me seriously homicidal. I have the biggest headache from all the crying I did yesterday. Not my best moment. I can't find my converse, my hair isn't sitting the way I want it to, and I woke up a little later than usual. Mondays suck. I let out a breath, leaning against the sink. God, all I want to do is crawl back in to my bed and never leave.

I sluggishly leave the bathroom, deciding to visit Parker's room before returning to my own. I offered to drive him to school yesterday, but he insisted he didn't want to ruin me and Bela's carpool and that Neki would drive him.

As I reach for the door handle, I hear the sound of his voice. He must be on the phone.

"She won't leave me the fuck alone bro." he groans.

I falter, pulling my hand back.

The person on the end of the phone must've asked who, to which he replies: "Who do you think?"

My heart begins to beat a little faster.

"She keeps asking me if I need help in school, offering to bring me things and take my places." he continues.

I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

"She's fucking exasperating bro, she makes me wanna bash my head against a brick wall."

My hand drops to my side, along with my heart. It feels like a punch to the gut. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath to settle my racing heart as I walk back to my room. I feel like I've been completely crushed.

***

"Elena."

"Elena?"

I feel a hand touch my shoulder, breaking me out of my daydream. Glancing up, I look at Bela. Her eyes are on the road as she drives with one hand, but they're full of concern.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" she asks, but her voice is soft.

Truthfully, I shake my head no. She brings her hand from my arm to my own hand, taking it in hers.

"What's wrong El? What happened?"

The genuine concern in her voice makes me want to break down.

"Nothing." I whisper, scared that if I speak my voice will break.

I see Bela glance at me, but she doesn't ask anything more, simply holding my hand in comfortable silence.

As we pull in to the school car park, The first thing I notice is the two massive coaches near the entrance. What the...

"I can't believe we actually agreed to this school trip." Bela sighs as she reverse parks.

I mentally slap myself. I completely forgot we'd signed up for this. If I knew I would've stayed in the comfort of my bed.

There's a busy bustle of students in our grade outside the entrance, some lining up, some straying to the side to talk with their friends. I sigh. I honestly cannot be bothered today.

"Alright kids!" Mr Hedrick yells.

He's genuinely quite liked at our school, maybe because he's the hot history teacher, so everyone silences immediately.

"I'm gonna need mine and Ms Ashley's History students on coach A, and the Geography students on coach B." he points to each of the coaches.

People begin to move, most going to coach B since everyone favours Geography, and the History classes are too. I'm one of those who prefer Geography, but I'm actually pretty good at History so I thought I'd stick with it.

In under 5 minutes, what was once a large messy group of students is four lines, two at each coach.

"Okay, I'll register my class first." Mr Hedrick pulls out his clipboard.

Bela leans over to me.

"Heddy is looking way too good in that t-shirt." she says, quiet enough that only I will hear.

Despite my mood, I can't help but throw my head back and laugh. She isn't wrong.

Before I even realise it, I'm next up. Sir makes us fill up from the back in register order, so I'm always smack bang in the middle. Considering not even half the coach is filled, it's already pretty loud. I take the window seat, placing my bag on the other for Bel.

A few more people file in, walking past to join friends, sitting on their own, switching seats.

Bel joins me a few moments later, complaining about how she had to wait because Matthew Neals forgot his epipen and Heddy had to go get the spare one he keeps in school.

I watch out the window as Ms Ashley registers her class and they begin to file on. The coach is almost full, when I see and extremely familiar face. Is that...

"Neki!" Bela waves him over.

He smiles, waving at the both of us. I wave back, until I spot the person behind him. He's limping slightly, holding both crutches in one hand. The pain in my chest returns, forcing me to turn my attention outside.

"Bela," I hear his voice greeting her. "Kinsley."

I nod, but I can't look. I won't. If I see those eyes that I've become utterly in love with, I'll break down. Bela's hand covers mine and I glance at her. She gives me a questioning look but I shake my head no, turning back to the window quickly.

Pushing my AirPods in, I lean back against the head rest as my eyes fall shut.

"El."

"Mm?" I mumble.

"El get up, we're here."

I open one eye, instantly regretting it when the sunlight smacks me in the face.

"Mmm." I groan.

"El hurry up."

I unclip my seatbelt, eyes still closed as I fumble for my bag. I take my earphones out and the sound of the students intensifies, making me wish I hadn't.

"Okay, kiddies!" I hear Heddy from the front of the coach. "Let's get you out!"

I finally open my eyes, opening my bag and trying to find the sunglasses I'm sure I packed. Almost everyone has gotten off by the time I find them. Almost.

Neki gets off first. After, Bela stands pulling her bag on and heading down the aisle, putting me in his direct eye line.

