Had it been real or had my feelings for him made me imagine it? For a few minutes I remained sitting on the sofa trying to calm myself down, and I took a deep breath before I released it. My heart was still beating with excitement as I tried to pull myself together.

Once my heartbeat slowed down, I ventured into the kitchen to get my lunch. The smell of my favorite lasagna hit me as I stepped in to the kitchen. Alex and my parents had gone to our favorite Italian restaurant. My mom had brought food for Adonis as well. It was probably lasagna. We both loved it.

Alex and Adonis sat at the kitchen table. They were talking about the party that they'd been to last night.

Adonis took a bite out of his food, listening to my brother's story intently. My eyes went to him. I don't know what I was looking for but he didn't have a sticker on his head that read 'Tried to kiss Harp'.

I got my food and sat down at the table, feeling like a third wheel in their company.

"How are you feeling?" Alex frowned. I moved my attention from Adonis to my brother, who was looking at me with genuine concern.

"I'm fine." I took a bite of my food and tried to settle the flutter of nerves when Adonis looked to me. Our eyes met for a second. I hoped to see something there that proved the near kiss hadn't been a part of my wild imagination.

But there was nothing. He looked at me the way he always did, except this time there was no teasing smile.

The disappointment I felt I tried to hide by dropping my gaze to my plate and shoving a mouthful of my favorite lasagna in my mouth. It was tasteless as I chewed it. My mind was running wild through my thoughts, trying to replay every moment of the near kiss to figure out what had happened.

My appetite waned, and I pushed the rest of my food aside. I'd lost my appetite. Alex and Adonis went back to their conversation about the night before. I picked up my plate and took it to the sink as my mom entered the kitchen.

"Are you okay, baby?" my mom asked when she saw how little I'd eaten

"I'm fine," I said. My mom gave me a skeptical look. She studied me for a moment with a frown. Then it occurred to me to make up an excuse so I could go back to my room and hide.

"I'm a little tired," I said.

"Maybe you should go lie down," my mom said. "I'll check on you a little later."

I nodded before I left to find sanctuary in my bedroom.

For the rest of the day, I hid out in my bedroom. For a while I lay on my bed, my hands linked under my head looking up to the ceiling replaying the near kiss. After the twentieth time I tried to distract myself with some reading, but I reread the same page ten times before I gave up and shut the book with a resigned sigh. Even the TV in my room couldn't hold my attention, and I thought about Adonis again.

I'd run through the moment so many times I believed if my mom had not interrupted us, he would have kissed me. As happy and excited as I was at the thought, I also felt a little fear. I'd been hoping for this to happen for the last five years, and now that something had nearly happened, a new set of fears entered my mind.

He had never been serious about a girl before. On one hand, it made me feel maybe he was just waiting for the right girl to come along, like me. But I couldn't stop the thought that maybe he looked at me like he did all the other girls, and I was just another casual thing. I took a deep breath and released it. I was probably blowing the whole thing out of proportion, but it was hard not to think about all the reasons behind the near kiss.

I'd been so ready to move on and find someone who could love me back, and this had put a stop to that plan. How could I even contemplate moving on if there was a possibility he felt the same way about me?

Rubbing my forehead, I could feel the start of a headache coming on. I needed to calm down, otherwise it would develop into a migraine.

My mom checked up on me. I felt a little guilty for making her worry. By the time I went downstairs for dinner, Adonis and my brother had left. I felt a little relieved that I didn't have to hide out in my bedroom for the rest of the evening. I watched some TV with my parents and finished the lasagna I'd abandoned earlier.

Adonis monopolized my thoughts even though I was trying my best not to think of him. There was only one thing that helped me find some peace when everything got too much. I climbed out of my bedroom window and climbed to a part of the roof that was level. I lay down with my arms beside me, looking up at the night sky.

It was so beautiful. There wasn't a cloud in the sky so there was nothing to hide the brilliant stars shining in the dark sky with a half moon's light illuminating down on me. I let out a breath. It felt like I was a part of it and all my problems felt inconsequential.

Calmness washed over me. My hectic and agonizing thoughts disappeared. For just those few moments, I cleared my head of all thoughts and just enjoyed the simple task of enjoying the beautiful canvas laid out above me.

Voices from below pulled me out of daze, and I strained to hear what the voices were saying. My brother's room was beside mine and I could hear the voices were coming from his window. I noticed it well after midnight already.

"I thought it was to be a small get together," Adonis said.

"I didn't know Jason was going to invite that many people," my brother remarked. "At least there was some talent."

The last part made me listen closer.

"So what did you think of the hot blonde?" my brother asked, and I held my breath.

"She was beautiful."

"She was really into you," my brother added and I held still as I continued eavesdrop on their conversation.

"I got her number." Adonis sounded smug.

In that moment, what little hope I'd been holding onto vanished. I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling the sting of tears. Feeling hurt and betrayed, I struggled to deal with my feelings.

I was angry with myself. I'd promised myself that I was going to get over him, but every time I saw the smallest bit of a chance of something with him, everything else went out the window.

Disgusted with myself that I'd allowed him to hurt me again, I brushed the tears from my face as I sat up.

Adonis and Alex's voices faded, and I took that opportunity to climb down and back into my room.

I lay on my bed hugging my pillow as more tears slid down my face as I wrestled with the ache in my chest.

For a little while, I cried and I let it all out. Once I wiped the last tear away, I took an unsteady breath and let it out.

That was it, I would not allow myself to embrace my feelings for him. There was no going back.

If he had cared for me, he wouldn't have asked a girl for her number. I had to face reality that he would never feel the same way I did and I couldn't waste anymore time hoping that he would. I'd spent most of the day agonizing over him, and he'd been hitting on some girl. Just thinking about it made my heart ache with renewed pain.

The necklace around my neck felt like a chain weighing me down. I took it off and held it in my hand for a moment. On top of my dressing table there was a small trinket box, and I put the necklace inside it.

It hurt too much to wear it. If anyone asked about it, I would tell them I'd lost it.