《What The Heart Craves》Chapter 22 - Part 2
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"Lacey." He gave her a smile.
She stared at him for a few moments before she looked at me, confused.
"What's wrong?" I frowned slightly.
"Who is he?"
I tried to process her words. She didn't know Aiden. That meant she'd lost memories. How far back did the loss go?
Her eyes settled on our linked hands and she frowned as she pulled her hand out of mine. My gut twisted as she looked at me with confusion.
"You don't remember Aiden?" I asked her, and she shook her head.
Aiden looked at me with alarm, but I shook my head at him. We didn't want to upset her, so I was trying to talk to her as calmly as I could muster. She remembered me, but that she pulled her hand away from mine spoke volumes. She didn't remember us.
"Where's my mom and dad?" She looked around the room.
"They're on their way." I looked to Aiden. "Call them and tell them she's awake."
He looked at her one last time before he walked out of the room to call her family.
"What happened?" She gently touched her forehead.
"You had a tumor, and you had surgery to remove it," I said.
She looked at me with alarm, her eyes wide and scared.
"You're okay," I said her, even if I doubted my words.
It killed me not to touch her, but until she remembered what we had, I couldn't. I felt relieved when the doctor came to check on her and I waited outside with Alden.
"It sucks. I can't believe she doesn't remember me." Aiden sounded despondent. "At least she remembers you."
I ran a hand through my hair.
"She remembers me, but she doesn't remember what we had."
I could only hope that the memory loss was temporary, and with some time she would remember everything. She had survived the odds, and she was with us now, and I felt grateful for that. It could have been so much worse.
My eyes went anxiously to the doctor when he exited her room.
"Her vitals are good," he said. "But there is some memory loss."
"She doesn't remember me at all," Aiden told him and he nodded.
"Only time will tell whether the memory loss is permanent."
Permanent. The word vibrated through me. What if she never remembered what we'd had before? Could I hope that because she'd loved me once, she could love me again?
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I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to get a hold on the emotions that swirling around in me. Just when we'd finally found each other, it felt like we were being pulled apart again.
The sight of Alex and his parents walking towards us took me away from my difficult thoughts. "Is she okay?" He knew she was awake, but he was asking me if there was any damage that the doctor had warned us could happen.
"She's okay," I nodded. His parents looked relieved at my words. "She has some memory loss."
I couldn't keep it from them. They would find out eventually.
"Memory loss?" her mom repeated.
I nodded. "She doesn't remember Aiden, and she doesn't seem to remember that we were together."
The last sentence was hard to admit, like saying it aloud made it more real.
"Is it permanent?" Her father asked the question.
"We don't know. The doctor says it might be, but only time will tell." I shrugged.
This time when her family went into see her and I stayed outside. It wasn't easy, but I had to do what I thought was best for her, even if it killed me. It was almost impossible for me to be around her and not want to reach out and touch her, so it was best to keep my distance until I could figure out how to do that. If she didn't remember how we felt about each other, she wouldn't be able to understand my actions.
"I know I should just be glad that she's fine, but it sucks that she doesn't remember me," Aiden said beside me.
I didn't know how I would feel if she didn't remember me at all.
"I know you guys became really close." I studied the sadness in his expression. They'd formed a strong friendship in a short amount of time. "Give her time, she'll remember."
Even I wanted to believe my words. A while later Aiden left to go home and Reece arrived.
"How's she?" she asked me just outside Lacey's room. She had prepared for every scenario.
"She's fine. There is some memory loss, but the doctor is hoping it isn't permanent," I said.
Reece frowned. "How much has she forgotten?"
"She doesn't remember Aiden, and she doesn't remember we were together."
For a moment she held my gaze. It was hard to hide my sadness.
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"She'll remember," she said with a confidence I didn't share.
"I hope so."
She gave me an encouraging smile before she entered Lacey's hospital room.
Alex walked out and came to stand beside me. He gave me a sympathetic side-glance. "It's hard to figure out what she remembers and what she doesn't."
It sucked. I wanted to sit beside her and tell her how we felt about each other, but to her without the memories the words would be empty. She had to remember how she felt about me and I couldn't force that no matter how much I wanted to.
"I'll keep my distance," I told him. He nodded, understanding where I was coming from.
It was easier to just stay away from her at the moment than to pretend we were nothing. It would not be easy to keep away when I just wanted to pull her into my arms and hug her close. I wanted to whisper how much I loved her, and I wanted to hear her say the words back to me so badly.
"I have to go," I said, needing space. I didn't want to leave her, but I couldn't handle watching her interact with everyone else when I could only be her brother's best friend and not the guy she'd fallen in love with.
It was hard to pretend to be less than what we were before. But that was the thing about loving someone. You put their welfare and happiness above your own. To keep her happy and calm, I'd back away so it wouldn't upset her. I feared I would do something out of habit and it would confuse her more.
She'd been through enough. She'd been strong to beat the odds stacked against her.
"Sure," Alex said, and I pushed off the wall. I felt his gaze follow me as I walked down the hallway to the lift. Once I got to the ground floor, I took the back entrance out of the hospital. They had allowed me to park my car around the back. Sometimes it helped to be a celebrity, and sometimes I wished I were a normal guy without the spotlight.
Once inside my car I left the hospital unsure of where I was going. I just drove, not considering my surroundings. All I could think about was Lacey. She was okay, but I wasn't. It wasn't long before I idled outside her house.
I don't know why I did what I did next, I couldn't explain it if I tried. If I couldn't have her, I needed a piece of her. After I parked the car, I walked to the house. I knew where they hid the spare key, so I got it from underneath a stone in the front bed of flowers beside the front door.
I went straight to Lacey's room. A part of me felt guilty for sneaking into her room.
The jewelry box was where is always was, on top of her dressing table. I walked to it and picked it up before I opened the lid and saw the necklace with the harp pendant that I'd given to her as a birthday present. I lifted it out of the box and set the jewelry box back down on her dressing table.
I stared at the pendant for a few moments, touching the delicate stones that decorated the harp. They sparkled, and I smiled fondly when I remember how nervous I'd been when I'd first given it to her. I put the necklace around my neck and tucked the harp pendant underneath my shirt. I let out an emotional breath.
It would not be easy, but I'd have to be who she wanted me to be. I would have to Alex's friend and nothing more until she could remember.
I touched my shirt and felt the pendant against my skin. It wasn't much, but at least I carried a piece of her around with me. It was only a piece of jewelry, but to me it signified how I felt about her and having it close to me made feel there was hope.
I had to believe what we'd shared was strong enough to pull her back to me. I had to give it time.
My eyes swept around her room for a few moments. In this room, we'd been the closest two people could be together. I remembered every soft touch and every moment that we'd shared there. I allowed myself to relive the memories for a few minutes before I put them away. It hurt too much to remember our special moment when she wouldn't remember any of it.
For the moment I would try not to think about it, but I wouldn't forget. I would remember for both of us.
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