Ariya

"Shit." I glanced down at my sweats, drenched in liquid. I still have a month until I'm due? I stepped to the counter and hissed under my breath when I felt a hard pain in my lower stomach.

It can't be.

My water broke.

I grabbed my phone on the counter and dialed Zion's number. He was the closest.

"Hey, what's up?" He asked calmly.

"My water broke."

"What! Are you sure!? You still have a month left!?" I could hear his scream from the phone.

"Yes I wa-fuck!" I squinted my eyes closed, clutching my belly in pain.

"Ariya, I'm coming okay? Just breathe." He said.

"Okay." I nodded, taking a few deep breaths. In and out. He hung up.

I took a few steps to the table and took a seat, breathing in and out.

"Come on baby, it's gonna be okay.. just.. just stay put." I rubbed my stomach, feeling his kicking.

I should've been prepared for this but I just simply wasn't. I hadn't decided on a name, I did have a bag packed, but I just, this was all happening so fast.

The door unlocked and I watched Zion rush up to me with furrowed brows. He grabbed the underside of my elbow and helped me up.

"Come on."

He helped me down and into his car, that he bought himself. He's being doing so well on his own these days I'm just so proud of h-ah fuck this hurts.

He began down the road and I kept my eyes closed.

Almost as if shutting them would take us there faster.

"Faster!" I demanded.

"I can't go through the cars!"

"Fuck!" I cursed.

"Keep breathing, okay?" I nodded, listening to his words.

I felt the car park before the door shut and he rushed aside to my door and helped me out. In the matter of seconds I was dressed in a gown and laid on the bed.

"This baby's coming now." I watched the doctor peak his head from my legs.

The room filled with my groans and moans.

The only person I wanted right now was, Khyson. I needed Khyson to be here, to kiss my forehead and rub my hand. I need him, now.

I couldn't admit that, though.

I squeezed Zions hand, hearing his low groans of pain.

"Miss, Kingston? I'm gonna count to three, when I say push start pushing and then stop when I tell you, alright?" He instructed me.

I nodded nervously.

"One."

"Two."

"Three."

"Push."

I pushed as hard as I could, everything hurt, god that fucking hurt. I could feel the tears arising in my eyes.

"Stop!"

I released with a pant. Panting and panting.

"You're Doing so well." Zion whispered.

I wish that was Khyson's voice, I wish that was him holding my hand.

"Three."

I perked up at his voice again.

"Two."

"One."

"Push!"

I squinted my eyes closed and focused on pushing. It burned, it ached, it hurt. I was in so much pain I couldn't feel anything anymore.

"Stop! The heads out!" I watched a few nurses run by. I dropped my head back on the pillow and squinted my eyes in pain.

I turned my head to Zion to see him recording with his phone.

"Get the fucking camera out of my god damn face!" I yelled, having his phone. He shook his head while keeping the camera on me.

"Trust me, you'll thank me one day." He smiled.

"Fuck y-ah!" I groaned in pain.

It's worth it, it's worth it. You don't need the epidural, keep going.

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

"Push, as has hard as you can!"

My head lifted off the bed and I shut my eyes closed. I couldn't tell what was happening, I couldn't feel anything just pain, pain and pure pain.

Until I heard a small cry, followed by some more. I relaxed my body and tried to hear the noise. The doctor stood up with a small child in his arms and handed him to Zion.

Zion looked down with a smile before handing him to me.

I cradled his small body in my arms and stared down.

"Hi." I cooed, pressing my index finger to his small hand. Knowing well enough that Zion was recording this.

"We got a name, Mama?" Zion asked, holding the phone close to our faces.

I ghosted my fingers over his head, and his cheeks.

"Rylan." I spoke almost instantly. I could sense the judgment from Zion but I could care less right now.

I was holding my son, that I just gave birth to. My son.

"I love you." I whispered. The moment I said that his mouth opened in a odd yawn, I chuckled through the tears.

That was until the doctor pulled him away from me.

"Hey?" I asked I confusion. He handed him-Rylan to a nurse and rushed him away.

"Where is he going?"

"He's a preemie, he needs to placed in the NICU. His lungs aren't fully developed.." I blanked out for the rest of his words.

Rylan was in there for a couple weeks before he could come home with me.

