《After Midnight》chapter twenty-five.
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I woke up to the sound of chirping birds and the dull buzzing of my alarm, forcing me to pull myself from the comfort of my blankets.
Who's stupid idea was it to schedule a therapy appointment at eight in the morning? Oh, right. Mine.
Weekends have been my only opportunity to see my therapist as my days are packed with work. I'm grateful for the job I have, but it's become very exhausting, hence the therapy appointment.
I don't want myself to become burnt out, so I'm finally taking the necessary measures to avoid that. Dr. Swneeney luckily has very flexible hours.
It's been nearly three weeks since Zayn found out about his father's impending release, and we're still not sure of the date. As far as we know, it could be any day now. We'll have no way of knowing. I've been helping him as much as I can, but there's only so much I can do for him.
Luckily, he agreed to stop drinking and instead find something more productive to do. For him, that was either work or completing something on our list.
We're slowly running out of tasks to complete, but every task brings us closer, and the memories we create together have become my favorites.
I've been procrastinating therapy for two weeks, but I can feel the euphoric wave I've been on starting to crash, and I'll be damned if I fall back into my familiar slump of misery.
I guess that's progress, right?
Zayn left to visit Rocky and Talia last night, something he desperately needed. He's in the running for a job opening in Adelaide's firm, and he's been so stressed about that, on top of his father's crap, that he needed a break.
Honestly, I'm worried about him, but he's a strong man, and I know he can handle it.
I take my medication and pull on some jeans and a t-shirt, getting ready for the day. I go to brew Jordyn and me some coffee, the smell of fresh coffee stinging my nostrils in the best way. Jordyn waltzes into the kitchen lazily as soon as she hears the soft crackling of the coffee maker.
"Good morning, sunshine," I say sarcastically, watching as her puffy eyes scowl at me.
"Where are you heading so early on the weekend?" She asks sleepily.
I pour us both a cup of coffee, grabbing the creamer for Jordyn, too. "Therapy."
Jordyn nods, making a face. "It's too early to talk about feelings,"
We laugh together as I agree with her. "Yeah, well, the earlier, the better. Weekends are when I overthink."
"I'm proud of you." She surprises me by saying.
I smile, walking around the island to hug her. "Don't make me cry. That's what therapy is for." I wink.
"Still wanna make dinner tonight?" She asks before I head out the door.
"Yep! See you and Ri around six?"
"I'll have everything ready. We're going grocery shopping today." I nod.
We say our goodbyes, and I grab a granola bar and my keys before making my way to Dr. Sweeney's office.
---
"So," Dr. Sweeney says, pulling out her notebook and crossing one leg over the other. "How is your relationship going?"
I smile, my face heating up as it always does when I think of him.
"Surprisingly good,"
"Surprisingly?" She repeats, her brows furrowed in question.
"Well..." I trail, biting my lip. "I just- I'm always prepared for the downfall, you know? We've been on such a high lately, just enjoying one another's company and learning more about one another. It's been so good for so long, and I'm scared that it's not going to stay that way."
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"Why do you think it has to take a turn for the worst?"
"Because it always does," I admit.
She frowns, leaning forward. "There's your problem right there. You're constantly waiting for things to get bad again, that you sabotage your ability to embrace your own happiness. Sure, couples fight. Love is a tricky thing. It's not always going to be sunshine and roses, but just because it rains doesn't mean there's going to be a flood. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
I nod, trying to let her words seep into my diseased mind. "Yeah, but it's so hard when every time I feel good, no matter how long, it always crashes down."
She learns forward, her face stoic. "Why do you think that is?"
I shrug. "'Cus my brain has a chemical imbalance?" I answer sarcastically.
"Exactly," Huh? "Scarlett, you have a mind that works against you 24/7, and it's no fault of your own, but when the dark spells come, you have the power to choose not to let them take over. I know it's easier said than done, but we can work on it, okay?"
I sigh, pinching the inside of my wrist anxiously. "Yeah. Yeah, we can work on it."
For the rest of the appointment, we just talked about the usual. We worked on affirmations for when the bad patches come, and I'm hoping they'll be able to help me combat the next episode.
As I open the door and exit the building, stupidly looking down at my phone while doing so, I bump into someone, causing me to drop it on the floor.
"Shit! I'm so sorry," I apologize, finding a tall man with a dark blue hoodie on, hiding most of his face. He looks shy.
"It's fine." He grumbles lowly and heads right into the building.
I lean down to pick up my phone and see my newly cracked screen, making it very hard to see anything through the cracks. Great. Now I have to get my screen fixed at some point.
The rest of my day was boring and predictable. I got my phone fixed and bought myself some shoes for Rocky and Talia's wedding. I found myself occupying my favorite table at 25 Hours, working on next week's manuscripts even on the weekends.
Bonnie isn't here, which made me sad, but I know I'll see her soon. She's like a free therapist, her smile doing more than my medication ever could. Some people just have that effect, I guess.
By the time I got home, it was nearly time for Jor and me to start cooking. I walk into our apartment to see Riley and her unpacking their groceries, setting up all the ingredients we may need.
"Welcome home, sexy!" She greets, smiling brightly.
I say hello to them, laughing as she giddily shows me all the stuff she bought. We wanted to make ourselves and Riley a delicious home-cooked meal. We found a few recipes off Pinterest, and now we were putting them to use.
The odds of this ending badly are very high, honestly.
We're just about to put the stove on when Jordyn sees my phone ringing, a call from Zayn coming through.
Before I could grab it, she swiped it from the counter and answered it. "Zayn! You need to come home soon because it's only been a day, and Scarlett can't stop saying how much she miss-"
I slap her upside the head, making her yelp as I snatch my phone from her and go into my bedroom. Flipping her off as Riley laughs his ass off.
