Ariya

"Mhm." I mumbled while rolling onto my side. I felt an arm, Rylan probably snuck in again.

With my eyes still closed I ran my hand over Rylan's head.

That's not Rylan's hair.

I opened my eyes to see a sleeping Khyson.

"Fuck!" I crawled back as my Back hit the backboard and I slapped a hand over my mouth at my dirty language. I could feel the tears arising in my eyes as he shrugged his eyes open upon seeing me.

"Oh my god. Oh my god!" I breathed.

"Ariya, Ariya look at me."

"Oh my god, this was a mistake, a terrible mistake, oh gosh, William, I-" I repeatedly slapped my chest in hopes to calm the hitch in my throat.

"Ariya-"

"I screwed up, I screwed up, Khyson." I rambled before staring down at my exposed chest before grabbing the sheet and standing up. I wrapped myself up before seeing his exposed body.

"Get your clothes on!" I yelled.

"Fuck, okay, okay." He scrambled up while trying to locate all of his articles.

"I screwed up, this is not okay, god what happened to me?" I groaned.

"You need to leave before William comes back with, Rylan!" I whisper yelled.

"Why are you whispering!?" He whispered yelled.

"I don't know!? Okay!?" I whispered.

"God, you couldn't have been any rougher!?" I looked at myself in my full body mirror. The splay of hickey around my body plus the small bruise on my hips.

"I got carried away, okay!"

"I can't do this, oh my god." I could feel my chest restricting as I turned around a rested my head onto the wall.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

I wasn't supposed to let him make me weak.

"Ariya, it's okay." I felt his hand on my bare shoulder.

"No! I'm sorry." I sighed.

"Please just leave, Khyson. Please." I begged. He stared at me in the eyes with his feet planted to the hard wood.

"Ariya, this-"

"This means nothing, okay. It will never happen again." I demanded with scared expression on my face.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me it meant nothing."

I stared him in the eyes and bit my lip, running my tongue over the cut I had bitten last night.

"This meant nothing, I'm happy.. you're happy. I'm in a loving relationship. I appreciate your present to Rylan, and what you did for me last night, but that was it, this is it, you need to leave now, im sorry." My voice cracked at those two last words as I wiped the one tear that cascaded down my cheek.

"Ariya pl-"

"Go."

I watched him sigh before opening my bedroom door and leaving. I followed him out and locked the front door.

I ran into my bathroom and removed the sheet from my body, taking a full look at myself in the mirror.

Flashes of the night before cemented into my head.

The bruise from his grip on my waist, the hickeys on my neck and breasts. The pain in my pelvis every time I took a step.

I walked out into my room and took in the seen.

The picture above my bed had fallen to the side and shattered, there was a small dent where the bed post had been repeatedly banging into the wall last night.

The bed sheets disheveled.

I walked into the bathroom and hopped into the shower. Whenever I had sex with William I always showered right after, not the morning after or the day after. I felt the need to, not that he made me feel dirty, I just.. my body needed the shower.

With Khyson I didn't feel the need to, his touch still lingered on my body and I think a little part of me wanted to keep that feeling.

I discarded the thought before rinsing my body and hopping out, pulling on some sweats and a tank. I grabbed some concealer and foundation while attempting to cover up the marks that had been visible with my tank.

I did my best before cleaning up my room.

Suddenly the doorbell rang and I took a deep breath out.

I glanced down at my arm before seeing the scar, the fresh scar.

That was the last time, Ariya.

I slipped on a hoodie and ran to the door, unlocking the bolts.

The moment I opened the door Rylan ran towards me and hooked himself onto my leg.

"I should'be called, or texted, sorry for just.. dropping by." William chuckled nervously.

"Mama! I missed you, so much!" He yelled into my leg. I grasped his head with my hand and ran my fingers over his skin.

"I missed you more, baby.. I'm so sorry." I spoke softly to him. I couldn't seem to bare the fact that he had seen a portion of what had happened yesterday. The fight between-

"Do you think we could talk, maybe?" William asked.

I knew this was bound to happen, and I should've prepared myself even more.

"Yeah.. Rylan go to your room, William and I are just gonna talk for a bit." I told him.

