was before I'd have been smiling like crazy. It was nice that he was saying those things to me but I couldn't believe him, at least for now. He was the one that said those cruel things to me that I couldn't even love myself.

" You said that to me before and we both know what happened after that. Saying it now it's worthless, it doesn't affect me at all."

"So I don't affect you in anyway? you're not attracted to me, you don't feel anything towards me?" he asked for confirmation

"Not at all. The only thing I feel towards you is hatred."

"You're a bad liar West." he said capturing my lips in his.

His lips moved on mine and my body immediately reacted to it against my will. The familiar feeling of a thousand butterflies fluttering around in my stomach made me a little bit nervous. I was enjoying the kiss way more than I should. He shoved his tongue in and I met each of his thrust with mine letting out a small moan and I saw him smirk a little bit but I was too engrossed in the kiss. I raked my hand through his hair and he let out a tiny moan pulling me close to him touching my body. I enjoyed the feel of his hands on my body, it was setting it on fire and I let out another moan. I wanted him to touch me everywhere. Gosh I hate what he's causing within me. I've never felt like this for anyone else, not that there was anyone else. It's just like my heart was reserved for him alone, only him could cause all this sensation and surge of emotions. I wasn't meant to feel anything but who was I trying to kid?

"That kiss just proved that you feel something towards me. You could have slapped me if you didn't want to but you didn't. You're attracted to me Shayan. There's no point in denying." I hate when he's right. I still want to stay mad at him but after the kiss I'm left speechless.

"What are you going to gain from all of this, why can't you just leave me alone. It's what's best for us, there are so many other girls like Susan that can satisfy you in anyway you want. Why settle for me? "

He looked at me like I was crazy then chuckled lightly. "True, there are other girls around but no one is you, none of them can satisfy me more than you do. Do you know how satisfying it is to see you smile or watch you laugh, most especially if I'm the reason behind it. Do you know how happy I am when you say my name alone. I'm satisfied with just looking at you Shayan. So tell me, why would I settle for someone else when I have what I want right in front of me?"

I'd be a damn liar if I said his words didn't get to me but I just didn't want to dwell on it. I did once and I was left heartbroken, it couldn't be broken again, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I know how difficult it was for me to finally get over the first. I wouldn't be able to handle it, much less from the same man.

"I can't leave you alone Shayan. I did that once and we both know how that was, I want us to be the way we used to. I get that it's hard for you to trust me with your heart but I want you Shayan, I want you to try. Follow your heart." he pleaded

"I followed my heart once Kel, it was a disaster. I was broken beyond repair until I found my salvation. I don't want to go through that again Kel."

"You wouldn't. I wouldn't have you go through that again. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you Shay, I swear on my life."

The way he was talking now, begging for me to accept him, I'm not going to lie and say I don't like it cause I do. The words were nice, any woman will fall for that but I didn't want to fall.

"You said that before and do you know what you did? You didn't just break it you destroyed it to the point that it wasn't functioning, you broke me Kel." I sadly said.

"I'm sorry Shayan, I didn't mean to." he apologized

"But you did in the end, sorry can't cut it Kel. You have no idea what I went through because of you." I was nearly in tears remembering everything.

"I'm sure I have no idea which makes me more sorry. I shouldn't have let you go through that alone and I'm promising you now that I would be there for you, every step of the way no matter what." he promised holding my hand staring right at me.

I really wanted to trust him, believe him but I don't know why I couldn't. I was overwhelmed with sadness and guilt.

"You weren't there when we needed you the most Kel." this was an opening to tell him, I just hope he takes it well.

.