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"Hi," I said shortly. "Ignore her."
He chuckles, the sound instantly making me smile. "Don't worry, baby. I already know you can't stop thinking about me."
"That is just not true." I lied.
"Mhm," he mumbles. "It's okay. I can't stop thinking about you, either." My heart flutters at his words, making me smile like a lovestruck idiot.
"We saw each other two days ago," I reminded him.
"Too long," he mutters. "I miss you."
"I miss you, too," I confess, biting my lip to stop myself from grinning too much. "How's everything?"
He sighs. "It's good. We're about to go to dinner. Talia is mad at me for not bringing you with me."
"She's sweet. How's the wedding planning?"
"Stressful, apparently. They argue on every little detail. Rocky cares very much about the 'aesthetic' or whatever."
I laugh, ignoring the mispronunciation of the word aesthetic. "Really? Wow. Rocky, the wedding planner. Who would've known."
"Yeah, yeah, enough about him. How was your day?" He asks, sounding genuinely interested. I've always adored that about him. When he asks, you can tell he truly cares. He wants to hear about my days, and when I begin to tell him, he listens intently, always tuned into the conversation.
"It was good. Jor and I are making some dinner now. I broke my phone screen, though." I tell him, laughing at my clumsiness.
"I'll buy you a new one." He says seriously.
I roll my eyes. "I got the screen fixed already, but if you want to get me the newest phone, I won't complain." I joke. I would complain, actually. He's always trying to buy me things, and it's just not necessary.
"Is that right?" He questions sarcastically.
We joke around a bit more before he pesters me about how my therapy went and if I took my medication this morning. He's always been attentive, especially with my health, and I appreciate it more than he could ever know.
Eventually, I hear someone shout at him from a distance, probably Talia considering they're going to dinner soon.
"Gotta go," he sighs. "See you on Monday?"
"See you then. Bye, Z. Have fun!"
"Bye, beautiful. I'll call you tomorrow." With that, the line goes dead, and I head back into the kitchen with a bright smile on my face.
Jordyn gives me a knowing look. Her eyebrows raised suggestively. "You're so in love."
My eyes widen, and I shake my head. "Love? No. It's too early."
Riley laughs, spinning in his stool to face me. "I fell in love with Jordyn in three days. Granted, I didn't tell her for a few weeks,"
Three days? Is that even possible? I mean, I know that I feel strongly for Zayn. I know that I've never felt anything remotely close to what I feel for Zayn.
I sigh, leaning my elbows onto the counter. "I don't even know what love feels like."
Jordyn and Riley look into each other's eyes, sharing the same look, seemingly thinking the same thing. "You'll know." He says.
I admire their relationship so much. They just get each other. I never used to believe that people our age could genuinely love one another. I just never had proof of it, but now I do, and they make me want what they have more than anything.
I think I can, with Zayn. I like him a lot, more than I can even explain. The thought of saying those words to him, though, especially without being sure, makes me panic.
"All I know is," Jordyn starts, lifting our wooden spoon and pointing it at me. "I have never seen you this happy."
Riley nods in agreement. "You're literally glowing." He adds.
I look down, pinching my wrist. "That's what I'm afraid of," I admit.
"Trust me, I get it," Riley says, patting the stool beside him. I sit next to him and wait for him to continue. "Love fucking terrified me, especially because Jordyn is the only woman I have ever loved. I didn't know how to deal with that, fuck, I was just a horny frat boy when we met, but here we are."
"Remember when I ran into your room, panicking because he told me he loved me before we even started dating? I was fucking terrified, but once I got past that initial fear of giving into my deepest emotions with someone, I found the most beautiful connection I've ever had."
I look at both of them and take in what they're saying, smiling at the love they have for each other. God, I can't wait to attend their wedding.
"You're right. I'm just- I'm working on understanding my feelings." I get up and head next to Jordyn near the food, preparing the next step for our recipe.
"And that's totally fine." She smiles, effectively ending the conversation and turning on our speaker so we can dance and cook like we love to do.
Riley plays games on his phone, occasionally making fun of our terrible dance moves and making jokes to keep himself entertained.
I'm so blessed to have these people in my life. I cannot thank them enough. The fact that Zayn was able to mesh so well with the three of us, too, was only another sign that he was the perfect fit.
In a lot of ways, I feel connected to Zayn. Stronger than just romantically. It's like there was always a missing piece, something in my life that felt empty. Zayn came along, and the emptiness vanished.
For a long time, Jordyn was the only person in my life. No one wanted to be around the girl with a long list of trauma and mental turmoil. Jordyn stuck by me when no one believed I was telling the truth about my assault. She stood by me when I attempted to take my own life, and she continues to support me through the ups and downs of my mental health.
When she met Riley, she made it clear that if he didn't like me, he couldn't be with her, but luckily we hit it off and became good friends, too. Riley is an incredibly kind soul, and I'm so happy to have him in my life.
Zayn entering the picture is something none of us expected. It kind of became a running joke that I'd end up alone with endless amounts of pets. Then I met him.
I surprised myself by hanging out with him and allowing him into my life, bit by bit. I've lived my entire life without him, but suddenly I can't imagine it without him in it. That's a scary thought in itself.
Nobody is guaranteed to be in your life for its entirety. Some people are given to you for specific stages in your life, and then they leave. Every connection has a purpose, and I pray that he's here for the long hall.
I know I am.
Surprise update!! I've finally planned out the ending to this story, and I'm really excited to write out the final chapters. I'm projecting about 35 chapters! Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate you all tremendously.
P.S. it's important to start paying attention to details from here on out ;)
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