I had just woken up after falling asleep on Gabe's chest with Lily. Lily and Gabe were both still asleep and I was sore. Really sore.

"Gabe. Gabe." I said, poking his cheek and trying to wake him up without waking Lily up.

Gabe opened his eyes and took my finger in his hand, bringing my hand to his face and kissing it.

"Yes, my love?" He asked me.

"I'm sore." I said to him.

"I know. I'm sorry, baby. I should've been more gentle." He whispered, pulling me back into his arms and kissing my forehead.

"I don't really think we can go on a honeymoon." I said to my husband, looking at Lily.

"I know... I don't want to miss out on a honeymoon though. She needs us but we need privacy too and I feel like a honeymoon will help her get used to us not always being around and also give us time together that we've been missing out on." Gabe said.

"But we are always going to be around." I said, stroking Lily's cheek.

"Yeah, we'll always be there for her, but we can't be holding her hand through everything, Ava. She needs to learn to be independent to a certain extent." Gabe told me.

"She's six, Gabe. That's a lesson for another time." I insisted, my heart hurting at the thought of my baby panicking and wanting me while I'm too far away to get to her.

"Ava. Look at me, baby." Gabe said.

"I don't want to be away from her." I said as he directed my face to look at him.

"I know you don't. I don't really want to be away from her either. But we're going to call her every day and talk to her, and she's going to get used to the family and she'll be having loads of fun here with the other girls." Gabe said to me.

"Yeah, she'll mostly be fine, but I don't want her to feel like she needs me and then know that I'm not there. I don't want her to feel like I don't care, Gabe. Because I do... and right now my baby needs me, and I feel bad going on a trip and leaving her behind." I said, my eyes filling with tears.

"Hey, don't cry, Ava. This isn't worth your tears. We don't have to go anywhere if you don't want to... or we can take her with us, baby. Don't cry." Gabe said, rubbing my back and kissing my head.

"I can't leave her. What if she has a panic attack? What if something happens and she wants us to be there but we can't be?" Ava said.

"Ava. Lily isn't going to have a panic attack because we aren't there. She might have a panic attack if she's met with a trigger, but our family can handle panic attacks, Momma knows how to handle them, Dad does too, Sophie and Rico, and even Vidal and Kiara, Evan, Em and Killian. They've all had to deal with panic attacks before, some have had them others have had to help someone through them... everyone can calm our baby down if something happens." Gabe assured me.

"I can't." I said, shaking my head.

"Alright, then we don't have to go on a honeymoon." Gabe said, running his fingers through my hair.

"M-mommy." Lily mumbled as she shifted in Gabriel's arms.

We both looked at her and I rubbed her back gently. Lily's eyes fluttered open and she let out a sigh as she opened her eyes.

"Hey, baby." I whispered, smiling at her.

"Mommy..." She smiled sleepily, sitting up and crawling over her father and into my arms.

I held her close and let her snuggle up to my belly.

"Do you feel better, Mommy?" Lily asked me.

"A little bit." I nodded, playing with her beautiful hair.

"Mommy, when are you and Daddy leaving?" She asked me.

"Leaving where?" I asked in concern.

"Aren't you gonna go have a honeymoon? Where you stay somewhere private and have a good time together after you get married?" Lily asked.

"Who told you about that?" I asked her.

"Nora. Her mom and dad are going too." Lily said. "Uncle Remi and Aunt Juliet."

"That's right. They are. But we might not." Gabriel told her.

"Why not? You guys always wanna have kisses and stuff and I like staying with Nana and Papa." Lily said.

"You like staying with them?" I asked her, kind of shocked that she'd say that.

"Yeah, but it's just when I got cold today, I got scared." She said to me.

"Why were you scared?" I asked her.

"Because whenever I get cold, you and Daddy make me warmer and my bad parents didn't do that for me, so when I feel cold, I feel a little lonely." She said, trying to explain herself.

"But didn't Nana and Papa make you feel warmer?" Gabe asked her.

"Yeah... but I just felt like I might lose you guys... that's why I was scared." Lily admitted, looking ashamed of her fear.

"Hey. You'll never lose me or Daddy. We're always going to be around. Even if we're not right here beside you at all times, all you ever have to do is call us." I said to her.

"But when you're far away and you can't hear me... how can I call you?" She asked.

"You can call us with a phone. Nana or Papa's phone." Gabe explained.

"So when are you guys going to go?" She asked us.

"Uhm... I... I'm not sure I want to go." I told her.

"Why not, Mommy? Do you feel too sick? Are you sad? What's wrong?" Lily asked me.

"Aw, baby. I'm ok." I smiled, kissing her forehead. "I just don't want to go."

"Mommy! You really wanted to go before today, why don't you want to now?" Lily asked me.

I didn't know what to say. Lily was more mature than I ever expected, I wanted to stay with her and make sure nothing bad ever happened, but maybe that was just me needing her and not the other way around.

"You and Daddy are going to have so much fun! And Uncle Killian said he could take me to his office to see all his prime minister stuff. Can you believe my uncle is a prime minister?! It's crazy!" Lily said to me.

