"What if I do terrible?" I say, still sitting in my car in the parking lot. I'm really early so it's not like I'm running late and don't have time to talk on the phone. Dalton is working with another one of his clients right now, so I couldn't call him for emotional support. Instead, I called my best friend.

"You won't do terrible! We've been rehearsing everyday for a little over a month for both parts. You got this!" Maddy says through the other line. I've never been worried about letting my personal life get in the way of an audition, but that's a fear of mine today. It's Wednesday and Valdez and I just broke up on Sunday. I've been trying to not focus on that since it happened so close to my audition days.

I'm trying to make it a mere thought in the back of my head, but that's kind of hard to do. Maddy's helped me out a lot though. She's even boycotted the game this Saturday even if it's the last one before the guys start prepping for the Bowl game they'll play in late December. I told her she could go, but she refuses.

I turn off my car and finally get off. "Okay, I'm about to go in. I'll call you after and let you know how today went," I tell her. "Wooo! Okay, I love you. Good luck. You'll do amazing," Maddy says. I chuckle, "Thank you, love you too, bye!" After hanging up, I shove my phone into my back pocket. I look up at the large building in front of me and take a deep breath.

Luckily, my classes were cancelled today so I was able to catch an early ride out to L.A.. Today's only the first day of auditions. I'm auditioning for one of the main characters, Avalon, today. Tomorrow, I'm auditioning for another main character, Farrah. I think I'd play Farrah better, but Dalton really wanted me to try and audition for Avalon too. He thinks I'll have a better chance auditioning for both.

The other main character, Ember, I could never play her. She's too badass and confident. Kind of like Maddy which is why I loved reading lines with her. I just hope I can do good enough today and tomorrow. As I walk into the building, I try and push back every negative thought that's been racing my mind since Sunday. "I can do this," I whisper to myself, before finally stepping into the waiting room.

I sit in my locker, catching my breath after just running two miles on the track. We usually only run on Mondays and Tuesdays, but Coach had business to take care of yesterday, so he completely cancelled practice. We made up for yesterday, today.

I don't mind though because we play our last game this Saturday before we play in the Orange Bowl on New Years Eve. Since our record is 10-1, we knew we'd play in a Bowl game before heading to the National Championship. We just didn't know which one until Monday when coach told us. We have to win in order to play in National Championship game. We'll be playing USC. I think we have a good shot.

The Orange Bowl would've been a problem since it's on New Years Eve and I was supposed to go home with Novalee, but we broke up I guess, so that's not a problem anymore. I try and act like I don't care, but I do. I care more than anyone thinks and I'm hurting just as much as she is. I just have a good way of hiding it. The guys know what happened and well, Cgc hasn't talked to me since Monday when he found out.

I told Nova's parents I was scared of him and I wasn't lying. Mostly because I hate when any of my friends are mad at me. We live together for fucks sake. I can't be anywhere in my own house if he's there because it's awkward as fuck. I try talking to him, but he ignores me. Luckily, he didn't beat me up, but I kind of wish he did. I deserve it. I don't deserve her. Novalee.

Despite how much of a dick I sound like, I'm trying to focus on football rather than my breakup. It helps me forget about it after all and there's nothing I can do about it.

She hates me. I hate myself. My friend hates me.

Football doesn't hate me, so there's that.

She's in Los Angeles today. I didn't forget about her auditions this week. I texted her a good luck, but it never went through. I figured she blocked my number just like she blocked all my social media accounts. I'm surprised Maddy hasn't found me and killed me yet. I might start sleeping with one eye open in case her and Cgc decide to team up and do it.

The truth is, I'm an idiot. I honestly don't know what happened at the Sigma party, but it feels wrong. Even if I'm blackout drunk, I remember I have a girlfriend. Novalee has been ingrained into my brain since I met her. I said I would never hurt her again and I meant that. I've never meant anything more. When I said that she was the best thing to happen to me since football, I meant that.

I mean every single thing I say to her.

At the same time, hurting her has been a fear of mine since we reunited. I could've done what she accused me of and that scares me the most. Finding out I did do it would kill me. With finals and the National Championship around the corner, I can't even revert my mind to anything bad like that.

"Valdez!" I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Coach's thundering voice. I look up at him and he motions me to follow him. I get up and follow after him to his office. "Close the door behind you and sit down," He says. I shut the door and run a hand through my damp hair as I sit down.

He leans back onto his chair, crossing his arms over this chest. "What's up with you?" He asks. Fuck. I furrow my eyebrows like I'm confused, but I know exactly what he's talking about. "Nothing. Why?" I say. "You played better last year, what the hell happened to you? The film of you playing this year is good but third round good, not first round like you deserve." He's talking about the NFL Draft.

Since coach Carter told me his friend from the NFL was interested in me, I haven't given him an answer to whether or not I actually want to go. It's a decision I've been struggling with for months. I'm starting to lean towards actually declaring for the draft. There's nothing left for me at Oak Hill.

"You know I don't care what number I get drafted at as long as I get drafted," I tell him. He shakes his head, "You deserve to be drafted top three at least, Valdez." I scoff. I fucking wish. I meant what I said though. I could be drafted last and that would still mean the world to me. But everyone dreams of being drafted number one. "Coach, that's impossible. Safety's never get drafted that high," I tell him what's true.

Even if I tried my hardest, I can't be a top five pick.

"I like to think highly of the men that I coach, Valdez. I think you could do some amazing things in the league, no matter when or where you get drafted. Have you made that decision yet? Playing there next year?" He asks. I don't have an answer for him. If I say yes, I don't want to regret it. Even though I am leaning towards going, I still have to sort things out with my teammates.

"I don't know, coach. I've been thinking about it, but not more than I'm thinking about this season. I want to win that National Championship," I say honestly. He chuckles, "We'll win. And that'll be your parting gift to your teammates," He tells me. That sounds like a damn good parting gift to me, but even if we do win, leaving isn't that easy. I don't think winning the National Championship will make me want to leave. It'll make me want to stay even more. Fucking hell.

"I'll think about it," I say easily. He nods his head, "Alright, son. Get outta here." I smile, for the first time in three days as I get up and leave. "Oh, and," I turn around at coach'a voice "tell your boys that you guys have a break from the 20 through the 26, but that's it! After Saturdays game, it's about to get real. If they can't make plans to get back on the 26th, they can't leave," Coach finishes.

I nod, "Yessir, thank you." He nods once and I leave. Some of the other guys might be fortunate to be able to go home for at least Christmas. We thought we'd have to stay in town to get ready for the bowl game, but Coach just gave us a week off. I hoped he wouldn't so I could have an excuse to not go home, but there's no excuse now. And I have to face it alone too. Novalee isn't coming with me anymore.