Days went on, nights got longer, and school became a panic filled building I'd step into everyday. Tests and more tests were thrown my way. Midterm finals were right around the corner and my mind was going to explode at any moment.

December was the longest month for me. Not just because of testing, but on the fifteenth of this month it was my moms birthday.

It was a day filled of gloom and tension around the house. Last year and the year before and the year before that, dad slept at the station, buried in work.

Hunter locks himself in his room and I always mourn alone.

This year was different.

This year I wanted to celebrate her. I wanted to remember her and bring her name into the light. I was tired of remembering her as nothing but a sad distant memory.

I had five days until her birthday. Which meant five days to let my dad and Hunter mourn and be angry at the world before we would celebrate moms birthday.

Jax and I decided to disregard the whole college thing until it was time to really face it. However, I was still mentally preparing myself for the worst.

Since our trip to the city we hadn't brought up him going away to college. We thought it was best to put it aside until we find out if he got accepted or not. Until then, we would enjoy our time together and later, discuss our future plans.

I was currently sitting in front of my dad, fiddling with my fingers as he eyed me carefully.

This was the moment I'd present the idea of celebrating moms birthday for the first time. I was nervous to say the least about what he was going to say.

Clearing my throat, I squirm in my seat. "So, how was your day?"

"I've been sitting here ten minutes waiting for you to speak and now you ask that?" He raises his eyebrows. "Emma, what do you need?"

I sigh, sitting up in my seat. "Well, you know how moms birthday is coming up?"

I wait for him to answer as he looks at me with hard eyes and his shoulders tense. "What about it?"

"Well, I was thinking, and I'm sure Hunter is going to agree with my idea, all you have to do is say yes."

"Spill it out, Emma I have to get back to work." He tells me.

Here goes nothing. The worse he can say is no. "Iwanttocelebratemomsbirthday." I say in one breath.

"Emma!" He gets irritated.

"Okay, okay sorry," I look down. "I want to celebrate moms birthday."

His face goes blank and he stares at me, deep in thought, lost in his mind.

"Just Hunter, you and me, possibly Jax, and I can get a cake and cook moms favorite. We'll be celebrating her and her memory. I think it'll be go-"

"Stop," he puts his hand up and leans forward. "I think...I think you're right."

"What?" I was shook to the core. "Really?"

"Yes, I think it's a good way of remembering her." He nods.

Getting up from my seat, my eyes water as I wrap my arms around my dad's body. "Thank you."

"For what?" He questions, still in my arms.

"Not saying no."

- -

"No, Hunter it's all wrong. It's slanted." I groan. "Jax move it to the left a little."

Watching Jax and Hunter struggle to put up the birthday banner, I couldn't stop stressing about how wrong everything was.

"Guys, it's tomorrow. Everything has to be perfect." I tell them.

Stepping down, Hunter rips the banner from Jax's grasp and throws it on the floor. "She's not going to care about some banner. She's not even here to see it. Just get the damn cake and stop dragging this on."

Stomping out, Jax and I stare at each other with eyes stained with pain.

"I'll go talk to him." I sigh.

"Wait, let me." Jax says.

"Are you sure? Hunter being sad is worse than Hunter being mad." I shake my head.

"I got it," he kisses my cheek. "Just, don't stress this too much. He's right in the sense that she won't care about all this stuff even if she was here. As along as you guys are happy."

I nod. "Thank you, I don't know what I'd do without you."

The next morning was dreadful trying to get Hunter up from bed. He didn't necessarily agree with the idea of celebrating moms birthday. He was used to the isolation every year.

I was cleaning around the house when my dad popped into the kitchen and thanked me for doing this not only for myself but for him. I wasn't the only one who needed closure.

"Your mom would be so proud of you. College or not, whatever you decide, I'm going to put my opinion aside and judge that you know what's best." He tells me.

"I miss her," I say in a whisper tone. "But I know she's in a better place."

"She is," He nods.

"I don't want to bring this up now, but," I put the broom aside and look him in his eyes. "It's about Joyce."

"Joyce?" He furrows his eyebrows. "What about her?"

"I don't want you to think that I still don't approve," That wasn't a lie. "I want you to be happy. Be with her, grow with her, whatever it is, I'll be here."

I liked to think I had grown a lot since the beginning of my school year. I was learning to handle situations differently and to accept others choices.

I had to take my situation with Jax into consideration and how Hunter didn't approve at first.

I understood why. I was choosing to date his best friend behind his back and then it all came out without a warning to him.

My dad deserves happiness just as I do and just as Hunter does.

"Thank you, kiddo," he kisses my forehead. "You have your mothers heart."

We hugged, kissed and cried for another ten minutes before he leaves me to finish cleaning up. By the time I finished, Hunter and my dad had talked things out about mom and he finally left his room to shower.