"You know about prime ministers?" I asked with a laugh.

"Yeah! They're like presidents and they handle lots of stuff by representing the government and making small decisions and changes so that the people are happy and feel like someone understand them." Lily said.

"Who told you that?" I laughed.

"Uncle Killian! He's smart! I like him!" Lily said.

"I think he likes you too." Gabe said, tapping her nose.

"Mommy, don't you want to go have fun with Daddy?" Lily asked me.

"I do.... But I also don't." I sighed.

"Why? Did Daddy make you upset?" Lily asked.

"No. It's nothing like that." I said.

"Then what?" She asked.

"I don't feel comfortable being away from my strawberry for so long." I finally admitted.

"But I'll be ok, Mommy! I don't want you to stay because of me." Lily said. "Please! I want you to go have fun!"

"Woah, are my girls gonna calm down?" Gabe asked,

I hid my face in his side because there was really something wrong with me. I was suddenly more emotional than ever.

"Lily, me and Mommy aren't going anywhere unless she decides that she is comfortable with it. But that doesn't mean you can't go see Uncle Killian's prime minister stuff anyway." Gabe told her.

"Daddy, maybe Mommy feels stuffy in here, why don't we all go out to the deck and see the ocean!" Lily giggled. "Then she'll feel happy again, and she'll be ready to go have fun with you on the trip!"

"You want to go?" Gabe asked me.

"I... I have to change." I said softly.

"Lily, could you grab that bag over there, baby?" Gabe asked her, pointing to the one by the door.

She ran off to do what her father said and he turned his attention to me.

"Ava, what's wrong, baby... everything is ok. We're not going anywhere or doing anything you're uncomfortable with." He told me.

"I don't know what's wrong." I admitted, as Lily threw the bag into the bed and climbed up behind it.

Gabe then grabbed a pair of sweatpants meant for me and he helped me into them, I was still pretty sore, more than I wanted to be or expected to be. It really hadn't hurt much, but there was blood on those sheets and maybe that explained it.

"Where does it hurt?" He asked me.

The truth was, my legs were sore too and my back was a little sore as well, but I was internally sore and I didn't like that feeling at all.

"Everywhere." I said, climbing into his lap and hugging him.

"Mommy, you have to change your shirt." Lily said to me.

I looked down at Gabe's shirt and he smiled, rubbing my back.

"It's transparent, baby. Come on, you can wear the really comfy ones that dad bought you, just sit up." Gabe told me.

I nodded and sat up. He threw the shirt over me and unbuttoned the other one from underneath it. When the dress shirt was off me, I put my arms through the holes of the new shirt and I went back to hugging Gabriel like I had been.

He picked me up and carried me out to the deck. I felt my cheeks turn red, knowing everyone knew what was wrong with me. Gabe chuckled when I hid my face in his neck. I felt the heat in his neck increase and I knew he was turning red too. I looked over to find Juliet in a similar situation, Mabel and Theo however, were nowhere to be found.

Romeo walked over and sat beside Gabe and I got off Gabe's lap, feeling awkward now that we were approached. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but my eyes were glued on my daughter now as she played around with Eleanor. I got lost in thought about how horrible it would be to leave her behind.

"Hey, you ok, Ava?" Romeo asked me.

"I'm ok." I nodded, before bursting into tears.

"Ava... baby." Gabe said, pulling me back into his lap.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't leave her and I can't be strong for her anymore. I was so scared when I woke up and she was panicking, I don't know what to do... I just can't leave her." I sobbed.

"What happened?" Romeo asked.

"We woke up to Lily having a panic attack. She was afraid and cold. But it turns out being cold and not having us around triggered some bad memories." Gabe explained.

"Ava... there's no need to cry. Look how happy your little girl is. She's ok." He assured me, his arms wrapped tightly around his wife who seemed to also be crying for some reason.

"Are you ok, Julie?" I asked her, wiping my tears away feeling more concern for my sister than anything at that moment.

"She's ok." Romeo said, a very protective and guilty look forming on his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, ignoring her husband.

"Nothing. I'm just a little... I don't know." She said to me, wiping her tears away.

"You wanna go talk... away from these men?" I asked her.

She nodded her head and turned a little red.

"Ok, put her down and shoo, both of you." I said.

Remi kissed her and then set her down beside me, walking off.

"He doesn't know what's wrong, I just feel so bad." Julie cried, resting against my shoulder.

"Will you tell me what's wrong? Are you just sore?" I asked her.

"No, it's not about that. I think Remi is under the impression that I'm totally against having sex now." She sighed.

"Oh... Really?" I asked her.

"Yeah, and he feels bad because he thinks I never want to. But... I do want to... It's just a soft spot for me." She said.

"Why are you crying then? I know you, there's another reason, what's going on?" I asked her.

"Now I realize that you guys were right. In my past... that wasn't just me and my husband having sex. It was forced, it wasn't consensual and it was abusive." She sobbed. "I just didn't want to admit it to myself I guess, but now I realize that, that's exactly what it was."

