I can't freaking focus.

I've been sitting here for almost two hours and I can't focus on this speech. It's currently nine in the morning and I woke up extra early to get this done. It's the last day to work on the assignment and I am not even close to done.

Christian texted me yesterday asking if I was almost done so that we could submit the assignment. I sent back a rude 'no'. He's been done with his part for a couple of days now. I hate him.

I take a deep breath, just like I've been taught to do for many years now, and look at my notes on the computer again. I can't seem to come up with more information. I've browsed the Internet for sources for hours and nothing seems good enough.

I took it upon myself to read Chris's final work earlier, in hopes that it would be able to motivate me. It didn't. It made me cry in frustration. He is so smart. Me on the other hand? I'm stupid.

I have a learning disability. I try to tell myself.

No, you're an idiot. It doesn't help.

I close my eyes shut again trying to stop the tears that brim from falling. If I cry again, it'll be the third time these past two hours. "Okay, so this company can't keep up enough with this one to save its life, cool. Describes me and Chris." I roll my eyes.

I bang my hand on my keyboard causing me to press a lot of keys that mess up my tragic notes.

Valdez

I roll my eyes again and press on the green button, hitting speaker. "Ugh, what?" I say, starting to erase all the letters I purposely just typed. "What's up with you?" He says after a couple of seconds of silence.

"You're distracting me. I've had enough distractions so far, so what the hell do you want?"

"Watch your mouth."

"Chris, I'm serious. I haven't even made a dent to my part of the project and it's due tonight."

"Still? Why the hell not?"

Because I'm stupid.

"Because I've been distracted. And now I am once again, distracted."

"Do you want me to come over and help? I don't mind."

"No! I can do it myself."

"Nov, are you sure?"

"Yes, I'll text you later when I'm ready to submit it."

He sighs. "Alright, let me know." I hang up and throw my phone onto the carpet on the floor. Seeing it will just distract me.

I tie my hair up in a bun, removing all the hair from my face. I take another deep breath before starting to do some more research.

+

Two paragraphs. I've written two, eight sentence paragraphs since nine fucking am. There was absolutely no way I was going to be able to get this in before 11:59pm.

I start to get angry—the only emotion I seem to be feeling today—until I hear a knock at my door. Great. Another distraction. I know it's Maddy and even though she terrifies me, I'm going to have to tell her to leave me the hell alone.

Respectfully, of course.

I pull my laptop off of my lap and hop out of my bed, walking towards the door. I open the door wide, my mistake, because Christian — not Maddy— storms in. I groan, shutting the door. "I've been calling and texting you for hours, why don't you answer me?"

I walk back into the room and place my hands on the side of my head. "Christian, I'm still working on the speech. I put my phone away so it wouldn't distract me." He furrows his brows and looks at the laptop on my bed.

His eyes widen when he notices my progress. "Have you not been doing anything this whole time? How is this all you have done?" He walks over to my computer, scrolling through my work.

I snatch it away from him. "Of course I've been working." Lie. I never really get much work done when he's around. It's not his fault, I just can't study when someone else is around. I get distracted too quick, so I don't even attempt to work.

"Doesn't look like it," he motions his head at my computer "I'm not going to fail because you're irresponsible, Novalee." His voice isn't as laidback as usual.

I clench my jaw slightly. "I'm not irresponsible." I say through clenched teeth. He scoffs, "I mean I'm not. I finished my part days ago." I roll my eyes. "Yes, I know that."

He looks toward the alarm clock that sits atop of my nightstand. "It's due in three hours, Novalee." I take a deep breath and get back on my bed with my laptop. "Yes Christian, I know that too."

He looks at me for a second without saying anything and then walks over to sit on my chair. "Well get to it, I'm not going anywhere until you're finished." I shake my head quickly, "no, you have to go. I can't focus if you're here!"

He holds his hands up in defense. "Relax, I'm not gonna distract you."

I groan in frustration. I feel my cheeks flush red from anger. He's making me so mad right now. "You just being here is a distraction. I can't focus knowing you're sitting there waiting for me to finish the work. Go, dude." He shakes his head nonchalantly.

That's it.

"Dude, seriously? Go! I can't freaking focus with you here. I can't focus with any distraction hence why I haven't been answering your calls and texts. I need quiet. I need to be alone. Even at that it's hard for me to focus! Do you understand?" My voice cracks in that last sentence.

