"I can't believe you dragged me out here, Nova." Maddy and I walk into the football stadium, arms intertwined together. Yes, I dragged her to a football game. She was avoiding coming to this game. Since Christian is the captain, she didn't want to support his team. "We're here to support one player and one player only," I tell her. She looks at me, "Cgc." We say in unison. I've been telling her that all day, I'm sure she gets it already, but she won't stop complaining.

Cgc has been texting me almost everyday and asking if I'm okay or even feeling better. He's asked about my auditions too. He's being a good friend to me because I've been through this before. The first time around, he wasn't like this. He had known Devon for longer, so he didn't completely unfriend him when he cheated on me. This time is different. I've known Cgc longer than Chris. Ha! Even so, Cgc hasn't talked bad about Christian once. He only says how he wished he didn't do what he did. I'm surprised, but I don't question it.

Maddy on the other hand, is just being dramatic like always. It's not like I'm dragging her to an event she won't enjoy. She loves football. Peyton and Natasha will be joining us too a little later. They're driving down from Sacramento. They actually went home for Thanksgiving unlike Maddy. I was in L.A. but I got back to Oak Hill last night.

The stadium is already starting to get full as we make our way inside. Since it's the last game for a couple of weeks, everyone's making their way to see this one. We find some seats in the student section luckily and make sure to save two for our girls. They said the were close by already anyway. "Remember to fight for these seats if anyone tries to take them," I say to Maddy. She nods, already focusing on the field.

The game won't start for a while, but the players from both teams are warming up already. "Girls! Shots?" A curly haired brunette guy holds out a bottle of Patron to Maddy and I. Maddy takes it from him and they film her as she downs a shot easily. She sticks out her tongue to show the alcohol is gone. The guy stops filming and she hands the bottle to me. "Go," She says. Curly-hair starts a new video, recording me. I waterfall a shot of the strong tequila. It slides down my throat roughly, but I try not to make a face.

The guys cheer again as I swallow the clear liquid and hand the bottle back to him. "Thank you, thank you," He says and starts asking other students around us the same thing. "I wonder why he's recording," I tell Maddy. She snorts, "He's a frat boy, they always do this at the last game," She informs me. I nod my head once and we both still look at him as he passes around the bottle of tequila.

"I hope he still has some left for when Peyton and Nat come," Maddy laughs. I hope he does too.

+

Peyton, Natasha, Maddy, and I get off Natasha's car. We won, 63-32. It was such a good game. The excitement in the stadium was insane. I think we're all still on a high. Especially since I agreed on coming to the after party at Max's townhouse. I know he will be here, but I don't think he'll try and talk to me. I hope he's smart enough not to. "Oh my God, this is the last party of the semester!" Peyton tells us. "Then lets get fucked up, we'll take an Uber home, fuck it," Maddy says.

My three friends look at me since I'm always more hesitant about getting drunk whenever we go out. Why not, right? I think I deserve it. It'll be our last hurrah before finals next week. "Okay, lets do it," I smile. They all cheer and we loop our arms together as we walk into the townhouse. The house is just starting to fill up with people and luckily we made it in kind of early. Normally, they only let a certain amount of people inside.

"Ohmygosh, there's so many drinks!" Peyton points towards the kitchen and the counters are lined with bottles. There's also three kegs and a cooler probably filled with more alcohol. This party was planned in advance I'm assuming. Maddy opens up an unopened bottle off the counter and pours some into cups for us. "Cheers, bitches." We cheers and then take a drink of our alcohol.

"Xander is so hot," Peyton says. I follow her eyes and spot Xander in the corner of the house with Cgc. Maddy smacks Peyton's arm. She winces a bit, "What?" She questions. "He is not hot," She says through gritted teeth. "I think he is," She says. Maddy rolls her eyes and takes another swig from her drink. "You might have a shot with him," I tell Peyton. Maddy shoots me a glare and I shrug. "Actually, maybe I like Cgc better," Peyton says. "Cgc doesn't like blondes," Maddy says quickly. That's true. "Sorry, Pey," Natasha says.

