A cold breeze brushed upon my naked legs, causing me to shiver. I pulled the black silky covers up in attempt to cover myself but I still was cold. I growl before sitting up and rubbing my eyes, the doors in the room which led to the balcony were wide open and the curtains were flying because of the wind and the bright light of the moon entered the room. I turned to look beside me, where Leonardo was previously sleeping and the spot was empty,he must be the one on the balcony. After dinner, me and Leonardo went to sleep on the same bed,although we were tipsy we didn't do anything but cuddle.

I looked at the beautifully decorated clock on the wall and it read 01:07 AM, what the heck was Leonardo doing outside at this time of the night ?! He could've at least closed the door behind him. I stood up from the bed and pulled the oversized shirt down and walked towards the balcony. Leonardo's shirtless back was facing me as he leaned on the railing, his toned back muscles moving everytime he made small actions such as breathing. I was about to ask him what he was doing outside but he spoke before I did.

"Happy Birthday my precious little girl, yet another birthday I can't celebrate with you but I know your mommy is there with you, catering to you. Daddy misses you so much my la mia, you, your mother and brother. Not a day goes by that I do not think about you guys. " what the hell ?! He has a whole fricken family? How could I be so stupid ? So naive ?

" I am so sorry for failing you and our kids Tania, please forgive me. If I could I would sacrifice my life just to bring you all back to life. I hate myself every time for what I did, I shouldn't have left you guys alone. If I were a better father and husband then you guys would be alive. I'm sorry , Ti amo con tutto in me " he says before collapsing to the wooden floor, that's when I noticed the empty bottle of whiskey. I quickly rushed to him and he was breathing but unconscious, probably because of the amount of alcohol he was consuming. I stood beside him not knowing what to do but I had to get him sober as soon as possible. He was too heavy for me to carry to the bathroom so I held on to his ankles and dragged him into the bathroom which was connected to his room.

"Dang Leonardo, why did you do this to yourself ? " I mumbled as we entered the bathroom, I left him on the bathroom floor and opened the shower doors and turned on the cold water before stepping out. I went back to Leonardo's unconscious body and grabbed his arms and dragged him into the shower, careful not to bump his head. I put him under the freezing water, getting wet in the process. He slowly started to gain consciousness and attempted to move away from under the water.

"Cold" he mumbled with his eyes still closed, I got into the shower and pulled him back under the water with me. I rubbed his scalp in attempt to calm him down.

"I know it's cold but it's for your own good Leonardo, just a few more minutes and we will be out." I reassured him as he laid his head on my chest, holding on to my waist.

"Just a few more minutes" I said softly as I rocked us back and forth.

" I failed my daughter Amanda, I failed my son . I didn't even get to meet my son, I didn't want them to die Amanda" I held him as he cried in my arms, I could feel him crumbling in my arms. I have never seen him so vulnerable and emotional, it broke my heart to see him like this.

"I know you didn't, I know" I said before turning the water off and stood up, slipping out of Leonardo's grip.

"Come on buddy, you need to work with me on this one." I said as I helped his stand up. We walked out of the shower and I set him on one of the couches in the bathroom before removing his drenched clothes one by one until he was butt naked, it's not anything I haven't seen before. I lotioned him to avoid him getting ashy and covered him with a robe while I left to get him clothes to wear. I walked into his closet and grabbed boxers, sweatpants, socks and a hoodie. I ran back into the bathroom and thankfully he didn't fall over because he still was a little bit drunk. I removed the robe and started getting him dressed, it was a hard mission. After getting him dressed I dried his hair with a towel and hairdryer so he couldn't catch a cold. After that I helped him into the bed and tucked him in. I went into the blanket closet and grabbed a fuzzy, warm blanket because the silky sheets weren't going to do it. I returned to the bedroom and laid the blanket on top of him. I cleaned up the mess he did on the balcony and locked the balcony doors. I put away his wet clothes and wiped the wet bathroom floor before exiting the bathroom. I placed a glass of water and two pain killers on the table beside him, his going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow. That's guaranteed ! I was headed towards the door when I heard Leonardo mumbled a ' thank you', I smiled before walking out and heading towards my room.

What happened to Leonardo's family? Why does he blame himself for their death ? How old were his children? Why didn't he tell me?