"Aw, Julie, come here." I sighed, hugging her tightly.

"I just feel like I'm not good enough for Remi..." She sighed.

"What other people do to you doesn't have any effect on your worth." I told her. "Romeo loves you, and nothing about your past is going to make him see you differently."

"I know... but it's scary to think about it and realize how bad everything was and... how long I was helpless. I never realized how much of a miracle Eleanor was." Julie said with tears streaming down her face. "If it wasn't for her, I might still be there... and that terrifies me."

"Hey, Julie. Look at me." I said to her when she started to shake.

She nodded, looking at me expectantly.

"Talk to Romeo about this. Tell him how much you appreciate the way he treats you and talk about last night and what it made you realize, and you'll see that your past doesn't matter. Nothing has changed, right? You're still the same Julie that I saw beaming beside the love of her life yesterday." I said to her.

She nodded her head, smiling at me.

"I'm also the same Julie that has an amazing sister who looks out for her even when she isn't having the best morning." Julie said.

"I love you, Julie. I'll always be here." I smiled.

"What's going on with Lily?" She asked me.

"Nothing really. Lily is just her perfect little self. She panicked this morning, but she's honestly ok. It's me that's clingy now. I can't stand the thought of leaving her for so long to go on a honeymoon." I said.

"I know how you feel. Eleanor has always been such an adventurous little girl. I would never let her do anything out of fear that she'd get hurt or something bad would happen to her... but that was wrong. I know that now. She needed some space to grow and learn. You're allowed to worry and be protective, but you have to let your kid experience things and learn from them." Julie told me.

"And when she panics because of a soda bottle and Mommy and Daddy aren't there to make it all better... she'll feel abandoned and that's the last thing I'd ever want her to feel." I sighed.

"Ava... she's not going to feel abandoned, because she knows where you are, what you're doing, that she can call you and that you're coming back soon. She might panic, but when she does, she'll get to see how much the rest of the family cares. She'll call you and learn to handle her triggers when you two can't be there. Lily is going to grow up and those triggers are going to be there all the time... she'll have to know that you're always there for her, even if you're not physically there." Julie told me.

"No... I'll always be there." I insisted, looking at my baby getting picked up by her dad and giggling as he kissed her all over her little face.

"You won't, Ava... not when she's older. When things change for her. When she wants to go out and have some fun with a friend... She needs to learn how to handle seeing fluffy slippers, soda bottles, feeling cold.... and she'll figure it out. One day it'll sink in that Mommy and Daddy love her more than anything in the world and they aren't going to leave her behind, so there's no need to feel like she's abandoned." Julie said.

"You're saying I should go?" I asked her.

"Yes, of course you should." Julie said to me as Lily came bouncing over to me happily.

"Mommy... I have something." Lily said softly, turning red.

"What is it?" I asked her with a smiled, kissing her cheek.

She showed me a flower which was in her hand and she leaned up to whisper that it was for Aunt Juliet.

"I think Lily has something for you." I smiled at Julie.

"Really? For me?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, a flower for the prettiest Auntie in all of the lands." Lily giggled, placing the flower behind Julie's ear and kissing her cheek before pulling away.

"Aw, thank you, Cutie. But what about the prettiest niece ever?" Julie asked, pulling Lily into her own lap and tickling her and kissing her cheeks.

Lily squealed happily and then kissed Julie on her cheek again before returning to my lap.

"Mommy... I think I want to go get jelly, and I think that I want to hang out with Nana, me and her are gonna make a stuffy!" Lily said to me.

Julie smiled and took my hand, seeing how worried I was about letting her do all those things. I didn't want her to overwhelm herself.

"Alright, baby... let's go get some jelly and find Nana." I said, kissing her cheek and setting her down in front of me.

I stood up and winced, making Julie chuckle.

"Someone had a good night." She teased, nudging me gently with a laugh and winking.

"That idiot is turning you into him, Julie." I said, sticking my tongue out at her.

"Auntie Ava! I wanna get jelly too!" Eleanor said, rushing over to me and taking my other hand.

"Alright. All three of us will get jelly." I laughed.

I tried not to waddle too much on my way to the buffet table near across the deck. Once the girls got the jelly, Ari came and took them to her grandmother.

I ended up taking some jelly too, then some pie and some pancakes. I was so hungry, after all that physical exertion from the previous night, I needed some sustenance.

"Enjoying breakfast?" I heard Gabe ask, his arms snaking their way around my waist. I leaned into him and nodded.

"Well, what do you say we take this breakfast to our room?" He asked, his lips meeting my neck and trailing kisses all along it.

"Yes." I nodded, letting him pick me and my pancakes up and rushing to our room.

I was just happy for the time we were having alone together. We talked about the honeymoon and he pleaded with me, saying if we didn't go now, we would struggle a lot to find a better time. And eventually, I realized everyone was right. Lily needed her time to grow and learn how to handle life with some distance from Gabe and I. So, I agreed to go on the honeymoon and suck it up.