"Ok, don't be long."

"I won't."

"Promise?" He rested his chin on my leg.

"I promise." I locked our pinkies before he ran down the hall into his room.

I walked into the living room, assuming he was behind me as we both sat down.

"So?" I asked.

"Ariya.. you lied to me.. about everything." He mumbled.

"I'm sorry, I really am I-"

"Is it that you don't trust me, or you don't think this is serious or?"

I couldn't seem to lie to him, this whole relationship is built on my own denial. I'm only with William to convince myself that I didn't have feeling for Khyson anymore. God.

"No I do, I do trust you I just-I thought it would drive you away." I shrugged, maintaining my eyesight on the wall.

"Why would it drive me away?"

"I thought you'd think I was just some single mom who wanted money, it's not like that, it never was I just-"

"I would never think that.. I just feel like I don't know you, now. How come you never told me you knew your boss, or even about your parents.. I feel like I deserve to know those things."

I didn't think it was fair for him to demand the truth like this, it was my life and I could decide who I wanted to tell and who I didn't.

"I don't think it's fair for you to demand the truth like that." I shook my head.

"I understand, Ariya. My parents were divorced I fe-"

"No, you can't just say you understand, you have no idea what I went through."

"Ariya I-"

"I paid for a house that wasn't even mine, raised three boys, made lunch, dinner, breakfast. I worked three jobs just to make ends meet, my dad ran off and my mom only cared about herself and her drugs, in the winter we all slept in one bed so we didn't freeze to death, I never got to go to prom, or hang out with friends, I was either helping one with homework or taking care of chicken pocks. Khyson and I had a falling out and the last thing I wanted was to be reminded of him, please don't assume you suddenly know me after what happened last night, you know how embarrassing that was for me. My dead beat mother coming in here to beg for money after spending all hers on drugs. I didn't grow up with two rich parents, divorced or not. I didn't have to worry about your pity reasons. I'm sorry but you wouldn't get it." I laughed to myself.

"I'll have you know my dad beat me, he was so bent on keeping his reputation that he cared more about work more than his own kids, he broke my sisters leg once and I was the one who waited with her in the ER, I missed my god damn prom for her." He suddenly pulled up his shirt to showcase a Lage gash upon his forearm. Ive seen it many times and he's told me it was nothing.

"See this, it's from broken glass, that he shattered and cut into my skin, and this is from the cigarettes he burned into me. We all have shit Ariya, it's not a competition. Not everything is simply about you, your so fucked up into your own world to realizing that maybe you're not the only person who remotely has problems. God, I should go." He laughed while standing up.

I feel like a piece of shit right now.

"William w-"

"I love you, Ariya. So much, i think more than you.. I just think-I'll call you later, okay?" He nodded his head.

I bit my lip with a nod before he pecked my forehead.

"Tell Rylan I said bye, also he was crying all night, begging me to let him come home." He said before shutting the door.

Great.

I walked over to the kitchen and poured a glass of water and a glass of apple juice for Rylan.

At this point I couldn't suppress my tears, my chest ached and my scene blurred. Maybe Rylan would be sleeping and I wouldn't have to face him.

I grabbed the two glasses and walked into his room.

"Hey, I'm sorry for making you stay with William last night." I sat down on the floor with him while he took the glass with two hands.

"Are you okay?" He asked, dropping his toy car and looking up at me.

"I should be asking you that." I chuckled and he smiled.

"I'm sorry for what you saw-"

"Was that my grandma?" He asked.

I didn't need him knowing Beverly, because then he'd start expecting things from her, asking why his grandmother was wasn't as nice as his friends'.

"Biologically yes, but she's doesn't need the title."

"What does bliogly mean?" He asked with furrowed brows.

"By blood, yes she is your grandmother, but she is not your grandmother, you have to understand that she's not fit to be your grandmother."

He nodded, I knew he didn't understand but agreed anyways.

"I know you're still young but you have me, and even if you don't have grandparents or a father even, I hope I'm enough."

"I love you mama, you're my best mama, I'll love you forever." He jumped over to give me a hug.

"I love you more, baby."