I stared out of my huge living room window as the snow fell from the dark clouded sky with a hot cup of coffee in my hand, memories of yesterday night flashing through my mind. August 15th has always been one of the worst days I've ever had to go through, it was my late daughter's birthday, Nikita.

I heard Amanda's small footsteps come down the stairs,tearing me apart from my thoughts.

"Good morning, anything in particular that you want for breakfast ?" she asked softly from behind me but I just shook my head.

"I'm not hungry." I said without looking at her, I appreciated her looking out for me but I needed my space to grief and reminisce about my past life with my children. I almost forgot my daughter's birthday because I was too distracted by her and that has never happened.

"Okay then, I'll just make you eggs and bacon" I sighed before turning to look at her, her eyes widen at the sight of my face, I knew I looked like shit but can you blame me though?!

"I said I'm not hu-" she cut me off before I could even finish what i was saying by putting her hand up shushing me

"I heard what you said" she said before she turned to leave, heading towards the kitchen. I growled before going back to my previous position, the window. After what felt like an hour, I heard Amanda call my name from the kitchen but I ignored her. She has done a lot to help me, from yesterday night up until today morning and I appreciated her help but I needed time to myself, time to gather my thoughts.

"Your food is on top of the kitchen cou-" In a split of a second I had my hand wrapped around her neck, slightly raising her off the ground, her feet dangled.

"I SAID I WASN'T FUCKEN HUNGRY ! NOW LISTEN TO ME AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE WOMAN " I barked at her as her eyes started watering. She managed to kick me on the gut, causing me to drop her to the floor. After catching her breath she took the wooden vase that was near her and threw it at me hitting me on the face, surely leaving a bruise.

"I KNOW YOU GOING THROUGH SHIT RIGHT NOW AND I UNDERSTAND BUT DON'T YOU EVER FUCKEN PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME LEONARDO ! LET THAT BE THE LAST TIME OR I SWEAR TO THE GOD'S OF AFRICA, I WILL KILL YOU LEONARDO" she said obviously fuming, with tears pouring out of her eyes.

"UNDERSTAND ? UNDERSTAND AMANDA ? you don't understand shit Amanda, you all don't . The guilt, the sorrow, the fucken pain ?! You could never understand how it feels until you go through it, so please stop telling me it's going to be okay when it it will never be fucken okay. " I said clenching my fists. I should have taken my pills today , especially today.

" Don't d- you know what ? You're right, I'm not a parent so I don't know the pain of loosing a child but I know how it feels to loose a loved one. We all have demons Leonardo, learn to control yours or else you'll end up alone." she said before running up stairs leaving me to drown in depression. I know she's right but it has always been hard for me to open up to someone about my feelings, ever since I was a kid. My mom and Mia have been calling my phone all day today, probably to check up on me but like always, I pushed them away ! Like I do to everyone, everyone but Amanda.

Within a few minutes, Amanda came downstairs fully dressed.

"I'm going to town and I might be long so don't wait up for me." she said avoiding eye contact before grabbing the keys to one of the cars, heading towards the door.

"Amanda ?," I called out for her and she looked back at me over her shoulder , " J-Just be careful" I said forget what I was going to say.

"Ain't I always ? " she slammed the door when she went out the door. I groaned at the migraine that I was getting. I went into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water but instead I find a plate of food

two painkillers, a bottle of water and a note on top of the kitchen counter

When you finally want to stop acting childish and immature, eat your food and take these painkillers to ease your hangover ! And sleep it off too.

xxx Santa

I chuckled at her referring to herself as Santa. I warmed the food up before sitting in one of the kitchen stools and eating. I took the pills and put my plate on the sink before walking back to the living room . I threw myself on the couch, letting sleep consume me with my children clouding my head.

PLEASE STOP KILLING AND RAPING WOMAN AND LITTLE GIRLS ! IMAGINE HAVING TO LIVE WITH THE FEAR OF BEING A WOMAN /GIRL ‼️ IT HAS GOTTEN TO A POINT WHERE, WE DON'T TRUST EVEN THE PEOPLE WE CONSIDER FAMILY, PEOPLE WE GREW UP WITH ‼️ PLEASE STOP, WE'RE BEING KILLED BY THE DAMN CORONA VIRUS AND FUCKEN MEN,COME ON.