Maybe it was the decision, maybe it was the regret I hadn't know what's been effecting my mood. I've tried to reach out to Khyson, many times until realizing I needed to give him the space he asked for.

After he left two days ago I remained on that for floor what seemed like hours, just sobbing and sobbing. Until I stopped when my body felt empty.

The next day I smiled around Rylan, but when he wasn't watching I was a mess. I didn't know if I could even go back to work in the state I was in. I can't let him know how badly this was effecting me, no one could. When I picked up Rylan that morning I plastered on a smile and told Amara that I was fine. She pressed on for more details and I just shrugged her off.

I was fine.

Dear-non diary

I-

I began to write until Amara's words flooded my mind.

"Why do you even have a diary, what are you fucking twelve?" Or was it thirteen? That's decides the point.

I was sitting in my car in the parking garage of Khyson's building.

Would he be at work? Had he told Kameron? Had Kameron told Amara?

I pulled my pills from my bag and downed two. I would take more but I remember the day I took many and lets just say it was not a good day.

I took one deep inhale and unlocked the car door. Stepping out and locking the doors. I smoothed my pencil skirt down and looked around for anyone, empty.

Making my way to the building, Vera waved at me and I waved back.

My small purse pressed into my side as I stepped into the elevator. I mean, usually Kameron waits for me in the parking garage, but today he didn't.

The elevator opened and Kameron and Khyson's offices were empty, I released a breath I hadn't known I was holding and stepped into my office.

A couple minutes later I watched the elevator open. My heart stopped when Kameron and Khyson walked in. Khyson always came into my office when he would arrived, say a quick "hi" with a smile. Instead he took a straight beeline for his office, not even a glance. And on the other hand Kameron rolled his eyes at me. He definitely told him.

I sighed, dropping my pen and hiding behind the computer screen.

-

Working was pretty easy, I just stayed in my office until lunch. I was going to eat in here but I needed to use the microwave in the break room.

I pulled my food out and scurried down the hall, peeking my head into the room. I saw that only a few people were in there and walked myself to the microwave. I placed my food inside and pressed the timer for two minutes.

"Running won't do you any good."

I jumped upon hearing the low sound of his voice, craning my neck to the right to see Kameron with a straight expression.

"Hi." I spoke lowly, before turning my gaze back to the microwave.

"Don't act all fucking innocent." He seethed under his breath, making sure no one would hear.

My heart still ached, and this was not helping.

"I don't wanna argue with you, Kam-"

"Fuck you."

"Kameron-"

"Fuck you, you're a shit mother."

I couldn't bare the words coming from his mouth. I spun around on my toes and stared at him.

"Look, I know Khyson's told you what happened and you have every right to be angry at me. But please don't assume things when you haven't heard the full story. Haven't heard what I went through."

He eyed me with disgust, similar to the look of Khyson's.

"You can't keep using you're "trauma" as and excuse to downplay your actions, own up like a fucking adult. Khyson's been through shit too."

"Oh I know what Khyson's went through." I laughed in disbelief, earning a few furrowed brows from the people in the break room.

"Do you really?" He asked.

"Do you!?" I raised my voice.

"I know, I know he got into a car accident when he was a teenager, that can take a role on someone's body, someone's life. Don't act like you're the only one with shit."

I furrowed my brow. Has that all Khyson's told him? A crash? Just a Crash?

"What did he tell you?" I asked.

"That he was in a car crash, right into a pole. Driving alone at night." He spoke again, clarifying his words.

I laughed again, pressing my hand to his chest to lead us into the empty hallway.

"The fuck are you doing?!" He asked.

"Khyson's full of shit. He did get into a car accident, but not alone. When he was fourteen he lost both of his parents in a car accident, right off the road into a ditch. The car flipped twice and he crawled out. Has a scar, right down his bicep. Then at sixteen he was driving him and his grandfather home when a car merged into the wrong lane, slamming right into the passengers side, killing his grandfather. Another scar, right above his belly button. That's why he hasn't drove since. You claim to be one of his closest friends yet he couldn't even trust you enough to tell you that. So cut the crap and stop bullshitting me."

He stepped back with wide eyes.

I brushed past him into the ladies room and locked myself into a stall. My back pressed into the metal and I sunk down, flat on my butt.

I needed to stop crying.

Until I heard the door open.