After leaving Elle that first morning, I had every intention of returning that evening to surprise her. But then Vidar declared war on our rival gang. They had destroyed four of our biggest shipment going out that week and targeted three of our prospects. It had to be done, but it meant we were automatically on lockdown and no one could leave the compound.

Vidar established me to guard his family while he was working, loved ones were always a target for retribution and punishment- he wouldn't risk it. Not that I blame him.

The guilt wouldn't leave me, no matter how justified my reasons were, I knew how much pain Elle would be feeling because of what she would view as my not wanting her. As soon as the lockdown ends I will do everything I can to make it up to her, but it may not be enough.

Building up my determination, I decide to ask Vidar if I can leave to see her. Knocking on his office door, he growls a 'come in' and I find him sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. A war is always a stressful time, especially when you have to be the one to call it. Vidar doesn't want to cause further friction between the clubs, but a point must be made.

"Pres, you gotta let me leave man. I'm gonna break her heart."

"I'm sorry Bror, you know the rules. I can't let you."

I snarl in frustration. "What would you do if it was Astrid out there?" A dark anger takes over his expression.

"I wouldn't have left her out there, she'd be here with me." His voice is deadly soft, a warning for me to tread lightly. No matter how pissed at him I am, I know he's right. It's my own fault in many ways, and now I'm going to lose Elle for it.

I'm still sitting in Vidar's office when the call buzzes up on his phone. He answers it without telling me who is calling, after a few seconds he hangs up and throws his chair against the wall.

"What's wrong bror?" I calm out, trying to get his attention without directing his anger at me. "The retaliation has happened, we think it's your woman."

I feel the world slipping away from my feet, my fault. My fault. My fault. I claimed her in town, for anyone to see. All it would have taken was one of the Wolves seeing that, and Elle would have become a target. Both Vidar and I are now running from the clubhouse and towards the front gate. I realise as I run towards Elle, that this is how Vidar must have felt running towards Astrid and Liam. At least it's not snowing, I think grimly. Attempting to see a positive in this situation.

All my positivity leave my body as I see her lying on the concrete. One of the prospects is getting her into the recovery position as she's barely conscious or breathing. Her face is smashed in and drenched in blood and bruises. I drop to the floor beside her and grip her hand.

"Get help!" I roar at anyone surrounding me. "Get doc." She goes floppy against the floor, her hand going limp in mine. Doc arrives almost immediately after my calling for him, telling me he was already on his way to help her.

He kneels down on the opposite side of her, shaking his head when he checks her pulse. "Let's take her up to the medical room, from what I can see it won't cause any more damage to move her."

Sighing with relief that I can get her off the filthy floor and into the warm. Cautiously, I ease my arms under her body and slowly pick her up. Holding her body close to my chest, I accidentally touch her shoulder and she lets out a strangled yelp of pain. Flinching I remove my hand from her shoulder and check the doc saw it was obviously giving her pain.

He nods grimly and signals for me to follow him up to the medic room in the clubhouse. We had all gotten shot at some point, me more than most, meaning it was for the best to have a medic room where doc could work quickly and effectively.

Vidar looks at me, or more accurately, the limp figure of Elle in my arms and looks away. I can feel the guilt radiating off him, it wasn't his fault. It was my fault. My fault.

The hospital bed is clean and ready for her, but I don't want her to leave my arms. I lay her down on the cloth like she's made of glass. Doc clears his throat and holds up a medical gown, we need to undress her. But that feels like a violation of her privacy so I leave the room for a second and find an anxious Astrid and Doretha waiting outside the door for any news on the injured woman.

"Would one of you mind helping get her out of her clothes, it wouldn't be right for me to do it."

Doretha nods and hands Eira to Vidar before following behind me. I turn my back on the bed as Doc and Doretha change her into a gown so she can receive medical attention.

I can hear Doretha's horrified gasps and it takes every ounce of my control not to turn around and search for the source. Doc sucks at his teeth and murmurs "poor kid".

"What? What's wrong?" I have to ask, I have to know.

"I'm sorry bror, it's not for me to tell."

Respecting her privacy with intense difficulty, I clench my fists together and wait for the moment when I can hold her hand again. Doretha drifts past me, her hand briefly gripping onto mine, a way of saying that she's with me in some way. Doretha seldom speaks, and never leaves her cabin without Astrid or Vidar with her. The club knows very little about her, only that she's Astrid's sister and is to be left alone. Even so, I can feel the sadness from her, we all can.

"You can hold her hand again." I'm there as soon as he says I can be there, holding her hand and brushing the hair from her eyes. Doc is washing the blood from her and then dressing the few areas of split skin. He checks if her nose is broken, by some miracle it isn't. Her shoulder was dislocated and relocated violently that she would be wearing a sling for a while.

As for the bruises and pain, he can do nothing more than administer so painkillers into a drip until she wakes up.

He leaves after patting me on the shoulder. It's just a waiting game now for when she wakes up.

The chair I'm sitting on is hard and uncomfortable, it was out of principle that we used uncomfortable chairs for the members of the club to use when one of was in hospital. It was a reminder that they were there because you failed them. I didn't deserve a comfy leather chair with padding today, so I sat instead on the too small, hard plastic chair. Waiting for her to wake up.

At some point i must have vaguely drifted off because I'm awoken by the sensation of Elle's hand moving in mine. Soon my hand is empty and my eyes flick open in surprise.

I'm met with a fierce look in her emerald eyes as I stare at her slack jawed.

"Bastard." She spits at me, I deserve that.