I immediately cringe at it. I don't want to show any type of vulnerable expression in front of this guy and that's exactly what I just did. I can read the worry on his face. His forehead wrinkles a bit and his eyebrows only slightly furrowed. He feels bad for me, great.

"Nov-"

"No," I interrupt him "I'm sorry okay, I'm fine." I chuckle weakly, not looking at him due to embarrassment.

I see him get up and walk over to sit in front of me in my bed. "I asked you earlier if you needed any help. I told you, I don't mind." His voice is soft, calming. I don't like it. But I do at the same time. "No, Chris. You did your part and this is mine, you shouldn't have to put in more work because I can't seem to do my part."

He tilts his head lightly, looking at me like he's saying really? "We're partners, if you need help, I'm helping you out. Don't argue with me, we have to get to work." He smiles and pulls my laptop closer to him again.

He looks over what I have so far, nodding his head slightly as he reads. "Okay, this is good. All you need to do is a little more information on your points and add at least one more main point, sound good?" He turns to look at me and I nod.

"Will you help me though?" My voice trails off a bit. He chuckles, "yes."

+

Chris and I spend the next three hours doing research and finishing up my points. He helps me look for research which I seemed to be struggling with the most, and leaves typing the information up to me.

He reviews it over again at the end and corrects a couple of my tiny mistakes, making sure to tell me what I did wrong.

Finally, we submit it.

I throw myself back onto the bed. "Ugh, finally." Chris follows my actions and we lay there in silence for a bit.

I feel like a total ass for making him have to help me with my part. I wish I could've just done it on my own and in my own time, but my mind just wasn't on my side this time. Lately, it hasn't been.

I turn my head to the side to face him, "I have ADHD." I blurt out, not knowing exactly why. I don't tell anyone this because they always judge me, but I feel like he was already doing a whole lot of that earlier when he saw how much work I'd done.

He doesn't say anything, looking at the ceiling a little longer before he finally turns to face me. He wears the same expression from earlier, looking at me like he feels bad. "Really? I never knew that." I nod slightly. The eye contact we're making right now is too much. Our faces are only inches apart.

I feel like he's pulling back all my layers by being this close to me.

"I don't like telling anyone about it." I admit. It is way too embarrassing to even say out loud. A lot of people don't even take ADHD seriously. They just assume it means I have no patience and that I can't stay still.

They're not completely wrong, but it's so much worse than that. At least for me. I have the option of taking my pills that help me concentrate, but they ruin my mood all the time. I'm moodier. I hate being moody. For years, I've been doing okay without them. I told myself that I wasn't going to take them unless I absolutely needed them.

Right now, I don't. Not yet at least.

"Why?" He questions. I look away from him for a moment as if I'm pretending to think, but I'm not. I've always had an answer for this question.

"Because I feel stupid," I sigh "I've always been given extra time for assignments, put in special education classes, and just treated like I'm an idiot. So much that I started to believe it myself." His eyes don't move from me.

"You're not an idiot. You're actually really smart." He smiles. I let out a small chuckle. "You don't have to lie. That's why I'm a freaking drama major. I can't do anything that involves business and taking boring classes for four years. I'm surprised I've made it this far without failing a class."

I can't even believe I'm talking about this right now. I'm shocked when I keep on talking. "I haven't heard from my agent in a while. He said he'd get back to me if he heard anything on this project I auditioned for a couple of weeks ago." This piques his interest.

"What did you audition for?" He asks curiously. "It's going to be a series on Hulu called 'three truths, one lie'. I auditioned for two parts but I'm not sure I'll get either one." I shrug. I know casting takes time, but I can't help but get impatient.

It doesn't help that my manager doesn't seem to have any details every time I contact him about it. There also hasn't been much casting calls for roles I could play either.

"That's fucking sick, really? I'm sure you'll get it." He grins, nodding his head in encouragement. I shrug and sigh. "Hopefully. If not, I hope another opportunity comes my way. Something better maybe." I say.

"I'm sure you'll get the part and if not then something better will come your way."

I turn to face him again and his brown eyes burn into my darker ones. His lips part and he swipes his tongue over his bottom lip. They look too kissable right now. I swallow hard as the tension in the air only rises.

Before I turn to look away, he slams his soft lips onto mine. I can't help but give into the kiss. Which I regret quickly, because the kiss gets hot. Fast. It's filled with need from his part. He cups my cheek with one hand and my mouth gapes a bit at his touch.

He uses this to his advantage as he slides his tongue into my mouth. My tongue greets his quickly. He tastes so good. Everything about him is so good.

I don't want this to end.