Ariya

Maybe it was the adrenaline, or the fact that the taxi was moving the opposite direction of his house and I watched as the house I knew for years began to blur through the reflection on the window.

"Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International?" The rather young man behind the wheel asked me.

"Yes please." I whispered, hoping he would hear me.

My fingers casted over the necklace on my neck.

"I don't wanna go." Rylan plead with a frown.

"It's just for a bit until mama comes back, okay?" I ran a soothing hand over his head and he nodded.

"I love you." He said with his arms around my neck and my body bent down to his level.

"I love you more."

"I love you more." He fought back.

"Nuh, uh." I shook my head with a smile.

"uh, huh." He agreed while nodding with a strong smile.

"Just for today, okay?" I told him. He jumped ip with excitement and I smiled to myself.

Last night I let Rylan sleep with me, we made breakfast together, I walked him into School together, picked him up during lunch and look him out to eat. I pondered what would happen between Khyson and I. I knew he wouldn't take Rylan from me, but when I went to bed with that thought it started to simmer in my mind, would he?

My life has purpose because of Rylan.

"Come on, Rylan. Our date awaits." Amara wiggled her arm at him before his detached from mine and attached to hers. I cleared my throat and handed him his small backpack.

"Be good for Amara, okay." I nodded, knowing my face looked stressed, Amara could see it.

"He always is, right?" She asked.

"Yeah!" She patted his back and he ran into the apartment. She held the door in her right hand and smiled at me.

"You got this." She kissed my cheek before closing the door. I stood there unmoving for a bit until I realized I had to move at some point. I told him to come by at seven, it was only six thirty. I gave myself some time to regain some consciousness.

I cleaned the kitchen counters and folded the throws on the couch. Making mine and Rylan's bed up. I picked up some of his toys that had been laying on the ground.

I was pulling some socks on when there was a knock on the door. My foot fell to the ground and I stumbled down to fix my half on sock. My hand gripped the frame of Rylan's room.

Deep breaths.

Trotting over to the door I took my time and unlocked the deadbolts, my hands so sweaty and shaky. The moment the door opened I hid my hands behind myself.

"Hey." He smiled.

"Hey." I nodded back.

He awkwardly leaned forward, wrapping his right arm, well my right, his left around my shoulder and pressing his lips to the warm skin of my cheek.

I stepped aside to let him pass, he stepped into my home with his head down and his hands in his pockets. He stopped after I shut the door to slide his shoes off. I watched him with hooded eyes, slipping off his sneakers.

"What did you wanna talk about?" He asked, stepped towards me. I backed up with a sloppy step and almost lost my footing before he grabbed my waist.

"You okay?" He asked with a small smile.

"Yeah, its just.. been a long day." I tucked my hair back and stepped out of his hands.

"Want something to drink?" I dropped my head and walked over to the fridge, opening the door and hiding my head inside.

"Water is fine." He spoke softly.

The air seemed so quiet and erie. I retrieved a bigger glass, thinking maybe I could wait until he finished the glass and giving him a bigger one would take longer.

I filled it and slid it across the counter to him.

His fingers wrapped around the glass as he pulled it up to his lips. My heart seemed to be banging against my ribs, I worried if even he could he hear it beating.

Khyson eyed me over his glass, my throat began to dry and I suddenly envied his water.

"You sure you're okay?" He glanced down at my shaky hands on the marble top. I quickly receded them behind me.

"Yeah, wanna sit down?" I slowly led him to the small dining table I had. He followed me forward and took a seat across from me.

How does one even initiate a conversation like this, I can't exactly just blurt it out. I have to ease into it.

It's definitely not like I've been dreading this moment for five years of my depressing, crummy life, yeah totally.

"Anything new?" I asked, buying time.

"No, not really." He raised a brow and smiled a bit at my question.

"How's Rylan?" I broke a sweat at the mention of his name.

"He's good, his basketball classes start real soon, he's really excited."

"Why didn't you just ask me?" He chuckled while leaning back. I plastered on a fake smile and nodded.

"You think I should have?"

"I'm the best ball player you know."

Rylan really was like his father.

Oh fuck, it's coming I can feel it.

"I love you, you know that." I smiled, pressed the back of my palm on the table for him, waiting for him to grasp it.

"I love you too.. what is it, Ariya?" He asked, grabbing my hand. I noticed how he rubbed his index finger over my skin, comforting me from something he hadn't even known yet.

"I love you so much." I shifted my lips while pulling my other hand up and holding his one with my own two.

I could feel my eyes stinging at the thought, they were probably blood red.

"Where is this coming from?" He squeezed my two hands before bringing up his other one. His thumb against my skin.

"Ariya?" I think my mood effected him, he began to get nervous as I stared into my lap.

I felt his hand under my chin, lifting it up. I stared into his eyes, wondering if this would truly be the only time he loved me, before it all fell down.

Just love me, Khyson.

Please, love me after this.

"Rylan."

His brows sunk and I licked my lips, tasting the salty tears I hadn't known even fell. His thumb against my chin almost made me feel some what better.

"Ariya?" He repeated my name.

My heart sunk and I scrunched my nose up, taking these last seconds to feel him, coax myself within his radiating love and care. Soaking in the love.

Khyson I love you so much.

"Khyson, Rylan is your son."