I checked my phone's Lock Screen for the millionth time tonight, but no message or call.

It was just Bec and I this evening, so I cooked spaghetti and we binged a few movies.

"Expecting a text?" She asked, attempting to peek at my phone.

"Nope."

"You sure there's not a girl?"

"I'm sure. How's Abraham Lincoln?"

She rolled her eyes at the nickname. "We haven't properly talked, but he liked my Instagram last night."

"Oh wow it's getting serious." I joked. "He practically proposed."

"Shut up, you."

It was nine-twenty when my phone finally beeped.

*Hey, I'm home now.*

"Is that your secret girlfriend?"

I wish. "Nope, it's Camila. I'll be right back."

I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water while I texted her back.

*Hey, how did it go?*

*good.*

No context? Just good? Was it so good that she doesn't want to tell me or so bad that all she can say is 'good'.

My fingers typed a few different replies, 'cool', 'nice', 'what happened', but eventually ended with-

*good.*

*what you up to?*

*movies with Bec*

*Cool.*

*Wanna call?*

*sure.*

"Hey." I balanced the phone in between my ear and shoulders as I filled a glass with water.

"Hey." She exhaled. "Why'd you wanna call?"

"I don't know, just wanted to talk to you."

I took my drink and went to my room, sitting on the bed.

"Oh, okay."

"How was the movie?"

"It was um- good." Her voice cracked but she covered it with a cough.

"Did something happen?"

"Well... we kissed."

"Oh."

Oh. I felt a pit in my stomach, like someone was stabbing my chest. That's why it was 'good'.

"Yeah but, I don't even know what's going on, I'm not sure if I even wanted it."

Her choice of words let me know that she did kiss him back, which hurt even more.

"Did you talk about it after or?"

"Well we kinda kissed twice so..."

I lay back onto the pillows, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"Do you like him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you like him, Camila?"

Asking her this was a terrible idea, I don't know what I'll do if she says yes, but I need to know.

"I don't think I do. I can't imagine ever being with him."

Those words should have made me feel better but they didn't.

"I don't know how to tell if I like someone or not." She laughed sheepishly, but that wasn't reassuring either.

"Just don't play around with people, Cam. If you want them or don't want them, you should tell them, and don't feel guilty for hurting their feelings."

I need to take my own advice but I can't. It's too late.

"No you did not!?"

"I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't part of the plan!"

"Oh, Theo's going to be so pissed-"

"Not helping Zoe." I rested my head in my hands as I slumped down on the sofa beside her.

"Why did you kiss him back?"

"I don't know!" I whined, hugging a cushion. "I guess I just thought that I don't have anything with Theo anymore so..."

"Of course you do!"

"But he's ignoring me- like nothing happened!"

"Because you told him to! It's what he thinks you want!"

"Maybe I do though! Maybe I do like Matt?"

"Nope, not happening. You do not have my blessing. Next time curfew is 5pm! No actually, there will be no next time!"

"Zo, what do I do?"

"You go and talk to Theo. And you're going to tell him what happened so he doesn't hear it through the grapevine."

"But he's going to hate me even more if I do!"

"He could never hate you Camila, this is Theodore we're talking about!"

"You should have seen him last time Matt kissed me!"

"Go and fucking tell him!" She whined, practically begging me as she shook her head in disappointment.

"Fine."

"You go and text him. Tell him what happened, and how you don't actually want Matt and he was meant to be a replacement because you actually like him, not Matt."

"Hey Theo! Just kissed Matt, twice, but it's okay because it didn't mean anything and I like you, kisses, Camila."

"Mhm... maybe call him instead?"

*

*Hey, I'm home now.*

*Hey, how did it go?*

Oh god. How do I answer that? 'It was great!' 'So much fun!' 'Wish you were there!' ?

I settled with - *good.*

*good.*

God that's dry Theo, help me out here. I'm grasping at straws, there's no way I can do this over the phone.

*what you up to?*

*movies with Bec*

*Cool.*

*Wanna call?* fuck yes.

*sure.*

Here we go.

"Hey."

I felt a weight off my shoulder when I heard his voice. I can do this...

"Hey. Why'd you wanna call?"

"I don't know, just wanted to talk to you."

That's progress right?

"Oh, okay."

"How was the movie?"

"It was um- good." My voice cracked on the last word and I mentally cursed myself as I tried to clear my voice.

"Did something happen?"

I lay down on my bed, surrounding myself in pillows and cushions for comfort.

"Well..." Say it Camila, "We kissed."

"Oh."

Oh? Just oh? Is that a jealous 'oh' or a I-don't-care-anymore 'oh'?

"Yeah but, I don't even know what's going on, I'm not sure if I even wanted it."

"Did you talk about it after or?"

"Well we kinda kissed twice so..."

Damn it Camila, did he really need to know that?

"Oh."

There it is again. 'Oh'.

"Yeah."

The silence was deafening, and I clutched a pillow to my stomach, waiting for him to speak.

"Do you like him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you like him, Camila?"

"I don't think I do. I can't imagine ever being with him."

The line was inaudible again. No more 'oh's, no sighs or questions, just silence.

"I don't know how to tell if I like someone or not." I giggled. This is pathetic, why can't he just take the hint?

"Just don't play around with people, Cam. If you want them or don't want them, you should tell them, and don't feel guilty for hurting their feelings."

"You just know."

"Does it just click? Because nothing is clicking. It's like all my feelings are wrote clearly on paper for me, but it's in a foreign language."

"You just know." He repeated. "It's like there's no one else in the world when they're around. The room just lights up and all the air is sucked out, but you don't need oxygen to survive anymore, you just need them. You want to be with them all the time, because their presence is so captivating. You can't describe how they make you feel even though it feels so natural. It doesn't ever click, it's like you always knew from the second you met them, but over time you end up giving in."

I felt my eyes start to water. My mind is guessing which girls have made him feel like that but every fibre in my body dreamed he felt that for me.

"Wow..."

"Yeah." He sighed.

"You speak from experience?"

"Something like that."

We were silent once again, but this time it wasn't awkward. I wish I was with him right now, to kiss him and tell him everything but I know it's best we're not together right now.

"We should get some sleep." He chuckled. "We've both got games tomorrow."

"Yeah, Goodnight, Dory."

"Sleep well, Cami."

My finger pressed the red button, ending the call.

"Fuck!"

"Fuck!"

I threw my phone, attempting to hit my bed but didn't even flinching when it fell to the floor.

I ran my hands through my hair, tugging it as I stared at the ceiling. God why can't I tell her? Why can't Matt just fuck off and stop touching her? Out of all the girls he could have hit on, he choose my one.

I wiped away a tear I didn't know was there, sniffing and climbing off the bed. "Hey, Theo?"

"Yeah?"

"You good?"

"Yeah, just dropped my phone."

"Okay, I'm going bed."

"Night."

"Goodnight."

I picked up my phone, watching the Lock-screen light up to show a crack across mine and Camila's face's, making me toss the phone again.