Although, he wasn't completely on board he was willing to celebrate her today with us.

I was combing my hair when my door opened and Jax came in. He came from behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

He kissed my exposed shoulder, sending chills down my back.

"Thanks for coming." I smile. "She would have loved you being here."

We stayed in silence as he finished placing kisses on my shoulder and he took the brush out of my hands.

"What are you doing?" I give him a sly grin.

He stays quiet, running the brush through my hair and onces he finished untangling it, he takes a hair band from my table.

Grabbing my hair, he ties it into a low pony tail, having pieces of my hair all over the place. I stared at myself in the mirror in awe of Jax.

"A for effort?" I say, smiling and turn around to give him a kiss.

"I know I'm definitely not getting a job as a hairstylist after college." He laughs.

My body tenses at the sound of college and Jax notices as he brings my face up to his.

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"Hey," he says, "I know it's been kind of hard and it won't get easier but shouldn't we talk about what's going to happen if I get into Hopkins?"

Sighing, I interlock our hands and bring him close. "I want you to go if you get in. Go study, have fun, get a job and move on with your life. I want you to be happy, Jax."

"Not if it means you won't be by my side." He shakes his head.

"You applied there for a reason keep that in mind." I tell him. "Don't let me come in between your dream. I won't do that and please don't put me in that position."

"Emma," he moves away from me. "I-I don't want to be away from you. I should have never applied there. I'll just go to Newton like Hunter. It's a good college too, I'm sure they'll accept me."

"No," I shake my head. "You're going to Baltimore if you get accepted."

He looks at me, his eyes filled with tears and my heart drops to the ground. I couldn't imagine being apart from him, but this was for the best. He needed to be happy and make a life for himself. Even if it meant not being with me.

"Come with me." He grabs my hand.

"What?" My eyes go wide.

"Come to Baltimore with me," he smiles. "Come on, don't tell me you haven't thought about it since I told you."

"Well, yes but I can-"

"Don't say you can't. You said it yourself you're taking a break from school after you graduate. Come and be with me."

I shake my head. "That's not for another year and it's if I really decide not to go to college. What if I change my mind? What about my dad or Hunter? Or Marissa?"

He stays quiet, completely regretting even asking me to come along with him.

"You can't ask me to just leave." I say.

"It's a six hour drive." He mutters.

"Hello, I can't drive if you haven't noticed!" I raise my voice. "My dad isn't driving me back and forth every time I want to go see you."

"Then I'll come see you!" He cries out. "A day, a week, however long it takes I'll come and visit."

"It's not the same and you know it," I shake my head. "You're leaving and I'm staying."

"Why are you being so stubborn about this?" He furrows his eyebrows.

"It's not me being stubborn, I'm being logical. You're leaving, Jax. You're going to college and I'll still be here in Boston in high school."

"You always have to go and make everything so complicated." He says under his breath, loud enough for me to hear.

"Complicated?" I move back. "I told you I didn't want to talk about this until we knew for sure you were leaving. This," I point between us. "Is exactly what I was trying to avoid."

"Fuck this," he shakes his head in frustration. "Whatever." He grabs the door handle.

"Jax." I call back for him. He hesitates, turns back and looks at me. "It's best if you...uhm, if you just go."

"Yeah, I know. I got the idea." He says.

"No, I mean, go now...not the college part." I say in a low voice, fiddling with my fingers.

"I know, I got that part, too."

Once Jax left, Hunter, my dad and I were gathered in the living room with moms cake placed on the coffee table. We were gathered in awkward silence, staring off into space.

Hunter sat next to me on his phone, scrolling around through it and my dad eyed me carefully.

"So," dad speaks, "How come Jax left so soon? We haven't even cut the cake yet."

"Uhm, Cathy called him back home to watch over Amanda." I lie.

"Oh, okay."

"This is stupid." Hunter groans. "Why can't I go to my room?"

"Hunter." My dad says, sternly.

"If you want to go cry in your room alone, be my guest. I'm not stopping you." I snap. "Dad and I are going to celebrate moms birthday. Your negative energy isn't welcomed here."

I see him roll his eyes and I sigh as I sit forward on the couch.

"You have the lighter?" I ask my dad. He nods, taking it out of his pocket and hands it over to me. I light the forty-seven and Hunter immediately sits up.

"Happy birthday, mama." I close my eyes. A single tear drop falling down my cheek.

"Happy birthday, love." I hear my dad whisper.

"Happy birthday, mom." Hunter let's out.

"Come on," I wipe my tears. "Let's blow them out. On three."

"One," We all say together.

"Two."

"Three."

Altogether, we blow on the candles and smile as they go out. My dad reaches out for my hand and Hunter's, giving mine a tight squeeze.

"I love you, kids." He utters.

"We love you."