I shuffle out of the seats at the same time he stands up, bringing our bodies so close that my breath catches.

"Kinsley?" his voice is smooth, deep as it always is.

I can't look up. I gesture forward with my hand to let him go first.

"Elena look at me." he says, the soft assertion he always uses.

Pulling in a deep breath, I bring my eyes to his. The concern on his face hurts so much that I want to throw up. He studies me, his brows pinched together.

"What's wrong?" he says quietly.

I can feel my heart crumbling. Knowing he hates me while I've spent the past month and a half falling for him hurts. It's hurting me physically.

The people toward the back of the bus begin to walk up now, so I take the initiative and walk off first, leaving Parker behind me.

"So, you all have an hour to look around the museum before we meet for lunch. The tour will take place after." Ms Ashley explains as I get off.

"Don't touch anything!" Heddy calls after.

As I scan the crowd, I see Neki and Bela walking off side by side. They must think that Parker and I would stick together. Well, looks like I'm on my own.

Just as I begin to walk forwards, a flash of red hair appears in front of me, blocking my path.

"Hey, Elena was it?" Mackenzie grins in front of me.

I've never wanted to evaporate as badly as I do right now. I silently will for the ground to open up and swallow me when she links her arm through mine, walking us forward.

"I feel like we got off on the wrong foot." she says with fake sincerity. "We could actually be really good friends."

I have to physically stop myself from scoffing.

"If you stay away from Parker." she adds.

I frown, turning to her.

"What?"

She's still smiling as she says, "Parker. I want you to stay away from him."

"We live togeth-"

"To be honest, I don't care." Mackenzie interrupts. "Parker loves me, and we're getting back together."

As if my heart couldn't hit any more of a rock bottom. I'm pretty sure it just physically exploded.

"What?" my voice comes out as a whisper this time.

Mackenzie rubs my arm. "He isn't interested in you babe. He likes toying around with desperate girls for fun."

"I don't believe you." I shake my head, a tear sliding down my cheek. I quickly catch it with my sleeve.

There's no way he'd get back with her after what happened. He wouldn't.

She shrugs. "Believe what you want. But let me tell you, we won't be as friendly if you keep drooling over my man."

Mackenzie grins at me, finally letting go of my arm.

"Great talk!" she waves, before spinning on her heels and joining her friend group.

My body is weighed down with sadness. I feel like I can't even walk anymore.

I spot Ms Ashley walking amongst the students and pick up pace to catch up with her.

"Ms Ashley?" I say.

She turns to look at me, smiling.

"Elena, what can I do for you dear?"

She taught me freshman and sophomore year, and she's still one of my favourite teachers.

"I'm not feeling too well. Would I be able to sit in the coach until lunch?"

Please say yes, please say yes.

"Of course hun, make sure to drink some water. We'll meet at the museum's entrance at 12."

I give her a grateful smile before turning around, having to force myself not to run to the coach.

My eyes are closed, head laid back with both AirPods in when I feel a hand touch my shoulder. I'm pretty sure my soul physically leaves my body as I jump so hard that I almost levitate.

My heart is pounding hard against my chest by the time I take my earphones out, bringing my eyes to the person the hand belongs to, and I instantly wish I hadn't.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Parker smiles.

His gorgeous, gorgeous smile.

"It's fine." I mumble.

He slides in the seat beside me and I tense. He's a big boy, so despite him simply sitting down, most of him is pressed against my side.

"How are you?" he asks, a little awkwardly.

I can't bring my eyes to his, so I just shrug.

There's a couple beats of silence, so I glance at him briefly. His eyes are fixed on my bouncing leg. I push my hands through my hair and rest my elbows on my legs at an attempt in casualness.

"Elena, have I done something to upset you?"

His voice is so sincere that my chest hurts. I want him to joke, to take the piss out of me in his usual jerky way, but he only calls me by my first name when he's serious. Maybe we're past joking.

I can't do this anymore.

"What?"

As I look up at Parker, It's obvious that I said that out loud. It's fine, I might as well just get it out the way. Make things easier for the both of us.

"Whatever... this is that we're doing? We should stop." I elaborate.

I see a hint of a crease between his brows but he doesn't say anything.

"It clearly isn't going anywhere. And even if it were, which it isn't, we're both going away for college next year so..."

Parker nods, but not in agreement, as if he's trying to understand what I'm saying. His adams apple bobs in his throat as he swallows.

"We can just go back to being, I don't know, friends... or whatever." I turn away as I feel my eyes prick with tears.

What feels like minutes of silence go by before either of us speak. Eventually, Parker pulls himself to his feet, picking his crutches up from the floor.

He begins to walk away, but stops short, and says something so quietly that I almost miss it. Almost.

"I don't want to just be your friend, Elena."