"Who doesn't like blondes? Is he ill?" She retorts. I laugh, "I'm telling you, Xander definitely loves blondes." I waggle my eyebrows at her. "Stay away from him, Pey, he's dirty," Maddy retorts. I roll my eyes at her comment. Peyton will probably listen to Maddy though. "I know, I know," Peyton says, taking a long drink from her cup after. Maddy smiles like she's completed her special mission of keeping a woman away from Xander.

I haven't seen Christian yet and I'd like to keep it that way. I actually haven't seen him since last Sunday so it's been almost a full week since we've spoken. I won't lie, it hurts. For some reason, I want to talk to him again. I want to let him tell me how he feels, how he's been doing, what went wrong between us that he had to hurt me the way he did. But I can't. I told myself countless amount of times that I won't ever forgive someone who hurt me the way that Devon did.

I'm keeping that promise to myself because honestly, it's what's pushing me through this. I do miss him though. Ugh. I can't even believe I'm saying that.

"Come with me real quick," Max holds his hand out for Maddy. She smiles, "Where are we going?" She asks. A smirk crosses his pink lips, "You'll see." My best friend hesitates but grabs his hand and he pulls her away. She turns to look at us and mouths brb. "Is she gonna?" I ask, not saying the other word. "No. She'd never sleep with Max. They're like best friends," Natasha tells me. I nod my head, not keeping my eyes off Maddy until she disappears.

I turn away from the picture of Max, Cgc, and I that is on his mirror when the door opens. Max steps inside first and then Maddy comes in behind him. Her face drops when she sees me. She turns to look at Max who is now behind her, "What the hell, Max?" She says. He shrugs his shoulders. "He told me he wants to talk to you," He tells her. She turns back to look at me, her eyes narrowed. Max takes this opprotunity to leave, closing the door to his room behind him.

I was surprised at how clean his room actually is, but I didn't complain. At least it doesn't look like Rhys'. Maddy crosses her arms over her chest. She's still standing by the door and I'm stood in the middle of the room. We have a good distance between us and I don't mind it. "What do you want, Valdez?" I knew Nova wouldn't want to talk to me, so Maddy will have to do.

I would've just texted her, but since we're both here, might as well do this now. "Is she okay?" This is the first thing I ask, because I truly want to know. I didn't think the girls would come to this party so I was surprised when I saw the four of them across the room. Nova looked fine but I immediately told Max to get Maddy to come upstairs so that I could talk to her.

Her face remains unamused. I already knew I probably wasn't going to get many answers out of her but I didn't have a choice. I don't want to talk to Novalee directly. She probably wouldn't want that either. "Do you even care?" She retorts. I roll my eyes, "Yes, Maddy, I do care." I take a step closer to her, but she steps back. Her back is completely against the door.

"I just need to know she's fine," I say when she doesn't answer me. She tucks her side bang behind her ear. "Obviously she's not fine, Valdez. She wanted what you guys had to be real and it wasn't. She's trying her best to be fine, but she's not," She says tersely. I can't blame her for being aggressive. She cares about Nova almost as much as I do.

I feel my heart clench. Of course she's not okay, I don't know why I even asked. I hurt her and there's no coming back from it. What we had was real though and it always has been. I believe that more than anything.

At the beginning of the school year, she told me that it was fine that we broke up sophomore year. She told me it's not like we were meant to be together. I think she's wrong. I think we are meant to be together. It feels right. Everything with her feels right.

I've never felt this way about a girl, ever. I don't think anyone could ever make me feel this way. I can't just let her go. "What do I do? What can I do?" I ask Maddy. At this point, I'd do anything. Maddy shakes her head, "Nothing. You can't do anything," She tells me.

"You did exactly what he did to her. You hurt her the same way she never wanted to be hurt again, do you understand that? There's no coming back from that, Valdez. Your fucking loss. I hope loose pussy was worth it." She flips me off and then leaves before I have a chance to say anything.

I can't hate her because she's right. This is my fault.